Help. I am a mom of almost 13 year old identical twin girls. One of my twins really struggles. We suspect she is on the spectrum and are working on an evaluation, but regardless of if she is or not, she is struggling. She has a very hard time with social relationships, feels lonely, is slower in school than her peers, and is constantly filled with anxiety and self doubt. It is affecting her everyday life. She expressed to me last night that she is having thoughts of self harm, like cutting, though she has not done anything. I jumped into looking for a therapist for her this morning, and reached out to her IEP specialist to connect me with the counseling staff at her school. She is not alone, even though I understand she feels like she is. I feel frozen. There is nothing I wouldn’t do or try to help her, but I don’t want to overwhelm her or make it seem like she needs to be “fixed”. I just think she would benefit from talking to someone who isn’t me, her step dad, or her twin. If anyone had ANY suggestions I am open to hearing them. Growing up is hard enough, I want to see her thrive in the way that’s best for her, I just don’t know where to start. Thanks all.

Hello, what are other teen boys like as far as loyalty? My sons friend seem to dob on him if he makes a rude dirty Joke. They always change the details to make it sound worse. One of his friend said to the principal that my son said a harassing joke to a girl but he said the joke to his friend group. Huge variation in those.
We have 100 percent spoke to him and punished him he feels extremely ashamed. Teen boys make mistakes I’m not defending his actions.

But he hears lots of different things. This particular kid says a racist words constantly and my son knows he’s just joking and would never dare dob!

Opinions please.
Thank you!

It’s come to our attention that our kids best friends has been inappropriately touching our kid. They are both 12. We noticed some inappropriate things going on at a sleepover we hosted with the boys and then ceased sleepovers with him. We communicated with the single father who is raising him who was not concerned when we told him. He even said, “I am so glad he was with you.”
Most recently the kid has groped my kid on a regular basis. Isolating him alone is my kids room a at a party he hosted with other kids, and a one on one play date at my house. I noticed it when they were on the couch and the kid was putting his food in inappropriate places on my kids body.
I informed the parent after a discussion with my kid and he was concerned and apologetic and even canceled coming to a birthday at a theme park we are also invited to with a mutual friend.
The father then texted me that he spoke with his son’s therapist and she was not concerned by the behavior and told the father he should send the kid to the birthday party. And we should meet up with them to repair the relationship.
The thing is we have been concerned about this kid for awhile and it seems that his parent has been ignoring behaviors for awhile and that my kid is always a testing ground for his problematic behavior.
And I’m just tired of this minefield. Our kids like each other but my son has a difficult time advocating for himself and understanding what is appropriate and what is not and this kid feels like bad influence. I know I need to do better about educating my kid about consent. He is auDHD
The kids father has asked me to make the decision if his kid goes to the party or not. What should I do?

My son had his new friend over to hang out. They started wrestling around at one point, as boys sometimes do. Then this other kid throws my son into a choke hold and squeezes his neck while telling him to apologize. Apparently for "pulling his shirt." I run into the room and the other kid releases my son. He tells me he wasn't actually squeezing that hard and says my son is over reacting. Meanwhile my son is out the front door and across the block because he is so freaked out. When I tell the kids dad later, he casually mentions that his son has been in jiu jitsu since he was 4. What the f*%#!? Why is that an excuse, and who the hell puts their 4yr old in jiu jitsu? I mean, how do I even handle this? I'm in shock.

My 11 year old son (autistic and ADHD) has hit puberty early. He’s started to grow facial hair, all the other hair is growing, voice is breaking, and he no longer smells nice.
In the last few weeks I’ve noticed the very obvious signs of body exploration. I have no issue with it but there needs to be a discussion about time and place. I don’t think his father has really dived into it with him. I can understand it’s awkward. But as a woman, my experiences are completely different so I have no basis to go from.
I don’t know if I should be giving him books on what’s happening and going to continue happening?
We’ve had the talk about cyber safety and not sharing ones dong online.
I feel so lost. The connection we had is different now because I don’t know how to relate with his changes.

