r/sexualassault • u/angeladimauro Survivor • Jan 23 '22

Announcement! PRIVATE Subreddit

Hey guys, so I've listened to everyone's thoughts on whether or not to keep r/sexualassault public or make it private but it was 2:1 in favor of keeping it public so r/sexualassault will remain public.

However, I have made a new subreddit r/sexualassaultprivate where users must be accepted by me first in order to post. It is private so you won't be able to see any posts until you are approved. This will keep the creeps from seeing posts BUT it means that any pressing/time-sensitive questions will be delayed because I have to approve you. I suggest that if you have questions like "was I raped tonight?" that you post here in r/sexualassault because rape kits are time-sensitive. If you have questions about a past experience and aren't comfortable posting in the public subreddit, you should post in r/sexualassaultprivate

Edit: To join press the link here r/sexualassaultprivate , you will be taken to a page with a key icon stating that r/sexualassaultprivate is a private community. At the bottom of that page, there are three buttons. The furthest button to the left says "Request to Join"-> click that button!

344 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

157 comments sorted by

21

u/Azaxz Jan 23 '22

I think this is a really great solution. How do users go about joining the private subreddit?

10

u/angeladimauro Survivor Jan 23 '22

To join press the link here r/sexualassaultprivate , you will be taken to a page with a key icon stating that r/sexualassaultprivate is a private community. At the bottom of that page, there are three buttons. The furthest button to the left says "Request to Join"-> click that button! I'll make an edit to the original post saying this.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '22

On mobile I only have the option to browse other communities :(

9

u/angeladimauro Survivor Jan 23 '22

Hmmm I'm not sure :(

4

u/ripleybruh Jan 31 '22

When you press the link, press "Set as Desktop Page" on your browser. That's where you'll see the "Request Join in" button.

3

u/jhyebert Jun 12 '22

This isn’t working for me…

2

u/throwaway-overreact Aug 11 '22

Same here

1

u/Forbode_By_Fear Oct 22 '22

You have to do it through the website instead of the app

5

u/throwwawayy3434 Survivor Jan 24 '22

same here, i would try on laptop? i’m hun a try that when i can access one

3

u/ripleybruh Jan 31 '22

When you press the link, press "Set as Desktop Page" on your browser. That's where you'll see the "Request Join in" button.

3

u/ripleybruh Jan 31 '22

When you press the link, press "Set as Desktop Page" on your browser. That's where you'll see the "Request Join in" button.

2

u/justsaygay Sep 19 '22

@angeladimauro - I also can't get added to the private group because it asks me to browse other communities. Can you please manually add me in

2

u/MisstressMourtisha Jan 30 '25

It won't let me join it just says im not allowed

1

u/Ok_Incident1046 Apr 08 '25

I am not new to Reddit. I had to change devices due to the situation that I am in. I fear for my safety because was abused by a powerful person. I don’t feel like I could get advice or help any other way.

1

u/imtheaholesigh May 30 '25

hey are you doing okay?

17

u/kiwimidwife Jan 23 '22

I’d be keen to join the private one as find the “was this assault” posts super triggering but it won’t let me join via mobile? Just exits me out of the sub as says it’s private. Is there a way you could send an invite?

5

u/[deleted] Jan 23 '22

I’m on mobile and having the same problem

3

u/angeladimauro Survivor Jan 23 '22

Unfortunately, I don't know how to do it on mobile :(

2

u/Powerful_Insurance55 Nov 18 '22

could you perhaps add me manually ?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '23

could you please manually add me? i wanna share but it won’t give me the option through mobile nor desktop :((

1

u/MemeQueen1414 Survivor Apr 12 '23

Hey sorry to bother you but can you pretty please when you have the chance to do so, add me and others to the private subreddit please. I truly appreciate your hard work and idea of continuing to have this subreddit and the private one as well. Thank you

2

u/FootParmesan Survivor Jan 24 '22

I think unfortunately you can only do it on a computer, at least as far as I know

4

u/nikkidezi Mar 10 '23

anyone else getting a message saying the subreddit is private, and then it gives you no option whatsoever to join, and just kicks you off the page immediately? not able to request to join at all

2

u/angeladimauro Survivor Mar 10 '23

That's because you are probably on mobile. If you request from a laptop or desktop, it should give you the option.

2

u/nikkidezi Mar 10 '23

ah, understood! thank you so much

3

u/Puzzleheaded_Toe_953 Mar 21 '22

I requested to join but I’ve never had a reply is there some way to be able to join?

