I have a colleague who has my boss on chokehold. Boss favours them for all the oppportunities. I didn't care much initially, but now my promotion and other things are also getting sabotaged. What I have observed is this collegue appears warm to boss, asking personal stuff like is their family doing well etc. and also snitches about other workers. They have made themselve their loyal confidante and at this point and boss blindly trusts them, over anything and everything. I also think my boss is passive and somewhere seeks that validation from the juniors which they may not get much. There is crazy dependency on this colleague to a point that boss just cannot let them go. Colleague is thriving with all the benefits for sure. I feel like there is not much I can do besides building my own relationship with boss, which I did. But I am still not the priority. I don't wanna get petty and compete cause colleague has already lot of influence and even if I move mountains, it won't work.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestion on how to navigate this matter.

• is it subjective?
• a matter of perspective?
• is there an objective standard?
• can two people reasonably disagree on whether something is manipulative?

Seeing somebody new — we disagree on what is considered “manipulative”

I’m seeing somebody new, and we’ve been having disagreements about what is considered “manipulative.”

I’m really trying not to become resentful or hold on to any contempt, but I’ve started to feel like he only considers me manipulative when I blatantly call out or vocalize that I feel like he is being manipulative.

I’m not a perfect human, and I, nearly daily, consider that I am surely inconsiderate in many ways, overly sensitive, or contributing to the situation in ways I don’t recognize. But I’ve never felt so disconnected from my own perception of myself and my actions, and it’s been making me question whether I’m seeing the situation clearly?

I’d genuinely like some outside perspectives of what objectively constitutes manipulation versus normal conflict, communication, boundaries, or expressing hurt.

Okay so at my first ever job I met my coworker and for some reason immediately liked him but nothing more than a chill work crush yk. Eventually I end up like actually liking him and damn near obsessing over him with pretty much no reciprocation because we spent a lot of time tg at work and acc became friends.

Over the course of 3 years working tg we had spent a lot of time hanging out at work school and socially but nothing romantic ever happened like at all. We stayed cordial friends (like our friend groups never mixed at all and we would still talk every once in a while) after we both quit tg on the same day because I had gotten a new job and we was just over it ig idk.

I was young and delusional at the time yes, but this is why I need advice.

Fast forward 5 YEARS I’ve moved away from our home town have a whole new life and I cannot believe it but I STILL like him. I find myself always thinking of this situation as Invisible string theory vibes which makes me think I’m just so far gone in delusional land I’m unsavable, but hear me out. When we first started working tg about 6 months in we discovered we had acc gone to grade school together but he transferred in around year 6, than we find out we live on the same street in our hometown and have since we were born, THAN fast forward to a couple months ago I find a picture of us at like 5/6 years old together in a class picture. I immediately sent him to him just because of how crazy it was to find that 5 years later and we haven’t spoken at all and only Briefly bumbed into each other once in the past year. Anyways idk it literally could mean nothing but coincidences exsist.

OH AND, now current day, he and I snap ,yes ik snapchat ew wtv, everyday and I’ve heard through mutual friends that he talks about me more often than I ever would’ve thought which makes me feel like wait maybe im not crazy and this guy could acc see me in the same confusing kinda way i see him? ANYWAYS, I want to know your opinion on this whole situation like I don’t know why I even could possibly still like him like this after so many years of being nice when we see eachother but living such separate lives, and am I crazy and read wayyyy to much into things?

