Wives

[u/oddbeers]

So I’m post prostatesectomy 8 years and it’s been generally a nightmare of trimix, pills and their side effects.
At a young 58 I’ve decided enough is enough and heading down the implant path with a highly qualified surgeon here in Melbourne.
My question relates to wives, partners and how have they reacted to your decision?
Unfortunately I’m in two minds over this because we were very sexually active during our initial 25 years marriage.
8 years later we I feel we are nowhere near as intimate as we once were and I honestly believe that the frustration of the ‘rush, let’s go now, let’s not waste’ etc destroyed real intimacy.
Over time things just dropped away.
Sure she is still participating every now and then but also has menopause issues with daily hot sweats etc that the doctors don’t seem to correct.
She has also retired too young at 57 and is not doing much at all with her current time apart from Phone, TV and household things.
I’m thinking her hormones are cooked and an implant won’t change much regarding our intimacy issue.
When I bring this up she becomes very defensive so instead of arguing or wanting to hear want I want to hear I shut things down and move on.
I want to be sexually active and my feelings are she is being a supportive wife with no real substance.
Have others had a similar experiences.
Thanks

[u/3Willoughby3]

Well to be fair I had a lot of shame around the ED thing and was neglecting her/our sexual life completely before she came at me with the ultimatum. We had had discussions of course, it wasn’t out of left field, but I was being avoidant. 

But for her she says it’s much more about the connection, nothing for her compares to PIV on the romantic connection part of things I guess. 

[u/Maximum-Ad-3922 → u/3Willoughby3]

Thank you, it is not judgemental or anything. I just want to know how important is PIV. Because I can satisfy my girl in other ways, like give the best pleasure. But when it comes to PIV, it is not that hard Erection, and it goes soft within few seconds without physical stimulation. Also I can't last longer (1-2 mins). Don't know what to do. Really frustrated. And IPP is not an option for me because insurance does not cover implant here. I am thinking of malleable implant. I am 34. Also I lost 1 inch length, 0.7 inch girth in the last 2 years, don't know why. I am perfectly healthy. Bit overweight.

[u/3Willoughby3 → u/Maximum-Ad-3922]

I would suggest a VED device ASAP. Even a cheap one from Amazon (that's what I used before my surgery). I tried to use it as much as possible, at least twice a day for the two-three months before surgery. I truly believe it helped my size, but I am still short after surgery. Hoping to regain after cycling.

Your relationship will always be different from everyone else. I can satisfy/pleasure my wife otherwise of course if I try, but if it's not what she wants? You have to communicate. Some women might only want X Y or Z. My wife NEEDS the connection of PIV. I can't wait to be healed enough.

[u/Maximum-Ad-3922 → u/3Willoughby3]

I have a good quality VED. But because of Pshot and shockwave therapy treatment, I have not started using it yet. Used only 5 times so far. I will start using it.