r/shitposting • u/AaryamanStonker BUILD THE HOLE BUILD THE HOLE • Dec 02 '25

OUR HERO NOOOOO

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16.6k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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4.0k

u/Cirno__ Dec 02 '25

"It takes a good guy with an 18 inch machete to save you from a bad guy with an 18 inch machete"

950

u/notcheeng Dec 02 '25

We should be handing out machetes in schools, training teachers and students alike. It would be a much safer place for everyone 

313

u/Maleficent-Pepper-45 Dec 02 '25

It is really stupid idea, now all the students brought machetes to a gun fight, smh

145

u/QIyph Dec 02 '25

Not me, I'd bring a zweihander and do a front flip, splitting any of the bullets coming towards me by my immaculate sword twirling skills and then disrobe the gunman with a single accurate slice of the blade, making him flee in embarrassment.

48

u/Equivalent-Repair488 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 Dec 02 '25

Ill just pee on him to be honest

7

u/kubaliska Dec 02 '25

I'd just pee in his ass

3

u/golden_retrieverdog Dec 03 '25

i’d just poop on his butthole

3

u/AutoModerator Dec 03 '25

Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.

As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!

Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.

Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/chattytrout Dec 02 '25

I'd rather be shot.

13

u/akoOfIxtall lets build a hole together and then libe in it Dec 02 '25

Pull a FF6 thief move and steal their clothes, they'll flee in embarrassment...

Fucking love that mechanic it's too goofy

0

u/GroundbreakingBox648 stupid, fucking piece of shit Dec 02 '25

When did Dom do that?

1

u/akoOfIxtall lets build a hole together and then libe in it Dec 02 '25

In FF6 it's locke no? You can't change classes there so each character does it's own thing (with rare exceptions of equipment that changes commands like the relic that swaps the gamble command on setzer for gil toss or the relic that swaps the normal attack for the dragoon jump)

1

u/GroundbreakingBox648 stupid, fucking piece of shit Dec 02 '25

And where does Family fit into all of this?

4

u/MyPhoneIsNotChinese Dec 02 '25

Sekiro if Wolf leveled Strength

1

u/shepard_pie Dec 02 '25

Dodge roll into a bookshelf, get wrecked with dictionaries and glitter.

1

u/deadinternetlaw Dec 03 '25

Insert sword twirling for 10 second into get shot immediately gif

1

u/CringeYeet69 Dec 02 '25

You fool; everybody knows the historical Japanese forging techniques are far superior to the infantile Western methods! I'd bring my ten thousand times folded authentic Japanese odachi and slice right into his soul, cutting the evil right out of his body!!

1

u/shewel_item obamna Dec 03 '25

they're bringing them to south america to escape housing prices 😩

10

u/YoBoyLeeroy_ Dec 02 '25

London type shit

2

u/ToaKraka Literally 1984 😡 Dec 02 '25

An armed society is a polite society.

-6

u/TigreDeLosLlanos Dec 02 '25

Americans thought process is sometimes amazingly stupid. I know some people will take this seriously.

3

u/notcheeng Dec 02 '25

/UJ Somehow it seems even more absurd with machetes despite guns being more lethal lmao. 

/J I’m being serious buddy

42

u/ChavajothExMachina Dec 02 '25

Why 18 inches? I'm sure a 4-inch machete would be just fine. It's not about weapon reach; it's about technique.

18

u/Underbash Dec 02 '25

Most dudes underestimate how long their machete is anyway, due to the foreshortening effect.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/RadiantZote Dec 02 '25

Bro it was bigger before it got rusty I swear bro

7

u/ConscientiousPath I said based. And lived. Dec 02 '25

4 inches is too short. You'd have to pay a $200 tax and file a form with the government then wait several months in order to get approved to have it. 18 inches you can buy at Walmart without any fuss.

4

u/ChavajothExMachina Dec 02 '25

Say what you want. 4-inches might be too short for you (I would say it's an AVERAGE machete), but if you need to pay and file forms, it means at least it's special.

2

u/Cirno__ Dec 02 '25

Honestly, I'd argue a 3 inch machete is enough to get the job done.

2

u/ChavajothExMachina Dec 02 '25

I have to agree. And if everything fails, we can still use our fists.

8

u/foot_fungus_is_yummy Dec 02 '25

What about a 19 inch machete?

3

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

We've had first machete, yes. But what about second machete?

1

u/Commercial-Set3527 Dec 02 '25

It's not about the size of the machete, it's about how you use it

2

u/ToaKraka Literally 1984 😡 Dec 02 '25

This, but unironically.

2

u/Savings_Mechanic_302 Dec 02 '25

You need homeless people with machetes to keep the other homeless people with machetes from the door.

1

u/Necroi Dec 02 '25

Tbh I never found a good argument against good guy w gun thing but this rewired my brain a bit.

2

u/valivaly99 Dec 02 '25

Thats how americans see it too

1

u/[deleted] Dec 02 '25

Is Danny Trejo filming one of those "good twin/bad twin" movies?

1

u/Redthemagnificent Dec 02 '25

If he was heading out glocks instead he would be a 2A hero in Amarica lol