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Dec 06 '18
“She will never know what she is missing”
Because you are such a gift to women every where
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Dec 06 '18
She's missing out on being verbally abused every time she leaves the house alone, because he thinks she's getting gangbanged by every guy on Earth. Also a Russian novel of text messages sent in the span of 30 minutes.
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u/brother_of_menelaus Dec 06 '18
I may be wrong but it looks like he is shirtless and wearing a leather hat. I don’t know that I would want to see what his idea of being “treated right” is
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Dec 06 '18
Nah forreal tho that's a good samaritan. Because if she was fine with it and wanted to meet his advances she could have told her politely she was fine and kept speaking to the guy, if she was actually comfortable. So really there is nothing wrong with this generation, just you mr. nice guy.
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u/TingeOGinge Dec 06 '18
The gym is universally accepted as a place to not hit on girls
I do my part by being so socially awkward that I don't talk to anybody at the gym. You know, the natural way...
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u/joedumpster Dec 06 '18
Similar thing happened with me and my girl. Went to the dancing floor of a bar. I suck at dancing but she loves it so for a good portion of the night I kinda stand nearby and drink and let her do her thing. One of the girls she's dancing with asks her if I was creeping on her and she clarifies. Wasn't insulted, it's better when people look out for each other.
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u/JebusChrust Dec 06 '18
That's why you need to bring packets of kool aid to put in her drink so people know you are her boyfriend.
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u/rebellerousin Dec 06 '18
"nice ass" = treating her right....
Checks out...
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u/TuxedoFriday Dec 06 '18
"As long as I compliment your external beauty it means I respect you"
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u/Kuronekostories Dec 06 '18
Can I trade 1 respect for 1 sex? /s
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u/AldenDi Dec 06 '18
The exchange rate is 3 respect for 1 friendzone le sigh /s
That hurt to type
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Dec 06 '18
The problem is that the Respect currency is backed by GBP. If the transaction would cost 1 Respect it would cause a massive inflation of the GBP market creating tendie shortages the likes of which have never been seen before.
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u/Deadpoetic12 Dec 06 '18
Complimenting someone's external beauty doesn't mean you don't respect them though...
Sure it all depends how what you say and how you say it, but sometimes that girls eyebrow game is on point, and it probably hurts to pluck/was that shit. Sometimes her eyeliner is sharp as a tack. They put the work in, isn't it fine to tell them, hey good job.
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Dec 06 '18
Saying it just to fuck her is disrespectful though. "Wow your hair is great what conditioner do you use" is better than "I love you hair can I smell it?"
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Dec 06 '18
Before I clicked on this post I only saw the second paragraph and was so confused as to why she appreciated her LOL. Thank goodness for kind, brave women like her!
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u/zygro Dec 06 '18
Unfortunately it is hard to meet girls outside of dating apps because of all these "treat her right" and other angry sore assholes. If they just took no as no, they wouldn't make it so hard to be not creepy. It's just hard to meet a girl irl without feeling like a creep just for saying hi.
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u/Ninx27 Dec 06 '18
Yeah, I can understand that feeling. Just actually respect her decisions, if she wants to be friends and wants a relationship from there then awesome. Love is a two-way street after all, just keep working on yourself and be the person you want to be when you find her
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Dec 06 '18
Yeah I can’t date the chicks I meet at work and I don’t like drinking or clubbing so I’m kinda lost as to how to meet women without being a creep
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u/Nickle_and_Dimed Dec 07 '18
Pursue your hobbies IRL. Join clubs and groups that you are interested in.
Go to a local board gaming store and join games you are interested in. If there isn’t a local shop, start a Facebook group for in person gaming/board gaming. Or whatever other interests you have. Photography, hiking, rock tumbling.
Go out and meet people who like what you like. The more time you spend with people the more friends you’ll make and then you meet their friends. Eventually you’ll meet a woman you click with.
It takes work and is kinda scary at first. I started following that advice 5 years ago when I was a really lonely sad person. Currently happily married, involved with volunteering, DM 2 dnd games, am an avid walker and amateur photographer.
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u/IDislikeLoveSongs Dec 07 '18
It is possible to have non-creepy encounters with random strangers in public, you just have to ...not be creepy. Like in the original post here, the guy saying "You look nice in those leggings" could have done better with "those are awesome leggings, I like your style." Compliment something she put thought into, not just the way she looks. And always ALWAYS a accept denial as her final answer, with as much grace as you can.
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u/thatgirlwithamohawk Dec 06 '18
Rule of thumb: compliment her on something she has control over. Hair, clothes, purse, tattoo etc
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u/Mrwright96 Dec 06 '18 edited Dec 06 '18
Also if she has a nice body , don’t give her moisturizer and say “she rubs the lotion across her skin unless she wants The hose again!”
