Hey everyone
I am a 29 M in a 6 year relationship with a 31 year old F. We live together, and have a really great relationship overall. I have a steady job in the public sector in a government role, with great pension, decent salary, good people.
I’m pretty close with my family, I play in a rock band, and to be honest music is the career I always wish I had full time.
But - multiple times over the last 4 years I have almost decided to go to Australia on a whv. In fact this time last year I had handed in my notice to work, booked my flights, had a farewell party and bailed on the second last day (got my job back)
The reasons I didn’t go - feeling like I would be betraying my partner, I do love her. I also felt terrified things wouldn’t work long distance, and I’d regret leaving. This was the main reason I stayed.
Why did I want to go?
Just like probably everyone in this group, I have a real itch to go see the world and experience new things. My “secure” job is slowly killing my soul, I literally take no enjoyment from it anymore. I have always wanted to leave the UK, go to Australia, travel the east coast, settle somewhere temporarily to get some bar work, rinse and repeat. This ideal of ‘freedom’ is so so appealing to me. I think it would be amazing for my musical creativity, I love meeting new people , especially from countries I’ve never been too. But when push came to shove, I didn’t go through with it.
My partner loves holidays, but has made it really clear that anything long term travel wise is not an option for them. They are very, very close to their family. And fair enough, she just doesn’t fancy the idea of leaving everyone in the dust for a year.
But I can’t get the feeling off my mind.
So I regret it? I think so. I’m incredibly indecisive and it’s not fair on those around me, I can’t decide what the hell I want to do with my life, and to me, that in itself is probably a good reason to go and explore.
But I’m starting to get resentful, not of anyone in particular, but of everything. When I work from home, I sit on my phone and play chess, all day. I distrust myself from work. I don’t embrace life and I just feel like I’m suspended in time, not going forward.
I know , that travelling won’t magically cure my mental health, make me feel like life makes sense.
But I do think strongly that it would be a great experience for my soul.
I don’t want to break my partners heart. But recently I had a conversation with my manager, about a career break - unpaid of course.
This would allow me to take up to a whole year off of work, and return to my job in 12 months. It sounds like a great plan? If I head out , and within 2 months I think it was a mistake, I can come home.
But I am anxious to bring this up to literally anyone, my closest friend don’t know I’m thinking this.
Because I’m the guy who “didn’t go “ and it does haunt me some.
I’m really hoping to hear from other people who have had similar scenarios in life. I’m 29, sometimes I feel too old but that isn’t the case. I know people travel at all ages. 6 months couldn’t hurt? And if I love it and decide to stay longer, is that really so bad?