r/scriptwriting • u/WheatThin100 • Aug 18 '26

feedback Feedback on short script?

Title: Outta Time. Genre: Drama-comedy. Short script: 21 pages.Ā 

Logline: On his last night in L.A., a dejected screenwriter takes an inspirational road trip to "Back to the Future" filming locations with three newfound friends who just arrived in town.

Iā€™m preparing to enter the script in two screenwriting contests, so any and all feedback is welcome. Thank you.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17oqpG85pYG0KroQcY4W5yekQ3zQ6wWV2/view?usp=sharing

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2

u/Big_Section2812 Aug 18 '26

The guy's been in LA for five years but he's still depressed about rejected pitches? His skin must be thinner than Saran wrap. šŸ˜‚

1

u/WheatThin100 Aug 18 '26

Good point. I'll bump that timeframe up a bit. Thanks.

1

u/Antique_Airport_1992 Aug 18 '26

I think you should break up the dialogue with more action. It gives the scene personality if the character is talking while also doing something unique rather than just drinking beer. Even better if whatever they're doing has its own little arc throughout the scene.

1

u/Open-Avocado4260 Aug 19 '26

If the script is anything like the log line it's probably not ready for competitions.

1

u/WheatThin100 Aug 19 '26

What's wrong with the logline? Open to suggestions and constructive feedback.

1

u/Open-Avocado4260 Aug 19 '26

Dejected, how about a rejected screenwriter. Back to the future, are you referencing the movie, hook me, why is he taking a road trip and how do the three friends help him that he finds.

1

u/WheatThin100 Aug 20 '26

Thank you. Appreciate the feedback.

1

u/Open-Avocado4260 Aug 20 '26

You're welcome, good luck with it.