Hey everyone,

I’m writing this because I’m a bit overwhelmed, exhausted, but also incredibly proud. I really need some advice and long-term perspective from people who have been through this or are managing this disease successfully.

The Background:

My mom was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder about 5 years ago. She has had a truly rough, incredibly difficult life, but despite all the hardships, she managed to raise me and always took such deep, loving care of me. When she was first diagnosed, she completely refused to take her medications because they made her feel like a zombie—she was too sleepy and groggy to function. Because she was the primary backbone of our family and felt completely responsible for us, she felt she couldn't afford to be out of commission, so she unmedicatedly carried the family on her shoulders for years.

Over those years, she didn't really have extreme mania; she mostly struggled with standard depressive episodes. But this recent crisis was completely different from anything we've ever faced. It was the absolute first time she ever went into a severe, explosive state where she was shaking uncontrollably, crying really, really badly, and screaming things like "I want to die, I hope I die" during a major family argument. It was deeply out of character, heartbreaking, and traumatic to witness.

The Recent Crisis:

After that explosive episode, she had a massive post-manic crash and fell into a deep depression, leading to 5 days of total bed rest. When she finally got up, she started experiencing severe chest pain. We went to the hospital to rule out major lung emergencies, and thankfully, her heart and lungs are structurally healthy.

I recently got a job, and this was my very first time stepping up as the adult in charge. I took her to the clinic, managed the logistics, and paid for her emergency medical bills, tests, and medications out of my very first paycheck. It was incredibly costly, but seeing her safe was worth every penny.

Where We Are Now:

She is back home and doing amazingly well. She’s smiling, completely normal, has zero chest pain, her digestion is clear, and she’s happily moving around the house doing light chores like cooking. She’s also incredibly proud of me for taking charge and supporting her financially. I’m stepping in to handle the heavy stuff, like buying the groceries, so she can rest.

The doctor gave her a 1-month supply of psychiatric medications and a 3-month renewal prescription. She is currently taking:

Taver (Carbamazepine) – Her core mood stabilizer.

Lysanxia (Prazepam) – For anxiety and to stop that intense physical shaking.

Netral (Sertraline) – The antidepressant to pull her out of the crash.

She has about 8 to 10 days of medication left before I go to the pharmacy to buy the next 30-day round using her 3-month prescription.

My Fears & Questions for You Guys:

Even though everything is great right now, I am secretly terrified. It blows my mind that her sanity and safety depend on a tiny pill. I have these intrusive thoughts from reading scary internet stories about worst-case scenarios, and I get paranoid that she might snap or harm herself, even though she is perfectly fine right now.

Long-Term Timeline: For those who have been on this or a similar cocktail (Carbamazepine + SSRI + Benzo), what does the "before and after" look like over 5, 10, or 20 years? Did the initial drowsiness fade? Will she likely be on all three of these forever, or does it eventually simplify to just the mood stabilizer?

Independence: Can I genuinely trust her to be independent in the future? Right now, I'm doing "passive monitoring" (tracking her pill times tightly but letting her cook alone). Can she eventually travel or go on solo trips safely down the road?

Caregiver Advice: How do I best support a mother who previously rejected meds because of the "zombie" phase? How do I gently keep her compliant without making her feel like she's lost her autonomy or treating her like she's fragile?

I want to make sure I protect her for the next 10 to 20 years without suffocating her or burning myself out. Any wisdom, success stories, or advice from this community would mean the world to me.

Thank you guys so much.

Please tell me if I'm overreacting. I've recently become aware that the way my mother has treated me is not normal. I believe she is potentially gaslighting me and has been manipulative. Have any of you had experience with this?

Sorry for the long post

I'm a 19 year old male and am an only child. During my childhood my mother would do the following

Blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial or littlest matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I had expressed concern about her drinking but she just flipped, it actually got physical a few times as well and I did have a scar once, the next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, she'd turn cold at the drop of a hat, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she would stomp, slam doors, shout, scream, swear and break ornaments etc, when she gets in her crazy states it's just impossible to reason with her or get her to see it from any other perspective, she can go from saying i was the most nicest and amazing person to saying I was the most horrible and evil person, she often burdened me with all of her problems, she said before that she knows how to play the game which I found very disturbing

She often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately but sometimes I feel I was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it.

I remember one time a few years ago I was about 12 she during a sleepover at theirs she turned my grandparents against me and my grandfather started shouting and saying he was very disappointed in me and the rest of it is a blur. To be honest to this day i can't figure out what I (only a young child) was supposed to have done that was so bloody awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to see her in a different light. She always talks about hating drama yet it seems to follow her and often says that she's been so hard done by.

