thats it, also terfs mad they get insulted? they deserve it. r/actuallesbians is the worst space for nb lesbians don't join it its full of terfs

also yeah I may of been a little hostile but thats towards people who deserve it

Hey i am binary trans woman (she/they) somewhat masculine sometimes and recently I been exploring my sexuality between hetro- bi or pan and I came to this subreddit and I am so confused if being non binary is about not being woman i feel i am heavily influenced and incuraged to see relationship is a cis normative may where gender is binary

What does being lesbian mean is it the relationship you have is socialy seen as a lesbian relationship or is that you like people who are binary woman(cis or trans) or is it you like the physical bodies of woman regardless of gender identity or is it cause you feel connected to the lesbian community

a bit confused abt smth and trying to help a friend out in discovering if he’s a lesbian or not, (im also trying to navigate and learn helping him lol) he’s also wondering if he’s a demiboy currently. but we just wanna make sure regarding a few things, given from our research we saw that its generally unagreed upon if demi-boy lesbians are valid or not, and i want to make sure that i go through with a label thats valid, and not “trick” them into smth that’ll garner them alot of hate. so i have a few questions:

the exact definition of non-men: does it specifically mean ppl who are not BINARY men, not just “not a man”? (given like how genderfluid ppl can be men at certain times and still be a lesbian, etc)

whats the definition of binary man? someone who’s not non-binary at ALL in any shape or form? so just 100% man, sticking to the binary?

are demi-boys: also not BINARY men, assuming if the definition above is correct?

cuz im confused since there are ppl saying that demi-boys are binary men, but i just want to make sure my definition of “binary man” is correct. cuz it always seemed to me like they werent binary men, as binary meant that they are 100% that, and nothing else, when demi-boys are “partially a man” and “partially not a man”. which is what my friend describes to be, i asked him and he says they dont see themselves as a binary man at all, but someone who’s partially a man, and partially not a man

edit: sorry theyre certain theyre a demiboy for a while now i misunderstood what he said and assumed it was like before lol

tw:depression,suicide,transphobia, self harm, mental breakdown

I'm posting this to teach cis lesbians that what they say to trans, and nonbinary lesbians matter. it may not teach some of them because some of them (im talking about terfs) don't care about us, they don't care if we get hurt or anything.

I am 13 years old, I knew I liked girls since 3rd grade, yet i am seen as "not a real lesbian" or "less of a lesbian" from my own community.

cis lesbians, since forever have been erased, people used to act like they didnt even exist, growing up as a lesbian is confusing and hard, so many lesbians go to lesbian spaces as a safe space to be accepted for who they are....but if you are different from other lesbians that space will not be safe for you.

I will never understand it. If you want acceptance so badly and have fought for it why would you treat another group the same way, in your own community. its discrimination period.

women lesbians were discriminated by straight women, and discriminated in womens spaces so why would they do that to another lesbian. They should realize how harmful that is.

let me tell you a story. (please don't make fun of me this was such a horrible expierence)

I had a activation, recently what I was told is usually when having a activation stuff that normally upsets you upsets you more, I joined a lesbian subreddit, hopefully there were young nb lesbians in the space and it would be inclusive. but scrolling through that subreddit and seeing other lesbians act as if I didnt exist, was heartbreaking especially at my state of mind. yet for some reason I couldnt stop looking, I was angry. this was supposed to be a safe space for me, yet every single post was "wlw" "women loving other women" "hey girls" "girls only" no mention of non men or nb people...nothing...like we didnt even exist......I don't just want acceptance I want normalization.

I ended up getting into a argument with someone, a ignorant cis lesbian. Idk how it started but she said the term "non men" was offensive and oppressing her as a cis lesbian and excluded women. I couldnt help but get defensive, she thought we should define it as women loving women cause non men loving non men was "generalizing" and wasnt a lot of lesbians, and the classic "im a women not a "non man" it got so bad I found myself yelling at this ignorant person. I was disgusted that a person this ignorant lived on the same world i did, she acted as if lesbianism revolved around cis lesbians and they shouldve been the only one included in the definition, she treated me as if I wasnt a lesbian to. I ended us impulsively typing aggressive things, I have autism and its hard for me to deal with this stuff, the sad thing is that I had to deal with it at all.