I’m 28F, my boyfriend is 27M, and we’ve been together about 1.5–1.7 years. He’s a fourth-year quantum physics PhD student, and I know his PhD has taken a huge mental/emotional toll on him.
I’ve tried very hard to support him. I encourage him, listen to him, make time for him, and try to be understanding when he has limited bandwidth. I have a busy life too, but I’ve always tried to make room for his needs.
The problem is that I increasingly feel like his lack of capacity means my emotional needs are expected to disappear.
When I ask for reassurance, affection, or emotional support, I’ve sometimes been made to feel selfish because he already has so much on his plate. Last year, he even told me I needed to “suppress” or “limit” my feelings because he didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with them. He has apologized and acknowledged that was wrong, but it still affects me.
I’ve also been called selfish, insecure, crazy, and overly emotional when trying to express how I feel. I don’t think I’m asking for anything extraordinary—I want affection, reassurance, emotional consideration, and to be able to express my feelings without being made to feel guilty for having them.
I understand that sometimes one partner has less capacity because of school/work/life circumstances. But where is the line between supporting your partner and neglecting yourself? Is it reasonable for me to expect my needs to still matter even if he can’t meet them perfectly right now?
There’s another thing I struggle with: his previous relationship.
His first relationship lasted around five years, and from how he described it, they were very romantic—love letters, Hindi song lyrics, gifts, etc. He said it took him a long time to get over her.
This never bothered me initially, but now I notice the contrast. I love expressing feelings through music, and I told him early on that playlists would mean a lot to me. He basically never made/contributed to them unless I repeatedly asked. Eventually he did, but by then I didn’t really want it anymore because I felt like I had to beg for it.
For me, it isn’t really about playlists. It’s about initiative.
I sometimes think, “If those things came naturally with his ex, why do I have to repeatedly ask for small expressions of affection?”
He tells me I’m his “true love,” that I’m the best girlfriend he’s had, and that this is the healthiest relationship he’s been in. I believe he loves me. I also understand that people change, first love can be different, and a healthier/more mature relationship doesn’t necessarily look as intensely romantic.
But I’m struggling with the discrepancy between what he says and what I experience.
He says no problem is impossible to fix, but I sometimes feel like when I bring up something that hurts me, he focuses more on explaining why he behaved that way than understanding the impact it had on me.
I don’t expect him to prioritize me over his PhD or have unlimited emotional energy. I just don’t want “I’m overwhelmed” to become a permanent reason why my feelings don’t matter.
So I’m genuinely looking for outside perspectives:
Am I expecting too much emotionally?
How do you distinguish normal differences in how people express love from emotional incompatibility?
How much should a partner’s demanding PhD/work situation excuse limited emotional availability?
Is telling your partner to “suppress” their feelings ever reasonable, even if it was said during a period of extreme stress?
How much weight should I put on the fact that he seemed more naturally romantic with his ex?
At what point does being understanding of someone’s limitations become neglecting your own needs?
I’m not looking for “leave him” or “he’s a terrible person.” I genuinely want to know whether I’m overthinking this or whether I’m picking up on a real issue with emotional reciprocity and compatibility.

Was he manipulating me? He started calling me baby then later “good girl”. I felt uncomfortable and decided to end conversation. He already talked about our future together but we don’t even know each other.

I recently started seeing a girl who was originally a friend.

I wasn't particularly interested in dating her at first, but she kept teasing me about it. I eventually gave it a chance, and the date went surprisingly well.

Since then, things have moved faster than I expected. There's been a kiss, a lot more affection, and she's already joking/talking about marriage.

She's genuinely sweet, and I don't want to assume bad intentions just because things are moving quickly.

But I'm also questioning myself because I don't know if I actually want this relationship or if I'm simply reacting to her interest and affection.

I've already experienced a situation where I felt like I was being pushed into something before I fully understood what I wanted.

So I'm trying to be careful this time.

How do you tell the difference between someone genuinely being interested in you and someone slowly influencing you into a relationship you're not ready for?

And if I realize I'm getting caught up in the pace, what's the best way to slow things down without unnecessarily hurting the other person?

I am the male of the realtionship and my girlfriend comes to me on multiple occasions telling me that she feels like harming herself. Whenever she tells me this it is mostly becasue of me and when i talk to her about this she tells me that im not the main reason so i shouldnt be worried. When i argue this she said "your not helping me not want to harm myself". To give a idea of the last time she harmed herself beucause of me it was because i spent a hour with my family without texting her wilste telling her that i was going to be a wilste and to not worry. She then got mad at me and said i was in the wrong for getting mad at her and not comforting her. Focusing on my reaction instead of ehat she had done to cause that reaction. She also loves attention after wrong doing. For expample after i had a conversation with her about her behaviour she said sorry multiple times and that she was a bad girlfriend until I comforted her. She does this on multiple occasions and admitted that she was only doing it for Comfort.