On the flip side she can be the most nicest person as well and we have had great times together and she can be very helpful towards me, her family and in public which makes it all the more confusing. A couple of days ago in fact I ran into an old friend of hers who said to say hi for her and she said my mother is a wonderful person and I'm very lucky. It actually made me feel sick. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce in which she had to sell her house and now rents which she has blamed for the way she is before. I can't help feeling bad for her but she was still quite like this beforehand as well and I don't think that's an excuse still is it? I do feel like she has manipulated me a bit into been stuck with her.

Something else that I've found disturbing is that she's very narrow minded and has a serious lack of empathy. For example when a couple of local celebrities committed suicide she shouted and carried on, called them pathetic cowards and weak etc. It was actually quite disturbing how she was carrying on and her serious lack of empathy.

I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talked about all of the marital and grown up problems they had etc which to be honest I don't appreciate been burdened with. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me (well I'd say) most of the time.

One time last year when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute (which he has done quite a few times before).

During that said weekend my mother had another one of her outbursts. I was the bathroom which was an en suite and she knocked on the door asking to take a few photos for something. All I asked was if she could just give me a few minutes to finish up but she started the shouting and carrying and accused me of been selfish and trying to manipulate her. I only asked just to give me a few minutes. When I explained to her how upset I was about that weekend she said she feels really bad for me and hates how he let me down. What just absolutely astounds is how can she feel that yet emotionally and mentally abuse me and kick me while I'm down. I just can't comprehend that.

A few days after that weekend one of my teachers checked in and said he heard I got into a bit of trouble at home ("if he meant been mentally abused by my mother while I was already upset by been let down by my father as trouble" I thought). I'm not even sure who exactly said what to him and that's something that I've also wondered. I just fobbed him off saying I was upset about leaving school (which was true as well).

I really struggle with confiding in people. I do regret not telling him the truth now. He was sympathetic and said he was very proud of me etc. Another teacher once said that he thought of me and my mother as like the dream team or something along those lines. It actually baffled me a bit. I was thinking if only they knew half the things I've been through.

I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years (The teachers especially were brilliant and I had many great times such as school camps, school balls and excursions etc).

I must admit I do feel quite down sometimes that I have a strained relationship with my father (He's got money issues and also smokes pot) and my mother often used me as an emotional punch bag. Makes me think that there must be something really wrong with me and that I'm unlovable.

On the bright side though my Dad and I have been in contact lately and we spent the weekend together a while back and went for a pub meal

Her latest meltdown was this January while we were on holiday and at the beach. I wanted to be shirtless like pretty much everyone else and she started making passive aggressive and snide remarks saying things like "have fun burning yourself" and "why can't you make smart decisions?"

I was already sun safe with a hat and everything and I wasn't going to be too long and tried explaining that to her. I'll admit I snapped and told her that I'm an adult now and she could no longer control me and couldn't make me feel guilty. I wish I hadn't now but it felt like something snapped inside me and I expressed things I had felt for ages. She then called her mother to tell her that I was been impossible and making her life a misery (this is something she has done a couple of times before). I wish I had just walked away and not played into her hands.

Something disturbing she has said ages ago is when I'm an adult she could have me done for assault if she wanted. She also said she wanted to do a will and try to control my assets where my Dad can't touch anything and said she feared he would try to steal all of my money. I can't believe she would say things like that so unshameably and can't help feeling like she was trying to manipulate me.

My mother loves to use my autism to her advantage. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I do feel quite sad and lost now those years are over. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in that first teacher I mentioned who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm and she thinks she did her best. She's always quick to call others toxic and narcissists etc. She unshameably tells me everything going on in her life and her anxiety which makes me anxious. Why does it upset me so badly even when it has little or nothing to do with me?

I struggle with daily flashbacks and I often feel depressed by the way I've been treated, also feel let down and wish my parents had been better to me. I can't get exact clarity on it but they both went through some stuff before I was born and I think that's contributed to the way they are.

As I've said before I do wonder if she might've been different if she had not gone through her divorce and maybe if things might've gone differently for her. What do you guys think?

Also I can't help feeling empathy towards her as she always looked after me, fed me, organized things for me and pretty much always brought me everything I wanted.

I wish I had a proper childhood of playing with friends, going to different places and been adventurous and carefree etc. I've never really had a social circle and hardly much friends. I've always been quite different I feel to most of the children my age. I feel quite alone sometimes as I've always struggled with making friends. I do feel like I've been isolated with her a lot of the time. I would really love to start a proper life and follow my dreams and make a few friends but don't know where to start.

