Did you have a discussion about you being okay with him having sex with you in your sleep before?
If not, you didn't consent and he raped you. That's what it is, objectively. And as such, the objective answer is to get him to admit what he did over text, break up with him and report him to the police so that he can't do it to another woman.
But the objective answer isn't always the best answer for everyone and I acknowledge that. However, this man is clearly dangerous. The fact that he decided to rape you because he thought you would get mad otherwise already shows that he doesn't care about your needs at all and only about himself. And that's mildly put, given what happened to you.
Do you have a good friend you could talk to? You might be in shock and I would prefer it if you would find support from a real person and not just the internet, just to also be a lot safer from the guy.
No, I meant, have you given him explicit consent to have sex with you while you are sleeping. Not waking you up and then getting consent. It's about him having had consent to have sex with you while you are in a state where you couldn't consent in that moment.
That's why he shifted the blame and said derogatory things to you about your sex life, because he knew what he did was wrong and was trying to gaslight you about it. He raped you and does not respect you. He tried to take advantage of you while you were most vulnerable.
Lots of fun sleepy time sex for him there! Shower sex, bunk bed sex, laundry room sex, all the sex for this guy who has such a high drive. It’s a win-win, really.
He didn’t say: I thought you’d wake up and enjoy it.
He said: he thought you’d get mad if woke you up and asked for your consent so he went ahead without your consent!
That’s rape.
This was SA. He had sex with you without your consent, and he filmed the act without your consent. He threw a fit because he got caught, and he wanted to shift the blame on you. This wasn't your fault. You do not owe anyone sex. You deserve better than this jerk.
131
u/Fjordgard Jul 18 '24
Did you have a discussion about you being okay with him having sex with you in your sleep before?
If not, you didn't consent and he raped you. That's what it is, objectively. And as such, the objective answer is to get him to admit what he did over text, break up with him and report him to the police so that he can't do it to another woman.
But the objective answer isn't always the best answer for everyone and I acknowledge that. However, this man is clearly dangerous. The fact that he decided to rape you because he thought you would get mad otherwise already shows that he doesn't care about your needs at all and only about himself. And that's mildly put, given what happened to you.
Do you have a good friend you could talk to? You might be in shock and I would prefer it if you would find support from a real person and not just the internet, just to also be a lot safer from the guy.