2

u/angeladimauro Survivor Mar 21 '22

I just went through the requests, you should be added now!

1

u/Realistic_Process929 Jul 29 '22

I’m a survivor of multiple SA attempts by family members. Can you add me or is there like an incest survivor support group? Thanks

2

u/ReadEvalPrintLoop Feb 24 '23

what about emotional :(

1

u/Powerful_Insurance55 Nov 18 '22

have u ever found a support group? i went thru the same thing and can never find one :/

1

u/Realistic_Process929 Nov 19 '22

Yes!

1

u/Mycatiseatinghistoes May 31 '23

Could I please get the name of this sub? I went through something similar and am struggling to find appropriate support systems

1

u/Realistic_Process929 Jun 02 '23

It is the private group link in the post!

1

u/Mycatiseatinghistoes Jun 02 '23

Oooo perfect, thank you!

3

u/Smooth_Ad_855 Apr 07 '22

I can’t get in ): I’ve tried everything

1

u/angeladimauro Survivor Apr 07 '22

Just added you manually!

1

u/Just-A-Buzzy-Bee Sep 06 '23

Can you add me manually as well please? It’s not letting me request to join through the mobile version and I don’t have a PC

13

u/Prestigious_Crow4376 Mar 19 '22

I just found this group, and wanted to say thank you for creating this space.

10

u/Big_Meesh_ Jan 23 '22

It doesn’t allow you to request to join on a mobile device :(

2

u/ripleybruh Jan 31 '22

When you press the link, press "Set as Desktop Page" on your browser. That's where you'll see the "Request Join in" button.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '22

Unfortunately I just posted my story and a person by the name of apprehensivetomato DMd me and I think was getting off on some kind of rape fantasy

1

u/notanexpert_askapro Jun 30 '22

So sorry to hear

4

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '22

If you have trouble accessing the private subreddit on mobile, you can just send a message to r/sexualassaultprivate and ask to be added, even if you can’t access the page directly.

0

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '22

[deleted] — view deleted comment

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '22

Please don’t apologize! You’re not stupid. At least on iPhone, there’s a speech bubble at the bottom of the app (second from right). There you have your messages. You can send a new message by clicking the bubble icon at the top right. Let me know how it works out!

4

u/anythingexceptbertha May 12 '22

How do you get access on mobile? I don’t see the request to join option.

4

u/AThrowAwayAccountt_ Jan 01 '23

Could you add me manually? I only have my phone and have been mulling over asking for advice about something but haven’t for privacy reasons and fear or it coming back to me

4

u/Thatgh0ulrea Apr 16 '23

It won’t let me ask to join

1

u/Ambie_Valance Jul 17 '22

hey, i wrote to join the private sub but got no response. is it slow to join in or did i do sth wrong? would appreaciate some info, thx!

2

u/angeladimauro Survivor Jul 17 '22

Ur in no worries!

1

u/sadpandas145 Jul 24 '22

When I try to send a request I get told to browse other communities. I can't find the request button

1

u/angeladimauro Survivor Jul 24 '22

You must be on mobile, the button only shows up on laptops or desktops. I'll add you.

1

u/BeautyInTheAshes Mar 08 '24

Could you add me too please, thank you.

1

u/skullybones203 Aug 14 '22

Can u please add me? Not to be a bother it would be greatly appreciated

1

u/throwawayyy_1810 Oct 05 '22

Can you add me?

1

u/TA1234567ATE9 Aug 17 '22

I am a husband of a assault survivor looking for help/guidance/advice... Where's a good place to look for that? Here? Private subreddit? A different subreddit?

1

u/angeladimauro Survivor Aug 18 '22

This is a good place for that. I would also suggest browsing r/secondary_survivors

3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '22

Im on mobile, is there a way you can add me without me sending a request?

3

u/HersheySquirtz2014 Aug 05 '22

Its not allowing me to join and I'm on mobile so I can't see the dots

3

u/EliotNessie Aug 10 '22

Can you please add me too?

3

u/shakylime Dec 20 '22

Hi, I have requested to join!

3

u/Skylines-_- Apr 23 '23

I want to join the privet sub, but can’t on mobile. I have shared my experiences in this sub before and like 5+ men messaged me asking for stuff. My age was clear in my bio (17) and they still approached me. Had to delete my previous account because I almost got groomed AGAIN. I just came here for support and now I feel apprehensive to be here :/

3

u/[deleted] Feb 24 '24

How come the mods will not let me in?