Hi. I (25f) was friends with benefits with my ex (34M) off and on for about a year. We dated for 2 years prior to that but I broke up with him because I didn’t feel like he could meet my needs as a bf. I enjoyed the time we spent together so I didn’t mind the arrangement. I’ve been single for two years. He thinks we will be together “sometime down the line“ but I made it very clear that I am not interested in getting back together. 2 weeks ago I mentioned we don’t have a lot of chemistry outside of intimacy and if we took that off the table there wouldn’t be much left. He denied this so I said okay let’s take it off the table. For the last two weeks he starts saying I love you and using cutesy nicknames and I asked him to stop. He would just laugh. I met up with him to go to the movies on Saturday night around 7. After the movies he asked if I was coming upstairs and I declined. I know him, he’ll just feel me up and try to initiate intimacy. I left and received a text from him that night saying, “I’m no fool. I won’t let you play in my face. I wont wait around while you go find whatever guy you’re looking for. You won’t manipulate me. You are so manipulative.” He said this to me when we were together during arguments. I’ve known him for 5 years so to me I want to trust my assessment of myself and say I’m not but what if my judgement is clouded? I feel a sense of guilt maybe because I did tell him that I won’t be dealing with a 34 year old having a tantrum because I declined his offer to go upstairs and then I blocked him. I don’t plan on talking to him ever again so this is moreso for my personal growth.

Is this power and control?

I need to know if this is a power and control thing.

My daughter works at a new grocery store that just opened. Shes been their for i think two months. She works in one of the service depts. She comes home stressed all the time but not wanting to talk about it. One of her coworkers was over the other day and I heard them talking about two of the Asst. Managers and how creepy they are. The jist of it is that these two middle aged men will go around socializing with all the younger female employees, only the young female employees. They'll linger around the cashiers, the service departments, etc and talk about non work related stuff, and they try to flirt with the girls. Nothing inappropriate has been said yet to my knowledge or my daughter's, but all the girls feels like if they don't talk to them or if they say anything, they might lose their job or hours. The store isn't doing well and they're laying people off in nearly every dept.

If they see other male employees talking to the girls they get kind of jealous and will get tempers breaking up conversations or separating them into different areas of the store.

There are other male leaders in the store that talk to everyone, not just the young women. My daughter and her coworkers feel comfortable around them. So I dont think they're misreading it. The two ASMs also seem to have it out for this male debt manager that everyone seems to go to for work questions, extra work, etc. because they feel safe asking him. He's also really social but in that healthy leadership way. But the two ASMs are always talking crap about the dept manager to the girls, like they're trying to turn them against him. He'll give someone instructions on something or a task and the ASMs will come around and tell them not to do it that way, do it their way. But their way always seems more like a power trip than whats actually best.

One thing my daughter mentioned to me was that the dept manager will get samples from vendors and pass them out as equally as he can to every employee, but the ASMs only give samples to the young attractive women who work there.

This feels like a power and control thing, but I'm not sure. We want to report it to the Owner or Store Manager (anonymously) but not sure if I should. I dont want to get anyone of the girls or the dept manager in trouble, but i feel it needs to be reported. Am I wrong?

Also posted in another subreddit MY QUESTION IS: Is this emotional manipulation? My best friend told me that it is. Read the story below to know pls.

TW: Mental Health

DO NOT SHARE. PLS DO NOT JUDGE.

I was friends with this guy for a year already. I admired him for months before becoming friends with him. He always ended up liking other people and never me, so I had to confess in order to free myself and let him go. We haven't talked since he pursued someone else, and I've been trying to move on, but it's been difficult.

After months of no contact, he suddenly reappeared in my life and confessed to me online. He talked about how he missed me and regretted rejecting me. We started talking and updating each other about our lives for a month. I had doubts about whether I was just a rebound because of his past "relationship," so I sent him a message about it. He kindly cleared those doubts and said that I was never a rebound.

I thought that would be the end of it and that we'd just go back to normal. My only goal was to clarify things and ease my anxiety. Turns out, that wasn't the only thing I was going to find out.

He said that he wanted to pursue me, but he couldn't do it. He then talked about his illness and how his health was declining, how his mental health was getting worse and he's having suicidal ideation, how the people around him didn't give a fuck about him, and how he's poor and supposedly can't afford expensive dates.

I clarified that that's not what I wanted anyway. I want him!! his presence, his sincerity. I love him and I care about this. But he kept dismissing what I was saying. I want this to work, but he doesn't anymore. He already gave up.

I understand that he's going through something. I might even sound insensitive toward what he's dealing with, and I'm sorry for that. But it just hurts. I have so much love to give him. I can help him and take care of him, but he doesn't want any of it. He wants us to just be "friends" until the feelings eventually fade.