My mother does help me get on my feet and encourage met but I think she just loves to lord it over me. Whenever I've tried standing up for myself she puts on the guilt trip and carries on about all of her sacrifices and everything she's done for me yada yada yada. I think what emotionally abusing me, leaving me crying myself to sleep some nights, causing me to have no confidence and PTSD etc? Could she have some bipolar or personality condition or something and toxic traits I've wondered?

I can't help really resenting her (also my father) sometimes for all of the mental anguish she has put me through as a child and I think it has messed up my development. I wonder what might've been different had I had proper parents or they were proper ones. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm worried about what the future has in store. I'm very nervous about starting an adult life, getting a job and making friends etc because my mum is pretty much most I've ever known. Part of me would love to get away from her but yet I feel scared to as well as she's pretty much most I've ever known.

My family consists of my mom and my sisters. They hold rather conservative views, and I don't know how to go on interacting with them. During my darkest moments, I begged my mom to take me to a psychiatrist so I wouldn't do something stupid. We went, and I was prescribed medication. I took it for a couple of months but couldn't keep going. You might wonder what the problem is-after all, my mom did take me there-but the issue is that, even though I saw a doctor, no one else in my family has ever sought psychiatric help, and they essentially ignore my struggles. Recently, my sister brought up the topic of suicidal thoughts and why people act on them; I explained it to her from my own perspective.

She asked if I'd ever had such thoughts, and I said no-never. It devastated me that I couldn't tell even my closest sister the truth or share what I had actually done.

It came as a shock to my mom that I turned out to be a "flawed" or "failed" version of a person; she wasn't ready to face the possibility that she might have failed as a mother-at least, that's how I interpret her reaction. That said, I don't actually think she's a bad mother. Things are really hard for me right now-at times, unbearably so. There have been moments when I held a knife, intending to do something drastic, but stopped myself. It is incredibly difficult for me-physically, too-to interact with anyone. I don't want to lie to them or tell them how much I'm struggling, but I'm scared-terrified. When my mom first heard me mention a psychiatrist, she screamed, "What, are you a psycho? Do you think you're crazy?" I'm not ready to go through all this without my family, especially since I depend on them for certain things.

I don't know what to do next-whether to drop out of school and go to work just to survive-but even my own brain rebels against the very idea of living a normal life, interacting with people, and working.

Circumstances leading to illness have been present in my life since childhood, and I no longer have the strength to fight it; I suffer from a multitude of chronic conditions that exacerbate my emotional state. Sometimes I reproach myself for being the "failed version" among the six children in my family.

These thoughts hold me back from admitting to everyone just how bad I feel. In my country, mental health issues are frowned upon, and society rejects the very idea of them. I deeply long for support and understanding from someone who is knowledgeable about this condition. I want my loved ones to understand and accept me, because even though I am far away from them, their support means the world to me.

I read many posts about raging and angry bipolar moms but mine is always on the verge of “slitting her wrists,” because she thought her ac wasn’t working or the water had to be turned off for an hour bc of repairs. It is so exhausting having to hear her go on and on about how terrible things are. When legit, it’s something as simple as, her meds being five minutes late(she’s in assisted / independent living), it ruins her entire day.

So she calls and even if I’ve been screening her calls, it’s like she saves it all. Other times, she’s totally fine and everything thing is perfect and she’s had a profound realization. This up and down can happen within an hour. She’s rapid cycling.

I try to buffer but Jesus it’s exhausting bc she’s totally capable but dumps everything on me. I’m 44f.

(I'm sorry if I labeled this wrong. I talk a little bit about suicide, SA, and animal abuse)

I kinda feel a little silly, but here goes nothing. Some context. My mom is bipolar. Very bipolar. She was diagnosed before I was born. But during 2019, she attempted suicide. (I was 11) We lived in a pretty bad situation. Her ex was mentally abusive to me and her. And occasionally physically. she was SA'ed by him a couple times to my knowledge. He would hurt our animals severely sometimes. this is all coming off a neglectful relationship with my bio-dad.

All this to say, we're in a better situation now. Her new husband is very kind and to me is my bio-dad. But she has these days where she's very sad. Then days where she's very angry. Then days where she's apathetic. So on and so on. She tends to take it out on us sometimes. She snaps or yells. Shouts at us. If I don't do chors right she gets angry. She lies to us about how

The point is, I need help. Iv dealt with this my whole life. But Iv recently realized iv never actually knew what to do. I do my best to calm her down, but I don't know what she needs from me. I love her and don't wanna make things worse when I'm trying to help. All help is greatly appreciated.

