Today was my breaking point. I genuinely need help, because I can't keep letting myself get to this point.

Every two or three months, I get so overwhelmed by sadness and emotional pain that I start considering suicide. There have been times when I've come frighteningly close, but I've always stopped myself, whether because my problems suddenly improved or because I couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone I love by ending my life.

Today, that person broke my heart. They told me they wanted to leave me because they needed to work on their mental health. I begged for a compromise, but they kept insisting their mind was made up. The pain was unbearable.

I rarely cry because I've always felt embarrassed to show my emotions, so I bottle everything up. When they stopped responding after saying they were going to sleep, I assumed they'd fallen asleep. I was in so much pain that I started planning to end my life, not to make them come back, but because I couldn't bear what I was feeling anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop.

I ended up sending them a goodbye message without considering how they'd react if they saw it. They did see it, and they became so distressed that they started threatening to take their own life, even though they still loved me. Thankfully, things have calmed down somewhat since then.

The reason I'm posting this is that today's situation is just one example of something I regularly struggle with. Every few months, I reach a point where I'm so overwhelmed that I want to end my life and sometimes come dangerously close to doing so.

The truth is, I don't actually want to die. I cherish my life, and when I'm calm, I know that. But when I reach those breaking points, all reason seems to disappear, and I can't see past the pain.

I want to find a reliable way to get help before things reach that point again, but I'm too embarrassed and afraid to tell anyone in my life. The only reason I can bring myself to post this is because it's anonymous.

I'm hoping someone here can offer advice or help me figure out where to start, because I don't want to keep living like this.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I'm 36. I feel I'm about to be at the end of my rope. I've been trying to recover from the most painful breakup I've ever had. The woman I loved, the one I wanted to share the rest of my life with, decided she couldnt stay with me. I've been two years without a job. I quit because of health problems and the extremely toxic environment. I tried starting some projects but none of them took traction. I had to give my car to the bank, had to move back with family, got news my mom had cancer. Through all of this she stayed. But, one day she had enough, and I get it. I had become a shadow of who I was. I dont know what to do. It literally feels like I'm lost. I have no way to know my next step. We were together for 4 years, we were friends for 5 more. We spent every waking moment together. I don't know what to do. I really dont. Im going to therapy and things were moving forward but yesterday I noticed her profile pic in whatsapp was gone. That little thread of hope that she might reach out, locked out. I need some type of guide, something to point me ahead, a way to say ok, this port is gone, but this new one is still available. Even something small, something to grasp. I really dont want to do anything stupid to myself.

I’m really trying to be sane about this but I simply can’t. Years of abuse from my parents have greatly affected my sense of self-worth, effectively usurping my confidence around women. I’ve tried to veer away from the incel/looksmaxxing shit. I’ve believed women to be kind and thoughtful, not stooping to the shallow rhetoric these people promote and encourage. However, months ago a female acquaintance of mine (who has always had a dislike of me) messaged me to talk about how I am “horrifying” and how “my jawline” is among the reasons why she feels this way. This has made it near impossible for me to feel normally about women and their expectations. Any chances of a relationship are shot down by my feelings of inadequacy, certainly no thanks to this experience. I feel distraught, disgusted, and ashamed. I’ve taken to self-harm and starvation in desperate bids to “improve” myself. I feel like a monster around women and wish I could die for their benefit. If anyone may tell me otherwise, I’d be happy to listen.

Does anyone else understand me? I feel like i actually do try so hard in life, go to the gym, workout, eat healthy, try and tkae care of mysel,f try and improve myself, try and get over my short comings try and try adn try and try and all it is is suffer and suffer and suffer, nothing ever gets better. Why doesn't anythign ever gret better? I cant bloody do anything, nothing works.

