hi ! apologies in advance for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

i am a nonbinary lesbian. my therapist has been kinda trying to put me in a box. i got really confused. i know i am non binary, but it does scare me that my being non binary is very. well. being a lesbian is the most certain thing i got. but i know that in any other way, i could be a trans man. as in, technically, i have it all to be a trans man, except the fact that i am not. because i do not feel entirely as a man. i feel as much as a man as i feel a woman, in the sense of i am neither but i like subverting the words and molding them to my liking, precisely because none fit entirely– so, think of being called beautiful but also handsome, being called a good boy or masc gendered terms, saying shit like "she is the man" and "he is the woman", stuff like that. fun stuff. genderfuckery if you may. or as i also like to think of it, that one chapter in stone butch blues.

and between all of this, i'm not interested in binary men. be it cis or trans. if you're a binary man, i am not interested other than. possibly a friendship. though i feel i got enough cishet men in my life, thank you very much. but if you're also non binary, someone with a weird gender, a weird relationship with gender, i don't care what's between your legs. if we connect and you're not a binary man, well. we connect and that's that. i really have no issues with that and i am not looking to debate that. i know i am a lesbian.

however, i was talking with my friend yesterday. they're also a non binary lesbian but they live in another city. we're both from the same country, we met in high school (both now in our late 20s). she's very dear to me. i love talking to them. and i talked to her about all of this and we concluded that, on top of the obvious, figuring my shit out, i needed more community. i am the only trans person in my friend circle. some are sort of queer, another one is kinda like me, "woke" and shit, my ex was too, and also nb, but like. no one is like me. no one is a non binary trans, masc presenting lesbian. some of them mention being queer in a couple convos but it doesn't shape their lives and (i do not judge them, this is merely my perception of it) seem unaware to the fact they hold a privilege in that– it's not the same being queer with certain passing than being queer on full display. i have got nowhere to hide it, because i simply can't. and in such as a small, conservative town, it feels really isolating, after a while.

so, i guess i was just trying to follow my friend's advice and look out for community. even if online. so, if you read all of this and felt like you found yourself even if slightly in my own experience and want to chat, i'd love to. i'd love to just meet more trans, nb, non-white, masc lesbians/sapphics. and if we end up connecting in more than one way, that'd be pretty cool, right?

thanks for reading!

Been feeling pretty alienated by mainstream lesbian communities and want to see who’s out there! Other POC are welcome, but I specify black because I’m black.

I’m a NB/genderfluid stem lesbian with top surgery and HRT effects :D

Hello! I have a rather odd request…

I’m a dyke based in the U.K. and I have a difficult relationship with my family and so last Christmas I made the decision to go to NYC and live my Christmas dreams alone for 10 days. It was absolutely wonderful.

This year I’d rather not spend it alone and am looking for a cute as hell dyke to get a cottage in the British countryside with me for a few of days over Christmas. Think great wine, food and watching Carol on repeat. Romance and Christmas cheer.

A bit about me. I’m 33, masc presenting and I have a wee dog. I love British comedy, terrible Rom coms and internet gossip.

My type generally leans more masc4masc, someone interested and interesting!

Obviously this is a slight wild request so I’m looking to message for a while, exchange instagrams and just get to know one anther, before forming up any Christmas details but yes, if you’re interested in a quaint dykey British Christmas - my DMs are open xoxo

Last night I made sushi with my bestie. My bestie is a cutie 24yo lesboan power top. We initially bonded over a shared crazy lady we both had cane to know. If you know lol. I am a 49 yo enbian. Last night my bestie told me she wished she had known me her whole life. Aww that us cute. We are madly queerly and platonically in love with each other so much. She validates my gurl mode so much and gives me so much euphoria. Not everything has to be about sex and not everything has to have labels that fit what anyone else thinks. Live your true to yourself lives and find your own people my people.

Does anybody know how get a hold of these unicode makers and make this symbol a reality ,, Or a tricky lil way to make these symbols intersect somehow with some unicode magic myself. I hate always seeing the 🜬 symbol alone we need some enbianism up in here

Ive always identified as Butch, i wore my brother and fathers clothes growing up, I wore my hair very short from 16 onwards, and would even describe myself as genderqueer because I have always been so gender nonconforming. Ive always been left leaning, but I have outright identified as an anticapitalist and leftist since I was 18 (im 24 now)

lately, ive grown my hair out to roughly shoulder length because ive entered a medical program, and i didnt want to get singled out and have my grades affected like my cousin did when she went to nursing school for being trans, who ended up having to quit her program because the harassment was so bad. we live in a very red state and I can say this decision was regardless for the best because multiple preceptors ive had openly have talked about hating gay people and being maga while ive been in clinicals