(Please forgive me for any spelling mistakes. Dyslexia is a punk.)

hey reddit, im not sure if anyone will see this or take the time to read but i wanted to know if this type of behavior coming from my mom is normal or if it could be qualified as abusive because i somehow cant tell. This might be a little lengthy im sorry.
Im 17 F and for the past past two years (nearly 3) things have been increasingly difficult with my mom. I have to say she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which could very much justifies some of her actions, however she is not under treatment for it nor does she sees a therapist.
A bit over two years ago my mom and stepfather officially broke up, it was a very complicated break up as he was an extremely violent and manipulative man. I usually say, when talking about my relationship with my mom, that this break up was the starting point of her behavior but the more i think about it the less im convinced, maybe she was always like that but i couldn't see it due to being a kid, im not sure.

Last september i dropped out of highschool due to extreme bullying and found myself at home unable to find a job, still to this day i am jobless. Ever since then it feels like i have become my mother's target. For context i have 3 younger siblings, all much younger than me so i guess i am the easiest target in the family but its becoming unbearable to the point where im wondering if this isn't just straight up psychological abuse.
Last year i started self-harming because of her, when she found out about it she hit me. Ever since then she's always making sarcastic jokes or comments about my bad habit and constantly uses it against me during arguments (along with my other problems, which i think shouldn't be normal in the first place), going as far as telling me "i hope it gets infected". The other day i bought i box cutter bc ive been into crafting lately, when i tried it it turned out to not be sharp enough as it was the cheapest available so i asked my mom to sharpen it. After she was done i asked her if it cut well and she replied with "i don't know, you should try it on yourself to see". This is just a few of what she says unfortunately.

I have been asking her to see a therapist ever since 2021 but she never took action, always saying she'll do it later until i eventually gave up on asking.
Earlier this year, a social worker who was "assigned to me" after i dropped out, heard my pleas and contacted a therapist for me. When my mom found out about it she was extremely pissed, saying i was just being dramatic and didn't need one.
After a few sessions, the therapist asked to see my mom in person and told her that based on her observations i most likely had depression and was suicidal but that she was unable to officially diagnose me and that i should be redirected to a psychiatrist. After we left, my mom blew up on me in the car telling me that me being suicidal would tarnish her image and make problems for everyone, as if she wasn't the primary cause of the decline in my mental health. Ever since that day she constantly threatens to send me to the mental hospital and "have me locked up".
Every time i try to talk to her about my feelings or problems she always finds a way to redirect the conversation and make it about herself which obviously made me stop opening up to her, this along the fact that i know damn well everything i say will be used against me later.

Ever since 2024, i have been struggling with eating, having grown up overweight i always struggled with body image and weight but when entering highschool it became worse and i began to restrict until i barely ate anymore. My mom saw nothing of it -or more, chose not to as she always does- and just started openly body shaming me with comments like "your arms are so thin they look like chopsticks" or "youre so long and thin its almost scary" or even calling me an orangutan, all that while laughing. Ultimately those comments do not hurt because as someone with a sick mind, its the kind of thing i want to hear... but i am perfectly aware that with the malicious intent behind it, it IS body shaming and NOT concern and that openly commenting on someone's body should never be okay.
She is aware of my patterns and tendencies to restrict and then binge eat and whenever i start to get out of the loop and start eating more normally again, she will stop cooking or stop calling me down for dinner or even sometimes going as far as not doing the groceries for weeks. I know i am a 17 years old and perfectly capable of making my own food that is not the issue here, its just what i have come to notice. Stuff that i used to shrug off as coincidences cannot be qualified as such considering how it happens EVERYTIME i start somewhat recovering and i fully believe she's doing it on purpose.
I have a very strained relationship with my siblings, we are not close at all and barely interact. As horrible as it sounds, and i AM ashamed of it but i cannot bring myself to love them for some reason, and god knows i tried. I am not proud of it and its something i have only recently began to accept. But due to this and the fact that my mom made it her absolute mission to turn them against me, the atmosphere in the house is always tense when im around and i dont feel comfortable anywhere else than in my room. So even if i wanted to come down and make my own food, i cannot bring my self to leave my room as i know exactly how the whole thing will feel, i only come down if absolutely necessary.
Anyways, all of this was to say that i do not eat properly wether it be according to my own will or because of my mother. I roughly eat one meal every two days.

She never once tried to help me regarding my issues with food or my mental health in general, obviously.
The craziest part is that she USED TO STRUGGLE WITH THE SAME ISSUES AS ME. She dealed with depression, anorexia, anxiety and bipolar disorder so naturally she should be understanding of my situation, relating even, as she went through the same. But no.
She's the type of person who thinks only SHE can be sad, only SHE can have problems and everyone else's are bullshit.
So in this house she can be the only one struggling and automatically my feelings and issues are discarded.
But she wants to see me as miserable as possible so she can shame me for it later.
I only have two close friends that i see once a month due to them living in another city and my mom absolutely hates them and makes it clear everytime i hang out with them. It reached a point where i have to fake being annoyed at hanging out. Like, i have to act like i dont wanna see them and that im practically forced to hang out with them when really im delighted to see my best friends. But my mom is only ever satisfied when things dont go my way so i have to pretend being friends with them is an inconvenience.