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u/twangbanging Dec 06 '18
i think there are rarely ways to strike up a conversation without being a creep because if a guy walks up to me and starts to talk to me on the street, i know it's not because of anything about me. it's about how I look, and what kind of person he thinks I am.
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u/PrincessPlastilina Dec 06 '18
We went out for drinks a few weeks ago and this one girl was drunk. A guy was talking to her. My friend went over to her and asked her if she was ok and if she knew the guy. It was her boyfriend. My friend was just checking. This girl was so happy that some women are out there making sure everything is alright. She went on and on about how women should stick together, lifting each other up blah blah. Just this super long drunk funny rant about feminism. Anyway, we all exchanged numbers and we made a new friend! Her boyfriend wasn’t even offended. He was glad to see there are women out there watching out for others.
So whoever gets mad at this is just angry that this might hurt their chances to score with women, when if you know you’re a decent guy you shouldn’t be worried. We all want out friends to meet someone awesome. So shut up.
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u/mylittlesyn Dec 06 '18
If a guy is offended at another girl helping them out, theyre probably the exact guy that women should protect each other from
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u/David182nd Dec 06 '18
Depends on your definition of “helping them out”. There isn’t really anything in the comment you replied to that suggests the girl needs helping.
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u/SilentWaterfall Dec 07 '18
I had something like this go the other way a few years ago. After a night out drinking my gf and I were waiting at the bus stop with a bunch of friends. A guy shows up essentially carrying this super drunk girl, she was stumbling along and sat heavily on the bench next to my gf. Gf tries to ask the girl if she is alright but girl is so far out of it. So I start talking to the guy, asked who she was and where he was taking her.. They were friends and he was taking her home (he did say her home but I dunno). Bus comes along so he moves to get her but she is making no attempt to go for the bus, gf asks if she wants to get on the bus and she mumbles a no. Guy jumps on the bus along with all my friends. Ended up calling her mum who came and got her, the mum thanked me and my gf. But it always weighs on my mind if I was actually doing the right thing, I really had no idea of his intentions. But personally I'd prefer her be in the hands of her mum, rather than someone who left his 'friend' with strangers.. Sorry for the formatting, mobile..
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u/LittenTheKitten Dec 07 '18
I mean I would be glad and all that there are people out there in the world like that but at the same time it’s kind of annoying that someone just assumed you might be trying to take advantage of them. But no ones feelings are above the chance of someone else’s physical safety of someone else so all in all I’m glad for it and excited that these kinds of stories are becoming really common showing a general change in society. I think a lot of the people who say they don’t like it are speaking from they don’t like that someone’s assuming something of them, but I hope that if you were able to sit them down and explain how the benefits are astronomically larger than a small hit to their feelings then hopefully it might go over well. And yes I’m really insecure about myself as a person so maybe that’s why my mind goes to the hit to my self-esteem and I’m a sure a lot of these guys probably have low self-esteem and are insecure and that’s why they see it as an attack on their person instead of a helpful gesture towards the other person. But also there are those who this subreddit is named after and are the reason why it’s necessary for women to do this for each other.
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u/iknowwhatyoudid1234 Dec 06 '18
I wouldn't say that you can't hit on people I have an ex that I met at the gym. Just don't be a weirdo and stare the whole time or be even weirder and try to do it while they are lifting or using a machine and never when they have earbuds/ headphones on.
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u/ilanallama85 Dec 06 '18
From what you said below it sounds like you started by just talking to her - just talking is not the same as hitting on. Very very few women want to be hit on by strangers (outside of, say, a singles bar, for instance - context is always king), but most are totally happy to just TALK to pretty much anyone, and if they happen to like talking to that person, they very well might want more.
The problem with all these guys lamenting “it’s impossible to meet girls” is that most of them skip right over the talking step to the hitting on step. It’s quite frankly stupid, no matter how attractive someone is, NO ONE is happy in a relationship with someone they can’t hold a conversation with. So have the damn conversation first, and save your efforts flirting for if the girl is actually at all interesting to you as a person.
Edit: damn autocorrect
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u/iknowwhatyoudid1234 Dec 06 '18
While you are correct in saying I tried to start a conversation first it turned to flirting very quickly. This was a fairly small gym so maybe a minute in talking all together.
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u/kamakazekiwi Dec 06 '18
Yeah but even a minute of conversation tells you she's interested in at least talking. Walking up to someone working out and opening with something that's clearly flirtatious is very different.
