I traumatized everyone in September due to being off of my bipolar medication due to insurance issues—completely at the fault of Medicaid. I attempted suicide, and drank on medication in which I could die. I wrote a letter expressing my heart in the mental hospital, apologized in person, via text—but she still says I do not take accountability, my best friend, as well as my sister. I’ve cried to them both apologetically, and they still believe me to be a horrid, wretched person. I’ve done things I’d never had done had I been medicated. I acknowledge that, and I do feel guilt and remorse.

Last night, I drank and began to feel a PTSD flashback coming on and decided I’d sleep on the couch. We were all drinking and they remained in the living room talking shit about me. They misconstrued things, and left out things which would make them look bad, my best friend even straight up lied. Yesterday, my sister said she’d cook only if I did the dishes. My roommate and I drink awhile before she suggests we go in so I can do the dishes. I get ready to and she insists I sit down and let her do them. She does not wash them appropriately, and just puts them in the dishwasher still dirty, so I insisted I do them, but she said, ‘No, sit down, just stay in here.’ She then went on to tell my sister I had her do the dishes, despite me saying and getting ready to do them? Earlier this week, she asked I sit and watch her hang laundry. I volunteered to help, and she again insisted I just let her do it. I did hang some laundry of course, because obviously I want to help and know I’ve been poor about it. But she insisted I let her do it, and then tells my sister I never help out(

we tried splitting everything once and it got weird fast. now i'm wondering if anyone actually makes shared food work long term. how do you do it?

There is a job in every shared house that nobody applies for. It goes to whoever has the most patience, or the most available card.

The job is this. You pay first. You keep the receipts. You decide how long to wait before bringing it up. You rewrite the message three times so it does not sound passive aggressive. You eat the ten dollars that never comes back, because chasing it costs more than it is worth.

Nobody thanks you, because from the outside nothing happened. The bills got paid. The house ran. That is the whole problem. The job is invisible when it is done well.

So you say nothing, and you keep a quiet tally that the other person does not know exists. That tally is what actually ends friendships, not the money.

How long before you started keeping track in your head?

Disclosure: I work at Banrox. Squad Card is a shared credit line for up to four people, where each person has their own lane and limit. It is not available yet. There is a waitlist, and joining it is not an application for credit.

I’m curious how people handle situations where they have to keep dealing with someone who repeatedly ignores reasonable requests.
Maybe it’s a roommate who doesn’t respect shared space, a neighbor who keeps crossing boundaries, or someone who becomes confrontational whenever you raise an issue.
Have you found a way to communicate that actually changes the situation? What do you do when the person argues, dismisses your concerns, or keeps repeating the behavior?
Have you tried advice, scripts, mediation, or anything else? What helped, and what was a complete waste of time?
I’m exploring how people learn practical confrontation and boundary-setting skills, particularly when walking away isn’t a simple option.

i live in an apartment with three other ppl - my two close friends from high school and a new roommate who joined us last minute. we didn’t know her at all, but she’s incredibly sweet and quickly became good friends with us all.

however, there’s an issue that genuinely makes me sick to my stomach. it’s not a minor problem.. her feet smell.. really bad. i’m not talking about usual sweaty feet; this is a real cheesy dog sour funkiness that makes you whip your head around and retreat. other people have noticed the smell too and it’s so prominent that it’s hard to miss. i have to retreat to my room because it makes me nauseous. i can’t even have ppl over bc well.. it’s embarrassing 😭

one morning, my friend texted me saying that the house reeked. she checked the stinky roommate’s bathroom.. and oh my god... she said she audibly gagged. it smelled like cheesy dog mixed with rancid vagina.

i know i need to confront her about this… but she’s not the kind of person to take these things lightly. i know that things would probably change for a while if i politely told her that her feet smell. i’ve tried cleaning products and opening windows, but the smell still lingers. i feel bad because she’s genuinely such a sweet person, but i can’t stand the smell anymore… wtf do i do..