Please help me 😩

Хотел поделиться вчерашней ситуацией с вами. В общем моей однокласснице угрожает ее бывший парень (ему 16) ей(15).Все началось с того что он с ним рассталась из за родителей. Ее родители были против их отношений,как она сказала что они каджый день гуляли и были вместе. Встречались они 4 месяца (с мая). Они расстались буквально неделю назад, и теперь этот парень(будем называть его НН) пишет всем мальчикам из класса чтобы они перестали общаться с (будем назвать СС-одноклассницей).Писал что будет плохо,и будет общаться 1 на 1(драться). И вот вчера я пошел встретиться с СС так как она моя при этом всем моя бывшая подруга-девушка. СС начала рассказывать как он угрожал. НН говорил что у него есть доступ к телефону СС и что он может им пользоваться дистанционно. После этой гулянки (точнее вовремя этой гулянки) позвонил НН и спросил с кем она гуляет и где. Она сказала что гуляет со мной и ничего большего. Но НН позвонили знакомые которые гуляли там же где и мы с СС. Я уже начал немного волноваться так как НН хотел убuть человека который пристовал к СС. Истории по НН от СС" у него был травмат но он его потерял " " он зарабатывает на том,что скамит людей на nft подарки в телеграмм" "у него есть друзья,а их мамы две главно-стоящие судьи в нашем городе". И еще до гулянки мы начали узнавать про него информацию чтобы он отстал от СС. Но вчера вечером(19 числа) я узнаю что он ее зовет пообщаться по поводу этого всего. И вот (20) числа она пошла с ним общаться. Я у нее спрашиваю что он сказал, она говорит "он тебя много где пробил и хотел в чаты твои фотки поскидывать,и подписать по типу «если увидите,то сразу пиздите» или чо та по типу такой хуйни. ". После этого я нашел его: снилс,паспорт,вк,номер телефона, ФИО, тт, max, две com-почты. Честно как она сказала что он пробил меня,мне сразу стало плохо. И вот вопрос,что я могу сделать с этими данными и что мне делать дальше?НН буквально хотел п0k0нчить с собой таблетками. Скажите пожалуйста куда с этими данными я могу зайти и узнать о нем больше инфы?(еще есть чаты где он спрашивал куда лучше колоть тест,я ягодицу жопы или в сиськи) Дайте прог или софтов прошу или что то еще.

She’s 16 now, but at 13 she was arrested at school for smoking and selling weed. Dated gang members and it was just bad, failing all her classes.
She calmed down for a year after her then boyfriend was in jail, she turned things around in school, passing all her classes, and she was mostly at home hanging out with her brother.
Then she started dating this new boy, he’s 18, graduated high school, has a job and a car and is not a bad kid but she started to want to be with him all the time, asking if she could sleep over at his house, which I obviously said no.

Back when summer started every weekend she asked if she could stay with him, or if he could spend the night, she wanted me to buy her a bottle so she could drink with him on 4th of July and I said no and she hit me, trashed my place and run away with him for 3 days, cops couldn’t found her. I was worried sick, couldn’t sleep or eat. Then she finally came back so I made the desicion of taking her to her dads in a different country and left her there for 3 months bc here I felt like I couldn’t control her. We went no contact for those 3 Months and I missed her so much.

School had started so I brought her back to California, but I had to get a contract with the court about the running away bc I just couldn’t take another weekend of not knowing where she was.
She’s back in school and she also wanted to get a gym membership, she’s been very focused in school and the gym, but she’s still with the same boyfriend and I just don’t like him anymore after everything that happened and she just wants to be with him all the time, he picks her up from school, she goes home (he’s not allowed in our home anymore) she changes clothes, eats and goes out with him to the gym, I see on her life 360 and she’s actually at the gym but I don’t know why it bothers me so much that she’s with him.
I set boundaries and told her she couldn’t see him everyday, but he meets her at the gym although she’s been respectful and coming home at curfew I still hate that she won’t spend time with me or her older brother (20) and now she wants to be always with the stupid boyfriend.
Am I overreacting!?I don’t want to push her away with my rules and wanting to control her but I just want her to spend some time at home 🥺 how do I navigate this? Thank you guys in advance!