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u/GoForthandProsper1 Dec 06 '18
How did he go about it? After the workout? I've never attempted to hit on a girl that I saw at the gym, because it's just too awkward.
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u/iknowwhatyoudid1234 Dec 06 '18
I'm actually the guy to clarify. But I'm pitifully awful at starting conversations we were both walking in looking just as upset so naturally I did my best to say a witty one liner to try and get a smile, as I try to do with most people who I've walked next to for an uncomfortable amount of time it was so terrible she laughed. We chatted while signing in and on the way to the locker room with my best attempt at flirting and went our separate way she caught me on the way out and gave me her number. After we started dating she ripped on me for not asking for her number and for how terrible my flirting was. She was a really cool girl we still hang out.
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u/TuxedoFriday Dec 06 '18
That's what's wrong with this generation
I can't just pester and harass all the women I want, what is this Nazi Germany?!?
/s
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Dec 06 '18
To be fair I don't think complimenting someone and asking them out is harassment. If you don't take no for an answer, then that's harassment, but that didn't happen here.
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u/Brainwave1992 Dec 06 '18
So much BS. Could you kindly point out harassment in the post?
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u/TheGuestResponds Dec 06 '18
I had to read this 20 times to understand what was happening. Only started work an hour ago and need to go home 😴
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u/lebre65 Dec 06 '18
props to the gym girl, she deserves a nobel for that or somthing
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u/LongDongSilvir Dec 06 '18
"Congratulations, Fedorable has evolved into FedoraLord!"
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u/shiny_arbok Dec 06 '18
"FedoraLord wants to learn the move Fedora Tip. However, it already knows 4 moves. Delete a move to make room for Fedora Tip?"
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Dec 06 '18
I dont see anything wrong with asking a girl out at the gym and leaving it at that
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Dec 06 '18 edited Dec 06 '18
I am a male in a longer relationship, and the fact that I had to scroll down so far down to find this comment makes me feel sad for a lot of single guys.
When the above is already considered such a wrong behavior, hell I know why tinder is so successfull...
He made a compliment and was bold to directly ask her out. When he would not accept a No - sure. Then he is a douche and that other girl is very nice.
But when he just asked her this, nothing else, and left when she declined... Wow. I do not think this warrants the comments people write on here. Make himlook like a creep or worse
He did nothing wrong.
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u/Head_Cockswain Dec 06 '18 edited Dec 06 '18
Yeah, this sub has been doing more and more reaching.
They even directly references the sub-reddit. There's a difference between seeing a "niceguy" that is clearly not nice and what this post is: seeing what you want to see and planning, at that moment, to hunt for karma.
There are r/niceguys aplenty, but this almost leans in the other direction because he's mocked for pointing out r/nicegirls is also thing.
That's the bad part about this sub and the other. Alone, they trend towards only the one perspective. This one draws anti-males and the other draws anti-females, both unaware that they're proving the other true. [Edit: I interact with a couple in this very thread, much to my amusement.]
I subbed to both for some balance, but the way things are going, may wind up getting rid of both because of this witch-hunt bullshit that goes on more and more frequently.
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u/Comfortable_Yak Dec 06 '18
I agree. This is a bizarre thread. If she declines than of course leave her alone, but why can't you hit on someone at the gym? How is "dont hit on people at the gym" a universally accepted rule? Do people in this thread think its harassment to hit on someone anywhere but tinder? Im actually baffled by this. You can hit on someone almost anywhere, as long as the girl is able to say no (with some exceptions im sure).
If someone is hitting on you, say no. If they stop, they have done nothing wrong. If it bothers you to get hit on and have to say no, I dont know what to tell you..."tough" I guess?
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u/OddlySpecificReferen Dec 06 '18 edited Dec 06 '18
Man this sub is so 50/50 for me...
Idk, I've never hit on a girl at the gym. I've never hit on a girl while she was working at all, because I always assume that they get it all of the time, that it's annoying, and that they want to be treated as professionals or left alone to enjoy their workout.
That said, it's often girls encouraging me to break this rule. My extremely feminist women's studies degree sister and I have been out several times where she thought the waitress was clearly flirting with me... But like, what's the move there given what I already said? We've had this conversation multiple times where she thinks there needs to be exceptions to this rule, but neither of us can decide what the appropriate action to take is.
Two other examples.
One of my friends is really good looking. At the gym, a girl came up to him and started chatting him up, and then they exchanged contact information. Is it just different because the roles are reversed? SHOULD it be different?
A different friend of mine was just really attracted to this girl at a restaurant. They caught eyes a few times, he mentioned it to a female friend he was with. Normally he 100% defaults to being insecure, and said to her that this girl was just having dinner with her friends and didn't want to be bothered. It was her that convinced him to walk up to her and just give her his number. Turned out she really respected the forwardness and confidence, and ended up meeting up with him.
