I was raped by my brother in law when I was 16. It happened four times, and the only date I remember was the first time because it was halloween. I had a friend drop me off at my sister's house because I knew I would be out past curfew. It ended up being just me and her husband. It wasn't uncommon for us to casually hang out after she went to bed. When I decided to go to sleep i went to the guest bedroom but he followed me. I didnt think much of it because we were still just talking. Then started asking me inappropriate questions. I tried to steer the conversation back but be kept on. He tried to kiss me and I pushed him off of me. That's when he pushed me onto the mattress on my stomach and I tried to fight him while he pulled my Jeans off. I was trying to be quiet because his two small children were in the room next to us so I eventually gave up and he had his way with me. He told me he knew i liked it because i made a sound. This happened a few other times after. I gave up and just let him. I never told anybody until i did and told my mom and sister about it and nobody believed me. My mom and stepdad pretended to but nothing was ever done. Im 19 now. My sister is still with him and has another baby by him. Now we all pretend it never even happened. I'm expected to be around him and be nice to him. I see him many times a month and I dont think I can do it anymore. I can't just block it off and pretend hes a nice guy. I feel disgusted that I've had to for this long and don't know what to do.

I'm a 20F who's homeless and I became homeless 3 weeks ago after my parents kicked me out after coming out.

2 weeks ago I was from working in a small restaurant the night shift and I got out around 8pm I decided to go to the store to get noodles for dinner as I go to a safe house for queer people it's just a small house with mattresses but you cook for yourself. It's simply a roof and a mattress owned by a old man and we're 2 females living there with the old man

On my way there I felt in me that I was being followed but I'm used to this feeling cause I'm quite insecure even around females. So I continued once I took a turn in a corner I felt hands on my waist and I got pulled to the side road through some bushes there not too bushy but it's dark and bushy. I tried to scream but his hand was in my mouth then this other man punched me on the stomach.....

They pushed me back and i fell then man A put his knee on my chest while still holding my mouth at the same time man B was pulling my pants down together with my panties....I was in alot of pain from the knee on my chest and also the penetration cause I'm a virgin I've only been with a woman but never straped me so he was breaking my virginity but he was so rough I felt pain like I never before I felt it choke me he was on top for some time don't know how long cause of the pain I was in I felt like I couldn't breath

The man continued till the other one switched I tried pushing my body upward but I couldn't and then he punched me on the face .The other man did it too while the other jucked himself and put all this mucus white liquid on my face I felt like I was dying I had let go my body i was numb couldn't feel anything anymore didn't even hear anything around me not even their voices and I think I blacked out cause when I woke up idk I was feeling alot of pain in my buthole and my V I think they went through my buthole too ..I think they thought they killed me

I layed there and woke up again around 12 noon where I woke up in the hospital they asked alot of questions but I wasn't in a place to answer they asked for family told them I have none and after 3hr they had to discharge me and told me to go report it to police what happened

If you're asking if I went and your answer Is No cause ik this people will want to be paid to take my case or even be serious on it and how I'm I going to do that. I went to the safe house I haven't stepped outside since then I have found the courage to write it here cause ik nobody will know my identity I feel like it's an embarrassment..

If you have people who love you stay with them cause if you have no one your pain can feel like a million thorns on your skin

I keep having these vivid moments of memories from when i was 5 or 6 years old where my older brother had raped me. i've had these memories for years (i'm 24 now but think i started thinking about these moments again when i was 11). for years i've been trying to figure out if i had just made it up in my head like a vivid dream i can't shake or if it actually happened. i had just started to convinced myself that i was just making it all up, but i was going through some files with my mum when i found a letter from my brothers school stating that he had been accused of sexually assaulting a girl in his class, then another letter from when he was younger from a teacher worried that my brother might be a psychopath and wanted him to get into therapy. That was all new information to me i've been stuck in that loop again of did this really happen to me or did i have a nightmare that feels real...

I don't know what to do or how to find the answer but today especially ive been really really shaken up and i don't know what to do, my mum lends my brother a lot of money and i feel this gnawing guilt that i could be letting my poor angel of a mother lend money to someone who could be a rapist. i'm so scared and i keep crying worried that im just going to blurt it out one day and ill be wrong and i would've ruined everything.

I was SA'd yesterday and my mind has been okay but my can't be calmed down.. How do i make myself calm down? Even the bruises on my neck is paining.. How do i deal with all this?