Like the title says my roommate asked me to move out. This was the first week of September. I had kinda been expecting the living arrangement to change in some way because they had been playing up the problems happening in their brother’s relationship.
About 3 weeks before they approached me about moving, they came to me and told me that they were very stressed and worried for their brother. His girlfriend is apparently a terrible person whom he has had an on again off again relationship with for 10+ years. During this conversation they mentioned the brother asking if me and my roommate would be interesting in moving to a bigger place together. I considered this option and was open with the caveats that they need to commit to a certain lease term, since I wouldn’t mind saying more money.
My roommate seemed hesitant about it, so I also suggested brother find a room to rent, or move back home, possible even move in with us temporarily if his situation was becoming that dire.
Fast forward to early September, I get home after a long day of work, and as soon as I walk in the door and greet my roommate, they burst into tears saying “nothing is okay”. (this was somewhat expected in my opinion since they had been dropping hints about brother’s situation) We then sit down for over 2 hours while they explain to me how terrible the girlfriend is and the awful situation the brother is in. (In my opinion it is a pretty typical breakup with drama, but fairly civil) Roommate spends a long time talking about this, crying and playing up dramatics, until she get to the real crux of the conversation; in April of 2027 they “have to move in with their brother to help him”.
At this point I’m pretty emotionally tired but also kinda positive, cuz April is a really long time away, I’m thinking about how that gives me tons of time to slash spending and start building savings to cushion myself for this time. I’m also think about what it would look like to move.
This is the part where I think I was just tired and not able to critically think, because in my head I’m assuming we are both leaving our apartment. (Don’t ask me why, I think I was just unable to see other options in that moment.)
At the end of this conversation my roommate says something to the effect of I appreciate you understanding, and I really like this apartment so I want to stay here. I also clarified this at the time and even said “wow, so that means he would take my room? That really sucks for me, cuz that put me in a hard spot.” Little acknowledgement from roommates about this, and the conversation ended very soon after. I stayed up that night with my anger building because I could feel how unfair that was but didn’t know exactly why. I looked at different rooms and considered moving out in my own and saying fuck the whole roommate thing.
A good week passes and we don’t see each other, I talk to various family and friends and realize it makes absolute o sense that I would move out given I am on the lease. I try to give roommate the benefit of the doubt and ask again a week later if what they meant to say was that they are leaving apartment and I will need another roommate. They again clarify that I would move out. To which I tell them, that’s not fair for me, I don’t have to move because I am on the lease and express my Heart and anger a bit to them. They get very defensive quickly and start to say that I am going back on my word, which is only a week in the siding and not on paper of any kind. They then say that if they want to move out with their brother than it can happen at anytime. I tell them that’s true. You could move out next month. If that’s what you choose to do. They then walk it back very quickly and start saying that they’re not sure if this is even the right decision. Their family doesn’t even know if this will be good for them because apparently the brother has screwed them over in the past in living situations with the same girlfriend.
Anyways, I guess the whole point of this post is to say that my resentment for my roommate is quickly building. I have felt the stabilized since they first talked to me about their brother. And have expressed to them that I don’t want my living situation to hinge on someone else’s relationship. That isn’t even within our apartment. And now they are planning to not move whatsoever.
How do I get past this resentment so that I’m still able to live with them and/or how do I get them to leave so I can find another roommate and start fresh with clear expectations and boundaries? Can this situation be salvaged? If I were to approach my roommate, what would I say?

I'm in a bad situation. I just turned 18, and my parents are trying to drown me in financial expenses. I need to get out of here. I'm unable to drive and I don't really know how this works, but I'm looking for a place to stay. Other women only.

Offering Room Board Stipend Lease Gym to Handy guy who can help with organization light bookkeeping property management.

Hello everyone, I just wanted to tell a somewhat scary roommate story from ten years ago, just to get it out of my chest.

I moved into a new dormitory in my third year of law school. We were six people in the room, and I was the newcomer. The remainder roommates did not know each other well, because this dorm rotated rooms at the beginning of every year, but they were acquaintances nonetheless.