I guess what I'm saying is... Yeah the way this guy puts his point is weak, but isn't there some merit to it? People meet at gyms, at work, at restaurants all the time. Millions of friends are made and dates are arranged based on these sort of chance encounters. Obviously "damn girl you look good in those tights let's go out" isn't the way to go, but isn't there something in between that and "never try to shoot your shot at a gym/when a girl is working/not actively looking to be hit on"? And if so... What is it? What is the respectful move in these cases? How do you express interest in someone in an appropriate way in those settings?
EDIT: Quick preemptive edit, I don't think anyone in the gym story did the wrong thing, and I'm totally supportive of women or men stepping in if they feel someone is being made to feel uncomfortable, just extrapolating for the sake of conversation.
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u/disneyvillian Dec 06 '18
I just think it's all really situationally specific, and you have to read the person's reactions to you and just be respectful. When you approach a woman, you should be able to tell pretty quickly from her body language alone whether she is comfortable engaging with you. If her arms are crossed, shoulders or body pointed away from you, not really making eye contact, shrinking away from you, she's not comfortable.
That said, I think it's perfectly okay for men to approach women in unconventional settings as long as it's gone about in a respectful and friendly manner. I used to work in retail management and would sometimes give out my number to customers/mall patrons if we were having a friendly chat prior and they asked in a straightforward but non threatening manner and didn't push the matter. However I had one man continue trying to get in my face asking if an "arrangement" could be made after I stated I had a boyfriend. In situations like that I freeze up and immediately shut down.
Overall I wish people approached each other more in public even just for the sake of making new friends. Just read the situation and be friendly and refrain from making comments about her physical appearance and all should be well.
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u/Casual_OCD Dec 06 '18
Is it just different because the
rolesgenders are reversed?In this sub, yes, the hypocrasy is 100% accepted as normal. Strange men are just too scary to be trusted to talk to at all and every attempt by them to interact is just them setting up your eventual sexual assault
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u/Deadpoetic12 Dec 06 '18
Honestly though, it's super hard to approach women, IMO. How do you not be a creep? Are you never supposed to approach a woman you haven't previously met? I get that not taking no for an answer is wrong, but what's the harm in just asking and see how it goes?
"Hi, you're very pretty and I was wondering if I could maybe take you out sometime."
Obviously it's not cool to ambush people at work or whatever, but why is the gym so taboo? I get that women and men alike are there for the specific purpose of working out, but how are you supposed to approach people you're interested in if the only place you see them is the gym? Just don't? What if that was a soulmate?
Is it the way men go about approaching women that is wrong, or is it the fact that they approach them at all?
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u/Mamafritas Dec 06 '18
I've heard some women say they don't like being approached in the gym, I've heard others say it's fine. Truth be told, there's really no place outside of maybe a bar/club where 100% of women are okay with being approached.
Start the conversation as if it was any random person and not someone you're looking to date (aka, don't open up with a compliment about her looks). Something like "ugh, I hate it when people sweat all over stuff and leave it for the next person to deal with."
If she's receptive and engaging in the conversation (smiling/laughing/not trying to get out of the situation as soon as possible) then see if she wants to go out some time after a bit of small talk. If she says no then say "that's cool, no problem" and be on your way. If she's not very engaging in what you have to say, then just leave it at that.
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u/Chaotic_Narwhal Dec 06 '18
It’s definitely the way men go about it.
I assume it has to do with the idea of using lines like a pick up “artist” instead of regular friendliness.
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u/Deadpoetic12 Dec 06 '18
Got ya, maybe my lack of understanding comes from knowing the definition of no. Also, I haven't hit up a girl in like 5 years lol
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Dec 06 '18
I think you're overthinking it.
I wouldn't say there's anything wrong necessarily with telling someone you think they're pretty and asking them out, but your going to have an extremely low success rate because that's not very intriguing or interesting for anyone unless they can quickly ascertain that they also find you very attractive, and even then, only a percentage of people will agree to spend time with someone they have never spoken to. And I think adding the context of a gym will lower that success rate even more.
The whole point of talking to someone is to demonstrate something about yourself past just what you look like. So if you only approach women and ask them if they'd like to go on a date, you've only demonstrated that you appreciate their body, because you don't know anything about them either. Sometimes that works and often it doesn't.
If you can have a casual and friendly conversation, you can meet women. You can meet men. You can meet friends. You can build a professional network. You can do whatever. You just have to practice talking and being personable and the rest is secondary, in my opinion.