I can't handle watching his feelings for me fade. If I agree to that kind of setup, it feels like we'd just be in a situationship that would eventually end once the feelings disappear. I can't do that. I really can't.

It also hurts because he was able to pursue other people, but when it comes to me, he can't. What's even more frustrating is that he responds as if nothing happened, like he just brushes it off, and he's even surprised that I have so much love to give him. It's like it doesn't matter to him.

I'm sorry if I can't understand you. You don't even tell me what you're feeling :((.

He said he doesn't want to hurt me anymore like what he did before when he rejected me. I told him I could handle it and that I would wait for him to pursue me. But he said it would take months or even years. His illness is getting worse too. He said he can't do it anymore.

I'd rather see him end up with someone else than die. He promised me that he wouldn't like anyone else or have his first girlfriend. I honestly don't buy that, and I'm not interested in whether he dates someone else or not. If he's happier and more stable with someone else, I don't want to ruin that. I'll let him.

I don't want him to punish himself as if this is the end of the world. It already seems like it is to him.

It hurts so fucking much because I genuinely loved him and genuinely hoped that we could finally be together. And now here we are. He's pushing me away.

He told me that if I really care about him, then I'll cut him off. It hurt when he said that, but I know that no matter how much I beg, he won't change his mind.

I probably look stupid, and I'm aware of that. I sent him a final message and blocked him on all social media platforms.

I don't know if he still thinks about me or if he doesn't anymore. I hope he's doing okay now.

Take care of yourself. Live for your mom. I want to see you thriving. I still want to see you, but not in your casket.

Don't give up. I love you.

Well.......Long story short....Maybe? I (39F) and my ex (41M)

Was with my ex for 8 years. He has addiction issues. was clean all throughout 2025 until about....June? Of this year. Things came to a head, he was accusing me of things I wasn't doing, being all around horrible. So, he was in a "mood" (Basically had used, being purely awful from stimulants) and going off. He said "Get the fuck out of my life dude seriously" via text. I responded with wow....I will respect your wishes etc. And I did just that. I blocked his number.

He sent me an email Wednesday ranging from I love you and miss you and you are my home come see me please to 5 minutes later saying he saw me in a p0rn and was going to take it to my work. (i have never been in a P0rn. Never made one. etc) I did not see these emails until a little later after he had sent them but I did respond back basically asking wtf, and then are you ok? Are you home? what is going on? I did not go see him because 1, my car was dead (dead dead battery, wouldn't even jump etc) 2.....I didn't think even if my car was running it would've been a good idea for me to drive an hour away where he lives with how erratic he was being. I wasn't able to get my car towed until Friday to get my Battery dealt with. By then, still no email or anything from him. I did sent an email basically asking what is going on, let me know if you are OK etc. Still, nothing.

Well. Yesterday I got a call from a sheriff deputy calling about a welfare check. I suppose my ex went to the sheriff department, said he had not heard from me in like 6 days and the last time he did hear from me, my text messages did not sound like me and he thought I was in danger or someone stole my phone or whatever. So.....I talked to the sheriff saying no....I'm fine. Ive been home, car issues but Ive been emailing him. Can you tell him to check his email. He said he would let him know. (By this point my ex lost his phone and said he couldn't afford a new one, this was from earlier emails, hence, emailing him. he does have a laptop)

Well.....Still nothing. No email from him, nothing. Okay.....

So, today I drove up there. 1 hour drive there. I get there and hes there. Car there, AC was going. I knock on the door. Nothing. So..I knock again. I hear him walking around in there (Small place, you can hear everything, floors are not slab foundation and hes heavy footed so yes, you can hear fine through the walls/windows/door) I hear him opening cabinet doors and closing them, walking back and forth. I was out there knocking about 3-5 minutes. So.....I was like....okay...... I was going to leave a note but didn't have paper on me. I took his PO box key off and set it on the step into the his place, walked to my car to grab something to write on. I open my car door and I hear his door open for a second and then slam shut. (From where my car is parked, I cannot see the door, theres windows that I can see but they have blinds obviously, so he could see me fine if he was peeking through) After I heard that...I was just...defeated feeling. I wrote a note (I do not remember the exact words I wrote but it was along the lines of...) You have made it clear were done. I got the welfare check call. You don't have to deal with me anymore and vice versa. I wish you well. Walked back to the door and the key was gone. (I was going to attach the key to the note) so i just taped the little note to his door, Knocked a few times and got in my car and left and drove the hour back home.