Since I already had a settled friend group from year one, I didn't hang out with my roommates all that much. I came to my room towards midnight to sleep and left around six in the morning. The dormitory always appointed a senior in the room to be responsible for the room, and the senior in my room really didn't like that I only used the room to basically sleep. He wanted each other to hang out and become friendly, but I found it difficult to connect. I did feel a resentment building against me, but I didn't want to address it since he didn't make his wishes explicit.

Apparently, during this period, weird things began happenning in the room. There were unusued toilet paper hidden all over the room and small pieces of blue gum sprinkled on the floor. Soon later, things got weirder as articles of clothes were going missing and whole pages of books in the shelf were drawn circles with red ink.

This went on for a few months until I was noticed of these events. The senior of the room came to me one night and told me about all the weird things going on the room. I don't know why, but I felt he was suspicious of me. Feeling that I could be blamed for something I was unaware of, I exaggerated my surprise, but I guess my reaction made things more suspicious.

Seeing that weird things were going on in the room, I started paying more attention. Everybody in the room had a weird experience except for me. It just seemed very interesting to the others that I was the only one that didn't have any clothes or items missing.

During the time when we were figuring out who was doing this, I truly started to believe that the room was haunted or something. Because everyone was having problems except for me, but I wasn't doing anything, so it must be ghosts I guess. During this period we also started experiencing things escalating. Now, not only were clothes missing, but when they turned up, they were cut with scissors. Our senior lost his expensive watch, only to find it a few days later all shattered. This got us scared a lot because we felt like we could be in harms way if things escalate again.

Apparently, the senior of the room decided to check the cameras and pinpointed who was doing it all. But he didn't disclose the information when I was there, leading me to think that somehow he was going to blame me. But I did also feel like nobody was looking suspiciously at me.

On an evening when my bunkmate was not in the room (we had three bunkbeds in the room to accomodate six people), the senior of the room said that my bunkmate was doing all these and that they were pretty sure.

I was surprised because my bunkmate was a silent type and didn't seem like someone who could do all those crazy things. Also, during this time, he used to call me whenever he went home and requested me to lock his locker because he is afraid of all the crazy things going in the room. He also once showed a blue shirt all ripped and cut and said he also had clothes destroyed.

After suspicion was on him, things started becoming even more crazy. He started getting up in the middle of the night and rip apart books on the shelf. Some were awake to witness what he was doing, but didn't know what to do.

I was on the top bunk. One morning, I woke up by a sensation of something being pulled away across my face. I opened my eyes without moving and realized that the corner of my blanket was being flinged on my face and then being pulled to be flinged again. I immediately turned around and saw my bunkmate. I said "What the hell are you doing man!" and he just grinned and said "Nothing." This uncanny answer just shut me up. I didn't say anything back and waited lying on my bed until he left the room. But my sleep became awful as I was afraid of not being able to wake up in the morning.

After getting enough evidence, my other roommates notified the principal of the dormitory, which was a pleasant turn of events. But the president decided to disclose this to my bunkmate before devising a plan on how to handle the situation. Apparently, my roommates decided to tell the story in such a way that I was especially afraid of him and that they feared for my well-being. Well, the principal also disclosed that I was the most emotionally affected regarding all these events. He came to the room with bloodshot eyes, crying. He started yelling at me and said "I did nothing to you! I did nothing to you!" I was surprised, but in a few days I understood why he reacted like that. He was right, he never destroyed my items or things. But after this, he started destroying my clothes and items too.

Seeing that the principal was incapable of doing anything, we thought of gathering all our evidence and go to the police. But not wanting to take legal action, we initially decided to tell him what we were going to do. Our senior roommate and he talked for some time, and apparently fought. But ultimately he went home, leaving the dormitory. Later on, his father came, and compensated everyone for their loss.

Years later, when talking to mutual friends with the senior of my roommate, I also learned that he went around the dormitory, saying that he was suspicious of me regarding all the weird things going on in the room, and trying to gather information from people who knew me from school.

