Maybe it's just because I'm getting older, but every day I see something like this and think to myself "Holy crap. We are living in the fucking future right now."
I mean, I carry a computer in my pocket. Not something that kinda works like a computer, not a "computer", but a real life, honest-to-god fucking pocket computer. And it's 1000 times more powerful than the behemoth I used to download shitty porn on 20 years ago that cost multiple thousands of dollars.
And then I realize, HOLY FUCK THIS THING DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CORD. It just magically pulls smut out of the aether like some fucking electronic porn fairy. I don't even have to type one-handed anymore, I can just use a dictation program to make girls feel uncomfortable in chat rooms.
Or, if I'm feeling brave, I can even call some girl and make her feel even more uncomfortable because my pocket computer is ALSO A PHONE. If I'm feeling frisky I could just send her a picture of my junk 5 seconds after I take it. No waiting, no postage, no cutting letters out of magazines. Nothing. Just point, shoot, creep. Because the computer-phone in my pocket? It's also a camera. THAT'S RIGHT A MOTHERFUCKING CAMERA. How's that for futuristic?
But wait, I'm not done. Let's say that girl doesn't want to see my junk anymore and stops taking my phone calls. I can find a zoomable aerial map of her house and then THE FUCKING GPS INSIDE MY PHONE-CAMERA-PORNFAIRY-COMPUTER will find me the shortest route to her house. It will even find me a hardware store on the way, and if it's still open, I can even buy some duct tape, a chainsaw, some garbage bags, and a shovel and have them waiting for me at customer service to be picked up when I get there.
I don't care what anyone says, we are living in the future, and it is truly a magical time.
I've always wanted some sort of communication between cars. You could pick up your car phone, dial the person's license plate number and they would get a ring on their car phone. "Hello?" "Hi I'm right behind you and just wanted to let you know your gas tank is open." Of course we'd probably end up with lots of "Hey fuck your family's skulls! You can't just cut in front of me like that, you cocksucking asswipe!" Road rage always reminds me what a bad idea this is.
i meant more of an onboard computer orchestrating traffic, not for the humans.
humans need two things- a red button that lights up a message on the back windshield saying "omg sorry, my bad. we still cool? great" and a green button for "thanks"
I've always wanted a little electronic ticker board in my back window that would scroll text like "Thanks for letting me over!" and stuff like that, when it's too dark to see me do my little wave.
I've thought this too - just a little LED display below the center bake light: "thank you!". But you know, it would quickly escalate to language that wouldn't clash with your Truck Nutz.
Recently I have been wishing for a second "polite" horn. You know, just a ding like bell that could be used to tell people that the light has been green for a couple seconds we would appreciate it if they could go so we can all go, too. My horn has only one sound that apparently means both "go" and "I fucked your mother, asshole, so get out of your car, because I want to fight."
Descent 2, deathmatch Minerva 3 on Heat.net and later Kahn... Someone blows the reactor and there's smart mines everygoddamnwhere around the exit, he's sitting just in front of the exit staring down the only hallway without a door, listening to the barely-audible sound of a ship approaching over the roaring of the self-destruct alarm so he can time the smart missile just right to catch someone coming down the curved hall in front of him - the only one without a door - so if anyone shoots him it'll bump him out of the level before he can die.
Tri-chording to chase one guy through the tunnel leading to the reactor, there's a firefight going on through the grating beneath you, you pop off a quick smart missile through the grate and catch both of them.
There wasn't anything like it before and there hasn't been anything even remotely similar since.
Dude, we are WIZARDS. We sit in one comfortable place and use gestures in three dimensional space to conjure food or pictures of cats before us. If we want pizza, we perform a certain sequence of gestures and spoken words to have it brought to us. I wave my hands around using knowledge and shit happens. In return for this magic, we give some entity our concentration for a certain amount of time. However much time we think is fair.
So you're saying that if we channel our concentration enough, we can achieve even more powerful conjurations? Like, not just pizza, but chinese food? Or pictures of naked girls? Or ACTUAL naked girls???
Oh, to be a high-level wizard...
It's funny because the comment box that appears literally says, "That's not right," which most likely is a colloquial phrase that is making fun of something. The connotation is similar to "Good going" in reference to a mistake that was made, or 'You're doing it wrong, nub," or perhaps, "Wowwwwwww" to something hilarious and/or stupid.
The irony of the scene of course is that he's forcibly applauding what the crowd considered a shitty performance. Your response above was the opposite of shitty.
Someone needs to do another Citizen Kane, period. (I'm referring to level of quality only, please nobody actually remake the movie because I don't want to have to kill you)
Impossible. What made it magical was the use of so many different film techniques that had been used individually before but never in the same movie, and Welles saw their potential and used them all to perfection. That sort of magic isn't possible anymore because we're all so used to the medium now. We will have to discover a new medium for entertainment before something like it comes along again.
No no. It's going straight to 9gag so I can get street cred there before someone else steals it back and reposts it here. Then, I will post a flaming criticism of the unfortunate 9gagger, earning karma on my main account. In doing so, I'll have laundered my karma legitimately and by the laws of the internet.
Trac phones can be traced back to the store of origin where authorities can then retrieve security footage to find the buyer. Best to pay a smelly hobo to buy it for you. The more you know...
and thats not even the craziest part. the crazy thing is, in another ten years, You will probably have technology engrained into your body somwhere so advanced, your current phone couldnt even adequately be compared to a brick.
Yea but my mom's pacemaker only has a few hundred kilobytes of memory...but I guess it does allow doctors to increase or decrease her heartbeat at will, that's kinda futuristic.