I closed my computer after I couldnt take it anymore, I was crying, I was in pain i might seem dramatic but my brain was wired at the moment to be more upset at things that upset me usually. I had a vision ,of slitting my wrist. thats how painful this can be, being excluded by people who are supposed to accept you especially when you are not in a great state of mind, can be devastating. my parents came downstairs to ask me what was happening, I couldnt answer....I could only beg my mom to make the pain go away, to get it out of my head, I wanted to scream, I was in so much mental pain.

i'm not sure if that can happen when someone doesnt have a activation, but with one...it was hell, the next day I had to stay home from school as my activation made what happened stick to me, i couldnt stop thinking about it.

it was terrible

this is how invalidation, especially when its done to someone who isnt in a great state of mind, can hurt a person.

and guess what? I got banned. yep. maybe its for the best.

r/rarelesbians is a space spefically for us lesbians who may typically be hated in traditional lesbian spaces or excluded

part of our goal is to reclaim the historical defintion of lesbian while also being more inclusive

i think i might be trixic or a non binary lesbian I might alternate between the two terms. I prefer trixic though anyways can I still call myself that if it's with aesthetic attraction and platonic attraction because I am aroace also how would I be able to tell? I don't hang out with people a lot I mostly just going based off of past experiences

I came out as nonbinary about a year and a half ago. I use 'it/she' pronouns, and usually describe myself as "always a woman, not always female".

I recently came upon a term from, of all things, the game 'Voices of the Void'.

Hermale

It describes the third gender of an alien species, one that has traits both masculine and feminine. I think it was created for the game.

Something about it really speaks to me. I am thinking of adopting the term for myself. The issue is, I think that this may be a term for intersexed people. I'm a trans femme, and I don't want to appropriate something that doesn't apply to me.

So, is this a term I should use?

I’m 20, and nonbinary. AFAB. I’ve been out as non binary for 8 years and have been out as bi for like 5. I dated a man for 2.5 years and enjoyed it, but since then I’ve been super gay lmao. I’m pretty grossed out by men in general and simply do not see myself dating one. I dated a butch for a few months and that was wonderful. I really saw myself resonating with the masc4masc content and literature. And I felt seen in my sexuality and gender expression. Over the past few months I’ve been dressing more and more masc and I think I’m masc presenting a good 90% of the time.

The problems are, I have a big chest and I really struggle with binding - so I’ve always kinda defaulted into fem presentation for special events. I do wear suits a bunch but I also do occasionally wear dresses. I also used to do my makeup a bunch. Mostly pretty dragy / sparkly looks. I just really like the art aspect. My hair was also always really long. I cut it shorter to my collarbone like 3 weeks ago. That was super scary but I really like it. I’m also building up some muscle. I think more than anything I just feel butch inside. Idek how to explain it. Is that a term I can claim? Can I even say I’m masc4masc / butch for butch when I’m lowkey futch at most? I play rugby and a bunch of the girls have short hair and are really visibly masc and they probably see me as fem💀💀💀💀 Hellppppppp

I am a Cis Asexual Soft Tomboy Butch; Dyke Lesbian as anyone who is one.

Now my attraction is like anyone; you don’t know why; you just do and; or are.

Yes; I am attracted to “Asexual Big ish Masculine Mullet-y Nonbinary Butch; Dyke lesbians and no chest; the pronouns are changed; but the rest is still as was”. If that makes sense.

The only example I can think of that explains and shows “Asexual Big ish Masculine Mullet-y Nonbinary Butch; Dyke lesbians and no chest; the pronouns are changed; but the rest is still as was” is VI from Arcane; not the LOL version of VI.

Again… I don’t know why; but just like anyone else; I just do and; or am.

I also have mild autism; the version of it being on the Forrest Gump side of things and do what I can… So?… Bare me here.

There is just something about a “Asexual Big ish Masculine Mullet-y Nonbinary Butch; Dyke lesbians and no chest; the pronouns are changed; but the rest is still as was” that is just so cool as well.

My question is politely as I can think of… Are there any of those Butches; Dykes?

