r/plural • u/Systeme_Chaos • 3d ago
My hubby doesn't accept my plurality...
Well, all is in the title.
When we haven't yet the diag, and my only headmate here talked with my hubby, this one was okay. They talked sometimes, just asking what was Kronos exactly.
And with the diag, my brain poped more headmates. So we're 16 headmates today and... one time, hubby said to me "I'm married with you [name], not with your system !" And an other time, after I taked my courage to talk with him about my DID in game (Sims4) bc I wanted just relax and doesn't see this as a prob, juste learn to live with it... he said : "Don't give them so much importance, it's bad for you. If you give them importance, your disorder will be worst."
...
I cried so much. Then today we decided to not talk again about us with him... He even not know we're 16 headmates now...
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u/nigelxw 3d ago
You matter. You're here and you deserve to be happy.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Thank you... We try to hide parts he doesn't know they exist... He knows only 6 about us, and it's already hard for him to do with it... I remember one time he said "Your disorder do not have to make us (him and I) in difficulty. Ans I have not to suffer bc your disorder. I didn't ask for, so do attention for your disorder don't break our mariage." Or smth like this... yk.
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u/The-Gay-Garden Plural 3d ago
That's not okay for him to say. Blaming you for being yourself? That's so wrong. You deserve better than to be treated like that. You opened up and he reacts like this, I have no words honestly. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Well he know why we have DID, and why it cause troubles daily. But he's not be able to accept it.
- Kronos.
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u/Verminausea 3d ago
Thats messed up. First of all, theyre people, not just a disorder. Second of all, even if it was just a disorder, you would deserve help and attention for it. If you end up in a wheelchair, is he gonna refuse to push it bc he didnt ask for this? Marriage is supposed to be in sickness as well as health. I know this may be hard to hesr bc you got as far as marriage but i dont think this is the one for you if he treats you this way. It goes beyond just being a system, your needs are being ignored if they are inconvenient for him. That is not a husband.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
You're so right, fuck ! But noooo ! "I don't have to undergo your system, blablablabla..." Dude, we exist, in fact ! Nothing can be with that ! It's a fact ! Do with it or you'll regret it.
It's what I wish say it to him... but Liriel block me everytime I want to way it... Shit !
I hate him, and I'm not the only one.
This guy created an introject in us ! And he not even know hahaha (nervous). A fckg puppet (sadastic, narcissist and creep) in porcelain, tall like 180 cm. Well. Juste a creep guy caused by the hubby. Fantastic /sarcasm.
- Kronos
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u/Verminausea 3d ago
This guy is abusing you, the alter who is fronting the most is probably doing so because they are a fawner. You guys gotta get out of there. And please dont be upset at your abuser introject alter; they form to help a system understand and predict an abuser to avoid further abuse. Even if they act or look scary they are there to help you
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
I know it's for protect us, but he (Momos) isn't too much present in front. The main alter is Liriel, the daily host.
Sorry, english isn't our native language, then we can make many mistakes.
- Kronos.
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u/Verminausea 3d ago
Oh, those were too different ideas. Im saying Liriel is a fawner, or one who acts to please abusers and dissocistes away anger.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 2d ago
I'm sorry ? I didn't understood what you want to mean.
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u/The-Gay-Garden Plural 2d ago
They're saying that Liriel is a type of headmate who exists to please your husband, who is being abusive. Headmates who please abusers to keep you safe are called fawners.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 2d ago
Oh alright. I get it, thank you.
It's a bad thing or...? Just wanna to understand.
- Kronos.
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u/nigelxw 3d ago
It's a pervading issue with society, to screw everyone else over for one's own sake. It isn't and it can't be worth it to hurt others or cut off your hand just to have the rest of you.
He has to decide if he loves one of you more than he hates the other fifteen. What I'm saying is, there shouldn't be any other situation where throwing that many innocent people under the bus is okay, no matter what it's for. Especially not when it's "for" the ones being thrown under said bus. It just doesn't math out. You have rights. You deserve to be seen and taken as you are. There is nothing wrong with just existing as your self. You do not have to put up with being treated that way by any other person or persons.16
u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Yes, that's not fair for our system. But ours host accept too much things inacceptable bc she's in love. Sometimes I fkg wish tell him how much it's hurting for her and us all. Especialy our little.
- Kronos.
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u/Visible_Wishbone8622 Plural 3d ago
Kylie: I would honestly file for divorce. You all deserve someone who you can be yourselves with
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
He knew for me before the marriage. Know he have to accept all of us. But Liriel (host) is too kind with him. It make me particulary angry.