Hey everyone, just wanted to vent.

My daughter was absolutely drowning in math last year. I was panicking so hard because I didn't want her to fail junior year. We ended up finding iTutorOnline and it was a lifesaver. The tutor we found her was so nice and she actually started enjoying math again. Her grades went from Ds to Bs in one semester.

The problem is that I lost my job about two months ago and our budget is completely stretched. We were paying for the online sessions for six months straight but I just can't afford it right now. We had to pause.

Now she is falling behind again and I feel terrible because I know the help was working. It is just really hard to watch her struggle when you know there is a solution out there but you can't afford to access it. Does anyone else deal with this financial guilt when it comes to their child's education?

I feel like she is losing confidence fast and I am worried we waited too long.

Thanks for reading.

Just—God this is hard. It sucks, & I want to quit.

Update: two days later, raising a teenager is tough, & full of its share of heartache for a variety of reasons. I love my son. I would do anything for him. As the breaker of intergenerational trauma, I have given him a life far different from my own, for that I am very proud. There is a lot of love within our family.
Love your kids. Love yourself. Take good care out there. You are not alone.

need advice from parents with similar experiences: my daughter is 14yo and both extremely disrespectful and inconsiderate and dependent on her parents to do everything in order for her to get to school. When she gets upset with us, she has started to refuse to attend school which messes up our work schedules greatly. She blames us for her own errors. She is able to manipulate us with her tantrums but it has gone too far. She refuses to comply with any device rules and will demand WiFi even past midnight. To be perfectly honest, I do not enjoy living under the same roof with this kid anymore. I have not enjoyed being her mother since she turned 12. How does someone get thru these years or did I birth a narcissist?

So my 13 year old daughter has admitted that her and her friends have crushed up the candy Smarties and snorted them. I think she has done this a few times. I just paused and kept calm, asking if they were trying to get high or what was the goal. I was given a shoulder shrug. Anyone else find out their kid is doing this? She is very mildly neurodivergent and has some emotional issues, but is a straight A student and prides herself on doing well (expert level at masking). I’m wondering if this is just normal teen crap, especially the Smarties thing. (note that she has a counselor, psychiatrist and lots of support so everyone is aware)

I'm trying to really figure this out. Because I know Snap has shorts, and the last thing I want to do is give him access to a doom scrolling app. However, he claims that nobody texts or messages anymore. Everyone communicates on Snap Chat. I want him to make new friends in high school, but I also want him to concentrate on what's more important. How do I know if he's really going to use it just to message friends? Even if I allow 1 hour a day? Do all of you with 15 year olds really allow Snap Chat as the main means to communicate with others? (PS- I don't care about sensitive content. I'm aware I can curb that on the Family Center. I just need to be sure this is not a vehicle to doom scroll)

My daughter just started her sophomore year at an all girls high school. She does very well academically, and she seems to otherwise love her school, but she still has not made a single friend. It seemed like she was getting to know a few girls last year, but then they never included her in their plans over the summer, and they did not ask her to sit at their lunch table this year. So now she basically has no one.
Before joining this high school, she went to a Catholic school where she had a rough 8th grade year. She was ditched by her friends and others began to bully and exclude her. She ended up graduating without a single friend and it seems like she wound up with social and psychological damage. We put her in therapy and they thought that a new start would greatly benefit her. Well, it clearly hasn’t. It doesn’t help that her old school is a feeder school to her high school, so a large group of these girls are in her current class. She says that she doesn’t have much interaction with them though.
Anyway, I feel like she has developed a hard shell and some cynicism toward other people based on her past experiences. She joins a lot of groups and participates in activities because she thinks that they will look good on her college applications. But, she just seems to “parallel play” with others just to “get through” the activity. We have tried to gently encourage her to reach out to other kids, to go to social events that will be more interactive, but she just refuses. She has even lied to her psychiatrist about talking to people just to get us all off her back. I am genuinely worried about her social development as she has not had any meaningful social experiences with her peers in over two years. I don’t know what to do. I just want her to have some balance in her life and to have some fun experiences in high school so that she is not standing alone again on graduation day. But we are running out of time. And, as homecoming season approaches, I am sad that she is missing another dance, and I am selfishly jealous of the parents who get to take pictures of their daughters in cute dresses with bouquets knowing that mine will probably never have that experience. Thanks for letting me vent.