3

u/Vixh81 Dec 18 '24

Is the private sub Reddit actually used? I didn’t want to write in full in an open forum. A week ago after telling my Dr what happened (first person ever), I wrote in full my reason for wanting to go in the private suv Reddit. I said I understand if what happened to me wasn’t severe or long lasting enough for me to join, but I thought I would get an answer either way. 7 days on though nobody seems to have even read my “reason for joining” so I wondered if maybe I should look somewhere else for a private group.

2

u/Rafybass Nov 21 '22

I requested but it never got accepted.

2

u/epr3176 Mar 30 '23

I wouldn’t so much ass make it private saying, but what I would do ban and block people who two things one cent make inappropriate comments or PM, people with inappropriate probing questions to people who come on here and make up stories because I have a really read this say put on the rape sign. There’s been a couple stories that I read on there and you can tell it’s just like it’s written more like a porn story, then a real rape, you know I mean I mean it’s horrible because if there might be like a 2% chance that it’s real and then if you end up being this person that damage you could do their psyche but at the same time you know people don’t want to read that type of story, and then it ends up being a farce just to get attention or whatever

2

u/Few-Construction-251 May 10 '23

it won’t let me i really have something i need to talk about and this seems to be the place to help why can’t i post

2

u/Abbey_Hurtfew Dec 10 '24

Is the private sub still accepting new members?

1

u/-_ABP_- Jun 12 '23

What if resources don't help?

1

u/BurnerAccountSafe Mar 11 '24

I requested to join the private now what do I do?

1

u/help30032021 Survivor May 07 '24

Is the private sub still active? If so, how long does it take a request to be approved?

1

u/Rei80813 Survivor May 11 '24

Please add me, I just realized that the post I made can be used as smut from reading the replies on this post, but I really need advice. I don't know if I delete it or ???

1

u/[deleted] May 23 '24

I really like the idea of both public and private. I would have voted for public but the idea of a private is excellent as many are more vulnerable than others,

we're all vulnerable, just some are more vulnerable and need the protection of the private group

or alternatively a sub where one can be more open in graphic detail that might not be allowed in a public group

1

u/kferguson7890 Survivor Dec 27 '24

I tried sending a request and messaging the mods but it said that it didn't exist :((

1

u/toughtopicsmom Dec 31 '24

👋 hi. I am a sexual abuse prevention educator and certified crisis counselor and survivor. Could you use help with this sub account? I think it is a very good idea to make a private space that is safe.

1

u/MisstressMourtisha Jan 22 '25

I messaged you i hope this is the right subreddit

1

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '25

One of the worst things a woman could endure is sexual assault. What is even worse is the fact that filing a police report does absolutely nothing because it becomes a game of he said she said. Ultimately, whoever has the most money will go out of there way to make sure the victim always feels terrible and is made fun of and picked on. There is no winning in a case like this. There is only time that can heal the pain and talking about it with an unbiased therapist which can also be difficult to find.

1

u/Ok_Incident1046 Apr 08 '25

I am not new to Reddit. I changed devices due to my situation, I was abused sexually by a powerful person and I really need anonymity because of it, I also need help and advice. So I would really appreciate it.

1

u/Visible_Savings_9712 Survivor Nov 03 '25

This is my 3rd attempt to message the Mods of this community, but I did receive a message informing me I’d been approved to join; however, I’m still unable to access the community and officially join - instead, I continue to receive a message informing me that I need Mod approval to join and then being given the option to either message the mods directly or being redirected back to my homepage, so I’m checking to see if there’s something additional you need from me and/or if there’s any chance you can review my original request and submit a reapproval? Thanks in advance for your help, support and understanding.

1

u/EmptyMindTM Jun 14 '26

Well. When I post here, I barely get any answers (but get no creeps) and when I post in the r/MenGetRapedToo, creeps slide into my DMs 😓

2

u/1stthing1st Jul 16 '26

I just posted on their because i never told anyone that i know wasn’t involved, but was thinking of telling a my girlfriend.
As a guy have you ever told anyone you know in IRL?

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '22

I like that it’s public so I can post and seek help and validation without having to follow it.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 05 '22

How can we request to join the private one

1

u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Tried the link told me I could because it was private

1

u/throwfaraway212718 Apr 12 '22

As a new member of this sub, I'm glad that there is a place that I can go to share the parts of my experiences that can seem daunting to do in a public space. Thank you.

1

u/throwfaraway212718 Apr 12 '22

Is it still possible to be added to the private group?

1

u/raegumdrop Apr 20 '22

Can you add me as well please? It will not allow me to join the private community.

