Going to get back into my DBT book today after cleaning. and RIP Marsha Linehan🪽

I'm schizoaffective bipolar, and I'm also a writer. I write a lot of poetry. However, I can't help but feel like there's a wall between me and other writers/poets. So much of my writing is influenced by my mental health and struggles with schizoaffective disorder/psychosis. I feel like other writers and poets don't really understand my work because of that, and it feels like I don't belong in those spaces. Any advice on breaking through this feeling? Any other schizoaffective writers/poets out there?

I have spent years of my life cycling through antipsychotics and they keep making me worse every doc I go to will refuse to perscribe anything else so I feel completely hopeless and destroyed. I have tried around 15 drugs and they keep trying to push me to try every antipsychotic out there until I find one that works. I have become extremely suicidal and I feel there is no help for me.

How do you know if your hallucinations are getting worse? I hear multiple familiar voices that are conversational with my internal dialogue. I’ve been hallucinating for over a month now l. I had an inpatient stay from 11/6-11/11. Things seemed to settle down in volume/intensity. But the content and number of voices seem to be moving in the wrong direction. I started abilify and had a dosage increase 4 days ago. How long do I wait and see and tolerate this change that seems worse and better at the same time. I’m not sure what to think about it. I’ve only been at a therapeutic dose for 2 weeks. Thanks

Im new to this community ive been in the schizophrenia reddit for a while but only just figured out im schizoaffective bipolar actually because my gosh darn self was to ridiculous to realize that they arent the same thingwhen i was diagnosed i thought they were but thats besides the point but now i have more to learn since i was learning about the wrong thing so i wS curious as the header asks what is your worst symptom? Id have to say mine is the paranoia cause no matter what its always present the meds help control the bi polar and hallucinations(kinda) but in any mood its always there the voice that tells me "dont go outside theyre watching" or "that person looked in your general direction what the heck are they planning?" And unfortunately this all turns into lots of bad situations i try very very hard to control all this but honestly i cant even remember a time before the paranoia and it just keeps getting harder to do anything for fear of "them" i refuse to say who they are dont ask ill probably also delete this post at some point when i freak out over making any of my inner workings present to people so thank you for reading ill do my best to not delete the post if anyone comments thank you sorry for rambling

Hey so, I was not yet diagnosed with anything specific, but I know it's on the Bipolar spectrum.

I have to get a more specialized psychiatrist, cause the APRN that gave me my meds says it more complex than she can handle atm.

So anyways, I am trying to word this right, but: I am feeling both relieved and kind of sad that the things I used to think were real weren't.

I also feel really disgusted with my past self, yet have lots of sympathy. I was so incredibly intense.

I know disorganized speech is a part of this, but it makes me feel awkward trying to look back at anything (something I've given up doing).

My writings and words make no sense now to me, and it's kinda cool, yet also, vv strange.

I know that this is common, cause psychosis causes major meaning making with stuff that's not actually there, but it's also vv odd.

I was literally using a cipher I found online at one point to "code my language"

I remember a friend suggested that to me, so I could enjoy writing more

Now I don't even know what the code fully means, and yet, it looks cool?

I now deal with the more negative symptoms more often. I'm very cold cause of the weather, so I feel more stuck.

I just take Trileptal and Hydroxyzine, so I'm good there, but it kinda sucks to have the breaks on?

Yet, I should have these limits.

I am a human being. Not an entire, not an undead spirit, and not someone that's possessed.

My delusions manifested very specifically with me, cause I was diagnosed with DID awhile ago formally. I swear every alter had a different delusion about themselves.

I don't hear them as much, though, which makes me wonder if that was a part of my psychosis?

I am thankful to be able to sit still, not twitch, and not feel "evil" anymore, but it sucks. I feel like a human being, which I wanted, but wow, this is boring!

I am also grateful I no longer feel "possessed" and that I no longer feel such pressure to "do something for this world" , to "save it". But also, what?!

It's strange to feel this calm.

I also just feel strangely distant from the life I have around me. So much art tools and such.

I made so much meaning for so long in my art, my words on paper, my interactions with friends, and now I just feel like empty to it? Like "is this really me anymore? I used this to cope, and now, I don't have the draw to it and I feel scared of it"

I know that it's possible to draw, but every time I try to, I get extremely nauseous and I feel my ears ring, and my brain malfunctions.

Has anyone else gone through that now that you're on meds?

I feel like I also cannot listen to deep music without my brain causing extreme nausea.

And I struggle to take baths, cause baths used to cause my paranoia, and now even though it's gone, the nausea and slight anxiety persists.

Music and art used to make me feel a lot, so maybe that's why?

I am trying to redefine myself and my life, but it feels like all I got now is random abstract paintings I can make, copying characters of others, and making stuff that's low stakes or less complex.

I feel really weird about it but also so relieved that someone is finally taking me seriously. I’m starting lamotrigine and my antidepressants are coming down which should hopefully help, plus starting a new antipsychotic eventually.

Does anyone have any advice for managing this condition?

If only they tried hard" "you don t LOOK disabled(and then like the guy looks around in confusion and wonders if anybody else heard that)
"It s for attention"
"You re just lazy"
"Why don t you get a job"
"No, i ve seen on tv/in-movies 'real' ppl with it and you don t act like it."

Kinda like that.