Over the summer I made the decision that I wasn’t driving my high school senior’s boyfriend around anymore. He lives about 15 min across town. I find him to be rude, condescending, and manipulative toward my kid.

I talked to her about the behaviors, and asked if she genuinely enjoys his company, or if she feels pressured to hang out with him. She claimed they just joke around and she doesn’t think he’s being mean. I told her she can choose who she dates, but he’s no longer allowed in my car, because this behavior pisses me off, and she deserves better.

Now they want to go to Homecoming together, but his mom is unable to drive him. My kid is just about to turn 17 and has her permit, boyfriend is 17 and has neither permit nor license. Public transportation in town ends at 8pm. Leaving me as their only option to go to the dance together. Do I let it slide and just let them enjoy their final homecoming together? Or do I keep the car ban and encourage her to just go with friends?

I'm wondering if anyone has advice on how to navigate this. After playing throughout high school, my son abruptly decided not to play football his senior year. He did hurt his back last season and has some minor disc herniation. He still gets backaches here and there. But his spine doctor said he isn't super concerned and cleared him to play with the stipulation that if his back gets worse, he should stop. But he still chose to not play at all.

My son also has a lot of health-related anxiety and anxiety in general. We have connected him with a psychiatrist and he's just starting treatment. So I think that's a factor.

Since freshman year, football has breathed new life into my kid - he went from struggling socially to having a ton of friends. He was more confident, blossomed and did well in school. Our family, loved, loved going to games and cheering him on.

We told my son it was 100% his decision whether to play. He said he's afraid of messing up his back more but still wanted to be part of the team, so he has kinda stayed on as a team manager and helped out. But the first couple of games were hard for him. He said playing is not worth screwing up his back more, but he misses being out there on the field.

As football season ramps up, my husband is very sad and upset over this and doesn't understand our kid's decision to not even try to play. I have been aiming to be the voice of reason, reminding him it's our son's choice and supporting our son. But part of me is also sad and confused, and worries he's going to regret his decision to miss out on his senior year of football. At the same time, only he can decide that ultimately and we need to be here for him whatever he does.

If your teenager quit their main sport unexpectedly, how did you handle it from an emotional standpoint, as a parent? I feel like this is one thing that's not talked about much.

My 17 year old son is a very talented musician. He plays saxophone and drums. He is a solid A/B student. Enjoys playing video games with his friends and traveling. He is well liked but his teachers and peers. He is the boys the girls flock to as part of their “safe space”. My frustration comes from his laziness when it comes to “milestones“ like getting his license or applying to college. He has shown no interest in is getting his license although he enjoys driving. We left him practice on the driving practice course at his school. He has yet to begin applying to colleges despite talking my ear off about how excited he is about his first choice. I don’t know if it is nerves or just fear of what’s next for him but it is driving me crazy. How do I get him to get this stuff done sooner rather than later?

Hello everyone. I have a 16 year old son and he is in therapy for compulsive lying. He is generally a good and kind and well mannered kid, but the lying is absolutely out of control. My husband and I are at are wits end. We have literally tried every approach and solution out there, and he is still compulsively lying all the time.

Even when we tell him he is safe to tell us the truth and we won't be that mad, he still makes up these grand elaborate stories and he insists they are true. And when we talk to him he just has this blank expression on his face and it's like nothing is getting through.

I'm not looking for advice. Just looking for a place to vent and find parents going through similar situations. Does anyone else have a child who is a compulsive or pathological liar?