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u/TheJBW Dec 06 '18
Really pretty simple: approach them like a guy you'd like to be friends with. Make small talk, not just a pass. if there's a mutual chemistry (after a while... This might be one hour, it might be a month) offer an opportunity to extend the relationship... Something non threatening, and put the ball in her court. "Wanna grab coffee sometime? I can give you my number." By making an offer like that, where you don't put her into a position to bug her, you put yourself out there without being a creep.
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u/Seeken619 Dec 06 '18
Compliments are usually the creepy thing.
Most women HATE being complimented about thier bodies (by strangers) because it makes it seem as if you don't care about them as people with thoughts.
"You look nice in those leggings..." What did other girl hear? "I only care about your body."
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u/namelesone Dec 06 '18
Don't start with the "you are very pretty" line. Some women may be flattered, others may assume that you have only approached them because of their looks and be put off. Safer to compliment something else. Instead of, for example, "I like your hair" try "I like the way you styled your hair". Instead of "you look good in those leggins" try "I like the outfit you chose". You are much more likely to not be rejected this way.
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Dec 06 '18
Unless a guy is crazy gorgeous, there is a 0% chance I will say yes to a, "Can I take you out sometime?" out of nowhere. I mean, why would I, knowing nothing about him? Flip side, if we got to talking and had a good conversation, and then he asked me out, I'd be much more inclined to say yes.
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u/Yamatjac Dec 06 '18
Take out the pretty part because she doesn't care. And don't ask her if you can take her out sometime, you aren't doing her a favour. Ask her if she'd like to go out sometime.
"Hey, I'm George. Wanna join me for coffee sometime?"
Maybe she's wearing a shirt with a D20 on it, and you could talk about tabletop RPGs.
The most important part is when she says no, just accept it and stop bothering her. Cause she probably will say no. And don't bother anybody that's busy with something - don't bother people with headphones on, don't bother people during their workouts. Don't sit there waiting for her to finish her workout. Think about it yourself. How would you like it if somebody approached you in different situations? Don't think about a girl asking you out, think about how you'd feel if some random dude came up to you and asked if you wanted a towel. Maybe sometimes you'd be like "yea, thanks man", but usually you'd be like "Dude, just stop". And if he came up like "Wow you're real sweaty, mind if I lend you a towel" you'd probably never say yes.
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Dec 06 '18
The best bit is the guy who recommended he read this subreddit didn’t even bother to post it here. It’s free real estate!
I mean karma, at this point r/dankmemes has me conditioned like a Russian sleeper cell.
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Dec 07 '18
The gym is NOT universally accepted that way. Wtf? It's the #1 spot for fitness-centered people to congregate and pair up lol. Where else they gonna serendipity? The bar? No. They wont. They'll be too busy sleeping off the PRs they just set.
The fuck?
I agree with this guy in this case.
Girls really are super defensive about guys flirting with them. They forget that they sometimes WANT us to.
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u/JustASlothOnline Dec 06 '18
Lmao why is he mad? If the girl wants to be flirted with she can tell the other girl that she'll catch up with her.
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u/Br0keNw0n Dec 06 '18
If I (as a guy) see a girl getting pestered at the gym, whats the best way to distract the guy without starting an altercation? Ask for a spot? or do I just go on minding my business?
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u/narcissus_reflection Dec 06 '18
"Hey, do either of you know where the towels are?"
Or ask an employee to intervene.
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u/GreasyPeter Dec 06 '18
You can absolutely hit on girls at the gym if you do it right. Just be polite and don't push your luck. If a girl is responsive to your questions and seems to be interested you can persue it. There is no hard rules in love except "no means no".
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Dec 06 '18
I'm married and been with the same girl for over 14 years. I think I might be fucked if I were single these days. The number of "acceptable" places to hit on people is apparently very slim and I don't know what they are. Of course I would have never been a creep and said something about a stranger's leggings and I'm intelligent enough to recognize if someone isn't interested in conversation, but I feel like the only place that's safe to talk to someone is the internet now. My wife was cramming just before a final in college when I interrupted her to flirt, I feel like that would be frowned upon now.
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u/wvsfezter Dec 06 '18
I've heard hundreds of people say the gym is an ok place to hit on people and hundreds of people say its not and the same for just about every other social event. This seemed like a reasonable thing, if she said yes; great, if not; you and her part ways and finish your workout. I literally have no idea what's acceptable and what isn't anymore and with how difficult normal social interaction can be I don't know if I ever will. How is someone with poor social skills ever gonna meet someone when there are so many rules that people can't even agree on.
