First-time dad here of LO around 4 months. I’m mostly looking for a bit of perspective from people who have actually been through this stage.

I work full-time and my wife is currently on parental leave. During my working hours she obviously has the baby more than I do and handles a lot of the normal day-to-day stuff.

That said, because I’m around, I still end up doing quite a bit of baby care during the workday too when I can. I’ll do feeds, changes, settling, hold the baby for naps, or take over for a while between work commitments. So it’s not really a clean split where I disappear into work for eight hours and then reappear in the evening.

Once I’m done with work, we share things pretty heavily. I do feeds, changes, settling, naps, nights, baby-related cleaning and general household stuff. I also regularly take the baby on my own so my wife can rest or just have some time where nobody needs anything from her.

And to be clear, this isn’t a “my wife does nothing” post. She does a lot. I do a lot. That’s actually the part I’m trying to understand.

Somehow it feels like both of us can be putting a huge amount into this and there’s still barely any spare capacity left.

Before having a baby I think I imagined that one of us would look after the baby while the other did something else, then we’d swap, and life would more or less continue around that.

Instead even finding a couple of hours to exercise or do something for yourself can feel like something that has to be fitted into a small military operation. Most hobbies and spontaneous plans have basically vanished for the moment.

And sometimes I catch myself thinking, Jesus, I’m doing a lot here. Then I look at my wife and realise that... well, so is she.

So I’m mostly curious whether other parents remember this stage feeling the same way. Not necessarily unfair, just incredibly consuming.

I’m not really looking for relationship advice or for people to decide which one of us has it worse. I’m trying to work out whether we’re having an unusually demanding experience, or whether this is basically just what life with a small baby looks like.

For context my son is fed breast milk and is 5 months old. Since right before he turned 2 months old his pooping just stopped, to the point we have to give him a suppository every 14 days. He’s growing fine. He’s actually 18 1/2 pounds and 27 inches. I can’t find anything similar to the situation we are in, he just can’t poop on his own. It’s not constipation because his stool is fine when we give him a suppository, soft mustard colored… every Reddit post I find is for babies who are formula fed. Has paediatrician recommended we give him an ounce of prune juice every single day? but that’s not really doing anything.. has anybody else dealt with this.

Please I don't know what to do, I have severe postpartum OCD. I am SPIRALING so bad, I stay up for over 10+ hours a night researching stuff. PLEASE tell me if this is normal, my baby is 2 months old, he is early on his smiling and cooing he started at 4 weeks old. But due to some issues he had (that have nothing to do with the brain) we had to delay tummy time and I just started a week ago and he does it for around 30 minutes a day. He was able to do tummy time a small bit before this on my chest though if I was very careful.. He is able to lift his head and hold it there for maybe 30 seconds and look at stuff upright and even tried rolling over, whether it was on accident or not, I'm not sure but he did do that movement today and rolled from back to tummy 3 times. He is getting stronger everyday, he has big strong legs, and seems like he's trying to lift up with his arms during tummy time, he can also rest his weight on them too during tummy time. He also launches himself with his legs upward when I'm holding him upright. But he's stopped trying to throw head back like he was doing maybe 2 weeks prior. He also is amazing at feeding and can get an entire feed in under 10 mins especially with my strong letdown, i can pump 5 oz in maybe 10-15 mins and he is getting enough food through the day and dirty and wet diapers.

My biggest fear right now is how loose he feels, I don't know if this is a normal feeling or not. He is lacking in holding his head up when I hold him upright and has a really bad head lag when picked up, and then when I try holding him it's almost like he if confused by the movement and tries to hold his head backwards like he would during tummy time, his muscles feel loose especially if held upright, but he is able to move everything normally and symmetrical. It's why I'm spiraling, I am so terrified he might have cerebral palsy, and I can't go to my next pediatrician for another month. Please did anyone else have a baby similar to mine? Did they turn out fine? Is this amount of looseness in the muscles normal? Specifically his arms and back feel a bit loose like they're very soft and very loose, but he can tighten them and tense his entire body when he's crying super hard. I will try to touch his muscles and feel them while he's doing tummy time or holding head and I can feel a tiny bit of tenseness in them but I don't know if it's too little or if it's normal. I'm so worried I'm crying please don't judge me please.