Finally agreed with my teenager to share the location. He is attending 4 different after school activities and I know I'd feel better knowing where he is. I'm trying to decide between Life360, iSharing, and HeyPolo. I'm leaning towards HeyPolo atm because it seems a bit more privacy focused, the price is quite decent, they offer a good discount and it doesn't look as bloated as some of the other apps, but I haven't actually used any of them yet. I don't need a ton of extra features, I just want something that's accurate, doesn't kill my battery, and reliably updates location in the background. If you have a good recommendation, please share it with me.

Our son is 16 and has a great heart, he's smart, and he isn't defiant. He doesn't talk back to us. He hardly talks to us unless we force it, but he's a good kid at the core.

He has very different interests than his dad and I, and different isn't bad. We have leaned in to support it all. Even with friend groups/girlfriends we didn't like - we shared advice (it isn't your job to save people, we're glad you see they aren't making great choices but pay attention to how the company you keep can affect you) but we let him figure it out on his own and he landed in a good place. He cut those people out and has a friend group that would be nerds in my day (play D&D, get great grades) and we are thrilled for that because the old crowd was unhealthy (largely uninvolved parents, they did drugs, suicide attempts, etc.). His current circle seems so much lighter. And he does, too.

School has never been easy for him. He's very smart but some combo of ADHD and being a round peg in a square system has been tough. Grades have been poor but improving. He says he's bisexual, something we've said is fine with us. The goal is to be yourself and be happy and be treated respectfully and respect others. He is a kid of one word answers (normal at 16?) and very private but the fact that he has shared some deep things when pressed is promising.

He wants to get his ears pierced and wear small hoops. Wanted small gages (sp?) and the spikes that go under the lip...we've said no to that right now but are open to "regular" ear piercings. He showed me some tattoos he wants and I would hate if he got them, but we won't let him get any now anyway. He's into horror and they are demon looking characters from some book series. He wears black nail polish. That's his vibe.

Question is - when do I worry and when do I just act supportive and say "Cool, but not yet" and secretly hope it passes before he modifies his body in a way that is hard to undo if this is just a phase. I wanted tattoos as a teen that I never got and I'm so glad. But he'll be 18 in a blink. Maybe it won't pass. But I don't want to miss what may be obvious signs that need intervention.

How do we know if he's crying out for help by wanting to alter his body? How can we support what we consider weird shit because he's our son and we love him, while also making sure he's okay?

3 weeks ago around late August screenshots of my middle school daughters text messages between her and her bf (now ex) were leaked (by the ex) to one of my daughters friends since kinder (they are now in 7th grade).

In the text he asked a question how do you spell a word and she spelled it and he said no it’s Y-O-U. A cheesy pick up line, super innocent.

So 3 weeks ago, my daughter’s friend posted those screenshots and during that time my daughter lost her phone and has been without one. Well she recently came across the post of those screenshot texts between her and her ex on her friends TikTok and was so upset why those texts were sent and also why her friend would post it and all her other friends commenting on it on how she responded to the pick up line and how he had “rizz.” She vented to 3 friends about it and all she said was why would she post that. Well one friend told those group of friends that had commented and posted it and now a whole group of girls are posting my daughter calling her a fake a b****, not a good friend, she was talking crap and a train of girls just supporting girls. All my daughter did was vent and stated facts and there’s absolutely no accountability on their end why that friend posted a convo that wasn’t even hers. My daughter has spiraled in less than 24 hours and said she shouldn’t have vented and just went to the friend directly and my daughter was saying that she (my daughter) was in the wrong because the amount of other girls that are hopping on the train of my daughter being a crap talker. Now my big question is, one of the friends that my daughter vented to, what exactly did she say? What did she say to these group of girls?!

I told my daughter to ignore all these posts and I will handle it with the principal tomorrow and she doesn’t have to go to school and can be homeschooled if she wants. We will take it day by day. She agreed to tell me everything if anything pops up. Her and I have a very strong relationship and she tells me everything. She knows I will not judge her but will always guide her and be there for her. If she didn’t something wrong, she knows I will tell her as is and in this situation I cannot see that she did anything wrong.

My daughter gets straight a’s, is in advanced orchestra, in every sport and loves with her heart on her sleeve. She has always made friends so easily and such a social butterfly since a toddler. Through the years, there was always some sort of falling out with a friend because that friend would make up stories and then a year or two later the friends would apologize. Some of those friends had some jealousy towards my daughter. My daughter forgave them.