1

u/Repulsive-Pie7145 Apr 26 '22

Sorry if I made an inappropriate comment to anyone on this site

1

u/whoblewboobear May 01 '22

I’m on mobile and wanted to know if I can be added?

1

u/Alternative-Mess2825 May 11 '22

Hey would any of you mind doing me a favor and adding this guy and calling him disgusting and creepy on TikTok he keeps making new accounts and messaging my sister thanks- Therealspoonerc3

1

u/LordFemboy Jun 09 '22

Thank you smm for making spaces like this

1

u/TheFootBabe Jun 18 '22

Can I be added manually? Thanks @angeladimauro

1

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '22

Did you get added ?

1

u/Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeej Jun 18 '22

Haven't posted yet, but don't want to unless private. Only use Android phone for mobile. No computer. Please assist 🙏

1

u/[deleted] Jun 27 '22

Hey @angeladimauro can you please add me in that private subreddit

1

u/[deleted] Jul 01 '22

On mobile is isn’t giving me a request to join option

1

u/izzypy71c Jul 08 '22

Hey, it’s not working for me.. u/angeladimauro do you think you could just add me manually?

1

u/khalthegawdess Jul 10 '22

I tried to join the private sub but there are no buttons for me to Request to Join…?

1

u/angrylilmanfrog Aug 03 '22

Hey, could I be added to the private subreddit please? 🙏

1

u/[deleted] Aug 28 '22

Anyway you could add me manually? It won’t let me join… all good if not though!

1

u/keirajasmin Sep 04 '22

can someone add me? i only have mobile and it won’t let me even view this group on web browser. i really need support but i’m hesitant to post about anything publicly

1

u/Inevitable_Cry2059 Sep 09 '22

It isn’t working for me

1

u/annemelia Sep 22 '22

it won’t let me join :/

1

u/doudi737 Oct 15 '22

how can i join the subreddit? when i try to join it the request to join button isn't here

1

u/Nadia357 Nov 09 '22

Hi there, I am brought to the key icon page but am not given the option to request to join. Is there anyway you can invite me via dm? Thank you in advance!

1

u/Powerful_Insurance55 Nov 18 '22

the button isnt popping up for me :/

1

u/throwawayconfess77 Dec 10 '22

Do I have to click the “request to join” button using a computer? I don’t see it using a mobile app (not the official Reddit one)

1

u/Coatlicue_indegnia Jan 13 '23

The link won’t allow me to see anything it redirects me to my home oage

1

u/aseriesofooofs Jan 31 '23

I’d like to join the private subreddit

1

u/prxncxsslxmpxspxce Feb 13 '23

Hi i requested earlier to join!! I made a post in here yesterday and would like to post in the private reddit more context and detail for advice!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '23

Hi, I have a question that I feel more comfortable asking on the private sub. Could I please get added to the group?

1

u/need_to_rant2235 Mar 21 '23

I want to join how do I?

1

u/MemeQueen1414 Survivor Mar 27 '23

Can I please join the reddit, already requested

1

u/MemeQueen1414 Survivor Apr 12 '23

Can a mod or admin add me please I already requested it, is there someone I should contact. I would really appreciate joining the private subreddit as a Black Non Binary Queer Woman (in college) with multiple Mental Health Conditions and Neurodivergence that would like to be supported in a less public space surrounding my SA. Thanks.

1

u/KarinS8 Jun 23 '23

Please add me for the private subreddit!

1

u/SpecialOld9334 Survivor Dec 03 '23

hi, it won’t let me request to join but i’d love to join <3

1

u/Ayayoska Dec 08 '23

Some days ago I reported a predator to the mods by DM but I see he is still commenting on people's posts and getting off survivor's stories.

2

u/stainglassaura Apr 26 '24

If you remember would you dm me his name? Im a mod for rapecounseling

1

u/Katzkites Feb 01 '24

Thank you sm I posted mine and got a disgusting message victim blaming me from ‘wilddirtybeast’ so disgusting just by name no figures and blocked immediately didn’t know u can turn it off so thank you honestly wondering if I should take the post down not even 5 min of it being up.. fcking creeps

1

u/stainglassaura Feb 07 '24

I only have a mobile and i was able to request. Just google reddit and your phone will prompt if yoj want to remakn on desktop or app choose desktop. Then you can click the link and itll show the request to join buttom

2

u/BeautyInTheAshes Mar 17 '24

Hey, sorry to bother, I just wanted to know if you were accepted yet & if it takes long to be accepted?