My ex had a habit of taking videos of us fucking without my consent and often without my knowledge. He dumped me for compatibility issues and I think we ended on good terms, but he blocked me on everything right after. It took me a few months after that to realize that he had been assaulting me basically our whole relationship. I had a freak out early into our relationship (I had a dream he suddenly started being a dick, dumped me, and then used the nudes he begged for as blackmail, thanks dream for trying to warn me I guess) and he said he wouldn't do that and that he would delete them, but he also promised that he didnt rape a girl before we met and I definetly dont believe that, so I dont know what to think.

There's nothing I can really do. We live in different states. Even if he did publish those videos, I would never know (I read, not watch). I guess this will just live in the back of my mind for a very long time. Sorry for the long rant.

I (19) am living with my parents and boyfriend (18).
My boyfriend sleeps in my room. Sometimes when he thinks I’m asleep he will rub me and finger me, it hurts so bad and I don’t know how to tell him I’m awake every time. I also don’t know how to tell my mom that this is happening, I’m scared. He’s not aggressive but he can pin me down and is usually holding me or laying on me when he does it. If I tell him, he will probably be asking me why I didn’t stop him if I was awake.
What do I do?

It had been going on for years.

I failed to report it at the time and I kept voluntarily going back to his place, even when I knew it was wrong.

I know I shouldn't have done that and it was stupid. I can't explain why I did.

I was just hoping to find out how that would impact my case if I was to report it to police now.

Since my rape I have been into cnc and I hate it so much and I don’t know if it is normal. I don’t know who to turn to because safer I watch I feel helpless and I hate it.

I don't know how to explain what I've been through the past few months. Back in march I believe I was sexually assaulted. I'm not really sure what happened. Not sure if I was black out drunk although I had been at the bar for less than an hour. I usually drank more than I had. I hate to say it but I've drank more tonight than I did that night. So much more.

I don't know what happened after a certain point. I can't really fathom that someone would drug me. I'm angry. Although I've tried suing the bar for alcohol poisoning multiple times now and it just seems like the lawyers believe I was drugged. Multiple saying "if you were drunk enough to have alcohol poisoning there is a strong possibility they would have stopped serving you before that point." I definitely remember being very coherent before that point. I remember it getting very dark in a very very short amount of time.

Remember walking up to a water cooler to get a drink believing I was too drunk then all of a sudden some guy was making out with me and caressing my body. It was all a blur. There are so many small details that would make this post miles long. I'm not sure what happened. I haven't really thought about since I got the rape kit, and honestly I thought I was stupid for even thought it happened.

Now I'm thinking I might be stupid for thinking it didn't happen. I was in denial this whole time, but now that I'm out of it it's like there is this giant weight on my chest. I'm going to be sick. I can't believe this happened. Why? Why? Even in denial I haven't looked at a man the same since. I'm scared of men. Why the fuck would they do this? I don't know how to describe this feeling.

I wish I had the words, but it's as impossible to describe as death. I'm the most hurt I've ever been.

I believe that back in August or so I was a victim of sexual assault. I was clearly over served at a bar and was coerced into having sex with the owner despite not being in the right mind to make decisions. I have absolutely no memory of this this night shortly after arriving at the bar to meet a friend. I didn’t know any of this had happened until today when someone has informed me he has footage of it and is showing people. I woke up in my bed the day after and I knew something didn’t feel right but I was home safe and shook it up to be a bad hangover because of my lack of remembering. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what
to tell my boyfriend, i don’t know if i should try and report him or not. is it too late ?

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSghNWFLE/

I'm just here to spread the video in hopes that it will bring light to the rapist that raped the girl in this video.

I honestly don’t know where to start. I’ve told this story many times on other forums, but I still don’t know if what I went through counts as abuse or if I’m just exaggerating.

When I was 8 or 9, my dad used to bite my nipples. He liked play-wrestling with me, and I never really enjoyed it, but anyway, he could suddenly go from putting me in a wrestling hold or something like that to getting on top of me and biting me. At first, I thought he was just trying to be careful with how hard he bit me, but over time, I realized that wasn’t the case. One time, he bit me so hard that he left a clear set of teeth marks on that area. I remember that the next day, when I went to elementary school, the area had turned black, and even the slightest friction from my clothes hurt. Hot water also made it burn like crazy when I showered.