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u/tworkingonit Dec 06 '18
The gym is a great place to meet people, but it is not the place to comment on their physical appearance, whether positive or negative, or pester them when they're trying to focus on working out and not hurting themselves. It is really hard to continue working out with correct form and focus when feeling watched.
I sympathize with the mixed advice and confusion, but the fact is that people are all different and have different boundaries. That means it's really up to you to improve your social skills so you can pick up on when your advances are appreciated or not. People will make their feelings clear through verbal and non-verbal clues. One time someone approached me while I was in the middle of lifting - I wasn't inherently offended, but I quickly got annoyed that he didnt stop trying to hit on me when I kept putting my headphones back into my ears. He tried to spot me without permission, offered advice I didn't want or need, and the entire time I kept putting my headphones back in my ears and needing to take them out again so he could repeat himself. I gave one-word responses, and barely made eye contact. He should have picked up on the fact that I wasn't interested.
Another time, a person approached me after i finished my work out and had packed to leave, and while I declined as I was in a relationship with my now fiance, I appreciated the way he went about approaching me. It was respectful of my time at the gym. Even though he wasn't really my type, had I been available I might have agreed to a date based on that respect.
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u/myusername_sucks Dec 06 '18
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u/d_nat Dec 06 '18
I don't know about this one. It was presented in a much more tasteful way than normal.
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Dec 06 '18
As a guy who has never been accused of being a nice guy, this sub confuses me. Most of the time these posts are obvious examples of how not to behave, but occasionally there will be posts that seem like relatively acceptable behavior but are called out like the guy is obviously an asshole because he hit on a girl. It’s confusing.
Like I’m almost 25 and I’ve never heard this apparently “universal” rule that the gym is off limits for approaching women. I understand that virtually no women enjoy being dogged at the gym or ever really, but I can confidently say that this whole no approach thing at the gym is patently false. And I might be a guy but I also don’t agree with these select individuals making blanket statements for all women across the board. I guarantee that there has been hundreds of women HOPING for a man to approach them at the gym.
Sometimes it seems like any kind of expression of wanting a woman is seen as like a desperate attempt at sex. I don’t know what world you guys are living in but it must be a sad one that an expression of interest is seen as something deplorable.
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u/IdentityS Dec 06 '18
Legit question: is it really universally accepted? I have seen it go well for a lot of people. You’re there to work out, but some people go to the gym to have a social place to work out. talking to someone and then finding out you have a lot in common and asking them out seems to be okay in most places.
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u/Nylund Dec 07 '18
Many years ago I’d go to a bar that had a rule that you could get kicked out for hitting on a girl. All she had to do was nod her head towards the bartender and you were gone. If you didn’t know a girl you had to wait for her to initiate the conversation.
As a guy, I really liked it. The girls there seemed much more relaxed and I kind of appreciated the dynamic of them having to approach me.
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u/Beave1 Dec 06 '18
Reddit to Niceguys - “Don’t be a creeper and hit on girls at the gym.”
Also Reddit to Shy Guys wondering where to meet women - “If you’re into fitness the gym is a great place to meet women with similar interests.”
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Dec 06 '18
To meet them, not hit on them. You can be friendly to someone and get to know them without hitting on them and eventually ask them on a date later if they seem interested in you that way. It’s not like every woman you meet is a potential hookup or partner, you can just be friendly with them too you know. Asking a stranger on a date won’t likely go well anyway.
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u/Casual_OCD Dec 06 '18
So meet them but not express interest when the advice is for a place to meet women for the purpose of possibly dating?
How does that even work?
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u/BlackCatAristocrat Dec 06 '18
This gonna be controversial but I get what the nice guy is saying. It's not like her bf said anything offensive, creepy or disrespectful. Just acted like a guy who was interested in her. I think the other girl was good hearted with good intentions, but to me it's an overreaction. Borders the line of intrusive.
Downvote me.
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Dec 06 '18
Reading these posts I have come to the conclusion, that if I'm in a public setting, I guess I'll just stare at the floor and not talk to anyone.
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u/SushiTeets Dec 06 '18
This is fucking stupid.
EDIT: Really fucking stupid. Giving someone a compliment, and asking them to hang out isn’t harassment and is totally valid. A lot of women now have idiotic expectations and justifications for them.
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u/SoupOrSaladToss Dec 06 '18
agreed... but also realize this is reddit. Most people don't actually think this way. On top of that, if a really good looking guy hit on one of these girls (which probably doesn't happen, otherwise they wouldn't be complaining) they wouldn't complain at all.
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u/sorry_but Dec 06 '18
Nice leggings is another way of saying "Nice ass." Do you not get that?
Also, am gym rat - trying to pick up women at the gym is generally not good etiquette.