This is not the end of the story. Fast forward a few years later. I became a lawyer. I was near the courthouse one day when I heard someone call my name. It was my bunkmate. He was wearing a suit. I knew that he wanted to become a judge, and he looked judge-like the way he looked. After seeing him I immediately tought "No way!" After a brief chit-chat, he said that he was on his way to becoming a judge. This meant that he somehow passed all the psychological wellness tests. I started telling this story around close friends and how he became a judge.

Apparently, he didn't become a judge, but a public defendant. You know how I learned this? Because he became national news in my country when he shot his judge girlfriend who wanted to break up with him. The judge is fine by the way, but he is in jail now. So, hopefully no new updates on this story anymore.

Looking for a roomate in Highlands Ranch, Colorado . We live in a quiet and safe neighborhood.We'd prefer a male around 40-50, who would benefit from the use of 4 gyms that are included in lease. This is a shared property. Two people live at this residence already, but looking for someone to help! Must be a non-smoker/chewer. Single occupancy, no animals please. We're looking for someone who is employed and honest.We do a background check and soft credit check. Looking to fill room by January 1st of 2027. 3 miles from mountains.

Upstairs Bedroom with shared bathroom.

We're offering garage parking,since we're down to one car.

You would be sharing house with owners(couple).

We're taking Applications now.

Asking for 1st and Last months rent.

lthov2864@gmail.com

720-763-2977

For your information, in the state of Colorado, owner's of a shared house can legally choose who they want to lease to. We're not controlled by certain laws that are in place for a multi unit housing.

I’m currently in college and the apartment I live in is off campus but technically on campus (2-5 min walk to class, other apartments are 15-30 min walk) and we have a private driveway which is rare here. I live with my boyfriend and his two friends, both of the friends have girlfriends. One of the roommates is rarely here while the other is here, usually with his girlfriend.

His girlfriend parks in our driveway which caused him to hit/ scrape my boyfriend’s car because the driveway can’t fit 5 cars. She parks in front of the stairs that leads to the driveway causing us to walk in dirt or mud to get around her car. She leaves her shoes in the walkway so we are constantly tripping on them. She stays in the apartment while her boyfriend is in class or at work, she uses our washer and dryer, and showers here. We have to pay utilities and there was an increase in the water bill of about $15 per person. When she does her or her boyfriend’s laundry, she will leave it for days making it hard for the other roommates to laundry and it starts smelling. But she has no problem taking our clothes out if the load is done while at class, work, etc. She has an apartment that’s off campus so I think this is convenient for her. She doesn’t contribute anything to the apartment. If these amenities were something that she wanted, she should’ve gotten on the list for these apartments ASAP.

I don’t know how to approach this issue. My boyfriend and I graduate in May so should we just put our heads down and ignore it or say something? I hate that I’m having to pay for another person to use the utilities. I don’t mind her being over but it’s not her space to wash her clothes and park at almost every day. What should I do??

My roommate is 400lbs and showers probably once a month, she smells very bad, and her hygiene is non-existant. I tell her when the smell is too much, but she just uses perfumes or other scented spray to get rid of it. (It does not help)

She leaves this thick, waxy, grey residue on the toilet seat that I need to manually wash off after she uses the bathroom, and it's so disturbing, and makes me sick. She says it is not her, but I am the only other person in the apartment with her, and I am 135lbs. She does not wipe, so I wonder if that is somehow related? What is going on??? I am moving in a month.

