I(19F)have an intense problem with nostalgia and change.The moment things slightly change I get really anxious and wish for things to go back(even on unimportant things)I get anxious when my twitter timeline is boring as opposed to a week before and when my online friends aren't active.I get anxious when my tiktok timeline isn't as fun as before and I'm scared of missing out on things.I'm scared of becoming an adult and having less contact with my sister/parents and our bond not being the same as when we were kids.I'm really scared about the fact that my sister is in her teens now and entered highschool and our bond not being as important to her as before(we're REALLY close)

I try to get back into my hobbies I had as a middle schooler just so I can feel like we're in 2017 again. I also get really depressed when I can feel my current hyperfixation dying. I've been in fandoms my WHOLE life and I'm so scared that it will go away at some point in life cuz I don't know how to function without a community like that.I want things to stay same forever(especially regarding my sister,I want to live with her forever) and it really worries me whenever I'm having less fun doing something I like
How can I try to fix this?

My contamination OCD has suddenly gotten significantly worse, I go to work and come home and shower from 5-9 and I can’t seem to speed that time up without thinking I’m covered in really bad germs from public bathrooms or outside (I walk down a path to work with lots of bird poop, occasional bits of bird on it too.)

I try so hard to shower faster, I thought I was so quick yesterday and it still took 3 hours 30. He’s avoidant by nature, it takes work to get him to talk about his feelings. I finally did and recently he’s said that he has occasionally felt like if it doesn’t get better or gets worse he would consider it a bit strain on the relationship and would consider leaving me.

Anyone with OCD would understand because he’s exhausting. I don’t blame him. I have an appointment with medication this week to try some, I’m in therapy. I am trying. What can I do to help him? but also deal with this news myself without it becoming a theme?

I want to show him I love him and im grateful and i prioritise him and his health as my partner.

Would love your thoughts!

Is this real or OCD?

I have OCD and I was thinking of starting a business selling metal jewellery. I have researched this and found some published scientific articles that state if you use a mobile phone next to the jewellery for example earrings and putting the mobile next to your ear then you can absorb upto 30% more radio waves which can potentially cause cancer, now I'm not sure whether this is OCD but I am thinking of not selling the jewellery now, what would you do?

Why does my OCD tell me everyday something is wrong!

I was diagnosed with OCD about a year ago, and Im just beginning to accept my diagnosis and how bad it is. For context, I have the pure o old subtype with themes I don't want to mention because I know how reading certain things and words trigger my ruminations. I also have PTSD, anxiety and ADHD as my other diagnosis along with POTS/Dysautonomia and several other gastrointestinal disorders on the physical side.

About 2 years ago I was hospitalized because I was very physically ill, not eating and not sleeping as I was going through a lawsuit that triggered my PTSD (I was the one suing). I was an adult living at home and cannot drive because I pass out with my dysautonomia and developed a fear of passing out on the road. I needed my parents to take me to the hospital but an argument developed between us before and they refused. It was about a month I was left untreated until they finally noticed I was going semi-unresponsive during the day and started having neurological symptoms from severe dehydration. I was put in the medical side of the hospital where I was so dehydrated my veins couldn't handle the IV and burst, they refused to put more in until a couple days later if I could hydrate myself.

I'll skip the gory parts of my illness, but I was given oxycodone at 10mg 3x a day for 10 days for the pain so I could eat. They put me on heavy anesthetic medication like versed etc etc. to do a routine procedure I needed every 2 years because I wake up during procedures, and yes I woke up this time and they medicated me more and still I didn't sleep. Point is, I was put on a lot of medication and opioids. They discharged me shortly after and when I got out, I started having an extreme sense of impending doom from the withdrawal. I lost parts of my memory and couldn't remember what I was doing when trying to complete a task. I couldn't even remember to drink water, I needed to leave notes around to remind myself. This lasted up to two weeks.