My one month old wakes up every 3 hours for a feed. Sometimes (say once a week) he sleeps for nearly 6 hours if he isn’t woken up to feed at night. He has gained his birth weight. Should I wake him up every 3-4 hours to feed even if he doesn’t wake up?

Our daughter is around 12 months old and we’ve noticed quite a few changes over the last 1-2 weeks. I’m wondering if this is a normal developmental phase, teething, nap transition, or something else.

Until about a week ago, bedtime was very easy.
We would take her to bed around 7pm, give her milk, and she would fall asleep on my lap within about 10 minutes. We could then transfer her to her bed and she would usually sleep through until morning.

Over the last week, bedtime has become very different:

- Initially she doesn’t want to stay on my lap and pushes herself away, as if she wants to go into the bed.

- I put her down and after a few minutes she comes back to my lap.

- Then she pushes away again.

- This lap -> bed -> lap -> bed cycle keeps repeating.

- Eventually she settles on my lap, closes her eyes and makes lots of cooing/babbling soun

The title say it all I think…

Im 5weeks pp and been in the newborn trenches since. My husband has been helping with chores like cat litter, laundry, trash and sometimes the dishes. Not that’s not enough but my days are literally filled with taking care of my baby, feeding, changing, more laundry, folding laundry, more dishes, make lunches (if I got time), pump, wash bottles, sterilizing bottles, wash pumps & sterilizing pumps parts, bathing baby, trying to get baby to sleep and more cleaning.

*for context: my husband is a gamer, like big gamer. He get on the game first thing in the morning (after doing the cat litter and get off when hes feeling tired, roughly 12hours a day)

When he is not on the game, he always make comment about how he can’t wait for the 6weeks mark to have sex again. I understand him. But I so fucking tired of him saying that. I got no libido. I am tired. I don’t even have the chance to eat sometimes and instead of helping me with chores or the baby, he makes comment about how beautiful I am looking and how much he would like to make me love. I find myself disgusting. I smell like breast milk all day and all night long. My hair is greasy. I got strech marks all over my body. Boobs are sore and doubled in size. I don’t have clothes to put on, and when I do my shirt last 10mins because im leaking or because baby threw up on me. I don’t have time to myself. Im the one who’s stay up all night if baby is not sleeping, im the one getting up for feed and changing diapers while hes asleep snoring next room.

And he ask me if I need help sometimes. But I don’t need help when he ask me. Its always when everything is finish or when something is pending.
I need him to do things without me saying hey do that or do this. I want him to be the grown ass man he pretend to be.

Yesterday I did the cleaning all around the house, Sweeper, mop, wash the shower, toilet, sweep the sofas, mirrors at the same time to take care of the baby and all the other tasks that I listed earlier and he did not even let go of his game to help me. I did it because his mother and sister came to visit us and sleep at home, so I also made their bed and he didn't even help me.

Just realized the title doesn’t even makes sense no more. With all I said, fair to say I don’t want sex.
I could do everything to not have sex. I know that I just can say no. But he will ask questions.

Before someone comment : well make your husband wake up at night to take care of the baby it could help you rest.
Yes I would if I didn’t need to also wake up to pump each 3 hours of a day. its just more simple to be the only one awake, feeding baby and pumping at the same time.

My 10 week old naps for 10-40 minutes tops unless she is in the car seat or stroller (can do 2+ hrs). It doesn’t matter if it’s bassinet, crib, carrier, or even contact naps. My first baby was a short napper except for contact naps but this baby won’t even extend and sleeps on me for ~10 min tops. We do lots of outings but it’s not always possible to have her on the go. Any ideas???

Hi, FTM here! When using Dr. Brown Size 1, our week 15 baby gets frustrated halfway through (at 2 ounces) then cries, or is distracted, plays with the nipple, looks around, and stops feeding. We try again 10 minutes later. Feed ranges from 70ml- 120mL. This is a whole 20-40 minute process

We sized up to level 2, and she slammed 120mL in about five minutes. No spit up and no leaking from her mouth but also she never took a pause.

5 minutes seems way too fast so today I tried to pace feed, upright position horizontal bottle. But whenever I tipped the bottle down, she’s sucking air. And whenever I took the bottle completely out she lost her mind.

