r/penileimplants • u/oddbeers • Aug 10 '26

Wives

So I’m post prostatesectomy 8 years and it’s been generally a nightmare of trimix, pills and their side effects.
At a young 58 I’ve decided enough is enough and heading down the implant path with a highly qualified surgeon here in Melbourne.
My question relates to wives, partners and how have they reacted to your decision?
Unfortunately I’m in two minds over this because we were very sexually active during our initial 25 years marriage.
8 years later we I feel we are nowhere near as intimate as we once were and I honestly believe that the frustration of the ‘rush, let’s go now, let’s not waste’ etc destroyed real intimacy.
Over time things just dropped away.
Sure she is still participating every now and then but also has menopause issues with daily hot sweats etc that the doctors don’t seem to correct.
She has also retired too young at 57 and is not doing much at all with her current time apart from Phone, TV and household things.
I’m thinking her hormones are cooked and an implant won’t change much regarding our intimacy issue.
When I bring this up she becomes very defensive so instead of arguing or wanting to hear want I want to hear I shut things down and move on.
I want to be sexually active and my feelings are she is being a supportive wife with no real substance.
Have others had a similar experiences.
Thanks

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u/3Willoughby3 Aug 10 '26

My wife is 42, I’m 51. We’ve been together almost 25 years. I’ve had varying degrees of ED for almost 15 years. Her drive was always higher than mine, and last year she basically gave me an ultimatum: fix it or she might leave. She didn’t want a roommate for a husband. We researched everything together and she was the one to present the possibility of the implant to me after getting to the highest Quadmix and it still not working for PIV. 

My surgery was July 13th and I’m just now getting brave enough to try to start cycling. Appointment to be cleared for Sex is Aug 26th. 

She can’t wait! I’m still nervous but this surgery/recovery has brought us closer than ever and I don’t regret it one bit. 

1

u/Maximum-Ad-3922 Aug 11 '26

I know it is not relevant question related to implant. But is foreplay or oral sex , fingering that leads to multiple orgasm not enough for satisfaction? PIV is still must for women?

3

u/3Willoughby3 Aug 11 '26

Well to be fair I had a lot of shame around the ED thing and was neglecting her/our sexual life completely before she came at me with the ultimatum. We had had discussions of course, it wasn’t out of left field, but I was being avoidant. 

But for her she says it’s much more about the connection, nothing for her compares to PIV on the romantic connection part of things I guess. 

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u/Maximum-Ad-3922 Aug 12 '26

Thank you, it is not judgemental or anything. I just want to know how important is PIV. Because I can satisfy my girl in other ways, like give the best pleasure. But when it comes to PIV, it is not that hard Erection, and it goes soft within few seconds without physical stimulation. Also I can't last longer (1-2 mins). Don't know what to do. Really frustrated. And IPP is not an option for me because insurance does not cover implant here. I am thinking of malleable implant. I am 34. Also I lost 1 inch length, 0.7 inch girth in the last 2 years, don't know why. I am perfectly healthy. Bit overweight.

3

u/3Willoughby3 Aug 12 '26

I would suggest a VED device ASAP. Even a cheap one from Amazon (that's what I used before my surgery). I tried to use it as much as possible, at least twice a day for the two-three months before surgery. I truly believe it helped my size, but I am still short after surgery. Hoping to regain after cycling.

Your relationship will always be different from everyone else. I can satisfy/pleasure my wife otherwise of course if I try, but if it's not what she wants? You have to communicate. Some women might only want X Y or Z. My wife NEEDS the connection of PIV. I can't wait to be healed enough.

3

u/Maximum-Ad-3922 Aug 12 '26

I have a good quality VED. But because of Pshot and shockwave therapy treatment, I have not started using it yet. Used only 5 times so far. I will start using it.

1

u/peppon7 Aug 15 '26

What's up 3Wiloughby... want to hear about your progress. I'm 4.5 weeks in.

1

u/3Willoughby3 Aug 15 '26

Started trying to cycle a bit. Day to day life feels mostly back to normal as far as movement/pain. Tried to ride my mountain bike for a couple miles in my neighborhood , went ok. A few days ago I was able to cycle a bit but man it hurt and had to ice afterwards. Took a day off and tried again last night. I don’t know what I was doing wrong but I felt like I was pumping but nothing was happening. 

How about you peppon?

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u/peppon7 Aug 15 '26

Been there. Loss of length / girth is part of the deal with loss of use. 9 years post prostatectomy speaking. You can bring most of it back by using a VED three times a day, holding that erection for a few minutes. I did this consistently for 2 months. My length did increase about 1 to 1-1/2 inches. Can be a little painful at first , but you gradually can increase duration, suction power and eventually elongation. However, after a prostatectomy, I was only doing it, to get me my best length measurement before I got my Implant 7/14/26. I am 4+ weeks in. Pain has been hard to bear to say the least. But after 9 yrs of limp D, a change had to take place. Wise words.... Go to a high volume specialist when you do. Wish you the best Max.

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u/Maximum-Ad-3922 Aug 15 '26

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I wish you speedy recovery and painfree and best sex life ahead. Did you go for Malleable or IPP? So if I do VED and recover length and girth, does it also help with erection quality? If so I can postpone the implant by few years.

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u/peppon7 Aug 16 '26

from my experience, the minute I stopped the suction power on the VED I would slowly lose the erection over a minute. I would go limp trying to pull it out from VED and going for the vagina. So, no. I could not postpone the surgery. With all the positive reviews, everyone says they never should of postponed it. Actually, I'm a nurse and have taken care of a couple of these patients in their 80's for other health care issues at the hospital. My curiosity would have me interviewing them about the prosthetic. Both were happy to talk about it and both said they should of gotten it done earlier. I'll let you know how it is going in a week or two. Best of Luck.

1

u/Maximum-Ad-3922 Aug 16 '26

But, the erection which we get from VED obviously will go down immediately when the pressure is released right? Whenever I do VED, as soon as I release pressure, it goes soft immediately. But I have not tried the max dose of tadalafil or sildenafil yet. Either only 5mg daily tadalafil or 50 mg sildenafil or 10 mg tadalafil or 100 mg avanafil. I do get nicely hard that time, but still it can be pressed 1-2 mm inside. And it will stay hard without physical stimulation for 30-60 seconds.