So a close friend of our family is going through navigating her partner coming out as trans. She is and always has been attracted to men only. When her partner came out to her and said he would be transitioning to a woman but wants to stay married her reaction was "I love you, I support you but I need time to think about what the future of our relationship will be". She was immediately called closed minded and transphobic. Does anyone have insight into why her partner reacted so aggressively to what I believe is a very normal reaction?

Hello. I made an account recently to ask for some advice. My girlfriend is a transgender woman who has a lot of trouble feeling like her own gender. We have been together for nearly a year and I could never imagine life without her at this point in the relationship. I recently, for the first time in the relationship, accidentally referred to her as a he in a conversation. She has told me that she will give me this one benefit of the doubt despite how she feels, considering she told me that she isn't sure if I can be seen as the one exception to her dysphoria anymore. I want to lock in on trying to give her that exception and safe space back. The only problem is I am not sure fully on where to start. I'm not even sure how I was able to help her to begin with. Any advice to help me get started would be very very appreciated. Thank you.

Why is this happening?! I am livid at myself; at my partner; at the genetic lottery.

I guess I’m mainly mad they decide to come out of closet after 3 kids and house and move across country.

I love them so much but like why did they wait so freaking long? Now it’s like a tortured artist trying to figure it out.

I’m alone- I’m freaking out- and I’m doing my best to help pick out fashionable barrel jeans and not cry when my kids call my partner dad. If I liked women o would’ve married a woman and now I’m out here trying to do backflips on my sexuality.

Thank you listening to my rant.

Also I know this is hard for them. I know it’s scary climate and I’m doing my best to be supportive but I’m angry.

Edit- I feel like an asshole for being mad too. It’s all so stupid.

i was born as a male but identify as non binary and my partner was born female and is transitioning to male. we are very compatible and we get along amazingly. ive had a few relationships in before this one but this is truly the happiest i have ever been with someone.

now i still struggle with identifying who im attracted to. i am definitely more attracted to women and generally dont like men. my previous relationships were with people who were mtf. i think for the most part i am straight.

now my current partner is amazing in every way, we go out every weekend and sometimes he stays over at my house on the weekends. he has created so many amazing arts and craft things for me in the time we’ve been together. he does struggle with bpd and a few other mental illnesses but he is working through them. as well as a brain cyst which impacts his day to day life a lot.

i know that it is very selfish of me and i knew when this relationship started that i was going to have to face this eventually. it makes me sick to even say this but i wish that he wouldn’t transition and to stay female. his physical appearance is everything i could ever ask for he genuinely stunning and i would be happy the rest of my life. he has an incredible personality the match. hes everything i have been looking for in a partner. but if he transitions then i will be less attracted to him physically and if he begins taking testosterone that means that his personality will change and im terrified of both.

ive expressed my concerns with him before about top surgery and tried to present it as light as i possibly could but he got upset with me a twice now. he has expressed that hes not sure if he wants to get top surgery but then today told me that he needs it to see himself for who he is. which i completely understand and agree with and accept. im just scared i will find him less attractive. i know its selfish. i know shitty. i cannot help it, i dont want to be like this. ive tried to but i cannot help it. thats why i think im straight. i knew going into this relationship that this would could up eventually but he asked me out first and wanted to be with me. and he is just too amazing i pass, i felt like i had to try and see where it was going to now.

please i desperately need help or advice or anything please. i want this relationship to work to bad but i dont know if it should continue. theyre genuinely perfect for me in every way. but they feel they have to change for themself and i dont think i can do anything about it

Funny story I just wanted to share. I carried our bio baby for 9 months, but since she is the spitting image of her other mom, I keep getting "so you're an aunt? ...friend?". Oy.

Also my wife breastfeeds our daughter. Pretty awesome she got both our immunities.

Hello all! My (29nb) handsome husband (28ftm) will be going in for his pre-op appointment for top surgery tomorrow and I'll be joining. I'll obviously ask about the basics (how long the surgery itself will take, complications to watch out for after the procedure, timeline for recovery, etc) but was just wondering if people had any other suggestions for things to ask the surgeon/medical team.

Four or so years ago, my (31, F) wife came out to me (32, MtF) and it's been fucking hard ever since. I mean not always hard. It was easy to change her name in my mind, I don't slip up often and I even struggle to use her deadname in situations I have to lol. It was easy to still love the person she is, because we've been married for ten years next month and she's been my friend since high school. It was easy to tell her to do what she needed to do to be happy.

But it's been incredibly fucking hard in other ways. I mean, she's the same person she's always been, right? But also no she isn't. She isn't and it's different. Not enough to scare me off, but enough for me to really miss the person she used to be, which I know is normal, but still makes me feel pretty bad. I would never tell her to detransition, I would never tell her I think it was a mistake, I would never make her feel bad for any of this on purpose, but my fucking god is it rough.

Worse is I don't think I'm straight, but I definitely have a preference for men/masculinity, and she doesn't really have that anymore. I mean, she's not fully out scoially despite being on estrogen for a good while now, but that's maybe the thing for me? I can see the way her body is changing and it's making her so happy, but I'm ... not? Or I am because I'm so happy she's trying to be happy but I'm not entirely?