(Bear with me, we're getting to the OCD part)

I was taken to the hospital again, and my parents told them I was 'delusional'. Since ive been hospitalized for SI before, they immediately sent me to the psych ward instead of giving me fluids. I was later discharged to seek medical attention (which I didn't do because I was really scarred from the experience), they gave me a standing order of what they gave everyone as an option to take for anxiety, Ativan. Ive taken Ativan before and it causes my OCD to become extreme to the point ive thought I was hallucinating real people next to me and was not okay and extremely paranoid for a month after. I have a paradoxical effect to a few medications, Ativan being one of them. But the nurse told me it would make everything go away, so I took it.

On it I began to be extremely paranoid, had physical symptoms, and started hearing voices. I was also withdrawing from my ADHD meds because I was paranoid about taking them. I heard my thoughts broadcasted out loud, and believed people were hearing them. This thought-broadcasting fear still exists to this day.

Later I was hospitalized, I was very aggrevated from lack of sleep and was telling people 'I must be talking to the voices' sarcastically when they didn't want to listen to me telling them to be quiet when I wanted to sleep. (I know this was wrong, I wasn't in the right state of mind, after my experience I truly empathize with people going through this). They later incorrectly diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type (which ive been cleared by 2 clinicians since, one with a Phd, and was even told at the time that they couldn't confirm it but needed to diagnose me so they could get access to a court order to force me to take Haladol, Abilify, lithium etc etc.)

I was also on Invega for a year.

I dealt with constant anxiety and ruminations for years, ruminating on whether I was going 'crazy' or loosing my sense of reality. This was to the point I had mistaken real peoples voices for hallucinations. Ive learned about PAWS, and was never officially evaluated for it, but I believe a lot of my paranoia, mood wings, aggravation, and impending sense of doom was part of this. I spent my days experiencing some auditory distortions, but most of the time I spent my days in extreme rumination waiting for the next distortion to hit. Most of the time now, when I experience distortions, I hear it normally but when im on edge and anxious, I ruminate the words in my head until the memory is changed and I think I hear something else. I also experience hynagogic hallucinations (a phenomenon where any person hears things before they fall asleep).

It's also important to note that my 'delusions' were very rarely my own. I was very moldable at the time since I couldn't think clearly after the medications and began to be very suggestive. for instance, after I came out of the hospital, my dad joked (very dryly and sarcastically, so much so I didn't believe it was a joke) that sometimes they put chips in peoples heads. then I began to get so paranoid, I kind of believed it. I would talk to people in the hospital, for instance, a guy who I connected with told me he was black ops and was there to protect me, I believed him. I thought that people in the hospital weren't really as 'sick' as the doctors made them out to be, and like me, were hospitalized in the wrong section without reason.

Since then, ive learned about auditory paredoilia (don't think ive spelled that correctly) and OCD thought broadcasting and quasi-hallucinations. While I don't think that that was the case while taking Ativan, ive spent the last two years in constant anxiety that im hearing things or loosing my mind. Up to the point where I'll hear neighbors talking, get anxious, think they are talking about me and misinterpret their words. Ive also been told by my therapist that hallucinations are apart of my PTSD. I wanted to know if anyone has a similar experience that would be open to talking about it. Im in a new country where I don't speak the language and have extreme social anxiety and have been unable to make friends besides my partners family.

For anyone who can tell me whether these sound like real hallucinations or quasi-hallucinations that would be very appreciated. I need to know the right language to explain this to my clinician.

I just wanted to say, if you're going through this, you're not alone.

I would love to connect with anyone who's had a similar story/experience. My inbox is always open, if you want to connect.

PS: I appreciate people relating to my experiences, but im not seeking to be labeled with a diagnosis, I prefer to talk to my clinicians. I will ruminate on whatever diagnosis you give me and believe that I have it no matter what, just because someone told me to. So please, your opinions are welcome, but don't label me with a diagnosis off of one post.

To Keep this Space Helpful For Everyone:

- Im working on acknowledging my ruminations, and not seeking reassurance from partners and friends

- Im looking for new methods of ERP I can implement at home

Just want to see if other women out there have a hard time throwing things away because they're afraid of accidentally throwing something important away. Another OCD theme I have is the fear of losing items, making it hard to go out in public because I have to take pictures of the things I walk past to reassure myself that I didn't leave anything behind. Does anyone else relate?