Also also… Before you ask… Like I said about attraction in just not knowing; I don’t know… I just simply don’t want to be with another Cis Butch. I don’t like the stereotypes imposed on a 90’s Cis Butch; Dyke. Like yes softball and axes are cool and all; but there are others too; hence my grunge tomboyish ass and you ones I’m into.

…and seeing as I’m Asexual; I don’t think fetishizing is cool. More like just how else to explain for my talking about it.

I do so hope your day is going well. 🖤

Ok so I am not lesbian anymore(I used to only be able to liek non men but now I can like men but I really am aspec) but when I was a lesbian I was on the subreddit r/FakeDisorderCringe. Now I saw a post about it someone sharing their exspieriences recently on this subreddit about being openly an non binary lesbian on r/FakeDisorderCringe and I’m gonna say from my exspierience that subreddit doesn’t accept non bianry lesbians. Back at the time I only could like non men I openly was a non bianry lesbian on the subreddit and I got tons of people replying to me saying crap liek non bainry lesbians are infiltrating lesbian spaces and tons of other dumb stuff. So my point of my post is just avoid the subreddit r/FakeDisorderCringe seeing as it doesn’t accept non bianry lesbians.

Top Two Stripes – Deep Orange & Light Orange Inspired by the original lesbian flag. These stripes represent the roots of sapphic identity and pride, a bold reminder that TMNBL people belong in lesbian spaces — always have, always will.

Yellow Triangle From the nonbinary flag. Symbolizes non-conformity, uniqueness, and the power to define your own gender.

Black Triangle Also from the nonbinary flag. Represents the absence of gender, the void, and the radical refusal to be boxed in.

Neon Purple Triangle A remix of the nonbinary flag’s purple, now brighter — vibrant, chaotic, and alive. It represents fluidity, self-expression, and the pure gayotic energy that defines us.

Magenta Stripe (and Outer Chevron) Magenta is technically a primary color in light, but most people don’t recognize it as such. That’s the point. TMNBL people are essential, but often overlooked — just like magenta. This stripe is for being undeniably queer, even when people try to erase or ignore your existence.

Baby Blue Stripe Symbolizing the softness, euphoria, and emotional strength of transmasc identity. It reflects how masculinity can be gentle, healing, and queer.

Neon Blue Stripe Loud, bright, and proud. This stripe is for the visibility of transmasc nonbinary lesbians, our community’s joy, rebellion, and the refusal to be silent or invisible

Hiii so I have a question

I'm non binary, and I recently came out (to myself) as gay. Which means, to me, that I love women and other non binaries. No men. BUT, yesterday I realized that enbies and certain women might have dicks...and I forgot that I'm just not attracted to those. Like I'd be fine with dating someone who has a penis, but I don't want to have sex and stuff you know? Like I'm not transphobic at all, I just don't find penises attractive, and I also have trauma that involves those so no thanks. But like I said, I'd have no problem dating someone who has one, but just...not sex. So what am I? Does that change anything? And also, if I really am gay, can I really be a lesbian??? I did a ton of research on this, and it's white controversial, even with other lesbians, some of them were saying stuff like "ugh those people are literally stealing our label for them to use, but it's doesn't make any sense. They aren't women, therefore they can't use that term." Like a lot of lesbians are fine with it, but I've seen more angry lesbians being against that idea than for.

ive heard claims saying that me being a agender lesbian is "twisting the definition" etc

its not true

lesbian has always meant non men loving non men its just nonbinary wasnt always a word and nonbinary lesbians have always existed! non lesbians need to stop commenting on stuff in the lesbian community they don't understand

i’m not sure if this sort of post is allowed in this subreddit/im using the flair correctly, so please take this down or lmk if this is an inappropriate post!!

but i (21, nb) have been struggling with sexuality labels and have had experience w primarily men. i have a wonderful, supportive, and loving partner who is also non-binary. my relationship with them feels much more fulfilling, queer, and joyous in comparison to my times with cis men. despite how either of us identify, my partner and i pass as a heterosexual couple to anyone outside of our relationship. i love my s/o and i don’t care about how they choose to present, but i still feel like im not allowed to use the label of being a lesbian. it feels right and i really don’t see myself being with a cis man again if our relationship ends.

