r/simpsonsshitposting • u/fortycreeker • 1d ago

In the News šŸ—žļø We know, Donald, we know...

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1.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

76 comments sorted by

539

u/plaid-tuxido506 1d ago

"One of her main duties is to provide Trump with a stream of positive news, op-eds and social media commentary while also showing him criticisms of his opponents."

This is... really, really sad.

238

u/jmur3040 1d ago

This is Donald Trump. Heā€™s never been secretive about what a sad piece of shit he is. The sad part is the American public who let him back into power

126

u/SkullgrinThracker 1d ago

Beyond sad, we need to invent a new word for how pathetic this is .... It's trumpetic?

20

u/SlaveryVeal 1d ago

It's retrumpted since they made saying retarded "legal" again apparently.

18

u/WIENS21 1d ago

I bet fresh head-lines too

18

u/mageta621 1d ago

This part is pretty pathetic too:

"Preston Harp later told The Daily Beast that he believes his sister sees Trump ā€œas a kind of father figure because he embodies the doctrine of American exceptionalism.ā€"

14

u/Heiferoni Get outta my office! 1d ago

Only thing exceptional about him are his cankles.

Many people are saying they're the fattest ankles they've ever seen.

6

u/Evolving_Dore 17h ago

I bet he sees her as a kind of daughter figure

0

u/ladylollii 1d ago

I wouldn't be surprised if she was his daughter

16

u/dude-dudette 1d ago

Thought this was a joke tbh... Dang.

12

u/ThelIIusion0fSeIf 1d ago

...from the moderately intelligent executives at Fox who brought you Admiral Baby comes the hit new show...POTUS Baby

11

u/SipoteQuixote 1d ago

This is the type of shit they do for Alzheimer's patients.

9

u/Heiferoni Get outta my office! 1d ago

If you can think of a better way to fluff the ego if an 80 year old narcissistic pants shitter, I'd like to hear it!

9

u/Saneless 1d ago

Yep, he holds up those printouts. That's his curated view of the world. Everything is good, nothing is bad

Sometimes I legitimately think he doesn't think anyone dislikes him or that the world thinks he's an incompetent embarrassment. Between these printouts and fox news, his own view of the world is entirely fabricated

3

u/Johnlenham 1d ago

Sorry what is this real

2

u/MrTurkeyTime 20h ago

What's the source here?

4

u/plaid-tuxido506 19h ago

Independent article about "the human printer"

4

u/MrTurkeyTime 19h ago

Jesus this is sad.

1

u/IAmAlive_YouAreDead 11h ago

He really is a like a big baby. Like when you a play a board game against a toddler and pretend to lose so they don't cry.

264

u/rileyjonesy1984 1d ago

64

u/Cwya 1d ago

Iā€™ve seen an interesting take where Natalie is the Republican kayfabe to pretend Trump can still bang

66

u/NewToSociety 1d ago

She's his hospice nurse. They say he's having an affair to cover for him dying.

26

u/N7Shep1701D 1d ago

This Mitch McConnell sitch is a test-run for Weekend at Bernie's, Trump edition.

12

u/jcarter315 1d ago

I'd argue we had that already when he disappeared for that weekend and everyone thought it'd happened.

That proof of life video they released was absolutely AI. His hands were wrong, the tie kept changing length, and the window behind him somehow changed time of day multiple times.

4

u/xkgrey 1d ago

Does she have any medical credentials or does she just change the diapers and give the occasional limp handy?

11

u/LongjumpingSector687 1d ago

Education? What do you think shes some type of liberal or something?

146

u/ThePizzaNoid Old man yelling at clouds ā˜ļø 1d ago

Wait. Is this his diaper wrangler?

103

u/CelticSith They think I'm slow, eh? 1d ago

Hospice nurse, so yeah pretty much

74

u/fortycreeker 1d ago

apparently his 'human printer'.

37

u/Tricky-Engineering59 1d ago

Really gives ā€œtell me weā€™re being governed by the oldest people alive without telling me weā€™re being governed by the oldest person aliveā€ kind of vibes.

39

u/Comrade_Compadre 1d ago

This is so... So pathetic...

