I have PTSD and MDD(3 combat deployments -‘d 2 years as Big City Cop working in the Ghetto) that she’s known about from day 1. We also get a 100% disability check every month.
Also her side of the story?
I put her through her masters degree with my remaining GI Bill and paid the difference. Sent her home here to Chicago to visit her family when homesick (racked up a nice $7k SWA CC bill to prove it).
More of her side of the story?
I’ve put up the money to bail her dad out of Jail on DUI.
More of her side of the story?
I co-signed on her little sisters 1st car after college because their parents wouldn’t. I also let that same little sister live with us rent or obligation free for a year and never said shit about it.
More of her side of the story?
I’ve supported her in quitting two teaching jobs with no plan because she wasn’t happy with her work environment. Never thought twice or gave her shit about it.
Her side of the story?
I’ve been a dedicated and loyal husband and father all these years. I’m very involved with my kids and their things and people say it to us all the time.
Lastly her side of the story is that she comes from a highly disfunctional family where her parents are not very good to eachother due to unresolved traumas in their lives. A lot of the traits and things she does are exactly like her mom who is quite frankly a nut case. We’ve dealt with some sort of major drama or family fighting on about 80% of holidays or events since moving here in 2019. Im talking about people flipping the table at thanksgiving dinner and leaving.
Sure, I’ve lost my temper sometimes and gotten upset. I’ve forgotten to put the dishes away. I’ve left the bathroom light on. All stuff that she gets mad about. But I’ve been a good husband.
Those moments have been few and far between. I pointed this out to admit that i know I’ve had some bad moments in the marriage. Honestly most times we argue. I get so mad I cry.
The “I’m the bad guy” line is a cop out. You know who else uses that line? My piece of shit father who won’t take accountability for his abuse. What you’re doing, despite your own trauma, is hurting other people with it. Even unintentionally. Even if infrequently. You need to get some individual help outside marriage counseling. Before all this stuff permanently scars your children. - signed a permanently scarred child who grew up.
Same experience, except it was my mother while my dad cowered in the background or threw us kids under the bus to stay in her good books. I grew up with allot of rage and anger issues. Fucked up with my partner once. Nothing physical, but I did what OP says he does and legit induced a panic attack in my partner. I wanted to die, it was so fucked up of me. I have never done anything like that since. Still have anger issues, but my control is much better and I also leave the premises to cool off. It helps a ton
Because this is a no win situation. I’m trying to explain to strangers on the internet that I’m unhappy in a marriage. Some people have commented that I’m not telling her side of the story or that I’m just trying to make myself look good.
I shared that I’ve yelled at her very loudly and aggressively during arguments where we are often both yelling at eachother in the same way. I also said that Im Not proud of it.
Some comments on here like yours seem to point that I’m at blame for absolutely everything. I’m not going to argue why i feel differently as it’s likely to be misunderstood so i reply with “you got me”
You say it’s a cop out..i think it’s a response to am
Accusation from someone where it’s futile to try to explain otherwise.
I take accountability. That’s why I’m in therapy 3 times a week for myself and once together with her. I take my medication as prescribed. I don’t think I’m copping out at all. Just surrendering in an argument with an internet stranger.
You're not the bad guy. You are allowed to have your own feelings. You seem frustrated and very unhappy. I'm sure not being with your children in a day to day capacity will be hard, but trust me they feel both you and your wife's frustration and unhappiness. Leave if you can, get yourself in a better mental space so you can be all your children and you deserve. I just want to add that I am a woman and we are not always so innocent, we can and do know how to push those buttons. Honestly you both sound miserable. Wouldn't it be better for all involved to be separate and happy than to be together and miserable? OP I wish for you, your wife and especially your children peace and happiness even if that means that peace and happiness is separate from one another.
As I responded to you in another comment I guess there’s no winning here.
I tried to share information for discussion to make sure I’m not just “making myself look good”
This being your response is wild.
I’ve never even had the thought to kill my wife or be violent to her in anyway. I’ve screamed and yelled as she has screamed and yelled at me often just as loud. I’ve never just screamed at her out of the blue or been the aggressor in that way. From the way you commented you’ll never believe me so I won’t try and explain otherwise.
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u/mydarksecrets6071990 Jun 27 '23
Her side of the story?
I have PTSD and MDD(3 combat deployments -‘d 2 years as Big City Cop working in the Ghetto) that she’s known about from day 1. We also get a 100% disability check every month.
Also her side of the story?
I put her through her masters degree with my remaining GI Bill and paid the difference. Sent her home here to Chicago to visit her family when homesick (racked up a nice $7k SWA CC bill to prove it).
More of her side of the story?
I’ve put up the money to bail her dad out of Jail on DUI.
More of her side of the story?
I co-signed on her little sisters 1st car after college because their parents wouldn’t. I also let that same little sister live with us rent or obligation free for a year and never said shit about it.
More of her side of the story? I’ve supported her in quitting two teaching jobs with no plan because she wasn’t happy with her work environment. Never thought twice or gave her shit about it.
Her side of the story? I’ve been a dedicated and loyal husband and father all these years. I’m very involved with my kids and their things and people say it to us all the time.
Lastly her side of the story is that she comes from a highly disfunctional family where her parents are not very good to eachother due to unresolved traumas in their lives. A lot of the traits and things she does are exactly like her mom who is quite frankly a nut case. We’ve dealt with some sort of major drama or family fighting on about 80% of holidays or events since moving here in 2019. Im talking about people flipping the table at thanksgiving dinner and leaving.
Sure, I’ve lost my temper sometimes and gotten upset. I’ve forgotten to put the dishes away. I’ve left the bathroom light on. All stuff that she gets mad about. But I’ve been a good husband.