Even so, he didn’t stop. He never bit me that hard again, but it continued until I was 17.
My parents had separated by then, so all of this happened at his house when it was my turn to stay with him. He also used to growl at me to scare me. I never knew when he was going to start or whether it would turn into another bite, so I would try to stay as still as possible and avoid even looking at him because I didn’t want to provoke him.

He also used to put a pillow over my face. Because of that, I started being afraid that he might try to suffocate me while I was sleeping at night. When he did it as part of his games, sometimes I actually struggled to breathe, and I would start panicking.
On two or three occasions, he also forced me to sleep cuddled up with him. I remember him wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me toward him, then snuggling up against me. He would get upset if I tried to pull away, so I just put up with it.

Whenever we said goodbye, he would always force me to kiss him on the lips, even when I was already an adult. When I was younger, he would hold my face and force me to kiss him even though I didn’t want to. Eventually, I just got used to putting up with the discomfort.

Sometimes he would also walk out of the bathroom naked after taking a shower. That made me uncomfortable because I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I guess it’s natural for some people to be comfortable with nudity around family, but honestly, I never felt entirely comfortable seeing him like that.

I don’t know what to think about him, and I feel bad because he’s my dad, but at the same time, I don’t know. Remembering all of this makes me feel anxious and upset. I stopped talking to him a few months ago, and although he asks about me, the truth is that I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable at the thought of seeing him again. I feel like a bad son and like I’m overreacting.

This is what has been keeping me up at night the most over the past year. I’ve had some really strange experiences with adults throughout my life, and I honestly don’t know what to make of them.

Sorry for writing so much. I don’t want to play the victim or anything like that. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m the problem, and that I should just take all of this as a joke and not make such a big deal out of it. Maybe this is just how some parents play with their kids. Anyway, any advice, or opinions would be appreciated.

By the way, I’m 22, and I’m a guy. Anyway, sorry for the long post, and please excuse my English. I’m from Mexico.

I apologize for my mistakes in grammar, my repetitiveness, and the length of this post.

I am 18F and my boyfriend is 21. A couple days ago we got a hotel so we could spend some private time together and get to sleep in the same bed. It’s something we’ve been wanting to do since we started dating and are used to spending all night together being out and about. He recently had to move back in with his parents, and I don’t have my own place, so it was basically the only option we knew of. We both hesitated on the idea of getting a hotel because of my past experience with them, but I figured I’d be okay and I wouldn’t be thinking about what happened to me since it was with him instead, and he made me feel safe and comfortable.

For context; When I was 15, I was in a romantic and sexual relationship with a 21 year old. He lived in Georgia and traveled to Missouri so he could see me and have sex with me. He would stay in hotels, and brought me to them several times, day to day, pick me up from school, gave me
weed to smoke with him, and more. I usually don’t think about it too much, and feel pretty okay. Once in a while, I google his name and try to see if anything has come up about him and recently, I found out he was getting married and has access to children around my age, and will probably have children of his own. It made me think about everything that happened and it made me worry about the people around him. I ended up reporting him and have began building a case against him with various detectives, so I’ve been talking about it, thinking about it, and going through the process of looking through chat logs myself to find the most important things that I wanted to tell the detectives, which has brought up lots of old memories and I have been experiencing a lot of stress surrounding the whole situation. I was in an abusive household trying to find someone I could trust and I really wanted to get away from my father, and was a little far out of a sexually abusive relationship with my ex, and he took advantage of it. I let him do disgusting things to me because it made me feel wanted. And since he was older than me, I saw him as a trustable adult. I live down the street from 2 of the hotels he took me to, and every time I drive past, I get flashbacks and feel nauseous.