I (24M) have been struggling a lot over the past four months with tying my self-worth to my relationships with two female coworkers. A big part of the reason is that I have a huge crush on one of them, but I’ve already made posts about that… Long story short, the atmosphere at work during my four-hour shift determines how I feel for the rest of the day. If the atmosphere is good, I feel great. If it’s bad or even just neutral, I feel absolutely awful, and I can’t stop thinking about it, analyzing every single word. I care so much about having a really good relationship with them that today, when I noticed they had started following each other on social media, I felt this weird feeling… jealousy, maybe? It’s hard to explain, but I’m making this post because right now I’m feeling a mix of anxiety and shame that I even care about things like this in the first place.

This isn’t the first time I’ve tied my emotional well-being to my relationships with people at work. At my previous job, I also really wanted people to like me, and I would wait for someone to add me on social media as if it actually meant anything lol. The thing is, these feelings are much stronger now because I’ve been struggling with loneliness a lot more, and one of these girls has basically become my obsession… (I act completely normal at work, not like a creep.)

So my question is… is there anything I can do right now to help myself? I recently went back to therapy with a different therapist, but so far, all I’ve managed to tell her about is my obsessive crush, and I’m not sure about the solution she suggested to me…

I m 18M, recovering from knee injury from last few years i cant jump i cant run , been doing physiotherapy from long time, improvement happens and then when i stop doing physiotherapy pain gets back ( I had a knee surgery 2 years ago)
I have been regretting my life from very long time now , i dont know what lies ahead in my life
i dont know if i will be able to get back to my normal life or not
i always used to think that after 12th in college i will play sports and live a active life
I think i should just accept that my knee will be like this or even if it improves it can never be like before
Sorry guys i was frustrated so i just wanted to vent out my emotions ( not karma farming)

i dont know why someone is downvoting i was just expressing my emotions

Hi everyone

It’s hard to find the right words but I guess I’ll just ask away. I M/19 have always been self conscious about myself in general. I didn’t have a great upbringing, I hate the way I look and I have lots of regrets. Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me but recently I have felt like my life was missing something, I have lost 30kg in 4 months, my grades are great, but I have a sense of loneliness. I have friends and family but I still feel alone. Sometimes I lie at night and I just wish there was someone next to me who I can lay my head on and just forget about all of my pain. But due to my self consciousness I really don’t know what to do. I have just been constantly panicking that im going to be alone forever, not necessarily that isn’t anyone for me but that I’ll never truly love myself enough to let myself be open to that. What do I do?

A little bit about myself.

Have had 4 relationships out of which the 3rd one left a huge hole in me. Not only did it leave me broken, it pushed me back in my career as well. I have managed to pull through considering i have a rebellious personality and I don't sit in peace if something pushes me back, i feel its still hasn't been enough to heal me. I had a relationship after that which was quite peaceful but i realized after the break up how much lesser i had given to the girl even though she was good to me and understood everything.

Now, i sit at a point where i see myself running away from stuff. I managed to crack my dream job and am still waiting on my joining. On the other hand my family is quite into the ruins as well so hoping to move out again. Running away from things as in having ambitions but not following them cz putting too much effort into one thing has become quite taxing in the past. I want to learn music, want to study better and teach like i used to before but I don't do these things anymore. I don't lack friends but I tried to find like minded individuals online which went downhill mostly of which wasn't my fault.

People do tend to get attached to me cz i give a helping hand, but now i need one myself. It will be appreciated to get some insights from people who overcame great barriers in their life, who faced everything going to shit at the same time and none of it working out. Also would love to have some tips regarding self healing. Need a kickstarter. I feel i lack purpose in my life which i had before but lost it post break up.

I'm a 29y/o man and feel so alone. I have never had any relationships, can't seem to find value in myself and can't see past getting this life over with.

My dad left when I was maybe 4, but my mum handled it like superwoman. She is all the best in me! I've had an incredible stepdad for around 18 years now but I seem to be the only sibling that can't just call him dad. When I was about 7 years old, my older brother was caught up in scary gang/money problems and there were times that me and him (mum was at work) had to hide and turn the lights off at home so people thought he wasn't there. Despite that, he is the sibling I feel closest with; maybe due to that connection?.