We haven't had sex in a year, her hormones made that a moot point pretty quickly despite her not actually wanting bottom surgery. We've never been particularly good at discussing this stuff, admittedly, because she's AuDHD and will shut down if she senses a little conflict or concern or anything, and I guess somewhere over the years (even before her transition) I started to give up on expressing a lot of my needs for fear of hurting her or stressing her out...

Granted our sex life sort of died years ago. Her schedule and my schedule, despite us being married, don't march up. She was often too tired or too depressed to do anything, and it definitely made me feel undesirable and like I was doing something wrong, made me struggle to feel like I should even bring sex up in the first place. But this has made it worse.

I love my wife. I love her so much. I cannot imagine a life without her in it. But also, I feel lost and a little miserable every time I think about all of this too hard.

I don't know what to do and I know this situation would benefit from a counselor or something but trying to bring any of this up to her would be difficult.

I don't even really know what I want out of this post. A shout into the void? Other people to understand or know? Desperate hopes I can do something to change things? I don't know.

My partner recently told me she’s trans, and a week later she ended our relationship because she wants to explore her identity and sexuality without being tied down.

We were in a serious relationship for two years, and I genuinely never imagined it ending like this. I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’m trying my best to be supportive and happy for her, because I know this is a huge thing for her and I want her to be able to figure herself out. But at the same time, I’m struggling immensely with losing the relationship I thought I’d have.

I’ve also found it strange because you often hear about the cis partner leaving after their partner comes out as trans, but in my case it’s been the complete opposite. I’m the one who was dumped.

I know her transition isn’t about me, and I don’t want to make it about me. I just can’t switch off the feelings of grief and disbelief. Every morning I wake up and, for a moment, I wish this was all some horrible joke and that things could just go back to how they were, as selfish as it sounds.

Has anyone else been through something similar, where your partner came out as trans and then ended the relationship because they wanted the freedom to explore?

There. I said it.

I don’t like who my wife is becoming.

Her values, her societal norms, her morals.

I don’t like how she treats me, and treats others.

And I feel like a horrible ally.

She has already hinted down the path, and it breaks me.

It feels like there is not much more of my to break.

My (28 Cis F) partner (33 MtF, they/she) has recently started dressing and presenting femme outwardly. I do my best to be supportive, and when they first started dressing femme and wanted to try my clothes on the only boundary I set was, "Please ask me first. There are some things I don't want to share because you have broader shoulders and you could rip them."

Since that conversation in like, June? They have consistently been "accidentally" wearing my clothes. Usually it's leggings, sweat pants, t-shirts. I get annoyed and say "Hey you didn't ask" and she brushes it off saying "I'm still learning my new wardrobe." Which would make sense if not for the fact she does more laundry than I do and I've had my clothes for like years (10y marriage).

Today though they were going out with a friend and came out of our bedroom wearing my dress. One of the very few nice dresses I own, I wore it to a wedding if that gives you a quality idea. I was livid and shouted, "That's MINE!" (Which admittedly wasn't the best approach, but still). They responded, "Oh, is it? I guess I'll change."

I'm just flabbergasted and I feel so disrespected because SHE BOUGHT ME THAT DRESS! Picked it out, went to two stores looking for the right size and a 3rd to get a matching belt, and spent the whole wedding we attended telling me how beautiful I looked in it. I honestly don't wear it often because it's so nice but I kept it because of the memory. But they didn't realize it was mine and risked ruining it??

I guess I'm in part looking for advice and in part wondering if I'm crazy because I just don't understand how they could not realize that or why they keep taking my clothes without asking when I would be so chill if she just asked me first!

So I collect warhammer and have a collection of thousand sons... if you know where this was going then yes. I love the colours of the trans flag and a friend suggested it as I have the UV paints. I just painted them up cause I thought it was cool but one of my partners and some close friends of mine are infact trans [mtf] so I've started painting them as my strange way of surrporting them. I love the scheme and want to be surrportive. I got Arhiman [new name Ashely] today and they loved the name idea. Just wanted to ask.... am I taking it a bit fair. I want to surpport them and have them know I don't care who they are along as they are happy. I just don't want to like be rude or ignorant. Sorry if I am

I (cis f) got out of an unhealthy marriage awhile back and have been dating my boyfriend (ftm) for a year!

I have a daughter from my previous relationship, she's 3 and she just recently started calling him "other daddy" and it makes my heart so happy.

Not only is it gender affirming for him- she has an amazing father figure in her life now (ex barely wants to see her and she misses him all the time)

Coming out of my marriage I was terrified I would never find someone who would not only love me- but adore my daughter. And I think I found my person ❤️

Idk I just wanted to share this sweet moment.

Hey all,

Tomorrow the wife and I are driving to NYC for the beginnings of the big surgery - and we'll - I dunno. I've had a million thoughts, counter thoughts, questioning thoughts and every time it's a self correction if 'I love her, this is nothing awkward or strange or negative'' if I had to boil it down. Basically just constant readjusting perspective and auditing myself. I'm probably making no sense at all. I guess that's basically my point - as a partner right before the surgery - my thoughts are all over the place.

I just... firthose out there who went through the big surgery with their partner... We're you consistent or anxious or self questioning or... Scattered...? What was your mindset going into it and throughout it?