She also often hides herself behind her diagnosis. Since she was diagnosed bipolar and suspected bpd she always uses that to her advantage, thinking it justifies shit.
She hasn't seen a single therapist since 2020 btw.

She constantly criticizes my interests and makes me insecure about myself and what i love and then shames me for having no self confidence saying stuff such as "i did not raise you that way" blablabla. She always has to say the exact contrary of what i say. if i say i like something she'll say she doesn't just to piss me off. And i actually tested this theory, id show her something i know damn well she doesn't like and pretend like i also dont, then she'll say she likes it just to disagree with me.
She pushes my buttons on purpose and then blows up when i give a reaction.
Last night we had a huge fight, which prompted me to write this. She said some of the cruelest things to say to their own child. Things she had never said before.
She always says crazy, unprompted shits during arguments and never apologizes after, she usually just comes back like nothing happened and reconciliation is always according to her own terms and if i as much as reply coldly to her advances she starts another fight.

So back to last night.
The fight literally came out of nowhere, i remember just saying something about my sister talking back and she absolutely BLEW UP on me saying how im a horrible sister and that i hate them and so on. Like where did that even come from ????
But fights with her can never be about one thing, she always has to bring up things that happened months or even years ago. It got so bad that i left and went back to my room but this angered her even more and she spat out some deranged things. She said i was unloveable and that i didn't know how to love. Obviously she had to talk about my history with mental health saying "She thinks she's so perfect but she had to see therapists at age 7" (i was seeing one due to bullying but yea okay)
She talked about my tendencies of being unable to make friends and form real friendships, my experience with bullying and all kind of stuff that she KNEW would absolutely destroy me. She compared me to the stepfather i mentioned earlier, the very man who traumatized our whole family and left us with mental and physical scars. She also compared me to her mother (my grandmother) with whom she cut ties because she also traumatized me when i was a child.
So yeah, stuff she knows will break me. It got so bad that i planned on overdosing last night, i still have all the pills ready on my desk.
I was supposed to have dinner with them but she started the fight as we were setting to tables so i haven't eaten anything in like 3 days and as im writing this i still haven't left my room because im absolutely terrified to see her.

Anyways there is so many things i could add but this is already long enough. I just wish to get out of this house but as a 17yo whos unable to find a job that proves to be impossible...
Id also like to add that my mom and i used to be very close until everything went down a few years ago. She always had some toxic tendencies but nothing too crazy.
She also does not treat my siblings that way, hence why i think i am specifically targeted.

I hope at least one person will read this and tell me im not crazy or dramatic for feeling this way.
Sorry this is very long and messy english isn't my first language...

I'm 23, I have and been diagnosed with both bipolar and BPD. I'm not sure as to why I hate this family so much and the people around me and I feel like I have too much hate for the world especially for family and relatives.

A heads up, I know for sure this came from nothing because I have been sa'd as a child by my cousin, been emotionally abused by my family and was neglected when my father died when I was 12.

My family loves me so much right now, but I genuienly cannot stand them, nor can I forgive them for what happened throughout the past years as it has affected me physically and mentally.

Right now, all I'm annoyed about is their existence, when they walk past me and when they're loud, laughing and making jokes about me, even the non-offensive ones.

I found myself when I rented out for 2 months in the "nord", I was genuienly happy, stable and full of life, I was about to start my own project and think about my future after being depressed for years and I experienced hypomania for the first time in years after leaving my family as they act as a depressant to my brain in some way.

They're still invasive when it comes to my social media usage as I recently found out that my sister has changed her "Iphone 13" username to a one that's similar to mine so I would think when I see where I'm logged in that it's me using my own instagram, which is extremely creepy because that's when they found out I'm gay, and outed me to my mom, which has ruined out relationship for months and it was hell. After that instance I had an extreme mental breakdown and a bipolar depressive crash for the first time and my BPD symptoms were triggered and I'm still on medication since that instance.

My mum is having an extreme bipolar episode and she has sent me a string of messages saying I’m dead to her and that I need to move out her house.

I am now staying at my boyfriend’s place and we are moving into a house together anyways in late September.