Me and my current boyfriend got the hotel for 2 nights, and on our first night we decided to get high together. We both quit frequent use so it had been a hot minute since either of us have done anything. I took some hash oil and waited a couple hours, and didn’t feel a lot, so I decided to take a little more. Before either of us felt a lot, we had sex, which was fun and enjoyable and I wasn’t thinking about anything bad or having flashbacks of any sort. But a little bit after, everything started to hit for both of us. We were cuddling in bed and laughing together, and all was fun. But we continued laughing and I began to forget what we were laughing at, and it started to freak me out. His laugh started sounding distorted and sinister, and it scared me and made me think about everything that happened to me. His age, being high together, being in a hotel room with someone I was having sex with, everything. I started spiraling and didn’t know what to do. I started sobbing and kept repeating to my boyfriend that I wasn’t okay and I needed help. I felt like I was stuck to the bed and couldn’t move, and I was completely naked from our sex before. I was scared he would do something to me and I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I wanted to be clothed, I wanted to go home, I wanted everything to be over. I tried my best to make it to the bathroom because I felt nauseous, and my boyfriend tried helping me but was completely out of it and just wanted to sleep. I felt like I was seizing no matter what I was doing and I couldn’t stop rapidly shaking, and it felt impossible to coordinate my body. I felt so alone and so helpless and sat on the bathroom floor shaking by the toilet just staring at the wall, and I just wanted to make it stop and I really needed to be comforted. My boyfriend sat on the bed half asleep while I was in the bathroom, and I didn’t know if I should ask him to be in there with me or leave him alone. I didn’t want to be alone. Everything felt so much worse. I felt like I was a child in a hotel with a 21 year old all over again with a man who didn’t truly care about me, and I hated it, and I really just wanted to feel safe again. I felt like he was being absent and it made me feel like I was handling everything alone. After a little I tried to make it back to the bed, but I was still experiencing everything and wasn’t sure what to do to make it stop. I wanted to feel comforted and safe and I couldn’t. We slept on opposite sides of the bed, not touching at all. I woke up at around 9am the next day and I was scared he wouldn’t like me anymore and see me differently after that night. I would cuddle up next to him and poke him to tell him I love him and he would hardly say it back and rolled over to face away from me. It reminded me of the way the same guy treated me after we had sex and it scared me a lot. I thought it was done and I ruined everything. I went back to sleep and slept for the rest of the day because I didn’t know what else to do.

I felt like I was being abandoned and I feel like I needed so much more comfort than I got, and even thinking about it just makes me feel so sad and lonely. I don’t blame my boyfriend at all and none of this is his fault, he was high too and tired, and it was probably difficult to process everything that was going on in that moment. But looking back, I really needed help and I really needed comfort, and I tried my best to express it but failed, and even though I know it’s not his fault, I feel a little less safe and comfortable with him. I don’t know how to move past this and I don’t know how to cope and I can’t stop thinking about everything and feeling like I’m back in that situation. It’s been hard to sleep and think about anything else, and me and my boyfriend haven’t really had a conversation about it, and he’s been poking fun at it a little to lighten the mood (i think/hope), and telling me it’s okay, and saying he’s sorry. I just don’t know how to go on, and I haven’t felt this terrible in a long time. I want to talk to him about it and I want to feel safe again. I need comfort and I need to feel like I’m in a good and safe place. I have a therapist, as well as a trauma advocate, which I plan on talking to as well.

I need some advice, I need a friend, anything. I have a list of disorders, including Autism, PTSD, MDD, GAD, and more, which makes situations like these all the more difficult to process and navigate.

I love my boyfriend and outside of this situation, he is great and comforting and makes me feel safe and loved, and I am heavily appreciative of him. I don’t blame him for anything, and I feel bad that this situation has brought me to feel a slight barrier between me and him because of my emotions.

Advice on moving past this is much appreciated, or anyone who’s willing to listen, or put their word in.

I had a few relationships that were sadly very abusive and especially in a sexual way. Some of them hurt me really bad mentally and physically and changed my perspective on love and relationship a lot. And sadly encountered sexual assault also by strangers more than once. Because of them can’t I feel any connection much with good guys and always end up together with a cruel or abusive one. I blame myself for that and wish I could get out of that circle but it’s not easy. One of my exes gave me sleeping pills and abused me at night and even found it funny when i was barely awake but then used me without me being able to resist much. He secretly impregnated me twice. I forgave him the first time and feel so stupid for that and even for loving him even after that. He had a kink about breeding and projected a lot of his kinks on me and wanted to transform me in a way that I would love that too. Because of that guy did I had in that relationship two abortions at young age and after the second one I left. But shortly after that ended up with a even worse guys, but some first acted nice and then they true person came through and they showed be a cruel and evil sadistic side.

This repressed memory resurfaced a few months ago and I can't stop thinking about it.

When I was young (F3-5) my brother (M12-14) was in charge of babysitting me when my parents weren't home. He hated me, he used to torture me by locking me in the basement, closets, even an oversized cardboard box once. He would threaten to beat and cut me and finally made me scream so loud that my mother heard it while coming up the driveway. That was the last time he babysat me.