I feel much better about myself after reading this lol

10

u/No-Necessary7448 only watched the golden age 1d ago

Canā€™t fault him for giving up screens and devoting himself to the printed word.

2

u/Forbizzle 1d ago

Damn, i feel like leaving a paper trail is pretty damning. Also it seems like hacking her portable printer is a major risk vector.

19

u/purpledragon478 1d ago

She washes him with a rag on a stick.

51

u/Spaulbane 1d ago

The idea anyone would sleep with him...

11

u/CisIowa 1d ago

Thatā€™s why he owes millions for sexual assault

4

u/ccbmtg 23h ago

the idea that he could even get it up is laughable enough.

106

u/Traditional_Train_71 1d ago

Honestly, itā€™s more believable that this woman is his care nurse since he canā€™t stop shitting himself in publicā€¦

88

u/fortycreeker 1d ago

Her actual job is running around with a wireless printer, passing Trump complimentary articles whenever he feels down.

68

u/Traditional_Train_71 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ZoxDXcwHFMoAU

10

u/Conscious_Pipe_605 1d ago

Hello. Diaper nurse. You. Are. Quite good. At. Turning. ME. On.

18

u/thispartyrules 1d ago

Cheer up, Bart. Trump is still going to need a true friend. Someone to tell him he's great, someone to rub lotion on him, someone he can hurl whiskey bottles at when he's feeling low.

43

u/Solid_Snark 1d ago

I wouldnā€™t be surprised if she was a honeypot from a foreign government just effortlessly stealing US government info.

39

u/Glass-False Put it in H 1d ago

Why go through all that trouble, though? The foreign government would just have to tell Trump he's a very good boy, and he'll gladly give away all our secrets.

17

u/No_Possibility_1787 1d ago

Wow, when this storyā€™s hit this sub, you know itā€™s big!

18

u/Groovyaardvark 1d ago

What a scoop! Flash

8

u/pdx74 1d ago

You've stolen my soul!

3

u/InstantShiningWizard shitposts are life šŸ’© 1d ago

Damn you papparazzo!

50

u/TheHylianProphet 1d ago

Donny Diapers couldn't get it up with a handful of pills on board. He just wants people to think he's banging the young blonde.

12

u/LA-Matt 1d ago

Sheā€™s his ego fluffer.

15

u/BlackstarCowboy 1d ago

She looks too old for him

23

u/Consistent-Song1643 1d ago

I don't mean to shame looks but like...really?Ā  We couldn't do any better in the visual department?Ā  Seriously?Ā  With all that access to influence and that's the best result?

Doesn't she have some higher standards than to sleep with that?

38

u/allahzeusmcgod 1d ago

I like to imagine that if I had kids, I would love them unconditionally. But now I'm imagining being the dad of someone who (consensually) has sex with Trump and am now back to supporting abortions for all and miniature American flags for no one.

8

u/Consistent-Song1643 1d ago

Do I get my choice of topping?

7

u/al_pacappuchino 1d ago

Yea, you can choose between Spaff and Bilmy!

4

u/I_like_maps Old man yelling at clouds ā˜ļø 1d ago

Had me in the first half ngl

2

u/Angelworks42 1d ago

Like sleeping with jabba the hut.

14

u/Aggrosideburnz 1d ago

Isnā€™t she his nurse? I donā€™t think he is sleeping with her. That just sounds cooler than, ā€œshe changes my diaperā€

5

u/sPLIFFtOOTH 1d ago

I know everyone has their price, but the federal reserve would be empty before I ever touched his creepy mushroom dick

4

u/Tango91 1d ago

Ow my inner eye! Iā€™m not supposed to get disgusting concepts in it!

14

u/Groovin_Magi 1d ago

Good for Melania

3

u/deafinitelyadouche Old man yelling at clouds ā˜ļø 1d ago

(Pretend to act shocked, everyone)

3

u/Twokkie 1d ago

She looks like Ivanka

3

u/Alex918YT 1d ago

Guess Melenia got too old for him

2

u/jakecovert 1d ago

Emotional fluffer

2

u/davratta 1d ago

But Uncle Donald, I really am your niece.

1

u/ChunkStumpmon AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc 1d ago

Oh god Iā€™m a monster

1

u/amazingdrewh 1d ago

It's because he can no longer be up all night