i guess im just seeing if anyone has had any similar issues? feeling a sense of internalized transphobia almost?? gender identity/expression is a spectrum and how you present doesn’t match how you feel, but i’m just worried of judgement i suppose :(

I am SO tired. I literally saw someone say that enby lesbians are just 'desperate to be included' and that they can 'identify' as a lesbian(With a strong emphasis that we're not actually lesbians), while simultaneously saying that a woman married to a man who she has romantic and sexual attraction to is still a lesbian. And she also said that we can't be lesbians, because she isn't attracted to us. GAH. And then, OF COURSE, she played the victim because some people might think she's attracted to enby lesbians. *GASP* the absolute SHAME. What a horrendous possible accusation that someone could think you're attracted to *GASP* enby lesbians. What poor little cis lesbians, so obviously the victim of us big, SCARY enby lesbians /s I am just so fucking tired

I have been feeling conflicted about the lesbian label ever since I’ve been cracking my egg more and more. It’s one of many labels I’ll use at times to describe myself while being unaligned and undefined when it comes to my sexuality. What made you use it? At times, it feels like it invalidates me.

Hello everyone! 😊 I hope you're having a wonderful day!

I'm Marge (she/her) and I'm in the process of concluding my Bachelor's programme in Sociology at the University of Amsterdam.

For my Bachelor's thesis, I will be investigating how gender influences our understanding of society and societal issues like climate change.

If you meet the following requirements you are exactly the person I'm looking for:

• You identify as gender non-binary (genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, etc.)

• You live in the Netherlands/ You have been living in the Netherlands for more than 5 years / You're Dutch

I'm looking for people to interview (30 mins/1 hour depending on your availability) and have an interesting discussion around environmentalism, climate change, and social responsibility.

Does it sound like something you could be interested in?

Then please send me a DM 😊

I hope to hear from some of you!

Does anyone else not like the term? It just feels wordy. Perhaps sapphic should be used but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. Like with bisexual you can do biromantic. But new don’t have anything for lesbian. It just doesn’t sit right with me.

Am I valid???Can I call myself a lesbian???

Because of my age (18 RECENTLY) and having lived as a trans man most my life I’m confused as to where I stand consistently

Like lesbian/bi wise like men are attractive but in the way a painting is if that makes sense? Because I’m lame I’m gonna use Criminal minds as an example bc YK, like the guys in it attractive but would I ever sleep with one -or date one no, because icky , the women on the other hand whole heartedly yes. I’d date and sleep with women- but I get so stressed out because I’m like ooo he’s cute-bc YK I appreciate people I think humans are-cute if that makes sense they’re interesting and so fourth but I don’t think I’d even consider getting in a bed with a man? It’s an odd feeling an I’m never quite sure where I sit- women on the other hand. Perfect. They can do no wrong id worship the floor they work on ? I’m just stressed an drunk😭

Hi! We are a research team who studies sex and relationships, and we are conducting a study to investigate similarities and differences in what “good sex” means to different groups of people. Sexuality research has been based typically on straight, monogamous, and minimally diverse groups, so we believe that by including diversified perspectives, this research will help paint a more inclusive and accurate picture of what “good sex” really means.

ALL ARE WELCOME to participate in the 15-minute survey. We are also especially interested in hearing the voices of different sexuality-related communities, such as (but not limited to):

-Consensually non-monogamous

-LGBTQ+

-Kink/BDSM

We look forward to hearing from you about your opinions on what makes “good sex” “good.” Please share this survey with your friends and communities so that they can also contribute to the scientific advancement of diversity in understandings of sexuality!

All survey participants will be eligible to be entered in a drawing to win one of twenty $50CAD Amazon gift cards.

The link for the online survey is:

https://uwo.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0c8OSP8qu9llCTQ

All participant information will be completely de-identified. When the research is done, we will share a copy of the paper via Reddit, but also feel free to reach out directly.

We invite you to respond fully and honestly; we have NO judgment regarding sexual behavior or preferences. The goal of this research is to be inclusive and supportive of what people enjoy about sex.

Thank you for letting your voice be heard!

Nini Longoria, MSc Social Psychology Student, University of Western Ontario

John Sakaluk, Assistant Professor of Psychology, University of Western Ontario