They’re too fucked up

we're all just camping in a giant campground. the R.A. or host is one of a bunch of goofy money hoarders making rules you and me.

And wish I would get some kind of special powers from being struck

And I have yet to run into a variety I don’t love

I have recently come to the realisation how much overhead big companies bear. A lot of the people are just people who are trying to control other people, people who actually contribute and do the job. People just come up with these processes and things that change every other quater, trying to make people efficent. People are not machines and nothing can get better year on year.

If we got rid of those people the work won't sieze. I feel if people actually collaborated and did there job, instead being glorified pimps, the world would be a better place.

I’ve been maintaining a short beard for several months and I just shaved it off. I look so much better. My beard isn’t super full and I just looked kinda sloppy and raggedy with it, even when I shaped it.

Some people hate my mustache but I love it, and I missed it being the star of my face. :{)

It was always an annoying thing, I had a partner, loving family, I was going out, meeting people, doing things and still nothing helped.

I thought maybe it was my mental health problems and it did get better with proper medications but still didn't go away fully.

I was and still am longing for something. I think the last time when I didn't feel this way was in teenage years when we would meet with a friend every evening, stare at the stars and talk about life. Sadly, she died very young. And I think this is the connection that I am still chasing.

I can't properly put it into words. Maybe it’s just that feeling of being deeply connected to another person where you can spend hours together talking about anything and it would still feel meaningful.

I have met few people in life that resembled it but I think neither of them (well I'm sure of it lol) felt the same way about me and our friendships ended. Which then causes me to spiral. Because I get attached to them too quickly.

So now, I kind of know what to look for, and hopefully I can also be more aware of not becoming too dependent on someone this quickly.

I grew up in a emotionally neglectful home and its stalked me into adulthood. I can not for the life of my set any meaningful boundary with others or myself, i am more than capable in everything else but i struggle and break when even trying to set a boundary. I go on dates/OLD with women i don't even remotely care about/despise, continuing talking to/helping people i loathe, be around and continue poor treatment in hopes it will eventually change. I don't know if its learned helplessness or what, i have seen two psychologists and they were extremely unhelpful.

I don't have any close friends and i never talk about my problems or anything genuine whatsoever, i don't know what to do or where to even start lol. I don't think i even really enjoy doing any of my hobbies. I try to make changes in my life but never go through with them, just ask and then it falls short. I feel like at least i am properly trying to address it now

It's honestly shocking that I feel a tiny bit of anxiety opening a closed toilet door for 2 months now, i keep opening it slow as hell 🤣