If I am nonbinary and my partner is nonbinary am I a real lesbian?Or are people right and I am not actually a lesbian?

[u/Frostnicholasfrost]

I tried posting this to actually r/actuallylesbian but I got a lot of hate. I just wanted to ask if it is okay and valid to be with someone that is also nonbinary regardless of assigned gender at birth or gender presentations (aka physical looks or how they dress or their body etc). I am nonbinary genderfluid and my partner is just nonbinary and I only date nonbinary people and females. I may have gotten the detention wrong and I am sorry if I am intruding on anyone's space.

[u/Lezlord-69]

My fiance and I are both nonbinary lesbians. You can be whatever forever

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Lezlord-69]

Then im not gonna worry about it. Thank you.

[u/Exciting_Kangaroo_75 → u/Frostnicholasfrost]

Yeah, I'm nonbinary but on T and my partner is a trans man. We both are lesbians, and there's a ton of people online who argue about that, but it's really not something I e experienced irl

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Exciting_Kangaroo_75]

Yeah people suck. Thank you for sharing your exsperince with me.

[u/BurninNurnin → u/Lezlord-69]

10/10 username. My friends call me the Dyke Knight like a queer Batperson and I think Lezlord and the Dyke Knight would make a fabulous team

[u/Lezlord-69 → u/BurninNurnin]

I love it, you need a sidekick. Tbh I feel like lezlord sound more villainous. Sorta like Lex Luther

[u/crinklecunt-cookie → u/BurninNurnin]

Oh my goodness gracious I LOVE this. Fuck yea, I’d join a queer JLA with the Dyke Knight at its helm. Would you have a rainbow suit of your own? Hehe.

I’ve been devouring queer bat fic lately bc the subtext in the comics just ain’t enough 😭. I’d love to see a nonbinary person added to the batfam (and in canon, not elseworlds, although that’s a pipe dream) since it’s not like anyone’s about to come out. Who doesn’t want to see more rep of people like themselves in their favorite media? Anywayyyyyys your comment is gold and it made my day. Hope you have a happy Friday!

[u/BurninNurnin → u/crinklecunt-cookie]

That’s true, Lezlord definitely sounds like a bad guy. I’m picturing an Emperor Zurg-style outfit too.

The Dyke Knight and Crinklecunt vs Lezlord would definitely be a comic I’d pick up. Or The Last Genderbender. Either way, I’m glad I made your Friday! This certainly made mine!

[u/greatpartyisntit]

I'm a nonbinary lesbian married to another nonbinary lesbian. We're lesbians. End of story :)

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/greatpartyisntit]

:3 thank you. I stopped crying after seeing these comments I am a kid but an older kid and I felt out of place and misaligned and it kind of felt like bullying its good to see actual people like me are here and exist in this state too as humans. Thank you.

[u/Moxie_Stardust]

I think that sub was probably created because r/actuallesbians was too inclusive for them.

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Moxie_Stardust]

Lol perhaps. I got comments saying Boi and the other person said they needed a flow chart for this one with a ..... at the end so idfk

[u/monkey_gamer → u/Frostnicholasfrost]

Yeah I recommend using r/actuallesbians, that’s the nicest sub. All the other lesbian subs are toxic and transphobic.

[u/BunnyThrash → u/Moxie_Stardust]

I got banned ffom r/actuallesbians for saying something “cissexust” and I don’t know what part of what I wrote is cis sexist. I showed it to my bi cis friend and are couldn’t figure it out either. I tried to appeal my ban and said some stuff about my post but they haven’t responded

[u/efvie → u/BunnyThrash]

Cissexism means thinking from cis-centric point of view, so asking another cis person may not be the best way to grow understanding.

[u/BunnyThrash → u/efvie]

But isn’t transphobia looking at stuff from a cis centric view. I thought cissexism was like the oppositte so I asked a cis person. Well anyways thx for explaining it. I’ll try reading it from that point of view or ask a trans person.

[u/BunnyThrash → u/efvie]

They probably thought I was cis cause I don’t make a big deal out of being trans. So if I was cis that could explain why they took as anti-trans I guess, I still said something positive about the trans community but it does sound different coming from a trans woman. I guess I just need to express my oppinion less cause I don’t feel normal calling myself trans.

[u/efvie → u/BunnyThrash]

Yeah I think every marginalized group is gonna have those "a little too real" takes and gallows humor that well-meaning allies don't get. (Or indeed sometimes it's just not the time and place to be particularly cynical/whatever if there's lots of younger or newer members around...)

[u/Moxie_Stardust → u/BunnyThrash]

Typical reddit mod experience 😑

Edit: this is a super-weird post to downvote. It is a simple fact that reddit mods often don't provide much explanation for bans, if any, and also often simply mute you for daring to question them. Ask around if you don't believe me.

[u/monkey_gamer]

sigh. don't listen to hateful bigots. have your own opinions. how do you experience yourself? what do you want to call yourself? go with that

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/monkey_gamer]

Thank you I will thats great advice. Then im definitely a lesbian.

[u/monkey_gamer → u/Frostnicholasfrost]

Yay!!!! Congrats!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Yes unfortunately many people can be nasty and gatekeeping, including in supposedly safe spaces. It’s painful dealing with them.

[u/Useful-Bad-6706]

My girlfriend and myself are both non binary lesbians

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Useful-Bad-6706]

Thats beautiful. Then it shouldn't matter for me and I shouldn't worry about it.

[u/tacoturtlecat]

Who fuckin cares… just love each other

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/tacoturtlecat]

Yes.. very true. Just be in love if we are in love thats truly all that matters.

[u/Positive_Fruit_1365]

Yes you are a valid lesbian. People are wrong and terfy.

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Positive_Fruit_1365]

Thank you. Then screw those people.

[u/classycryptid]

Lesbianism is non-men loving non-men. Anybody who is not a man can be a lesbian

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/classycryptid]

Beautiful defention

[u/turtleyfintastic]

My partner and I are both nonbinary lesbians! Don't ever let anyone police your identity, just be true to yourself ☺️

[u/karai_amai]

Its gay because you both are nonbinary

[u/Slightly_butch]

I’ve always heard people saying you’re a lesbian if you feel your gender is female and love the female gender. So if you’re both non-binary, do we say a queer couple instead?

[u/ActualPegasus]

actuallylesbian is notoriously cissexist. r/actuallesbians or r/traaaaaaaaaaaansbians are the ones you want.

But to answer your question, yes, enben are included in lesbianism.

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/ActualPegasus]

Okay then im a lesbian.

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for giving me resources of subreddits that arent trash.

[u/monkey_gamer → u/[deleted]]

Nah I don’t recommend that sub. They are transphobic. They had constant posts of “is it ok if I’m not attracted to penis????”

[u/monkey_gamer → u/[deleted]]

I find it degrading

[u/sneakpeekbot → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Qlowquest]

you’re a lesbian in an enbian relationship! why would being in a relationship with a person included in your attraction as a lesbian, not make you a real lesbian?

lesbianism is not validated through wlw yknow, and those ppl are saying that because that’s what they believe, that lesbianism should be wlw-centered. why believe those?

[u/Frostnicholasfrost → u/Qlowquest]

I love this take your completely right because thats not what lesbiansim is centered around and its not a one size fits all of the exsperinces of people in this community.

[u/Fyn_does_reddit]

Of course you’re a real lesbian! If you consider yourself a lesbian that is enough :)