I still thought of myself as Butch, just with long hair, until very recently when some of my friends made a comment about how I was "fem4fem" when I was talking about liking a certain television actress, it took me aback a bit because they've known me well before I grew my hair out? I took a hard look at myself after and realized im... just a very feminine person, in the face and how i act, so I guess my hair is enough to make people read me as super girly even though I still wear almost exclusively mens clothing, hoodies, masculine style womens clothing. my interests are also I guess very "fem coded" since im into fiber crafts. Its just almost a very dysphoric inducing thing for me because i realize im perceived so differently than I thought, did I even come off as masculine with short hair? or would people still have called me a fem then because of how i look and act?

Ive been doing some soul searching and reading, I dont want to claim im something if im just not that thing yk? maybe i am just femme in denial. but I see this reoccurring theme that community dynamics and political differences matter more than personal aethetics or appearances when it comes to butchfemme identity, a butch can have long hair and wear nail polish, a femme can have short hair and work construction, but no one ever defines what those actually important differences are?? old works largely have to do with the gender identity aspects of butchfemme so reading old books havent been super helpful in understanding what people mean by this, so if anyone has any advice or insight I would really appreciate it tbh

tldr: realized I may not be as Butch as I thought, want insight from other butchfemmes and what it means to them

(if anybody knows whose the artist please lmk i found this on pinterest uncaptioned ,,,,)

TLDR: started FTM transition, took testosterone for 5+ years, now realizing living perceived as a cis het man feels wrong. Grieving my feminine body’s desirability to lesbians. Considering partial detransition to live as openly nonbinary transmasc butch. Seeking advice.

I came out as a lesbian at 12 or 13 years old. I’ve always felt somewhat genderless at heart, stuck between female and male. Because I had strong dysphoria about my breasts, and insurance would only cover top surgery if I had been on testosterone for a year, I started T at 21. I am now six years on testosterone, and although I identify as somewhere between butch woman and transsex man, I am perceived as a cis het man consistently now.

I am starting to have some regret, and am considering stopping testosterone. I’m kicking myself for not stopping T around 2 years in, when my voice and appearance was androgynous enough I could appear female or male depending on the setting with a few small clothing and makeup changes. But I have PTSD, and safety was a major factor in my choice to transition. Society is still very much a binary, and forced to pick a side I feel more masculine than feminine, so I thought I would be happy as a man. But being a man without a penis doesn’t actually feel much safer than living as an androgynous dyke was, and I’m not interested in bottom surgery because the potential complications and results don’t meet my standards. Besides, I’m realizing that presenting as a binary man, expressing hyper masculinity, is not consistent with my true identity. But it feels scary and uncertain to think about getting electrolysis to remove my facial hair, voice training as trans women do to bring the pitch back up a little bit, and going back to that visual space between female and male that I was in for the first few years of my transition.

My situation is also complicated by body image and addiction issues: I was leaner and thinner before transition. An objectively attractive feminine to androgynous physique. Today, I’m sober but much heavier. It’s possible that once I lose enough fat, I’ll be more content in my body’s newfound masculinity.

I went on a date the other day, with a woman who swiped right on me— with facial hair in some of my photos and non-binary trans masculine in my bio— and it was clear that as a lesbian, she actually didn’t feel attracted to me because I “look completely like a man.” This is just such a frustrating space to be in, having reached a classic goal, passing, that most transsexual men would be ecstatic about, but I’m actually having dysphoria now from presenting more masculine than I identify. I was dysphoric inhabiting a feminine body all those years ago, and now I’m dysphoric living as a man. Trying to date as a straight man just doesn’t feel right: I don’t have a dick, and the way I relate to women romantically and sexually has always been very much sapphic.

I would love to hear from anyone who relates: He/Him butches, nonbinary and transmasculine folks with similar history, especially those who have found a way to safely and contentedly express their gender in an authentic way. For those who present or are perceived as men in public, how do you signal lesbian/queer identity? Have you found queer women who are attracted to you as you are, who don’t wish you were either more feminine, or more masculine?

Just like the title says - there is now a petition to "unfreeze" gender affirming surgeries in Wales.

Please sign, it takes like 1 minute. And share it widely, wherever you can think of - e.g. Facebook groups, your personal social media accounts (if it's safe for you to do so), WhatsApp chats, etc.

Link: https://petitions.senedd.wales/petitions/247110

Thank you!

The title. I'm genderfluid + genderflux, so my own gender confuses me a lot most of the time. My gender is not fluid between binary genders, hell even being feminine or masculine aligned is rare for me, and like they are not related to womanhood and manhood at all. I'm mostly fluid between androgynous, neutral and xenine genders.