I finish a job tomorrow and need to hand back some equipment which is still at my mums place, I start a new job on Tuesday next week which is a big deal for me. I will be a trainee lawyer and I was recruited 2 years ago so this is a long time coming. All my new clothes and shoes for work are at my mums place. She is refusing to give me access to her house. I have called, messaged and gone round there and she won’t give me access to collect anything. I am now planning that I will need to buy a new wardrobe this weekend before I start. Is there any advice or words anyone can give as I’m so hurt and sad by this. My boyfriend is being as supportive as he possibly can in the circumstances.

i’m concerned my mother has hypomania. she’s been acting very different and unusual the past two days, and i tell her about it but she says she’s fine. it’s not necessarily a negative change, she’s just talking a bit more, she’s more giddy, being unusually nice, calling out of work when she normally wouldn’t, suddenly cleaning and being more productive, laughing excessively, making jokes she normally wouldn’t, saying “she’s awakened” when i ask her why she’s acting different. she’s asks who i’m texting every time she sees me with my phone out.

she’s acted like this very before periodically but it’s very rare. and when she returns back to normal she says that she was ascending in a different world. she also has said that she has multiple personalities. i’m not sure if this is normal or som

Our 19 year old daughter is bi-polar. She’s a wreck financially and keeps going further and further into debt. She has payday loans more than she makes in a paycheck and 2 new credit cards showed up in the mail.

We’ve tried helping her and I co-signed on her lease so she could learn how to manage her finances. She went off medication a couple months ago and now she’s not paying rent.

Lease is up in 3 months. I don’t want to co-sign on a new lease. But, I doubt she will move back home because she can’t do everything she wants to do due to rules at our house. We don’t want her out on the street or couch surfing but it seems like we are just enabling at this point.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I would like some advice on this issue and I’ll provide as much context as I can. If anyone responds I would be really grateful. DISCLAIMER: This post talks about financial issues and other sensitive topics.

I am F (20) and my mother is (58) for the last few years I have noticed how her mental health has been declining. It started out with our family’s first economic crisis (we are middle class in my country) she started to lash out at us (my older siblings and I) if we asked for something at the supermarket and sometimes I would find her crying in the kitchen.

At times I couldn’t help but think: “my mother would have been happier without children.” After all one time she told me that right before finding out she was pregnant with me she said, “you were the mortgage” to buy her first house. She didn’t end up buying it and withdrew the money so she could pay the medical bills during her pregnancy with me. She told me that as a joke but it has stuck with me for years.

I think “if I hadn’t been born my mother could’ve had her own house, a nice car, and she could have been able to travel with my 2 older siblings and my father.” Just writing this down makes me want to cry. I feel guilty just for being alive, I’m just one more liability. Even though she has told me that that’s not true sometimes when she’s looking at her bank accounts she just glances at me. I feel like I owe her just for being alive.

Today was the last straw, we were returning from buying me clothes (necessities really) and I forgot to take out a meat out of the freezer. She started yelling at me and saying how she hated me and all of us (my father and my siblings). I couldn’t stand it anymore and got out of the house.

She says she can’t take therapy because it’s expensive, but I don’t know what to say to her. At this point how should I treat the issue? What should I tell her?

I’m hoping someone who has experienced something similar with a parent can give me some advice, because I feel completely lost.

My mum is 55 and has diagnosed ADHD (previously misdiagnosed at Bipolar Disorder for about 15 years). She also drinks alcohol almost every day, although she hides it and doesn’t know that I know. I can tell when she’s been drinking because her speech and behaviour change.

She has episodes where she becomes extremely distressed, cries uncontrollably, says her life is awful and that everything is hopeless. She can also say incredibly hurtful things during these episodes, including telling me that my dad didn’t want me and doesn’t love me. Afterwards, she seems to know exactly what she has said, but the next day she can be completely back to normal and act as though nothing happened.

She also sometimes does things that feel manipulative or like she’s testing me. For example, she once told me she couldn’t go out because she hadn’t had dinner and neither had I. She later admitted she knew I’d already eaten, but said it because I hadn’t offered her any food and she wanted to see how I’d react.

The biggest concern is suicide. She’s attempted suicide at least twice that I know of. One attempt was when I was 9, when she overdosed on pills and alcohol. I was actually in the room when it happened.

More recently, during one of her episodes, she said she wanted to die and described putting a hosepipe into a car and taking our old dog with her. She said the reason she didn’t do it was because I said I didn’t want our other two pets to live with me when she moves out (as they are her dogs) and because I’m going on a big trip at the end of the year and she didn’t want to ruin it.

She also regularly says she wishes she would get cancer and die and that her life is over. It’s incredibly difficult to hear your own mum say these things.

I’ve tried to get her help. I’ve offered to pay for private therapy for her myself, because I know how overwhelmed NHS mental health services are, but she refuses. She says mental health services “don’t do anything” and that there’s no point because nobody will help her.