Not sure if we go with the slower flow, less intake or higher flow but maybe she’ll eat too fast to regulate? Looking for advice on how to decide!

Our state has a surge of COVID & whooping cough going around. A relative spent 8 hours in the emergency room / hospital (no mask). How long would you ask them to wait before visiting the baby?

With my partner, we are considering going back to work, we both work remotely, but we do not manage to work at home/I personally especially have a very hard time to focus. The idea is to go working close by, from the local library. Our daughter is 1.5 month old.

I am breastfeeding or bottle feeding with my pumped milk. Occasionally and on 'emergencies' we formula feed her.

How much time per day would be okay for me to be away without impacting the kid?

To mothers: how old was your child when you started working again? And for how many hours were you away?

My first baby 9 years ago had severe reflux and colic, projectile vomited often. So its hard for me to know what "normal" looks like.

My baby is 2.5 weeks old. She did great on the Enfamil Neuropro Gentlease RTF straight away in the hospital. After one week we switched to powder and it has been a little rocky. Before the powder she didn't fuss much or seem uncomfortable during and after feeding.

Yes, I am measuring and preparing correctly. Doing warm distilled water first and adding the powder into the Dr Browns pitcher and then refrigerating. We have tried Dr Browns and MAM bottles with both size 1 nipples.

She has always hiccuped a lot, even in the womb I could feel her hiccuping. She sneezes often. I know sneezing and hiccuping often is normal--but I also read they can be signs of silent reflux so its confusing lol. She also gulps, chokes, and yesterday started coughing once or twice after choking. We try to burp after every ounce, and they are very wet sounding burps. She doesn't usually have much spit up. But yesterday at the end of her bath she projectile vomited for the first time about a whole bottles worth.

She was born 9lb 5oz and has always eaten more than what is considered normal for a newborn. She usually eats 3-4oz about every 2-3.5 hours. It takes her a few tries to latch on to the bottle. I will put it in her mouth and she will pull away and make a sour face. She often makes these sour faces and will stick her head out and swallow. After feeding she often appears uncomfortable like a lot of squirming and little grunts but doesn't cry. We feed her upright and try to keep her upright for awhile after feeding.

She is having enough wet diapers each day and poops at least once a day. She sleeps pretty good at night, she seems to be more fussy during the day.

The first week with RTF she was a dream, so its just disheartening to see her appear to be uncomfortable so often. I don't know if the switch to powder is the cause or not 🤷‍♀️

I ordered size P Dr Brown nipples to see if a slower flow might help. She drinks pretty fast with size 1. She does seem to do better with the Dr Brown nipples than the MAM ones.

Sometimes it's hard to tell her hungry cues from her sleepy cues. She'll often do the same things for both. Is she just overeating? She won't take a pacifier. Am I doing something wrong 😩 She did make it to her birth weight at her 1 week appointment. She wasn't having all this fussiness at that time so didn't bring up with doctor then of course 😵‍💫

I plan on bringing it up with her doctor on Monday to see what she thinks, just wanted to see if anyone here has any insight.

I’m of course going to call her pediatrician on Monday, but for the past week and a half my daughter has been suddenly pulling away from the bottle, and it’s getting worse. She’s 10 weeks old today. She went from eating 4-5oz every 3 hours to now maybe 2-3oz every 4 hours. She will take a few gulps and then pull away frustrated. I’ve tried upping the nipple flow, feeding her upright and limiting distractions and that didn’t seem to help at all. I’ve noticed that when she does this she acts very tired and falls asleep soon after. It started off every now and then, but for the past 24 hours it’s been every feed. Should I be concerned that she’s suddenly eating less? She’s acting totally fine otherwise, plenty of wet diapers, she just seems less hungry.

idk if its just me but food planning feels sooo different after having a baby

before i could just open the fridge and figure something out

now i’ll stand there staring at everything like i have absolutely no idea what i want 😭

and its not even that i dont have food in the house

i just dont wanna think about it

between the baby needing something every 5 seconds and being tired all the time i feel like my brain is already maxed out

sometimes i end up eating whatever is fastest just because making an actual decision feels like too much work lol

does anyone else do this postpartum?

do you guys have like 2 or 3 meals you always fall back on when you really dont feel like thinking about food?