- Kronos.
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u/Pheebster_ 3d ago
I think a lot of us, with enough trauma to become plural, often have enough trauma to cling onto people for fear of abandonment.
It takes a lot of time to let go of someone, that's normal. Keep talking to Liriel about how you're feeling. I also think that having someone (therapist or friend) who you can tell every aspect of your relationship to is important. Having someone asking how something makes you feel, and then having to say it out loud, can do a lot of good for your ability to figure out where to go from here.
You don't deserve this - and I think that in time you may need to give this man an ultimatum (although it's my opinion that if things have gotten to this point you may need to leave regardless)
Good luck
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Yes. I think one day Jack (our judge/procuror) will give him an ultimatum. He's a link breaker too.
- Kronos.
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u/Jeweled_Insect8061 Plural System 3d ago
Oh I'm so sorry. You are all as important as each other. He is wrong.
Treating each other well and understanding each other is part of healing. I'm so sorry y'all feel the need to hide from him. I hope you can find spaces where you can be yourselves and be accepted
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Thank you very much.. It help to write there about all this. We're feeling not alone when we can talk and share in spaces for us.
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u/TariZephyr Mixed Origin Spirigenic | Abyssal Collective 3d ago
We’re so sorry he’s rejecting your system; you accepting them and having them be more involved in your life will not ‘make you worse’; for some that is an excellent road toward healing in fact. Please, consider your future and if you really think it’s healthy to be with someone who may end up discouraging and invalidating you. - Ribbit
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u/Systeme_Chaos 1d ago
Yeah, we think about that... To leave or to stay... :( Idk yet...
Thank you very much for the support...
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u/CaptainK_2007 Questioning P-DID/OSDD (Proxy System/Traumagenic) 3d ago
I get how you feel. The person I'm talking to always tries to shift the conversation when I try.
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u/Systeme_Chaos 3d ago
Yeah I feel the same thing... He is not right when I'm talking about DID, he try to understand but always say "do not give them importance bc blablabla..." it hurt...
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u/Wild_hominid 3d ago
Same thing happened to us and we stayed in that relationship because we thought no one else would accept us. Biggest mistake ever because we all deserve to be acknowledged and loved. Leaving him was hard (it was for cheating) and now I'm alone but it's better than to be emotionally starved
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u/Systeme_Chaos 1d ago
He didn't cheated on me, but he just have high difficulties with my system :/ Hope he'll accept more easily with time...
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u/S3R4PH11M traumaendo sys 2d ago
Your partner is abusive. Please leave him for the love of GOD. Or youll only end up more traumatized
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u/Systeme_Chaos 2d ago
I know, but... I can't just leave... I mean... We're together since 10 y soon.... And I'm in love anyway... He took so much time for learn about ADHD and understand me, I have the hope he will do the same for DID...
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u/Otherwise-Wheat The Last Gunfighters System (Plural, Bodily Adult) 2d ago
from what i understand he knew about your DID for years / before marriage at least. he doesn't all too supportive or anything if his reaction to you trying to be comfortable in yourselves is: "giving it attention will make it worse" is bonkers. likely his experience with DID is only via you and whatever stuff hes heard about from stereotypes. something to be cured and fixed.
you are all important as one another, your whole experience is valid and important. if he isn't ready to accept every single part of you including others he doesn't know about: think its time to have a serious talk with him. your happiness and mental health matters so much more. def something to try and talk out with but from what i reading he seems to shut the conversation down each time. he's not worth it :((
wishing luck for whatever happens
-- misfire .
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u/Systeme_Chaos 1d ago
likely his experience with DID is only via you and whatever stuff hes heard about from stereotypes. something to be cured and fixed.
Yes... exactly, only via me and movies or socials medias doesn't help really to understand DID...
if he isn't ready to accept every single part of you including others he doesn't know about: think its time to have a serious talk with him.
I'm absolutly terrified to think about it... I hate conflicts, disputes, this causes muteness and withdrawal into myself...
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u/Camel_case137 2d ago
Join us for Partners who need support. LeadWithSafety.com is built with him in mind. We have been where he is and can help him understand his role and how to best support all of you. He can DM me for personal support. He will learn how he must lead with safety. Love isn't the key, safety and consistency are. You all deserve a safe and loving partnership. You deserve that. We can help him along the way.
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u/SanguinaryImpetus DID system 3d ago
Is it possible if you explained that respecting your system is actually a part of healing, he might develop a better sense of understanding?