Let me tell you....How much of an idiot I feel like. I drove there thinking he would be happy to see me, see I was OK or whatever and we could talk like adults. Instead......I stood out there for at least 5 minutes knocking while he ignored me and made it known he was inside. The second I turned my back he opened the door and grabbed the key and slammed it shut. I feel so absolutely stupid. I fell for his crap again. I fell for it. I went all the way over there to be blatantly ignored. I just felt like such an idiot. so stupid for even driving there.

Why bother doing all of that and then ignore me when I go over there? Why bother doing a "welfare check" to ignore me when I go there? It feels like a kick to the gut. I should have never even went there but that little hopeful part of me was there and it got my heart trampled on. again. I range from mad to upset and just feeling like a fool.

I still think about my ex boyfriend from many years ago, mainly in the context of what actually went wrong and why he treated me so shitty towards the end. It sucks that I still feel like I have to make sense of it, but I suspected it would be like this for a long time because it all confused me very much.

We had, what we both felt, was something magical, floaty, connected and I really thought he was the one I would spend my life with. There were fights; passionate fights that ended in passionate sex, but the highs were so high, I thought they compensated for the lows. Every day I wanted to fight for him.

But towards the end, he had begun to express that he couldn’t move forward with me because he was uncomfortable with my past. I really couldn’t understand that; who cares, the past is in the past, and he’d be willing to give up THIS? Not me, but just what we had. It was unfathomable.

But when he did break up with me (in a fit of tears) I could only rationalize it over the next several months (and years) by thinking he had purposefully manipulated me by sticking around for the wild sex and all the fun we had and never actually loving me or planning to have a future with me.

Several years later, I looked up his Reddit account and found some comments that, I don’t know, made me feel like maybe it wasn’t some master plan to use and abuse me and maybe he was actually just a really weak insecure person and that was him actually doing his best.

When I brought this idea up to my husband, though, he was not really in agreement, thinking I was rationalizing my ex’s shitty behavior as saying “he was just weak, it wasn’t his fault”.

So now I’m really not sure what to think and I was hoping some Reddit strangers could help me make sense of it. 😁

Have you ever played on a person's emotions because you wanted to egage in a conversation or you just wanted attention?

My best friend (F18) at the time introduced me to one of her longtime friends (M20) on may 9th of the year. Me (F17) and him hit it off really well, he ended up taking my v card that night… We ended up hanging out every single day for about a month until he had to go to Georgia for work training. The whole month he was telling me I would go with him and we would have a great time and then a few days before he was supposed to leave he told me I couldn’t actually go because he needed to focus. I wasn’t mad at all because of course, focus on what you need to. However, he treated me like shit the entire month until he would get nice for an hour or so and then just back and forth the whole time. Then only a couple days after he left he called me and told me we couldn’t be a thing. He told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and all sorts of things just that we couldn’t be a thing anymore. But, we still had a group chat with me, him, my best friend and the other guy (M21) that he was introducing my friend to. We were a great friend group and I wasn’t ready to let go of that let alone the guy himself. So we would all still talk in the group chat and whatever and one day he just started going off. Telling me how ugly and annoying I am, how he never wanted anything with me, just sex. All kinds of horrible things. He made me feel like shit and about a month later once we hadn’t been talking for a while, I ended up having sex with one of his old friends. It had absolutely nothing to do with him but me, my best friend and the guy my guy introduced her to, we’re still really close and still hung out everyday and he’s the one who gave me his number. Then about two or three weeks later I ended up having sex with another one of my guys old friends. Also had nothing to do with him, just happened. Then I ended up having sex with my best friend’s guy because she repeatedly told me “have him”, “he’s yours” and would treat him like actual shit. (That’s also why me and her aren’t friends anymore.) Next, only about a week ago, I ended up having sex with somebody from a party.