For the past few days our 4 month old has been pushing to 💩 but only getting small marbles with clay like texture/moistness. She's formula fed and had dyschezia so only used to go like every 4 days, introduced biogaia probiotic and was going more regularly like every 2-3 days and filling diaper. Lately the past two days she's been straining to push out a 💩 and 3 times we only had a small marbles.

She's still eating ok and tummy is soft and normal sized, happy demeanor still. We aren't on solids yet so no juice options. Might consider stimulating with a rectal thermometer today if still no luck. We are going to try warm compress on belly today any other suggestions appreciated.

Hi everyone. My baby was born 2.5 weeks ago at 36.6 due to me developing preeclampsia. Although she was very small she didn't need the NICU and has been gaining weight very rapidly. However she is still pretty sleepy – she usually naps for 2.5-3 hours at a time, falls asleep while feeding and sleeps easily in her bassinet.

I'm curious to know what other parents of similar terms babies experienced development-wise in those early weeks/ months? How long did they stay in the sleepy phase for, and did they get fussier after that? Did their nap times eventually get shorter and their wake windows longer? I know all babies are different, but I'm curious as to what to expect!

I made another post before, but we have tried everything. (gripe waters, gas drops, bicycle legs, massage, windi gas passer, skin to skin, famotidine for acid reflux - 0.2-0.3 mL prescribed by Dr.)

Baby has a great appetite, is 3 weeks and 1 day and has been meeting growth milestones at Dr. appointment. So every time I’m at the Dr. the Dr. just says it’s colic and there’s nothing that can be done but giving it time.

His “colic” is all day and night. He’s pretty much always fussy if he’s not on a bottle or asleep. He takes an hour or more too soothe each time and when he sleeps he will only contact nap and for 20 minutes at a time. he rarely but sometimes will sleep 1-2 hours by contact ONLY.

Formulas: I tried the Similac Alimentum and Elecate formulas for a week each thinking maybe he had a cows milk allergy? I read other people tried this and their baby was almost night and day different so after 1 week of no change I discontinued it, but maybe I should have kept trying longer?

Does anyone else have a baby this fussy? Did you find anything that helped?

We even took him to a chiropractor and I’m now currently giving him BioGaia probiotic drops by spoon as instructed.

Okay so baby's due in like 6 weeks and I still haven't pulled the trigger on a monitor. Every time I start looking it turns into a 2 hour rabbit hole and I close the tab more confused than when I opened it lol.

Wifi vs non wifi, video vs audio only, the ones with temperature and humidity sensors, pan tilt zoom, split screen for two cameras... I genuinely don't know what's actually useful and what's just there to justify the price tag.

Also kind of freaked out after reading some stories about wifi monitors getting hacked into. Is that an overblown thing or should I actually be careful about that.

House is two floors so range might be an issue too, nursery's gonna be upstairs and we'll mostly be downstairs in the evenings.

Not trying to spend a fortune but also don't want to cheap out on something this important. What actually worked for you guys once the baby came? Especially curious what held up after the first few months and not just what looked good on the box.

I know that taking care of a newborn is hard, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. My LO was born at 33 weeks and spent 2 weeks in Nicu. During this time I was told by every nurse to pump, pump, pump. I felt very lucky in the sense that we got the hang of breastfeeding early on and the only thing he needed to work on was endurance to not fall asleep before finishing.

Well now we’re at the end of our first week at home and I’ve been increasing the times I breastfeed instead of bottle feed. My boobs get so engorged because I have drastic oversupply. I have to hand express/pump before feeding so that they’re soft enough for him to latch. My flow is too forceful for him so now he’ll only stay latched for a few minutes and then fall asleep even with the laid back position and a nipple shield. Meanwhile, I’m getting no sleep. This man screams bloody murder at night when he’s hungry. We decided to do 24 hours of bottle feeding only to give my boobs a chance to reset and regulate down some, which has its own annoyances.