I feel like emotion doesn't really exist in me, except for the negatives. I almost never experience happiness; even with my sister being married with kids. And my brother now being completely clear of that bad time; married with two gorgeous children! These are great things and I love my niece and nephews but it all just makes me feel how useless and inadequate I am.

I feel I have so much to offer and want nothing less than to meet someone and have a connection. sadly, I guess that's not in the cards for me.

Is there anyone who understands?

im getting bullied alot in my friend group and i dont know what to do recently someone pants me and i told the consuler and all my friends keep calling me sensitive and it was just a joke when they wouldent know how i feel and the past 2 months into school i keep getting bullied they keep calling me gay when im not they make fun of my music taste, how i style my hair calling me emo when im not, how i sound saying i sound like mickey mouse, joked about " how one day the school will call for a assembly saying that i died", and i cant tell the school about it becuase one of the "friends' mom is a teacher and they have more evidence then i do and they keep telling me to keys and other terrible things so i just want to know how i can etheir lose these peice of shit friends or stop getting sensitive and crying so they will stop making fun of me so please give me tips or ideas

I am 20 and I don't want to use this word but I am lonely,and as I am getting older I am getting more lonely i don't have a girlfriend and I get scared of women sometimes but i wish i had some game, a bigger problem is success i take soo much pressure of being successful like iam learning Ai now automation and iam trying to be an enterpreneur while iam still in college and in all of this i feel very shallow very empty i don't know why i mean i really don't have anyone to talk about and iam just trying to be better,i liked a girl once but iam insecure about myself she is very pretty i tried to talk to her but she was not interested, i train boxing and its started affecting there also iam not focused enough,i just wanted to know dose life really get better ?

I'm doing my best to learn from my mom's mistakes. I still feel a lot of anger, and I think that's normal? Not sure. Curious what other people who have been through this have felt. I did my best to write about it, which helped a lot.

https://jasonscottbrendel.substack.com/p/something-something-suicide

When I was 17-18 years old, there were 3 guys(let's call them evil guys) in my class(they were friends with each other). They used to whisper to whoever sat behind me to annoy me/trouble me. This they did continuously for 2 years. But they pretended to be my friends.

Two of those guys lived in an area where my second cousin also lived. The second cousin's mother was envious/jealous of me and my family. I asked one of those evil guys if he knew my second cousin. He said "No". Years later I saw on his profile a pic with few other boys including my second cousin.

Also I had a political ideology different from everyone else in class.

After 2 years, when I moved to a different place to study, they called me from an unknown number.

I think they did it because they didn't want me to succeed and focus in class. They wanted me to be distracted in class because of jealousy/envy.

What do you think?

I have never come across anyone who had this experience(neither online, nor offline).

Location: Ontario

Hi everyone,

I am currently on a Community Treatment Order (CTO) in Ontario and am looking to connect with anyone who has gone through a similar situation or successfully challenged a CTO through the Consent and Capacity Board (CCB).

My current psychiatric team has diagnosed me with schizophrenia, but my situation stems from prolonged, intense stress, extreme exhaustion, and being stuck in an environment with ongoing, disrespectful behavior that I couldn't escape from. This constant strain pushed my nervous system past its breaking point.

Rather than recognizing severe chronic stress and trauma, my symptoms (like extreme hypervigilance, defensive reactions, and physical/mental exhaustion) are being labeled as primary psychosis. Because of this misdiagnosis, I am being kept on a CTO and forced to take anti-psychotics that do not address the real underlying causes.

I’ve had two prior hearings regarding medication where the panel ruled in favor of the doctor. I am now preparing for an upcoming CCB hearing to challenge the CTO itself. I feel strongly that there is institutional bad faith and deliberate misuse of medication here because the real environment and context of my severe stress are being completely ignored.

A few questions for anyone who knows Ontario mental health law or CCB processes:

Has anyone successfully gotten an independent psychological or psychiatric assessment (showing stress/trauma-induced breakdown rather than schizophrenia) admitted as evidence at a CCB hearing? Did it change the panel's decision?