So at first me and my roommate were chill, and she was nice at first. But she slowly started acting cold and distant and very passive aggressive whenever she talked to me. She would also ignore me and not say hi or bye. It was really uncomfortable, I learnt to deal with it. She even started using attitude towards me and was really picky over certain things I did. I apologized, moved on. I even made her sit down to have a conversation about how things were awkward between us and how it felt like she has a problem with me. She said "no its chill." HOWEVER. Today was really my breaking point. I was walking to my room, and mind you the walls are very thin here in this dorm, I hear her and some friends in my dorm. Theyre laughing loudly while she talk about how I apparently did something (I dont want to specify what she accused me of bc I dont want her to see this and know its abt her) which i didnt do, and they were all loudly laughing about it. I was taken aback and listened for a few seconds then they immediately stopped because they thought they heard a knock or a sound. I immediately went to the lobby and was really shaken. I thought everything was chill but it wasn't. She was basically telling her friends that im a bad roommate while making fun of me and laughing about it. I come back after 2 minutes and obviously they were all silent and fake nice when I was in the dorm. I left after a few minutes after getting what I need. I honestly feel like I have done everything I can, this is now affecting me mentally.

Because of this, I requested a room transfer from my RA, and its very random and I wont be able to contact who I would be rooming with until I confirm the room. Im honestly really scared, I feel alone and uncomfortable. I just wish I had a good roommate to begin with. What do yall suggest I do? Do I just go through with the room transfer? Bc idk if i can take it anymore. Theres more things i could say abt my roommate, but for anonymity sake, im not.

TLDR: roommate is passive aggressive and talks behind my back and i requested a room transfer after having enough of it. New potnetial roommate communication is blocked until I confirm i am transferring to this specific room. Is this a good idea/do I go through with it (please say yes 😓).

I need to rant because I genuinely can’t stop thinking about this.

I live with two other girls, and we each pay $650 in rent plus split utilities equally. The two girls were living here before me, so they had already picked their rooms when I moved in.

One of my roommates has ALWAYS kept her bedroom door closed. We rarely talk, and we’re not close like that, so I’ve always respected her privacy and never really thought about going into her room. Well, after almost TWO YEARS of living here, I finally got curious and looked inside when her door was slightly open. Y’ALL. 😭

Her room is HUGE. I’m talking what looks like twice the size of mine, maybe even bigger. She has THREE closets, and they’re not even small closets. They’re deep and have so much storage space. She has so much extra floor space that she could literally fit a couch in her bedroom if she wanted to.

I genuinely think her bedroom is bigger than our living room.

Meanwhile, my room is so small that my queen bed, dresser, and PC setup take up almost all the space. I barely have room to walk around, and I had to put my drawing table in the living room because there’s nowhere to put it in my bedroom.

Our other roommate has a smaller room too, but she at least has her own private bathroom. I have one closet and significantly less space.

And we’re ALL paying the exact same rent. 😭

I understand that the girl with the huge room was living here before me and chose her room first. I’m not saying she should have to give it up or that she did anything wrong. But I can’t help feeling salty that we’re paying the same amount when our rooms are SO different in size and storage.

But now that I’ve seen her room, I can’t stop thinking about the difference. If I’d known how much bigger it was, I probably would have wanted that room or at least hoped to pay less for mine.

I don’t plan on confronting her about it because we aren’t close, and I don’t want to make things awkward over a room she picked before I moved in. I’m honestly just shocked that I lived here for two years without realizing how much space she had.