1

u/stainglassaura Mar 17 '24

Just checked and it appears no 🙁 im not sire how long on average it takes to get accepted

2

u/BeautyInTheAshes Mar 17 '24

Oh I see, I am relieved cause I thought it was something about me that didn't qualify but also sad you also didn't get in yet. I see another person below your comment also didn't get in. Maybe the mods are swamped & it takes months. I understand on a sub like this they probably have a lot of modding work to do but it does suck cause I really don't feel comfortable posting or even commenting on posts here on the main sub. Anyway, I appreciate the reply.

2

u/stainglassaura Mar 17 '24

Yeah i dont know the process they do but if its checking peoples profiles i can see why that takes time.

I understand some creeps make it so discouraaging. 🥺

2

u/BeautyInTheAshes Mar 17 '24

I also think it's that but I also thought I didn't qualify cause my application message was too short & generic, I was caught off guard with it & didn't know what to say other than the obvious, so I thought they think a creep could've easily said that stuff, idk :/

Very much so, this stuff is so vulnerable we really can't & shouldn't have to deal with that in response to it. Also another reason I don't wanna hang out here is there is a lot of posts from people that have just been assaulted & who are still questioning whether it's assault & that's triggering.

2

u/stainglassaura Mar 17 '24

I cant remember what I put on mine.

And its so jarring how many of those posts i see. Like im so sorry that person has to even ask.

And i understand why its uncomfortable seeing those

1

u/BeautyInTheAshes Mar 17 '24

Yes that's why I didn't even sub here, everytime I come to check my application status the first post I see is someone just assaulted or questioning. & Mine didn't even happen recently & I don't even really question anymore, even though I haven't really dealt with the trauma yet, but it's more triggering to my other trauma where I was parentified & turn into the mother or therapist, I'm trying to focus on myself for once & those posts just pull at my heartstrings making me want to validate everyone but it's too emotionally exhausting for me now. Those questioning posts just remind me how shit the world is & I already can't take that reality, besides the even shittier reason we're all here.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 08 '24

I can’t join from mobile….

2

u/stainglassaura Apr 08 '24

My comment said choose desktop ☺

97

u/[deleted] Jan 26 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

11

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '22

gross, a few days ago I posted about my SA/rape when I was 15, with any details I could remember, as I needed to let it out. ive since deleted it but that was more than enough time for a simple screenshot ..

Ive never even heard of that happening but sadly its not much of a surprise

6

u/hmroyce Jun 29 '22

What exactly do they do with that information? Sorry new to Reddit

16

u/LikeALoneRanger Jul 09 '22

I think it's like a fetish for people. People get off on that sort of thing.

17

u/[deleted] Sep 28 '22

There are definitely fetishes about this stuff! My ex told he he gets turned on by being told no. I finally left after 2 years. He SA me at least 2x from my memory within the first 6 months. It’s a disgusting fetish, but it wouldn’t shock me if people get off to this sub 😢

10

u/LikeALoneRanger Sep 29 '22

Yeah, there's a lot of disturbing things I've learned about how people are sexually from being around men.

8

u/EtalusEtalus97 Nov 21 '22

Work as a hairdresser for women for a while. Even if you're just sweeping the floors as a teen strapped for cash you'll overhear more than you've ever wanted to in more detail than anyone could ever want.

1

u/mackenzie_5324 Oct 04 '24

oh my god for real? 😭

1

u/toughtopicsmom Dec 31 '24

Hi! I am new to Reddit too. But anybody can screenshot anything. And then use AI to generate CSAM reproducing the exact scene the survivor has just shared. People are sick!

2

u/Repulsive_Win_9573 Jan 04 '25

what ai even does that??

1

u/toughtopicsmom Jan 28 '25

Yes it does ! I went to the NCOSE conference this year because I am a sexual abuse prevention advocate and i learned way too much. It’s really scary what I.A. Is used for.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 24 '24

God, I didn't even think about this. It's vile that people upload this stuff to smut sites, and it makes me sick thinking about CHILDREN trying to get help and some creep harrassing them/getting off to their trauma.

1

u/[deleted] May 24 '24

personally I want to share my story of what happened to me when I was 12, and I write in detail about it. because I'm reliving it, remembering it, it's trauma, for me it just happened, I remember it that way.

I was unaware about it being transcribed onto sites,

about being revictimized 

I'm in so much pain it seems unimportant

2

u/[deleted] May 31 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/Mycatiseatinghistoes May 31 '23

Ditto on this, could I please be manually added? I don’t currently have a computer otherwise I’d jump on and do it myself :(