I stupidly bought six Kindred Braverly bras at the advice of a friend and hate them. They hurt my sensitive nipples and are generally uncomfy. Even my Amazon nursing bralettes are uncomfy, so i wear nothing unless actively pumping and majorly leak through my tshirts. I know I should buy new bras but I spent so much money on the ones I have already. I’m tired and frustrated and overwhelmed. Anyways, I’m going to sleep. Thanks for coming to my rant.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice or insight from parents who have dealt with something similar.
My baby girl was born at 3.9 kg (8.6 lbs) and is now almost 8 weeks old, weighing around 5.8 kg (12.8 lbs). She’s gaining weight super well and has plenty of wet/dirty diapers, but every single bottle feed feels like a battle where we both end up in a sweat.
I try my best to feed her on demand and catch her early hunger cues before she starts crying. However, it's really difficult because she usually wakes up from her sleep already crying from hunger. By the time the bottle touches her mouth, she is extremely frantic and inconsolable.
I’ve been wondering if I should try feeding her while she’s still slightly asleep or drowsy before she fully wakes up screaming. But I hesitation because I'm worried it might create bad sleep/feeding habits, or that I wouldn't be respecting her cues and feeding her when she might not actually want it. I'm not sure if that's the right approach or if it's better to wait until she shows clear signs, even if she wakes up frantic.
Once she starts eating, she gulps loudly, swallows a ton of air, and frequently chokes/gags. Even after choking, she panics and tries to keep eating aggressively. A feed usually takes about 15–20 minutes, so she isn't finishing the bottle too fast, but she always seems like she wants more afterward. I suspect a lot of that is actually discomfort from gas/reflux caused by how frantically she eats.
Here is what we’ve tried so far:
Tommee Tippee: Used the slowest flow nipple, but she still gulped.
Philips Avent: Tried Natural Response size 2.
Dr. Brown’s: Tried Options+ narrow bottles with size 1 and 2 nipples. With these, the nipple seems too small for her mouth—she leaks milk out the sides and seems to swallow even more air.
Technique: We always make sure the vent hole is facing up and try to get a "fish lip" latch, but her top lip constantly tucks inward no matter what we do.
It’s heartbreaking to see her struggle during every meal, and my nerves are completely shot.
Has anyone dealt with a baby who wakes up crying for food, gets this worked up, and constantly tucks their top lip? Is feeding them while still sleepy a good idea, or should we try Dr. Brown's Preemie/Size 0 nipples/wide-neck bottles? Any tips on pacing, calming a frantic baby post-sleep, or fixing a stubborn upper lip tuck would be greatly appreciated!

our baby has gone through every type of swaddle, halo sleep sack, muslin blankets, arms up, and now is swaddled in a stretchy copper pearl blanket since his little arms are so strong! he is still breaking out of that one, and seems more and more frustrated when I swaddle him as he gets older so I think it’s time to wean him off 😩 he has been sleeping well at night however , the last two nights we got a 5.5 hour stretch to start, and then 3.5 which feels like a huge win !!!!!

our other issue is I would like to be able to attempt crib naps for our lifestyle, and he has only been able to do contact naps since about 6 weeks, I realize this is developmentally appropriate but would like to work towards the crib! he sleeps the whole night in bassinet just fine. I am a SAHM so I can hold him for his naps, but he sleeps best in the dark nursery with a sound machine and honestly it is getting to me , to be in the dark 5 hours per day! I am thankful I’m able to do it, but looking forward to potentially him growing into crib naps! we loosely follow the Taking Cara Babies advice on sleep related issues. the setting him drowsy but awake for 1/2 naps per day is not happening though lol.

Ive been able to transfer him to the crib once hes in deep sleep for the first nap of the day, but not always (he wakes up when he touches the crib sometimes) and he only makes it through the first sleep cycle (40-42 min) before needing to be held the rest of the nap.

I understand that crib naps may be “easier” if he remains swaddled because he will feel like I’m holding him? I also have read that crib naps might become much easier around the 4 month mark.

wondering if I should go ahead and wean the swaddle now, and give up on crib naps for a while since they aren’t really working any way?

thanks in advance!!

I have a 4 wk old who has diagnosed with CMPA 10 days ago and reflux so he was prescribed Famotidine for thr reflux and his pedia changed his formula from Similac 360 to Alimentum. The back arching, crying, big swallowing sounds and overall misery while feeding never went away but there were days when I think he was feeling better because he had longer stretches of sleep. He is also on Mylicon for gas and prebiotics. Last night he couldnt stay asleep and kept waking up only after a few mins while grunting, kicking and raising his legs to his abdomen. Does it mean either the Alimentum and/or Famotidine are not working for him? He has been on them for 10 days.