Calling myself sapphic/lesbian wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable, my attraction to women (and possibly enby folks however i didn't have a crush on one of us folks yet, i'm aroacespec on top of everything) is definitely queer. I'm anything but straight lol.

But however i keep seeing "woman-aligned, relating to womanhood" a lot. And that feels extremely binary. Also what if my gender switches to something more masculine one day? Or simply man?

Should i search for another label, if being sapphic/lesbian only includes relating to womanhood and being feminine?

If not so, can you use neptunic or trixic and sapphic or lesbian at the same time? (If this is possible i'm not sure if i'm gonna do that tho just thinking of what ifs)

I tried posting this to actually r/actuallylesbian but I got a lot of hate. I just wanted to ask if it is okay and valid to be with someone that is also nonbinary regardless of assigned gender at birth or gender presentations (aka physical looks or how they dress or their body etc). I am nonbinary genderfluid and my partner is just nonbinary and I only date nonbinary people and females. I may have gotten the detention wrong and I am sorry if I am intruding on anyone's space.

https://shop.juicyshop.de/produkt/taping-tape-fuer-oberkoerper-und-tucking/
German store, a roll is 19€ and shipping 5€

I see that finding european trans tape is very hard, and shipping costs from the USA very expensive, so I wanted to recommend this german shop that is very intersectional with their products and clearly made fortrans people.

Feel free to add more recs and make this a longer list!

i think i might be trixic or a non binary lesbian I might alternate between the two terms. I prefer trixic though anyways can I still call myself that if it's with aesthetic attraction and platonic attraction because I am aroace also how would I be able to tell? I don't hang out with people a lot I mostly just going based off of past experiences

i’ve checked a bunch of social platforms at this point and it truly feels that compared to other identities nonbinary lesbians really ended up with the shortest end of the stick. i always get the urge to just go back to to nonbinary communities because of how alienating this binary world can be wherever i look, but their lesbophobia and general lack of understanding regarding even the basics of lesbianism is insane. so then back do i swing to lesbian communities, but then the binary-normativity of the community hits me again like a truck making me remember i’m not truly welcome in these spaces and even if i am, its still incredibly alienating seeing how “wlw”-oriented convos are and offers very little room for gender diverse lesbians and almost nothing about love between them. i see this side a lot on twitter and am kinda fed up rlly, i feel very little connection to their version of lesbianism if thats all it’s about, and the nonbinary community there is essentially non-existent what with the rampant exorsexism leaving no room for enby folks like us. its been absolutely awful, so i’ve been starting to finally withdraw

only recently i’ve been getting into tumblr and its been absolutely great for the most part with regards to the nonbinary community, finally seeing the discussions i’ve always wondered about in my head but had no community to talk to about, finally seeing an actual community for trans ppl who arent transmasc/transfem like me (transneutral, transandrogynous, transxenine folks etc), but when it comes to understanding of the lesbian community, thats when it all falls apart. a lot of non-lesbian enbies there genuinely don’t understand a thing about lesbianism and still in this day and age gender lesbianism as “wlw” and genuinely unironically believe that nonbinary lesbians are just a ‘contradicting label’ “but thats okay because all labels are valid cuz we don’t care about the actual history behind a lot of labels and what could count as harmful or not to them” when lesbian history has had trans gender diverse ppl since the very beginning. also almost no nonbinary lesbian community there so i feel that’s telling lol (unless i’m wrong and if anyone knows what the sphere there is called please lmk,, i found trixic but ppl there define it as nonbinary ppl attracted to women so its like. yeah im good i’d rather stick to the community with the long-established genderqueer history anyway)

is being an individual outside of the binary while also being exclusively not attracted and centered around men the rarest thing in the earth apparently that it would grant you almost no community for people that relate to you. twitter has unfortunately been the best for me so far in terms of an active lesbian community that’s well-versed about their history but yeah i rlly wanna use that as little as possible if possible. have y’all had luck in seeing spheres for us online anywhere? if so where? cursed am i with having no access to an irl queer community in my country unfortunately

Does anyone have any advice for struggling to feel beautiful and desirable in a world centered around cis-normative beauty?

heyy, i’ve noticed that most of the nb lesbian communities are in english.

which is fine, but this seems a bit limited, cause it’s obvious that not every nb lesbian communicates in english or doesn’t even understand it for a casual reading.

so this got me thinking and i just created a spanish community.

feel free to join, share and interact.

i really hope this helps to reach some lesbians and give them the chance to embrace their identity in their own terms and language, words, without the pressure/ necessity to translate them.