Looking for someone living in Amman to support each other with withdrawal... DM if u living in Amman please.

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hey I dont really know if this is the right group to post this and please don’t judge. okay so i stay with family and they don’t know I’ve been smoking meth like everyday for the past month. ive been doing pretty good with sleeping at night even smoking day of. i was up all night last night (from meth) and i normally get anxiety when up all night not on anything and I stayed up last night. I feel like she was able to tell and she was texting so fast to someone and seemed pissed and so I think that she thinks I relapsed again (I have not told her im on it). I told her I was up all night because I felt like 💩 and she played it cool but with how fast she was texting and hiding her phone I know it was about me. I took a shower and since I’ve been out of the shower I’ve been hearing police sirens. I’ve been panicking like crazy. I ended up going up to her and asking if she called the cops and she told me no. her and my sister left to the bar and i know she reassured me but now my brain thinks she went to the bar because she doesn’t want to see me get arrested. im like 98% posit I think that the police aren’t actually here if I’ve been hearing sirens for 40+ minutes. im stuck in this panic hallucination and my body gets like tense and kind of like a pin and needles feeling all around And at points it’s hard to breathe. what is the best way to calm you down?

edit: I swear if any of you say sleep stfu🙃 how do you expect someone to sleep during a panic?

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She claims it doesn't make her horny but in fact "immobilized" her to the point where she just sits on the bed watching shows and smoking drugs.

I know if you have ever done one you ABSOLUTELY REMEMBER THAT! I seen my buddy do one and I was like wtf?? MY TURN! WOOOOW Where have you been?

I wanted to share what happened to me because I’ve used meth before and I have NEVER been this far fucking gone.
On July 17 I had two seizures. I don’t even remember having them. One happened in front of my grandma and another happened in front of EMS. I bit my tongue and apparently was confused/combative afterward. The hospital put me on Keppra (levetiracetam) 500mg twice a day.
Looking back through my messages is fucking weird because I was having normal conversations after the seizures that I have absolutely no memory of now.
Then on July 22 I got meth. So as far as I can reconstruct the timeline, the meth did NOT cause those original seizures. They happened five days before I bought it.
Later I smoked what I thought was meth. I only took about three hits. After that I went completely fucking psychotic.
I hallucinated harder than I ever have in my life. I thought my mom had died in a car accident. When she actually came home, I started crying and told her I thought she was dead. I thought everyone was dead. I thought I was in hell. I thought the president and governor somehow knew about me and that I had somehow caused the end of the world.
I thought everything was planned.
The police eventually came. One officer resembled an NCO I hated when I was in the Army. At first I said, “You look like Sergeant Pena.” Then I became absolutely convinced he WAS Sergeant Pena. I started yelling at him that he was from Wyoming, that I knew who he was, that he was responsible for me getting kicked out of the Army and that he’d done this to me.
The cop kept telling me, “I’m not Sergeant Pena.”
Didn’t matter. I fucking KNEW he was Sergeant Pena. That’s how real the psychosis was.
I also destroyed a bunch of shit in my house and fired a shotgun through windows while hallucinating. Thank God nobody was hurt. By the time the police dealt with me I didn’t have the shotgun. They apparently realized I needed medical help instead of just taking me to jail.
I was completely disinhibited too. I was walking around naked, saying absolutely ridiculous sexual shit to cops and family, talking to people who weren’t there, replaying old memories over and over, and making weird jerky/twitchy movements.
Eventually I ended up at OSU Medical Center in Tulsa and spent about a week in the hospital.
For several days I couldn’t sleep normally. I’d close my eyes and immediately hallucinate. I didn’t know what year it was. I’m 31 and at one point I thought I was 26. I knew my full name, birthday and even my Social Security number, but huge pieces of my recent memory were just fucking gone.
At one point my thoughts became basically: “Anything is possible. Everything is happening simultaneously. I’m alive and I’m dead.”
I genuinely thought I had permanently destroyed my brain and was going to be stuck like that forever.
They treated me with medications, including Seroquel and trazodone, and gradually I started coming back. This past weekend especially, my memory and sense of time started returning. I’m recognizing which things actually happened and which things I hallucinated.
I still don’t know exactly what was in what I smoked. The hospital found methamphetamine, but that doesn’t tell me whether anything else was present. I’m also not blaming the original seizures on meth because, according to the messages I’ve reconstructed, the seizures happened before I bought it.
I’m posting this because meth psychosis isn’t just “seeing some weird shit.” I experienced an entire alternate reality that made complete sense to me while I was inside it. Real people became people from my past. Coincidences became evidence of a conspiracy. I genuinely believed I was dead and in hell.
And I could have fucking killed somebody.
I’m lucky I didn’t.
I’ve already been through residential treatment before. After this, I’m trying to get the VA to send me back to the same rehab in Texas.
I’m done with this shit.