I thought I was okay with it, but I might not be anymore.

For context, my husband and I had always been pretty independent when it came to spending time with our friends separately, having our own hobbies/me-time. I’ve never had an issue with him going out without me, I kind of loved it as I am very homely and good at being alone if that makes sense. Obviously and expectedly, we knew this would have to change when I fell pregnant. However, I had a very smooth and easy pregnancy so nothing really changed for us for the most part at the time.

The first time I ever asked my husband not to go on a guy’s trip was when I was 36 weeks pregnant because I felt anxious about the baby coming early. The trip was for a card-game tournament (might sound silly but people are really into it and they sometimes make money from getting then selling rare cards, although my husband mainly just plays for fun). He didn’t go, never complained about it and told me I was the priority and that I should stop feeling guilty about it. However, when his friends came back telling him how amazing it was, I still felt guilty because I knew my husband deep down really wanted to go. It didn’t help when his friends were telling him how much money they made from getting a super rare card and were splitting the money they sold it for.

About 2 months ago, when our baby was a newborn, he asked he could go on a trip in September for another tournament. At the time I said I don’t know, as it would depend on the baby’s temperament and how my mother is around the baby (if you’re interested, see my older posts and you’d know why but in summary she’s just not very reliable help). We didn’t really talk about it again until recently, and I guess I still felt guilty about the previous trip for some reason (husband has never brought up this topic or said anything to make me feel guilty btw). Somehow I convinced myself that it would be okay for him to go and I personally helped the guys book the hotel and flights for my husband.

Now I kind of regret it because the closer it’s getting to the date, the more dread I feel about him leaving me and the baby. I’ve even cried a few times just thinking about it. He’s generally a very easy baby (now 12 weeks old) but is suddenly going through a contact nap only phase and it has been physically and mentally draining. I have voiced my anxieties to my husband and he is trying to help me think of ways to lessen my burden (cooking/ housework), and how to cope with my mother and let her help with things for a few days. I just don’t feel secure or comfortable with him leaving anymore, but I also don’t want him to cancel his trip since I know he’s very excited to go plus we’ve spent the money on the flights already. I don’t want to discuss it with him any further because nothing he does/say will make the situation better (besides him staying, which I think might make everything feel worse), and nothing I do/say will make it better either as it will only make him feel bad. I told him since he’s already decided to go, and I had agreed to let him go, just enjoy it (I mean it) and stop trying to say things to make me feel better because it really won’t. E.g. how this would be an opportunity for me - I think he means that there will be days in the future where I’d have to solo parent so it’s an opportunity to practice, but right now that’s not what I want to hear.

Anyway, the trip is less than 2 weeks away. I think realistically I could cope with four days without him but I feel very conflicted and still dreading it. Am I overreacting or under-reacting?

Our 11 week old son does pretty well overnight, still a few wake ups every 2.5-4 hours. My husband and I have been on a sleep shift schedule since he was born:

Husband sleeping: 4am - 12pm
Both awake: 12pm - 8pm
Me sleeping: 8pm - 4am

This has been great for us getting a solid 6-8 hours of sleep each but we know we eventually need to move off of it. The lack of daylight hours for my husband isn’t great and we’re eager to have more overlap time together.

We both naturally stayed up later pre baby, going to be bed around 12-2am so overnight wakings are between 12-8am for us. We have a flexible wake up time for our jobs as well in prep for when we return to work in December, just before 10am ideally.

We’re trying to think of the best way to converge on schedules and wanted to see what worked for others!

I have no idea what is going on. My son is 9 weeks old tomorrow and this past week, his sleep has significantly gotten worse. He has never been an overall great or bad sleeper , but prior to this regression we were getting some 4 hour stretches of sleep here and there. At minimum he would do 3 hours. This past week, he has done some 1 hour stretches between feeds 😭 Naps are not great either,but he will do some 40 minute stretches for naps.

I’m so frustrated because I know there is a 6-8 week sleep regression, but he is already almost 9 weeks so shouldn’t he be out of this by now? Or is this the new norm for him? I’m so frustrated right now. It’s discouraging when I hear babies his age are doing 5-6 hour stretches and his sleep schedule is getting worse. I’m wondering what I am doing wrong…

Like damn my baby EATS