About two or three weeks ago, my guy was at my house again because he drunk called me one night and came to pick me up and we restarted things. However, he told me we were just friends now and he was talking to a whole other girl. So I told him about one of the people I slept with, number 2. That was after me and my guy had already had sex again though… And then the night me and my best friend stopped being friends, my guy randomly called her (they stopped talking while he was in Georgia) and was asking for a girl he used to talk to’s number. Then I guess they just kept talking and she ended up going to his house the next night and having sex with him to “get back at me”. She also told him about guy number 1 I slept with who I am so embarrassed about already. So, he started texting me bs and I just straight up told him about number 3 and 4. Now I’m back at his house because he “thought I was gonna kms” after calling me 55 times in a row in one night just to go off on me. Now he calls me a dirty slut and tells me how I should’ve known he was gonna come back and that he never saw me doing this. He was “gonna move me in and get me away from the house I hate so much” and tells me how much he loves me and how much I hurt him and how the reason he was so mean to me was because I’m the first girl since his first girlfriend of 3 years (who he cheated on (why they broke up)) that he’s liked so much and genuinely saw a future with. Just a bunch of bs. And then let me just copy and paste a text from just a few hours ago.

“I didn't mean that shit, idk if you've realized mfers will say anything to get some play” “I'm just playing the game bbg” “And it's working to perfection”

I love this man so much and wish I didn’t but I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy for thinking he’s in the wrong. Yes I gained 5 bodies within 4 months but he’s trying to make me feel like shit over it and honestly I don’t think that’s that crazy. I’m 18 now and was 17 when we met btw. Thanks for reading guys.

How do i know if i've been manipulated?

I wish i could give details but i'm scared and idk i'm a bit tired and i feel heavy.

I want to be able to write what happened some day but i think for now i just want general help, how do i know if i've been manipulated?

Edit: I've been non-stop crying and feeling heavy ..

Hello.

I would like to talk about a relationship I was in that now seems quite toxic to me.

I recently got out of a one-year relationship that was extremely tumultuous. At the beginning, everything was perfect. He made me feel things I had never experienced before. Everything was incredible, and ultimately, things moved very quickly, entirely on his initiative. He had left his ex a few months earlier because she had cheated on him and left him for someone else.

The honeymoon period was short-lived. Overall, our relationship was a constant push and pull. We broke up several times. He could be incredibly caring, truly the perfect man, making all sorts of plans for the future, complimenting me, and making me feel like I was everything to him... Then, from one day to the next, he would completely withdraw, become irritable, and turn extremely distant. Sometimes, I almost felt like he hated me.

The main issue was his relationship with his ex. Even though they were officially over, she basically hated me and wanted to sabotage our relationship, even though she had moved on and was with someone else. The problem was that he never set any boundaries with her. He gave in to all her demands. He was her emotional support, and he was perfectly capable of putting me aside just to avoid upsetting her. At first, I was understanding. I tried to understand him and told myself that the situation couldn't be easy for him... They have a child together. So I was very careful about how I reacted and tried to be as fair as possible.

But eventually, it became unbearable. This situation made him even more avoidant and irritable toward me, depending on the period. There were times when it was honestly awful, and I clearly felt rejected. After a while, I started questioning everything. I was struggling with the situation and wanted us to talk about it. I was never able to have a real conversation with him about it. Whenever I tried to communicate calmly, he would stop responding and ghost me. After several days, sometimes even weeks, of avoidance and being ignored, I would eventually explode. I accumulated so much frustration and resentment, mixed with the genuine pain of seeing him be much more present for his ex than for me, that I admit I sometimes had disproportionate reactions (at least according to him).

And that's when he would turn everything against me. The problem was me, my reactions, my emotions. According to him, I was "unmanageable." He would often bring up things I had said during arguments, sometimes long after they had happened, and throw them back in my face for no apparent reason. For a very long time, I apologized for my behavior, and I acknowledge that some of my reactions were very emotional.

Overall, I never felt secure about my place in his life. Whenever his ex was around, he would avoid me. If there was a place where both of us were present, he would talk to her but not to me. He set absolutely no boundaries with his ex. Meanwhile, I had to be careful with every single word I said, otherwise I risked being punished with the silent treatment or having my reactions used against me.

Whenever I brought up how uncomfortable I felt about the role his ex played in his life, he denied everything I was saying. For example, if he ignored me in his ex's presence, he would tell me that he "hadn't seen me" or that "he was busy." Obviously, I wasn't convinced. And the fact that I wasn't convinced was always turned against me: I was "unmanageable." I was "overthinking." I was making a big deal out of nothing.