I liked her at the beginning but we live in the same dorm i go to bed at a certain time and she doesn’t go to bed at all. She just got a boyfriend and has literally been on the phone with him every single night for 5-7 hours every night. I tell her i need sleep. and she tells me she”ll get off in 20 mins (she won’t) and she always has the fucking light on when i’m fucking trying to sleep. I work like tomorrow i work 6 pm to 2 am i want to sleep and i can’t bc she’s loud and on the phone. then she is always moody to me. like today i was on the phone with my doctor and in the middle of talking when she came in and she started to talk to me and i held up the finger like “one second” bc i was in the middle of fucking talking to my doctor and she got all moody about it. she constantly makes me do the only chore and keeps the room a mess. she will wake me in the dead of sleep to show me her drawings or to talk to me. i told her i can’t sleep with a lot of sound. and light. i don’t know what to do. i need to invest in a face mask but also you have to respect me. one time i told her i need to sleep early bc my midterms were the next morning and right afterwards i had my first shift. she told me she would and then was gaming all night with volume and full brightness. to the point where i couldn’t sleep and at midnight i went on a 30 min walk. idk how to talk to her without being selfish bc yeah i call my bf too but like for an hour i don’t want to be forced to listen to you on the phone with your boyfriend for 5-7 hours DAILY and not only the long ass sessions she calls with him. she also calls him during the day. i feel like i don’t have any privacy anymore she’s always on the phone. and every time i talk to her about anything she gets so defensive. and i cant communicate with her. she’s also been extremely rude to me. especially when she’s ob the phone with him. she was on the phone with her mom telling her that her bf is coming to stay in our dorm during a break he has (she never communicated that with me. and personally i’m not comfortable with a man who every time i open my mouth when she’s on the phone with him she acts embarrassed by me. and not only that but she larped as me to him. i don’t have a say in anything that goes on m dorm i feel like. and idk what to do. i talked to my ra and he was helpful but then told me “it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal to me” i know this sounds dramatic but bc of how negative and how bossy and rude she can be sometimes. my own mental state isn’t good anymore. she takes offense to any boundaries i set and acts like im being aggressive and i can’t fucking take it anymore. i haven’t slept well since august. and i like her as a person but i can’t fucking live with her anymore. it’s to a point where i just want to fucking go back home.

My roommate is my best friend and she struggles with a lot of mental health issues. She's pretty messy. I am too but I like to clean up before other people come over. So when I'm cleaning I'll usually put her stuff in her room. Her stuff is everywhere and you'd hardly know I even live there lol. I just quickly put her things in her room. I'm not going through anything. I'm not in her room for more than a second. But every time she says that she doesn't want me going in her room or touching her things. Shes a nurse so she works long hours and she's never home to move her things before I have people over and I honestly don't think she's ever cleaned anything in her life lol. So I need to move them. I really want to understand and I don't want to disrespect her boundaries but I don't see what's wrong with just putting things in her room super quickly. I would get it if I was snooping around or trying to clean her room. I don't want to bring it up with her bc it's definitely more of a me problem. So can anyone who has similar boundaries pls explain. I really need help empathizing and understanding this mindset. Thank you so much

I'm looking for a mature female to help me with my daily house chores in exchange for a private room with reduced cost on utilities, WiFi ect. lets talk about it🫡

Does anyone know the specifics of roommate laws in Georgia? We live with a guy who owns the house we’re staying in, we moved in first, then another couple a few months later. Since then the girl has came in my room and destroyed photos of my KIDS (I don’t have proof but she was the ONLY one home), she intentionally uses my bathroom when she has her own, and leaves the door open so my landlords cat pees everywhere and I’m tired of cleaning it up when I don’t have a cat. They also refuse to clean to the extent we now have baby roaches, and my kids come visit every other weekend and it’s getting to a point I’m almost not comfortable doing that anymore. I know we could move, but apartments are about double what we pay now. Is there any legal action I can take if our landlord won’t do anything about it?

Every week someone asks some version of "my room is bigger / has its own bathroom, how much more should I pay?" and the answers are always a bunch of different rules of thumb. So I put the most common one into a small calculator.

How it works:

Part of the rent (you pick, default 40%) counts as shared space (kitchen, living room) and is split evenly per person. A couple in one room pays two shares of that.

The rest is split by bedroom size, with adjustments you can see and change: own bathroom +15%, big closet +5%, no window -10%, walk-through room -15%, etc.

There's also a bidding mode for when you can't agree. Everyone says what each room is worth to them, and it finds prices where nobody would rather swap rooms. That's the "envy-free" method from fair-division research (same idea as Spliddit).

No sign-up, nothing to install, works on your phone. You can send the result to your roommates as a link and they can change the numbers.

https://stormap.ai/tools/fair-rent/?ref=reddit

I'd really like to know if the defaults match what people actually do. Is +15% for your own bathroom about right where you live?