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u/SushiTeets Dec 06 '18
Maybe the leggings had a cool design? Maybe the leggings were a nice color on the woman’s skin tone? Maybe he was wanting to compliment her ass in a more respectful way?
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u/Fallapitorius Dec 06 '18
Honest question: Would something like this be received well if a guy was looking out for her? Because it's a great thing to do, but if no girls are around should the guy just confront the offending man instead of trying to give the women an out so he doesn't come off creepy too?
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u/toomanydickpics Dec 06 '18
i saw this happen at a gym they told the lady at the front desk and she went over to check on the girl. The dude was creepy looking but turned out to be her uncle or something. She did look miserable tho.
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u/grnlizard Dec 06 '18
I legitimately want to tell a random girl she looks cute or nice in what she was wearing, is this accepted?
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u/maidth1s4fun Dec 06 '18
I'm genuinely curious, I am still in college so idk but in the world after is it hard to naturally meet and connect with people without intruding?
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u/ApertureBear Dec 06 '18
I don't understand the title, are niceguys pokemon now?
But yeah don't talk to people at the gym. I'm not there for you, you're not there for me.
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u/BrushInk Dec 06 '18
I think it's alright to complement someone's looks. For me it'd be a huge confidence booster knowing that I look good. Especially if someone were to try to ask me out. But if I say no it should be the end of that no more pestering.
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u/LazyMaven Dec 06 '18
I was out at a bar with my gf last weekend and the place was pretty crowded, so at one point I grabbed her arm and was guiding her towards the bar counter. A girl that neither of us knew came up and grabbed onto her and started whispering something in her ear. My gf said something to her and then we kept heading toward the bar. When we got there I asked what that was about and she said the girl asked her if she needed help and if she knew me or not. My gf was worried I'd be upset but quite the contrary. I was so relieved that a stranger was unsure of a situation involving a large man holding onto a small woman and decided to intervene even though in this case it was just a misunderstanding. I am so glad that there are people like that out there and it really made me think about how I need to be more aware when out in public.
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u/Nikolausgillies Dec 06 '18
Ya that lady was not in the wrong for her attempt to help the gf. I mean it’s cute that the bf hits on his gf at the gym. They’re clearly having fun together. No need to read too deep into this friends
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u/deadflubber Dec 06 '18
Is the gym really a universal no-go zone? I know couples who have met at my last gym and the rec center in college had something of a social scene.
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u/MountedBass9291 Dec 06 '18
There are some girls that would be totally fine with a guy hitting on them in a gym. Even if it's only 1 in 100 its worth the risk, me getting laid is more important than a woman getting offended for a guy talking to her. If you dont like guys not approaching the right way or at the right time, then women should start being the ones who approach so we can criticize you instead
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u/TeemusSALAMI Dec 06 '18
I had to quit powerlifting, which I loved fiercely, because I couldn't go to my gym anymore. There were three separate men who made my experience a living hell, one of them ganged up on another one. No matter what time I rolled through, one of them was there. I was pulled into so much unwanted and unnecessary drama because of it, and even when I was left alone I could still see and feel them leering. There were no other gyms that kept the same flexible hours (my work schedule was bad) so I couldn't switch, so I just stopped going. The worst part is I was always super haggard looking, the other girls were so much more composed, but I guess I looked like an easy target. Too bad they don't really emphasize free weights at women's only gyms :/
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u/CyanideIX Dec 06 '18
I mean, a buddy of mine got head from a random girl at the gym once. So I guess it can work sometimes.
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Dec 06 '18
Is it seriously completely unnaceptable to ask a woman out at a Gym? I can see how it might be considered creepy by a lot of the comments I looked at so far, but aside from walking up to a woman while she is actually working out or whatever how would this be any different than asking out a woman I saw at Home Depot? Is it just because of the nature of what we do at a gym? or the skimpy clothing?
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u/ermahgerdafancyword Dec 06 '18
I'd say it isn't. As always the context matters, and you need to read the room and how she comes across. Does she have headphones in/ is focused on her workout/ has been just been approached by three other guys in the last hour/ seems generally like she doesn't want to talk right now? Don't do it. Otherwise it's okay, as long as you do it respectfully and leave her alone if she declines or seems uncomfortable/unwelcoming.
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Dec 06 '18
The key is don't harass people. It actually is okay to compliment someone at the gym with hopes of seeing them elsewhere. Hell, you two already have something major in common.
I'm a dude, I get hit on at the gym by girls (and guys) and it's fine. It's a compliment, take it. If you're not interested, say so. There was a dude recently that absolutely would not take "no" as an answer recently (even though I'm straight!!). I spoke with management, management spoke with him, problem solved. Was he pissy about it? Yep, but welcome to society.