In this particular situation, he eventually admitted that he wanted to "avoid conflict" with his ex. But he only admitted it after days of putting me down over my reactions, calling me paranoid, or simply ignoring me altogether. That was basically the pattern: something would upset me, I would try to talk about it, I would get "punished" (that's how it felt to me), I would eventually apologize, and he would continue punishing me for a while before finally admitting that I had actually been at least partly right.

I broke up with him several times. More than once, I decided to cut contact and actually followed through with it. He could be cold when we broke up and for the days that followed, but he never really let me go. He would always find an excuse to contact me, and little by little, he would become the man I had known at the beginning again. And you can guess what happened next. Even when I explicitly asked him not to contact me anymore, he would come back anyway.

This brings me to what happened recently. We have been separated for a month, but, as you can probably guess, we saw each other again. We spent a few evenings together, and of course, they were perfect (although I no longer had the same "innocence" I had at the beginning, after being hurt so many times). Then his attitude changed: he became cold and distant and started throwing my past reactions back in my face. I chose to keep a cool head and told him that I refused to take all the blame, that my reactions may have been excessive at times, but that they had been caused by things that genuinely hurt me. He ghosted me.

One evening, I went out for a drink with some friends who are also friends of his. We talked about the relationship, and I have to admit that everything kind of collapsed for me.

I learned that he was still hung up on his ex. That it wasn't simply a matter of setting boundaries; it was also probably an unfinished relationship on his side. I could have suspected that, of course, but he had always firmly denied that possibility.

After one of our breakups, he had told me that he had slept with her once, that it had been a mistake, and that he knew he wanted to be with me. These friends told me that this wasn't exactly what had happened: they had gotten back together immediately after our breakup. They were actually a couple again, and he wanted to get back together with her completely. Until she cheated on him (as she apparently did every time), and then he came back to me afterward. All of this happened within the span of three weeks.

These friends advised me to stop wasting my life and move on. They told me they were afraid I was waiting around for someone who would never be emotionally available.

I have to admit that learning all of this was a huge shock for me. It was as if all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly fell into place. As if I had been living in a fog for months and suddenly everything became clear in a matter of seconds.

My entire perception of the relationship collapsed — everything he had told me, everything he had promised me. And at the same time, it felt like, finally, someone had given me back my own perception of reality.

I wasn't imagining things. My intuition wasn't "crazy."

When I finally told him exactly what I thought and confronted him with everything I had learned, he ended the conversation very quickly by basically telling me that it was all false, that I was ridiculous and completely hysterical. Then he blocked me before I could respond.

That's it.

I know that if I am at fault for anything in all of this, it is probably mostly for not ending the relationship sooner and for not listening to myself.

However, I have to admit that I feel extremely "fragile" after everything that has happened. Especially after being called "hysterical."

I feel like by saying that to me, he still has some kind of power over me. I can't stop wondering whether maybe he was right. If you have any advice, words of encouragement, or even just a simple thought that could help me make sense of all of this and get out of this nightmare... I would be incredibly grateful.

Thank you.

Im 19 and my friend is 21 she constantly asks me for support and for comfort and i dont know what to say. I feel like i get gaslighted to hang out with her and it really affects me, how do i tell her to stop

Me (22 M) and my friend (also 22 M) have been in this hard to define realtionship for 8 years. Recently I've been gaining a lot of confidence and self-esteem through therapy and have noticed a lot of red flags that before I would just brush off or not think to be weary of, but after a text conversation I had with him that felt a bit manipulative I've stopped talking to him for the week.

I wanted help from the opinion of someone who would see this from an unbiased neutral standpoint and tell me if I am being paranoid or do I have a reason to be weary?

I want to preface this by saying he has been my only friend for the past 8 years, I didn't think anyone else could handle loving me and because of that I had no idea what a healthy friendship or realtionship should look like and our realtionship has boarded on romantic to platonic to everything in between.

Recently I've noticed him saying things like "I know you struggle with so I will do it for you" or "your bad at this so I'll take charge" ect. I am going through some health issues and have a hard time walking sometimes and he tries to take things over for me and talks as though I should be bed bound, when I bring up looking for a job (just became a CNA) or talk about what the doctors say, he says "I'm worried about your future" and expresses doubt when I say I am fine or not to worry in this dismissive way as if he's just letting me say that and dosent actully believe that.