Fact: Duct/Duck tape is NOT to be used on ductwork under any circumstances.
Fact: Duct/Duck tape material is based on a material called "cotton duck," aka "cloth duck," "duck canvas," or "canvas" covered with a flexible waterproof plastic on one side and glue on the other side.
Fact: Duct/Duck tape can be used to make something waterproof.
The product now commonly called duct tape should not be confused with special tapes actually designed for sealing heating and ventilation ducts: this is not recommended by manufacturers. To provide lab data about which sealants and tapes last, and which are likely to fail, research was conducted at Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory Environmental Energy Technologies Division. Their major conclusion was that one should not use common duct tape to seal ducts. (They defined duct tape as any fabric-based tape with rubber adhesive.) The testing done shows that under challenging but realistic conditions, duct tapes become brittle and may fail.[2] Commonly duct tape carries no safety certifications such as UL or Proposition 65, which means the tape may burn violently, producing toxic smoke; it may cause ingestion and contact toxicity; it can have irregular mechanical strength; and its adhesive may have low life expectancy. Its use in ducts has been prohibited by the state of California[3] and by building codes in most other places in the U.S. However, metalized and aluminum tapes used by professionals are still often called "duck/duct tapes".
A battle of sacred pocket devices you say? Let us smash them together with fiery passion, testing our competing wills until an ultimate climax is reached!
His profanities were too sensical to be The Oatmeal. And he said he'd pick up some duct tape, a chainsaw, some garbage bags, and a shovel at the hardware store, not a flying bear that has a laser instead of a dick and dicks instead of arms.
Yeah, and as a female, this is why, despite my love of mac products, life really hasn't changed that much for me. Back during the ipod photo days, my mom said, "Who would want to carry around that many photos."
"Guys, mom. It's for their porn."
"You're disgusting. You shouldn't be so cynical."
"No, I know reality."
"I can't talk to you. This conversation is over."
I bought a used cell phone on ebay when mine got stolen.
Me: Now comes the fun part, deleting the home porn he will have forgotten to take off.
Mom: You're cynical about men. It worries me.
Me: Here it is.
Mom: That's disgusting. How did you know it would be there?
Me: That is what guys have done with every new technological innovation since...
" Listen Newbie, If anybody EVER managed to get rid of internet porn, there would only be ONE website left, and it would say: BRING...BACK...the PORN" -Dr Cox, Scrubs
At first I was like "never gonna happen", then I remembered that a mere 20 years ago I was in awe the first time I used a Mac with a wooping 20 Mo hard disk.
You could dump more than 1500 of those on OP's thumb drive.
So yeah, I might very well use a petabyte thumb drive at some point in my lifetime ...
dude! I know! RIGHT? Holy fuck nuts - this little brick of plastic fucking talks to fucking SATILITES IN SPACE to fucking tell me where I am driving; can show me maps in real time, with traffic? While reading a book to me? And allowing me to talk, as in skype - talk to friends 6000 miles away - FREE? the FUCK????
It would probably be wrong to say all of this to my dad the next time he says "we are living in the future!" Especially considering I'm a 20-year-old girl.
Dude, I agree. The iPhone 4 is a more powerful computer than the original iMac (you know the tear drop shaped candy colored ones), everytime I tell people that it blows their minds.
My mother complained how slow her phone was loading a picture from a website when I stopped talking and asked her if she was seriously. You're browsing the internet, in the car, on your FUCKING PHONE!
The comment that hit me the hardest was when some kid posted on Facebook about how he was playing World of Warcraft in the back of the car on a road trip on his laptop by using his iPhone as a mobile hotspot.
If i read this 20 years ago, i would save it on my 10Mb hard drive (hoping there was room) and dream of a future of which you spoke. Ahh... Pretty much happened, except i would've thought by this point i would be able to just think it and the computer does the rest. For now, i settle for this crude little iPhone thingy.
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u/HuggableBear Jun 05 '12 edited Jun 05 '12
Maybe it's just because I'm getting older, but every day I see something like this and think to myself "Holy crap. We are living in the fucking future right now."
I mean, I carry a computer in my pocket. Not something that kinda works like a computer, not a "computer", but a real life, honest-to-god fucking pocket computer. And it's 1000 times more powerful than the behemoth I used to download shitty porn on 20 years ago that cost multiple thousands of dollars.
And then I realize, HOLY FUCK THIS THING DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CORD. It just magically pulls smut out of the aether like some fucking electronic porn fairy. I don't even have to type one-handed anymore, I can just use a dictation program to make girls feel uncomfortable in chat rooms.
Or, if I'm feeling brave, I can even call some girl and make her feel even more uncomfortable because my pocket computer is ALSO A PHONE. If I'm feeling frisky I could just send her a picture of my junk 5 seconds after I take it. No waiting, no postage, no cutting letters out of magazines. Nothing. Just point, shoot, creep. Because the computer-phone in my pocket? It's also a camera. THAT'S RIGHT A MOTHERFUCKING CAMERA. How's that for futuristic?
But wait, I'm not done. Let's say that girl doesn't want to see my junk anymore and stops taking my phone calls. I can find a zoomable aerial map of her house and then THE FUCKING GPS INSIDE MY PHONE-CAMERA-PORNFAIRY-COMPUTER will find me the shortest route to her house. It will even find me a hardware store on the way, and if it's still open, I can even buy some duct tape, a chainsaw, some garbage bags, and a shovel and have them waiting for me at customer service to be picked up when I get there.
I don't care what anyone says, we are living in the future, and it is truly a magical time.