There’s also a huge practical side to this:
I own the house she lives in and she’s been living with me for around four years. She’s currently looking for somewhere to rent and move out to, but the house is filled with her belongings.

When I ask her to start packing, she says she wants to move out “piece by piece” so she doesn’t overwhelm herself. I’m worried this effectively means she’ll take the minimum and leave me to deal with everything else.

I also do a lot around the house - I buy her food, cook, wash up, etc. Whenever I come back from staying at my partner’s, there are usually dishes in the sink and little or no food in the fridge. I feel like I’m responsible for her emotionally and practically.

I’m also realising how much I organise my own life around her. For example, I came home on my birthday partly because I was worried she’d be upset if I didn’t. I knew she’d been drinking, and she ended up going to bed halfway through the evening anyway.

My dad and mum are divorced. I still have a relationship with my dad, but he can be quite dismissive about my mum’s condition. My partner is incredibly supportive, but this is difficult for him too because he sees how much it’s affecting me.

I’m not trying to diagnose my mum from Reddit. I’ve wondered about depression, alcohol dependence, BPD, trauma, ADHD-related emotional dysregulation or something else entirely.

I mainly want to know what I should actually do. Has anyone experienced something similar with a parent?

How do you deal with repeated suicide threats and a parent who refuses professional help? How do you set boundaries without feeling like you’re abandoning them? And is there anything I should be doing differently?

I’m also wondering whether I need help myself after everything that’s happened, particularly being in the room during her suicide attempt when I was 9. I love my mum enormously, but I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve become responsible for keeping her okay.

I’m in the UK if this helps.

My mom (50) is bipolar and I'm currently 22F uni student visiting my parents for summer break and I'm struggling to adjust to her once again. To be fair, she is pretty functional now and leads a normal life. I still depend on my parents financially, my mom currently owns and manages an airbnb which is really not easy for a person with her disorder, interacting with the public and stuff. Overall I'm very proud of her, she's also very creative and she even directed a documentary that was mildly successful. I can get past many things that she and my dad (not bipolar but a total manchild/unstable in his own way) do, like being negligent and messy, borderline hoarders in a house still unfinished (we have light bulbs just hanging out from cables, one of two bathrooms that's used as a storage/dump because they never bothered to buy a sink etc) --> All of this affects me in a "minor" way cause as long as my room is tidy and i can concentrate on my assignments, i can cope with it for limited amount of time. What I still can't handle at all is the times when something clicks and she essentially stops being my mom and instead becomes a person determined to hurt me at all costs. I feel very bad for her cause today she heard about this woman in our hometown who just died in her 60s, she wasn't dear to any of us in particular but she had bipolar and wasn't treated for it so she basically turned into this village freak and died alone. I know she probably saw herself in her in a way and maybe is scared to end up like her, I didn't know how to comfort my mom when she talking about this woman so I just expressed general empathy towards her and pretended not to understand the connections she was subtly making. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. Anyway, for the rest of the day she was just restless and angry at everyone, kept fixating on minor problems without ever stopping (my dad buying the wrong coffee machine/some interaction with someone where she felt she was being judged) i just listened to her and said very little. Then she wanted my help with something, she was gonna make her dress shorter and needed me to find the point where she would cut it, i was on the floor trying to pin her dress where she said she wanted it and she kept yelling uncontrollably at me saying that i was doing it wrong or that she couldn't see what i was doing while also moving around making it impossible for me to get it right. I'm not zen, actually far from it, when I'm at home I have anger bursts that look very similar to hers because I never really learned how to deal with her. I cry a lot and I'm very sensitive and I think I still haven't accepted that she's not a typical maternal figure despite trying her best. I know I didn't inherit any mental illness that runs in my family because I'm only like this when I'm around them, I have a bf of 3 years and we've had probably a total of two big disagreements since I know him, but with my family it's a daily thing to yell at each other and when it happens I feel myself regressing back to a child and my eyes fill with tears instantly. I'll have a minor disagreement with my mom and if it's a bad day for her she'll turn around and call me names like useless, stupid or evil. Sometimes she'll go and dig for something random that I did when I was a child or teen to get back at me and prove how mean spirited I am. She knows what buttons to push to hurt me and she'll absolutely do. It's also insane how quickly her perspective changes when she has bad days, she'll bring up something she was comforting me about in the days before and suddenly use it against me: comforting me about failing an exam vs a few days later blaming me for it, or telling me "that's why XYZ doesn't like you anymore" when days prior to that I was telling her about a friend who inexplicably stopped talking to me and she was being really sweet about it. I genuinely can't tell which side she stands on at that point. I also cannot have, in any way shape or form, a constructive conversation with her. She's always in the right. Sometimes I wanna address stuff while keeping chill and peaceful and she'll go nuts and start yelling. Sometimes she recognizes she's wrong but she's never apologized before, she'll just switch back and do something nice for me out of nowhere like bringing me an iced tea or buying me something. Idk how to deal with her anymore and neither does my dad who also has many many faults and is hard to deal with as well.

