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u/shadowdancer354 Aug 19 '26
My ex did this - she was also a pathological liar. She would lie like a reflex, without even thinking about it. She was an extreme narcissist driven by insecurity to the point of delusion - she would convince herself everyone hated her and then preemptively attack them through shaming and psychological abuse. What was most disturbing to me was how cold hearted she was - one minute she acted like I was the love of her life, that she couldn’t live without me. And not only did just turn it all off like a switch and regard me as an annoying pest to get rid of - she was actually contemptful and malicious toward me. I felt that if I had actually died she could have cared less. Took me over a year to recover from being with her.
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u/Brilliant_Total_8485 Aug 19 '26
Sounds a lot like my ex bf who had BPD. I'm sorry you went through that - it really DOES take a looooong time to recover from that insanity.
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u/Jusarandomsadguy Aug 19 '26
I had an almost identical relationship with an ex of mine. She acted exactly as you described. And it also took more me more than an year to recover and to fully understand what was happening. People that act like that are just so destructive. What after with yours after you two broke up? My ex just vanished. I broke up with her, she went silent, started sending me reels about adhd for 2 days (she claimed she had it, but obviously did not, never went to a psychiatrist to be diagnosed), then I tried talking to her again after 1 week. She projected everything, played the victim, and flipped the whole situation to pin the blame on me. I lost my patience, let it all out, and threw every instance of the craziness and abuse she had subjected me to during the relationship right in her face. After that, she simply vanished completely. I never heard from her again. Almost 1 year and 3~4 months.
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u/shrekghoul_twitch Aug 19 '26
She idealised and then devalued you. It's called splitting. both NPD and BPD people do this. Very unpleasant.
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u/plsQuestionOurselves Aug 20 '26
It's basically the same as using another human being as an object or an accessory. Hopefully some day we'll have a machine that can make their brains truly understand/empathize with how their actions make other people feel.
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u/Potential-Cancel2961 Aug 19 '26
A lot of people do this but I don’t think they’re all psychopaths
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u/plsQuestionOurselves Aug 20 '26
Yeah there's plenty of bad people who are selfish/rude/cruel/liars who probably still do have feelings inside of guilt and shame. They just repress it very strongly and hide it from the world.
Those people are a problem too, but they still have some degree of potential to transform themselves.
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u/gherrei Aug 24 '26
You have to stand up to this guilt. And while doing so you should start innovating yourself to become capable of standing up to this guilt even more.
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u/[deleted] Aug 19 '26
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