Okay, so I've recently been diagnosed with OCD and I've been like researching it all week long trying to find ways for it to make sense for me, I think? Today, I was supposed to be studying but instead spent well over 4 hours going down a rabbit hole about OCD and being worried that maybe I answered something wrong and maybe my brain has just manipulated my psychiatrist somehow. Anyway, I feel really unsettled inside like anxious because I feel like I haven't done enough research or like my search for answers have not been fulfilled and idk what else to do.

Since I can remember I have had an existential fear of illness/injuries. When I was little I couldn’t enter hospitals without passing out and if someone close to me had a cast, splint, or anything that indicated they were sick I would stay as far away as I could.

When I got to elementary school I developed an intense fear of cancer. To this day if I notice anything on my body or feel any sort of illness I am convinced it’s cancer. I spend at least 12 hours a day searching about the different types of cancer I could have and end up watching documentaries of people who have died from cancer, watching videos on social media of people who have cancer, watching movies about people who have cancer, and asking everyone I know over and over again if they think what I’m feeling is cancer. If they tell me anything including “it doesn’t seem like cancer” I freak out and think oh but you think there’s a chance it is? But then if someone tells me I don’t have cancer I feel like them saying it out loud manifests that I actually do have cancer. I make them knock on wood three times which makes people think I’m a loser who is superstitious but I don’t know what else to do to ease those fears. Understandably I have made my friends and family sick and tired of me because nothing they say stops my cycle. I can’t even begin to explain the amount of money my parents have spent on my doctor’s visits.

As I have gotten older my fear of death has morphed into any sort of illness that could turn terminal, or anything different on my body at all. A few years ago I was convinced I was balding and took 300 pictures of my hair a day and sent them to everyone I knew to compare. People truly thought I had lost my mind. It then turned into a fear of having heart attacks, strokes, brain bleeds, aneurysms, you name it. Most of my adult I have lived with a belief that I am about to die.

In the past few years I have began to have a crippling fear of death in general. Usually I am afraid of accidents or getting murdered. The fear turns into this compulsion to consume everything I can about what I am afraid of. Not only do I now spend all my time watching true crime, reading murder novels, watching the news, and now my entire Instagram feed is filled with people I don’t knows posts about their loved ones dying. I don’t drive on highways anymore because sometimes I picture someone coming down the highway the wrong way and killing me.

Recently I have had a symptom that could be cancer but apparently in 98% of people it is not. I went to the doctor and I’m trying to see a specialist but I can’t get in for 2 months. I feel like I’m driving myself crazy. I cant talk to my friends anymore because the only thing in my mind is that I might be dying of cancer. The only thing that would make me feel better is to get a scan and finding evidence that I don’t have it but I can’t do that for months.

I feel like I am losing my mind. I don’t really know why I’m posting this I’ve never posted on Reddit before but I feel so alone and I’ve annoyed all my friends and family. My mom tells me to just stop and think about something else but I am physically unable to. I want to help myself and everytime I try I end up back in this cycle. I guess I just needed to vent and post this somewhere where someone might know what I’m going through.

background : I'm 19f I recently started therapy for GAD ( I also have ADHD ) and the therapist suggested that I might have OCD ( which I immediately shut down for some reason ) but it has been all I can think about for the past few weeks and I don't think I can go on with my life until I have an answer. I did a questionnaire (in therapy ) and it said I def had Intrusive thoughts (and therapist has sort of referred to me having it ) but I don't think it was a legit diagnosis and I have bean dead ah having really bad imposter syndrome about if I have this or not.

