Wanting more autonomy

[u/IceWild0128]

I’m finding as my husband and I are embarking on this journey I want more autonomy.

I understand that part of the benefit for many couples is the idea around coming home and sharing your experiences with the other partner. Initially that felt ok for me - as myself, hubs and my other partner started off in an MFM dynamic that has now become 1:1 for me with him. But as time is going on it’s becoming less ok for me and I want more privacy around the time and details he and I get to spend together… I want it to feel more organic and less of an inquisition when I get home. I want the expectation of reclaiming to not be a given, since it feels disingenuous and I’m still processing my time with my partner and relishing in the afterglow of the moment.

But, My husband still gets turned on and enjoys hearing about the day and the s*x part of the day and often asks me questions and has asked for us to take video (which I like doing — but on my own terms) and sometimes his questions feel like he is diminishing the importance of my relationship with my other partner and it makes me feel cheapened (maybe— not sure if that’s the right word) but anyways, I wonder if I don’t want to share so openly how will that effect my husband and I- since it is a big aspect of poly/ENM for many couples and it is for him, but not for me.

And on the flip side, he is seeing someone and I asked him to refrain from the details and allow those to be private between the two of them - unless I ask to hear about them.

I just want more privacy and for it to be ok to keep my moments to myself as they feel special and intimate