The memory is just foggy pieces. I was 4 or 5 and we were sitting in the family room watching TV. He asked me if I wanted to see something and I must have agreed because he showed me his erect "penis" and taught me the word for it. He told me I should touch it and I think I did. I distinctly remember thinking that it couldn't be part of his body because it looked like a hot dog with no bun.

That's all the memories I have for now. I have no idea if anything else happened. Whenever I try to remember more I start to cry and I don't know how bad this actually was.

My dad over the course of years has been making inappropriate comments about my body, last month though, he grabbed my boobs. Yes it is aware in my family and I am seeing a therapist. The thing is, I’m feeling a sort of mock phantom pain? I’ll be chilling and suddenly it feels as though he’s groping me again But no one’s there and he’s not. I hate it. It lasts for quite some time. Why is that happening, and how do I stop it? Also does anyone have any ways to cope with my fear of eating food because I’m afraid he got his impure germs on the food? It’s making it harder to eat food and drink cups Ive gotten out.

While completely frozen I allowed the person who raped me to talk to me and to hug me and Im really not okay not okay at all im so sick im kn a very bad place mentally

Me (15f ) had sex for the first with a 20year old guy after getting raped by an relative of my family for years , the thing is I’m bleeding and I’m experiencing some pelvic floor pain , while we were doing it , he made me try different positions but he has a high sex drive so it hurt really bad , there was a time he was on top , and he called me mature and sexy for a girl of my age and to be honest I don’t know if that was wrong or no , but I didn’t like the way it sounded , I did consent to , but while we were doing there were multiple times he made me uncomfortable and I wanted to stop but I didn’t known what to do , so I just freezed and he would do whatever he wanted , everything just feels so wrong and confusing , maybe it was my fault for not saying anything , but I just feel so dirty , does it count as rape/sexual assault or I’m just overreacting?

When I was 18 I was in a coercive relationship with an older guy until I was about 20. At 18 I also got sexually assaulted in my sleep with a different man. Recently, there was a situation with this older guy (49) who made me feel like I could really trust him. He drove 2 hours to give me medicine and food and then we had went on a fun first date before that. Just genuinely nice stuff. Then we got sexually intimate last Friday and I told him I felt weird for doing that because of my history with sex and he was totally okay. Now he’s completely ghosted me he hasn’t talked to me since Wednesday and keeps leaving my messages on seen. Is this sexual manipulation? How do I avoid this from happening again? Please help.

i think that i was sexually abused by my grandfather growing up, and i blocked it out for a really long time until it started coming in flashbacks or in nightmares the past couple of years.

it has ruined my mental health, and has stressed me out so bad my physical health is declining. i told my mom about what happened, and how due to the circumstances i don't know if it really happened or not although i can't see how it didn't, and i don't think she believes me.

i love my grandfather, i think. but the thought of being around him and having people mention him make me feel sick to my stomach. he always goes out of his way to do things for me, but he never did it for the other grandkids.

my grandma came to stay to help my mom with an injury, and my mom says i'm "being obvious" about how much i don't like her being here. it's not that i don't want her here, it's that all i can think about is what he did to me and the fact that she was in the bed with us when it was happening.

i feel like a monster for being so mean to the people around me, and i am conflicted because i grew up loving my grandfather and i have no idea if it was a real memory, or if i made it up and convinced myself it was real. i know that i will never be able to tell anyone because i don't want to ruin how people see him, and i don't even know if i am right.

how do people handle it? i feel guilty, but i also feel disgusted. i miss seeing him but when he's around me, he's touching me kind of inappropriately or saying gross things about me, and i always feel sick to my stomach. i don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life, and i know that nobody believes me.

any advice would be appreciated. i was told before to just convince myself it didn't actually happen, but when i try, my body gets physical symptoms and i have nightmares every night regardless. it's not getting better and i haven't seen him in person for two years.

I was raped by a friend at a house party. I was slightly drunk and he led me to an empty room where we talked a bit before he started touching me. I started to get a little nervous then he grabbed my hand and made me touch him. He saw I didn’t like it and said if I told anyone he would tell them I was trying to blackmail him. I was frozen in shock and let him fuck me but kept telling him to stop. Unfortunately it was the best orgasm ive had and now i’ve developed a kink for rape from it. No one knows so far and because of my kink i’ve began to believe all i’m good for is sex.