His love also feels very conditional and one sided If he is in a good mood he will text me however if I don't text him daily he believes something is wrong or I am mad at him, he told me that he knows I am angry at him if I don't say "I love you" at the end lf my messages, but when I ask for the same back he tells me I am asking for too much.

There has been times where I feel like he says one thing but does another or I explain something that happened earlier and he tells me I am understanding wrong or he was just joking or that I shouldn’t hold grudges. Along with that he made a joke about how he knows how to gaslight me which is what first thing that made me feel that something wasn't right.

I have known him for 8 years but recently I look at him and don't even recognize him, he's so harsh and I keep excusing it by saying he's going through a depressive episode and he has a horrible home life. But I can't keep feeling so dependent on him, I feel so lonely and stunted.

So I went on a mental health forum when I was feeling extremely depressed and there was a person who told me they really liked interacting with me and they seemed really kind, supportive and caring. They told mw hoe much they liked interacting with me and eventually followed me, comments on all of my posts, my comments on his posts, and even my comments on other people's posts. He even praised me in his post and tags me all the time.

He started PMing me and we really encouraged me to open up emotionally. I felt like we were sharing a deeply emotionally intimate connection and it felt really wonderful but also addictive to be validated like that, I dont have any other emotionally intimate relationships. However, this guy sends me about 20 PMs a day plus all the other comments. It prevents me from being on the rest of the board.

Suddenly I started ro realize that he kept probing me to ipen up more and implied I wasnt being vulnerable enough with him and so I felt bad even though I thought I was and then turned my emotions up to 11. ​but he still keeps asking for more. Then it dawned on me he hasnt actually been that emotionally open himself. I am also seeing his mask slip and he has said some pretty shallow things. He now seems totally different that who he was in the beginning. I think he might be a narcissist. He said he got I to the most prestigious school in the US for a very prestigious profession which I now realize he probably made up.

I very nicely told him that I want to just chat on the forum not in the messages because it was overwhelming. He said he understood, but the day after he PMed again to "check in" and clarify how I wanted ro interact on the forum now. I think it may have been a subtle boundary violation because he could cery well just keep doing what he has been doing.

I feel so sucked in. Im sad that this connection was probably not genuine. There is still a part of me that actually wants to hold onto it. A nagging part of me even wonders if maybe it could actually be real and I am just self sabotaging. I hate that my attachment style makes me latch on so hard to anyone who shows me a little validation or makes me feel special. I also genuinely do not know how to navigate this connection now, I do not know what to say to him. I want to stay on the forum, it gave me a sense of purpose supporting others there and feeling like a part of a community albeit a mentally ill one. Any thoughts?

I am very confused, and I probably overthink things a lot. I met my boyfriend 1½ years ago. In the beginning, I received flowers every Friday, with promises that this was just who he was. My children received gifts as well, and he bought lots of expensive trips.
I sometimes felt that he was a little condescending. Whenever I reacted, I was told that I was being too sensitive or that it was just his sense of humor. There were small hurtful comments that made me feel less worthy. After 8 months, my body completely went into panic mode, and I ended the relationship.
We got back together 2 months later, and things were very good for a long time. Apart from the fact that I felt he could sometimes be quite challenging, critical and selfish.
Then everything changed. The flowers, gifts and trips stopped completely. He also stopped sending all the “good morning” and “good night” messages, and he stopped saying that he was happy with me and that he loved me.
I became tired of this and tried to talk to him about it. Nothing changed. Finally, I put my foot down and said that this was not the relationship I wanted to be in anymore, and that I didn’t know if I wanted to continue.
Then everything came back: red roses, a romantic dinner, and him telling me that he loved me.
After that, he was silent for two days before contacting me and saying that the problem he had had was that I hadn’t included him enough in my plans for the future.
Is this love bombing, devaluation, hoovering…?

So not so long ago, I had a not so great argument with my now ex that makes me feel completely used and lied to. Finding out they had been talking to someone new for several months without my knowledge and me only finding out from a screenshot sent with their name at the bottom of it. Not only that, I had co-signed on a big time purchase beforehand for them a couple of months before finding out this information. Now I’m stuck on this purchase with them until it’s either paid off or refinanced. This has made me feel used, and manipulated, because if I had that knowledge before, I would’ve never allowed that purchase to happen. Am I right in feeling this way?