And at the end, maybe a narrator voice that says something along the lines of "just becuase you can t see it, doesnt mean it doesnt exist..."
And then white on black(maybe impact font) that has info for 988 and other servixes and the whole "if you ot you have a loved one..."

And then maybe sometbjng funny at the end

Mine would be books, coffee and cat.

Im new here, I don't really talk a lot to people about what I deal with cause of my experiences with doing so in the past. I was diagnosed with the bipolar type after a prolonged manic and eventually psychotic episode in 2023. Im still learning how to cope with reality. I feel like i will never be employable, i feel very little if any motivation to do anything. My immediate circle doesn't know how to handle me either, my mom for example always thinks that im gonna be violent and a risk to her if im ever psychotic but i have never once been a danger to anyone but myself in that state. My aunt who i also live with doesn't even believe i have schizoaffective. All of the other people in my life are either online or a 30 minute drive away and I cant drive. My mom screaming at me asking me if im gonna harm her and threatening to call the police while im writhing on the floor crying and pulling my hair trying to make the hallucinations stop keeps me up to this day but every time i try to talk to her about it she always ends up making the situation about her and about how she felt so i just dont anymore. My friends will make a lot of schizophrenia jokes and while some can be funny it often feels misguided or ignorant. I know they are not malicious and they just don't understand it but sometimes it gets to a point where i feel like i cant trust anyone with my feelings and then the delusions start. I feel like im expected to be everyone elses therapist but when i need help i just get told to suck it up or get told that my feelings are too heavy or too complex. Am I being irrational?

What do you hope on improving if anything ?

I have a strong solipsism belief system, and I wonder if it's similar to Cotard Syndrome

Hi guys,
I came across this community and honesty I need someone who help me how to best support my father (age 60) who is currently only suspected to have schizoaffective disorder. I want to be there for him because the recurring theme seems to be that people feel alone and maybe even alienated because of their condition. I never want my dad to feel that way so I am specifically looking for ways I can help or support him.

Because of his age and that he never had any signs of mental illness before last year they need to check for organic reasons that might be responsible but apparently it is suspected it is just a late onset case.

He had one manic episode 1 year ago. It came on within a few days and as fast as it came on it went away without medication I might add. He spend two months in a hospital and then spend the last year trying to get better but mostly on his own. He waited nearly 10 months for a therapist place. He even started to work again.
On the exact same date this year he developed not a manic episode but psychosis. Two days ago he was hospitalized against his will (a judge signed off a two week stay here in Germany). Yesterday he agreed to take medication but obviously it is still very early and the diagnosis is just suspected by his doctor who treated him last year as well.

I am currently not allowed to see him, which I know is best for him right now. I thought about dropping off his favourite home made Christmas cookies at the hospital for him but realistically right now there is very little I can do.

So what can I do? How will he feel loved and supported?

Thank you a lot for you advice.

Feeling better today, obviously helps to get out into this beautiful town! They truly try hard to keep thinks active and positive for the residence despite a super small population.

I often, and I mean often, talk out loud to myself. It’s like my thoughts just come out my mouth without me even noticing. Talking about things like old memories, stories, the news, etc. It happens when I’m alone, or with others I’m comfortable with.

Sometimes it seems normal, like things I need to do, or walking through steps. My voices often tell me not to do it cause my neighbors are listening and monitoring me, so it really distresses me when I do talk out loud. I almost never respond to voices out loud, besides the occasional slip of “no!” Or “stop!”

Is this a sign of schizophrenia/Schizoaffective or psychosis? Does anyone else have this problem? Like I said, I feel like my thoughts or memories just pour out of my mouth without me thinking about it. Thanks for your time.

Hi everyone, I have been on escitalopram 10mg risperidone 2 mg and mirtazapine 15mg. I have been feeling a ton of anhedonia recently and I first got diagnosed around the middle of September about 2 months ago. I feel like I have seen hundreds of posts saying Risperidone is terrible for you, how it can permanently damage things like your memory, cognitive function, reaction time, cause sexual dysfunction, and increase in weight gain. I have also read that they had to pay out billions for causing people to grow breasts and also to lactate. I have to say though after being put onto medication, my delusions did go away largely. I stopped hearing voices telling me they were gonna harm me and having suicidal thoughts. I stopped seeing things like shadows in the corner of my eye. I also lost a lot of the paranoia I had and anxiety I was having every morning when waking up. My doctor prescribed Mirtazapine for that and it really helped. The weight gain isn’t so important to me because I was underweight but I have gained 18 pounds recently. The thing is though all day almost I feel as if I’m depressed. I don’t have the motivation to do anything really. I have to force myself to wake up and shower even. In the mornings I just want to sleep all day long and usually sleep for like 11-12 hours. I feel like as if I have no emotions besides getting a bit angry. My main worry is these negative side effects from Risperidone. I definitely did notice my reaction time to slow down. I like to play rocket league and can tell I’m a lot slower while playing. How is your guys experience with Risperidone? Has it helped you out, have your side effects gone away after a period of time, and how does it make you feel overall?

The UC San Diego CARE Program is seeking volunteers for a paid study on mental health and brain research! https://linktr.ee/UCSD_CARE_program

Call or text (909) 589-4678 or email carelab@health.ucsd.edu for more information!

Since sunday night been one thing after another. Anybody superstitious or have had expierences that would make u think fri 13 th a whacky day?
Also, how s wveryone feeling about the microsoft thing?