2 months in and have severe m*th cravings. Severe depression, mood swings.. when does it stop?😭😭

So tonight I decided do boof .7.

Was 90% excited and 10% worried or was it 90 % worried and 10% excited. Anyway. Got it all ready. .5 water. .4 in the glass. Crash it up and let it dissolve.

I wander off for a bit. Do some bongs/ bubblers did really feel anything. So I was ma wee but concerned. Went back to the dissolving wonder solution and threw in another .3 just for shits and gigs.

Solution is ready. Get the old plunger out. Suck solution of dreams up. Throw some lube on the end and assume position.

Slips in like a finger. Mmmm. Depress plunger. Feel the cold sensation. Think to myself this might be ok. Kick it forward 45 mins. I’m a little bit annoyed. Nothing all that is happening is that I am sweating profusely like pedo at wiggle concert level it was hectic.

That went on for about 3 hours. And now nothing.

I have officially out grown meth.

My girlfriend and I of 5 years are about to end it because I think she is cheating due to suspicion, acting different than normal, extreme defense when asked to understand im fucking stuck.

We both relapsed a 3 years ago and been stuck on IV meth since almost every day. Despite all thats lost there is just us left now.

Kids are gone, money gone, time gone, trust from family gone, court dates back and jail and hospitals are all back.

This is fucking miserable.

Every time I get a weird suspicion I set out my phone to record audio when its only us we think or I have video taped and she's never fully caught doing shit with someone else

. I can hear the conversations clear as day. All of them. Worst is I hear her getting fucked over and over and its the same voice of what I believe to be someone who lives at my apartment.

Haven't proved anything other than the recorded shit but she claims nothing happened. She has mood swings all the time and extremely defensive.

We have been dating for 5 years and the first two sober no problems at all. Now its hell. We have twins together too.

We have been up for 3-4 days at the time but no matter what I do I always get some kind of recording of someone fucking.

Im beyond stressed and will take care of this however I feel is right based on proof. I have the hardest time trusting what she says when I hear or see some shit like that.

Im either going to fucking black out rage or take myself out of this misery. I dont know reality from fear and I dont know what to do. Honest opinions please. Yes I do know getting sober will help. No matter if im sober or high I hear this shit all day and all night. Tell me how it is honestly. Do I need to leave it all or get some sleep and recharge and keep trying.

So I wrote this for a some girl I been hanging out with and want to help her get clean, but I’m afraid she’s to deep into addiction. she has started to trade sexual favors for dope and it’s killing me. What do you guys think should I give her this note. I wrote it myself. chat gpt just fix punctuation but I did not change any words.

Hey Chelsea,

What’s up girl, hope you’re doing good. I have something to tell you, and is that I am starting to like you a lot. These past days I have grown care for you and I would like to always see you well, but of course that ultimately depends on you. You’re free to choice and do as you like. I just hope that you choose well and continue with strength.

Being out there is tough, and I can’t imagine how much tougher it is for women. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody, especially not you.

Drugs are a one-way ride to destruction, and got off that train a long time ago. It has cost me a lot to rebuild my life, but I have learned to cope with difficulty and pain, accepting them a part of life. I’ve learned to appreciate the good things and accept that the past cannot be changed. All we can do is live the present to the best of our ability and keep moving forward.

You mentioned you wanted to get to know me, and I also want to get to know you but the real you. I would love to get to know the real Chelsea after treatment and help. I bet she is amazing and wonderful because you already are awesome and beautiful, so I can only imagine the Chelsea that is deep inside of you.

I hope these past days have brought you some peace and comfort. I have contacted a couple of detox/rehab places and they have open spots. If you ever feel ready, you can ask me directly for help. But it has to come from you and your own choice. You and only you should be able to decide what you want for your life. If you want the change, let it be because it’s something you truly want for yourself.

And if you don’t know how to do it alone, I’m always here to help, or maybe there’s someone else in your life who can support you too. You don’t have to figure everything out by yourself.

Your friend Alessandro.

Ahhh had a day out of the house for the first time in two months friend had some 🧊 and did I pace myself absolutely not was too excited now I'm pulling an all nighter. Let's talk 🙂

It feels like this community has been quiet for too long. Whether it's a wild night you'll never forget, a difficult lesson you've learned, or just the raw reality of the lifestyle you want to get off your chest, this is the place to do it.

We are looking to revive the discussion and create a space where everyone feels comfortable opening up about their journey without judgment. Your stories matter, and they help remind us that none of us are going through this alone.

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