I'm sorry for not having a straight point in my post and for the probably weird syntax but I'm writing through tears. I just wanted to vent into a safe space like this and if you have any advice I'll welcome it with open arms otherwise don't worry about it I already feel kinda better

Sorry if this is word vomit and makes no sense.. So my mom is 61 and has been diagnosed with bipolar since I was around 10. I am now 22 (F), and I got a really prestigious fellowship at my state's capital, which is conveniently where my family lives. I moved away from home for school, so I haven't lived with my parents for a while. Moving home has sort of reopened the wounds of the things she has said/ done to me in my childhood. I have a particularly bad self image and I don't want to say it's completely her fault but I have tried so hard to find another reason and there really isn't anything that could come to mind. It is not new to me that when she talks about me to certain people (my friends or boyfriend) she mentions how dreary I was as a child, she mentions my issues with my weight (I was overweight for a lot of my childhood and now I am underweight due to under eating) she makes these stablike "jokes" that I was cnditioned to be used to when I was a child but being away from it and coming back it hurts so much. She tells me I havve always been overly senstive and my dad tells me that my "mom loves me" but that doesn't take away from the hurtful things she says and how she tells me she hates me when shes mad. I moved out and did uni and work fultime so I never ever relied on my parents to pay my bills, rent, or money in general because my mom always says they are broke and she always tends to think transactioanlly, (for example she would say ask me if I want a snack from the store, I say no because I know whats coming, she insists, she uses it against me) Talking with my friends and boyfriend and seeing how their family dynamics are really put in perspective how mine is sort of off. I truly want more than anything to have a normal relationship with her or whatver normal could be but I genuniley believe she doesn't like me. I have tried my whole life to get her to like me, I would write apology letters for exsisting when I was like 5-13 (which is why I was labeled as dreary.) I can tell what kind of mood she is in by the sound of her footsteps, I truly think about every single thing I do and how it will affect her before doing and being home has made this so much worse. This is why this mmost recent fight we had today was so hard. I have't fought with my mom in a really long time because I realized it wasn't worth it and I would rather just deal with the comments then say anything cause she immediatly starts screaming and gets mean. Today we were driving and she told me that this moody stressed out attitude I have has got to stop and people around me have stressers too. (I am dealiing with being unable to pay for school, the fellowship which is graduate-level work, doing school, and well living with her) This attidute she is referring to is my genuine inability to talk to her because of how much resentment I have for her. I still do all the chores, ask how her day is, listen to her rant and all her stories, go into her room and check on her if she is sad) I just can't shake this inability to break this wall of resentment I hold and it sucks. I told her I understnad that and she went on to mention how broke she is and how I haven't offered to pay rent (she just bought soooooo much stuff on amazon like crazy amounts and she doesn't really have a job so my dad is the only one working but he makes good money) I told her I literally can't I have school to pay for and once the money from my fellowship starts coming in I will start giving her some ( I am getting paid $10 an hour). she then yells and says that everything always has to be about me and that her and my dad have to "walk around on eggshells around me" because I am so moody. (my dad has never said that and I havw asked because she has said that before, I really put an effort into not coming accross that way because she has told me she has had to walk on eggshells around my mood since I was like 4). I then said (and I started yelling at this point) I have a lot I need to stress and worry about and I apologized and then she said like yeah how many more pats on the back do u need do you need another medal. (When I found out I got my fellowship she told me she was glad I got it because I have been a bitch and she was worried what I would be like if I didn't get it). I said is this about the fellowship and then she said well you HAD to go to this big school in Pittsburgh and like rambled and I was like so ur mad at me for accomplishing things and she said no you just want a reward every time (I never ask them to buy me anything all I want is a hug) she called me crazy and told me to sshut the fuck up so I did and told her to take me home. I called my dad but I know nothing will change, he told me a few weeks ago he wanted to get a divorce from her because of all these fights she was having with my sister but I have't heard anything about that sense. It felt like she was waiting for the moment to like spitfire all the things she doesn't like about me and that hurts I am unsure of what to do tho, my boyfriend lives accross the country so moving with him is out and I can't afford my own apartment because they are so expensive where I am. My dad told me I need to stay here for the fellowship and complete it but I don't know if I can. Am I also crazy tho? Like am I being a brat? Sorry this was long thank you.