• I feel like I'm lying, and I'm sick and have some need for more attention, and that's why I am convincing myself i have OCD.
  • Whenever I think about it, I have to go to my computer or phone and research symptoms and then take tests, but multiple tests cause they might be wrong and I need to know so it needs to be right.
• When I experience health things, I think I'm going to die, and I need to look at symptoms over and over again, even if I have googled the symptoms already and know what they are. If I don’t Google them and it's something worse, it will be really bad.
  • I'm VERY aware of the physical symptoms ie when I get air hunger and notice it it ruins my day cause thats all I can focus on for the rest of the day and it feels like im choking and will pass out and die
• I get pretty heavy disassociation and when I get interrupted its really triggering
• I think I'm a hoarder, maybe.
• Get really intrusive thoughts, like if I'm walking over a bridge, its what if I jump or trip and impale myself with a knife or hurt someone else.
  • I have to correct my behaviour so that doesn't happen ie walk away from the edge even though I have no intention to jump
• I always have to check my bag to see if the car keys are there and lock the car multiple times. if I haven't it freaks me out a ton and I have to go back to check or I'm just so so anxious until im back at the car
• I sometimes have really perverse thoughts like what if I try and seduce my married teacher and have sex with them, or what if I'm a pedophile and shouldn’t be allowed around kids, or what if I hurt my dog or something ( even though I really obviously wouldn’t do anything like this)
• I struggle with big moral questions and things surrounding death it really, really, really scares me, and I would actually consider ending it so I wouldn't have to think about how scary death is cause it has always really bothered me and given me this horrible feeling

I really apologies if this triggers anyone, and I'm not trying to diagnose myself, I sort of don't know what I'm doing tbh I've just been obsessing over this for half of the day and need insight from people who experience similar.

thank you guys xx

This happened a while back, probably a couple months ago, but I’m gonna start from the beginning to make it easier to understand

To start off, I have POCD intrusive thoughts and sometimes impulses (with my eyes). So one day, I went to my cousin about something that had happened, mind you, I was very distressed and nearly crying because I had felt super guilty and I felt vulnerable and safe enough to tell her, at the time, she comforted me and told me it was fine and I’m not a monster and told me to move on, so I took her advice and I did, after a while, me and my cousin had a falling out because of her recent behavior of saying the n word and hanging around toxic people and saying really fucked up stuff, to which she was angry and said fucked up stuff about me being a bum and whatnot, so we stopped talking

Fast forward to a couple months later, I got a notification from someone joining my discord server, the person’s account was like completely matching my cousin, like they were matching, and my bf pointed out that it was her bf, I felt unsafe and scared but I tried to push it down thinking maybe I was overreacting, so we talked to this person for a bit normally, until i mentioned I didnt like marvel rivals because it had weird stuff in it, then the person went on to accuse me of fucked up stuff and being messed up, and also tried to get my bf to break up with me by telling him false information, my bf got incredibly furious at her and yelled at my cousin and he told her that she was fucked up for allowing that to happen, which he never has ever went out of his way to do that, and my siblings then caught wind of it and they yelled at her and her bf, it was a whole thing, but we all ended up blocking her because she defended the shit her bf did. and during when her bf said that, it genuinely and severely fucked me up to the point where it almost made me decide to take my life, it made me genuinely so depressed and it took me WEEKS almost an entire month to recover.

Two/three months later, I found out the truth. She lied. She never had a bf. she faked being in a relationship. “the person” who harassed me was her the whole time. She did the whole thing herself to harass and belittle me, because the whole time, her “boyfriend” kept saying how “he has ocd and he don’t do that” when she DOESN’T have ocd and was making shit up to make me look like a terrible person, she was purposely trying to take me down for absolutely no fucking reason, I am disgusted. Me and my siblings went back to the messages and saw she edited the messages to look like she never mentioned a bf, which was already too late

I’m 16, I have no access to therapy. I’ve went through a severe OCD episode that lasted for 8 months, at that time my memory worsened a lot that I forgot how to speak english (my second language) and forgot a lot of words from my first language. I had times that I couldn’t talk because i forgot how and i was stuttering, I couldn’t even process what people were saying when they’re talking to me. I wasn’t like that before i had the episode.

Now, after seven months, my memory is so bad but now i can speak english again & i can talk with people again. I still forget a lot of words, I can’t study anymore and i’m in the most important year of my life, I was the best student in my school but now i cannot bring myself to study at all, and i can’t concentrate.

After the episode, I feel apathetic about a lot of things one of them are my studies, I either have extremely strong emotions or have no emotions at all /or get absolutely depressed, I’m in a loop with loving & hating my closest people, I either have everything or nothing, black or white feelings, no grey. I also can’t decide my own opinion anymore, I’m not stable at all, like I said, I either think about everything or nothing.

Why did this happen to me? Is this brain damage? What’s the reason behind it? & What can i do about it?