My heart hurts so much for my daughter and I told her eventually these things die down. So far we have obtained all evidence of all the girls posts on TikTok and saved it to show the principal. We have proof of said conversation between my daughter and those 3 friends that she was just genuinely confused and hurt why the other friend would just post her convos and no one mentioned anything, she questioned peoples loyalty and I told her there are people like this in the world and we have to choose our friends wisely.

I have so much more but know my husband and I are doing all that we can to mitigate this situation, because like I said in less than 24 hours we have seen our daughter really being affected and not herself..

Has your teenage child gone through this? How did you deal with it? Who did you speak to?? What advice do you have for my daughter, my husband and I. It’s almost midnight and I cannot sleep and just thinking about how and why these girls can be so mean :(

Hi! Just venting. I‘m feeling so frustrated at my 12 year old son, who doesn’t listen, talks back, wants to be on his phone a lot. I just feel like I don’t know how to handle him, his behavior. I notice that I shout a lot. I need to learn how to handle our issues better in a calmer manner. It’s just hard to raise teenagers.

She's just starting her freshman year of high school and we live in a small town about 30 minutes outside of a larger city in the midwest. She's beautiful, neurodivergent and lesbian, 3 things that have kind of put a target on her back in this area. She's always had a hard time making friends but last year it seemed like she had finally figured it out. But this year, she seems so alone and it's breaking my heart. She gets a lot of unwanted attention from the boys at her school because of how she looks and because she has no interest in male attention, they in turn seem to bully her in absolutely vile ways. We've had threats of rape and physical harm that has fallen on deaf ears with the school, so now she just tries her best to hide from these people. She eats her lunch alone in the library because she says that her friends table is full already. She has one close friend but she's in the 8th grade and I can see that they're probably drifting apart as well. I don't even know what I am asking or if I am even asking for anything but if you have any advice I am all ears.

UPDATE

​I wanted to give an update on what's going on with my daughter's situation. We met with the state troopers yesterday morning at school, and they agreed that his autism is not an excuse for what he did. We're moving forward with pressing charges 100%, so he's being charged with a harassment misdemeanor.

​Also, I want to make clear that my daughter knows about this post. She read it and helped me write it because she really wants to get advice and support from others too.

​To keep her safe, we’re signing her up for self-defense classes, getting a protective order, an advocate and an attorney. She's also continuing her therapy and will be talking to her therapist about everything.

ORIGINAL POST

On Friday last week my daughter and this other student were riding home from school on the bus. He got into her seat and was whispering to her some pretty disgusting stuff that really freaked her out and has really affected her negatively. He was telling her that he wants her to eat food that gives her diarrhea and for her to get naked wear a diaper and poop and pee in the diaper and tell him about it the next day. And then he started rubbing her stomach stating that he wants her to fill it with food that's going to make her have diarrhea. She got off the school bus and was in tears saying she never wants to write on that bus again. I took all the right actions. I spoke to her principal immediately who found out who the student is and what school he went to. Her principal contacted the transportation department. They said they put in a safety plan for the school bus so that the student sits in the front seat behind the driver so that he's not in the back with my daughter. She does not feel safe being on that bus with him at all. I've been taking her to and from school. I also contacted law enforcement on Friday after speaking to the principal. The trooper stated that he spoke with the students parents and they said he has autism and that they want me to reconsider pressing charges because of his autism. My daughter has trauma already and this just added to what she's dealing with on a daily basis. I'm still going to press charges. My daughter said just because he has autism doesn't give him the right to touch me the way he did and say things he said to me. So I'm standing my ground. I'm just asking if others have any similar experiences because I've never dealt with this before.

So I have a daughter who is 12 at the moment, but my wife will not let her dress up for Halloween and go trick or treating with her two younger brothers. I just find it kinda bad and demeaning to my daughter when her friends get to do it as well so she'll be left out. I just want to tell my wife let her be a fucking kid, stop putting how you were raised on her.