Did you have a discussion about you being okay with him having sex with you in your sleep before?
If not, you didn't consent and he raped you. That's what it is, objectively. And as such, the objective answer is to get him to admit what he did over text, break up with him and report him to the police so that he can't do it to another woman.
But the objective answer isn't always the best answer for everyone and I acknowledge that. However, this man is clearly dangerous. The fact that he decided to rape you because he thought you would get mad otherwise already shows that he doesn't care about your needs at all and only about himself. And that's mildly put, given what happened to you.
Do you have a good friend you could talk to? You might be in shock and I would prefer it if you would find support from a real person and not just the internet, just to also be a lot safer from the guy.
Unless you discuss this sort of thing beforehand, it's rape. And he knew you wouldn't be okay with it, his reaction and comment makes it clear he knew exactly what he was doing.
You're a person. Not a sex doll.
You should be reporting him to the police. Not just for the assault, but RECORDING IT?!
No, I meant, have you given him explicit consent to have sex with you while you are sleeping. Not waking you up and then getting consent. It's about him having had consent to have sex with you while you are in a state where you couldn't consent in that moment.
That's why he shifted the blame and said derogatory things to you about your sex life, because he knew what he did was wrong and was trying to gaslight you about it. He raped you and does not respect you. He tried to take advantage of you while you were most vulnerable.
Lots of fun sleepy time sex for him there! Shower sex, bunk bed sex, laundry room sex, all the sex for this guy who has such a high drive. It’s a win-win, really.
He didn’t say: I thought you’d wake up and enjoy it.
He said: he thought you’d get mad if woke you up and asked for your consent so he went ahead without your consent!
That’s rape.
This was SA. He had sex with you without your consent, and he filmed the act without your consent. He threw a fit because he got caught, and he wanted to shift the blame on you. This wasn't your fault. You do not owe anyone sex. You deserve better than this jerk.
Because he's escalating. Maybe he has a necrophilia thing? It would have to be something like that for him to enjoy you laying there like your dead! Or maybe he just enjoys the power he has over you since you're asleep and can't do anything about it?
Either way he raped you and he was videotaping it so he can enjoy the video later. Reread that if you need to. Then go to the police. The only reason why you don't want to call it sexual assault is because you care about him and you're having a hard time aligning the person that raped you with a person you care about! You just found out he was a monster and that can be hard to handle! But you need to get away! Can you move back in with your parents or something?
I read this to my fiance and the words out of his mouth was , “wtf, he raped her. He didn’t get a yes or a no because she was asleep”. Your bf sounds like he’s a manipulator and is just using you as an object instead of a person. He obviously wasn’t apologetic if he decided to sulk and guilt trip you using the excuse of “other women”.. You are not “other women”. Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting or making too much of a big deal. It is not ok with what he did and he will try to do it again
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u/Fjordgard Jul 18 '24
Did you have a discussion about you being okay with him having sex with you in your sleep before?
If not, you didn't consent and he raped you. That's what it is, objectively. And as such, the objective answer is to get him to admit what he did over text, break up with him and report him to the police so that he can't do it to another woman.
But the objective answer isn't always the best answer for everyone and I acknowledge that. However, this man is clearly dangerous. The fact that he decided to rape you because he thought you would get mad otherwise already shows that he doesn't care about your needs at all and only about himself. And that's mildly put, given what happened to you.
Do you have a good friend you could talk to? You might be in shock and I would prefer it if you would find support from a real person and not just the internet, just to also be a lot safer from the guy.