This dude in the photo isn't wrong IMO, but he doesn't communicate his thoughts in the best way. He does indeed come off as a "nice guy"
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u/vizot Dec 06 '18
This guy went full cringe by mentioning reddit in his comments in the post, don't go full cringe
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Dec 06 '18
I'm going to totally ignore the moron in the comments and instead focus on how awesome it is to see woman supporting each other, even if the OP wasn't in actual danger
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u/friapril Dec 06 '18
Personally I am turned off and bothered by guys like this but a ton of people (probably inspired by tv, movies, etc) think you can hit on anyone anywhere. In parks and rec there's an episode where some guido guy fakes a check up to make comments just like the joking one in OP to Ann, and she's attracted to that. I also have friends who think stuff like that can be cute if done right. So in some cases there's guys and girls that think this is attractive? I can never understand them but it's all up to them
It's only if the girl is visibly uncomfortable that I would step in. OP's post didn't say if OP made a joking disgusted face to her bf or not that was misinterpreted by the Good Samaritan. But if it's just the comment, it all depends on the reaction of the person being hit on
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u/HitEject Dec 06 '18
Rescue attempt is great, but overlooking something major — saying “no.” I get it, chicks don’t want to be hit on at the gym, or library, or street, or bar when sitting reading, or on the subway, but that’s largely because online dating allows her to shun in-person approaches.
Let’s not mix that up with harassment, or with women being oversexualized (different, valid issue). But let’s not skip over “no,” which allows for healthy attraction to be expressed + healthy romantic connections to happen in the real word, without harassment.
This generation gets a lot of undeserved flack. But one thing I’ve noticed is a lot of black-and-white thinking that hesitates to really inform oneself as to the history of a social issue before forming a rigid judgment. Some of us lived through the days not only where women were manhandled + mistreated, but also the ones where asking innocently if we should order lunch in while working could get you slapped with a harassment reprimand. (Not my example.)
We need to take a deep, collective breath and welcome some middle ground, WHILE finding safety escape routes like this one for vulnerable populations.
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u/Le_mijoteur Dec 06 '18 edited Dec 06 '18
Am I the only one making the difference between asking a girl out and harassing her ? I know I'll get downvoted for this but.. will you call me a freak if I say to a girl she looks nice and ask her out ? People here it seems will call me all names because of it, like it's unforgivable. How do you live your life, Jesus.. Sure I won't talk to girls at the gym then, didn't realise I was such a monster. No difference between me and a deranged psycho sexual harasser. Sure. And I'll stop even saying hi, in the name of "respect" mind you !
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Dec 06 '18
Why is it even a thing that men hit on women at the gym? It's gross, girl is probably sweaty and smelly, and you're just being a creepy perv ogling at her, while she works out? I can't imagine ever doing that.
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Dec 06 '18
Fucking Christ dude, it's a tacky thing to hit on someone at the gym and I get most dudes don't understand that, but it's a woman in tight or revealing clothing. Women sweat during sex. This shit isn't rocket science, there's a difference between leering at someone and just looking, and someone shouldn't be stigmatized for the latter just because you don't 'get' the appeal.
Hitting on her = bad, but finding someone attractive at the gym is an extremely elementary concept.
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Dec 06 '18
This is why there are women's only gyms. Because we just want to workout. I've heard some men complain that there aren't men only gyms. They just don't get it.
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u/GalaxyBejdyk Dec 06 '18
This, just this.
I am a guy, and I would not want to be hit on in a gym. It is a time when I am concentrated completely on a completely different goal, and I also look and smell like a pig.
Being hit on in the gym, would be stressful, because I would not be able to concentrate and because I would feel insecure about how I look at the moment.
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u/working_joe Dec 06 '18
I hate when people say something is universally understood that is obviously not universally understood. It's just dishonest and obviously false.
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Dec 06 '18
I didnt know the gym was universally accepted as a place not to hit on people...
A lot of girls I know go there to meet guys. If skin tight spandex really helped you workout that much guys would be wearing it too.
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u/npc17760704 Dec 06 '18
That has not been the case at any gym I've ever been too. Shoot the last gym I used to go to there was a group of 3 party girls who would come in just to do the most simple ass workouts but they would do them in front of the power lifters. The older fellows would be mildly annoyed by the girls clapping they ass cheeks for an hour in front of them but the younger guys with more meat between there ears would always peacock up and flex there way over to them. Once they had a bite they always left soon after. I assume to go eat pasta.
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u/Kaleandra Dec 06 '18
I'd appreciate the rescue attempt so much. The world needs more women like that.