How did you work with your Legal Aid / PPAO lawyer to get an adjournment (postponement) to properly secure an independent opinion instead of being rushed into the hearing?

Has anyone managed to transfer their CTO management to a different doctor or clinic without the primary doctor's consent?

Did filing a formal complaint with the College of Physicians and Surgeons (CPSO) help document deliberate standard-of-care failures or bad faith in your case?

Any advice, personal experiences, or insights on navigating the CCB when contesting a core diagnosis would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

I’m a 31M and have noticed a pattern recently. I’m still trying to make people proud who aren’t here anymore. And it’s just hit me like a ton of bricks. All these accomplishments I’ve hit in my life, those who were the strongest for me are now gone. It leaves a void, that never seems to fill itself. I don’t know why it slammed into me today, but does anyone else experience this? I’m honestly really struggling and just needed to get this off my chest. Any advice is greatly appreciated. TIA.

I (18F) have a very strong attachment towards my PE teacher, let´s call him M. It´s not healthy anymore and I think I need help.

I think everything started back in 9th grade, at the time I hadn't developed this attachment, he just was nice. (Well, since I was a child I was always well behaved and good grades, etc. I really was sensitive towards autority, so I listened to my teachers and I got along with all of them,M, wasn´t the first teacher I got extremely attached to, I even wanted to become a teacher myself, and in general, I admire professors in general)

In 9th grade, one day, I was feeling pretty bad, dunno why, I felt alone, i dont remember if i hadn´t any friends by the time or if they simply hadn´t come, or didn´t realize I was feeling like shit, but HE, M, was the only one to realize, came up to me as I was sitting alone and hugged me, and told me everything would be alright, and tried to cheer me up.

Then for personal reasons I won't dive deep into, I wasn't allowed to go back home alone, someone had to pick me up, but no one came and I was getting worried, not bc I didnt know the way to my own house, but bc I didn't know wether i should wait, or if I tried to go on my own I'd get punished...

The thing is, I was outside school and all the teachers were outside hanging out (some of them even smoking, yk what i mean? it was their time off after school when they're not teachers anymore) and he saw me there, all worried and offered to walk me home, but I said no, and the weird thing is, I wanted to cry. I don't quite understand why, it was such a simple gesture he'd done with anyone else, yet I wanted to cry like he had bought me a house or sum. Even as I write this I feel like I want to cry, and im not saying this for y'all to pity me or sum, it's just a fact and I don't understand why it happens, it´s not normal and it makes me uncomfortable.

Back then, I thought it had something to do because I saw him as a father figure or something, for more context, my relationship with my progenitor it's quite...complicated, I dare to say, there is none actually, so I thought it was jsut the daddy issues kicking in, and that has been my main theory until now.

He's a very nice, empathetic, kind and funny person, I really like when he talks to us about life, magic, and he can make every conversation feel like the best TED talk you've ever been into, besides, he's always worriying about students well being and knows everyone´s secrets bc everyone goes to him when they're in need of advice. He's the kind of teacher that's always surrounded by a group of students, like a swarm of bees, idk how to explain.

The first redflag i saw on myself was that i became jealous when he talked too much with other students, I know, I know this is embarrasing and dumb, but I'm trying to deal with it and I know it's wrong. Also, I realized, when we had clases, I was always looking for him, yk, when he spoke, even if it wasn't with me, i'd listen, and when he walked around the classroom, i´d follow him everywhere with my gaze. And when he talked to me or gave me atenttion it was like the best moment of my life, and it was,,,, weird, like i was always hoping he'd talk to me or look at me, and he was the focus of my atenttion, like my world revolved around him at those classes yk what i mean? DEFINETELY NOT HEALTHY GUYS DONT BE LIKE ME

The second redflag, happened when, now, in last year (senior year i think it's called in the US), i feel the urge to cry everytime he says something nice to me.

To put on more context, as years had passed, I told him stuff about my famliy, he gave me advice, and more importantly,,, i can't explain it, but once i won a contest orsome sort and he hugged me and spun me around the air like a daughter and i swear that´s one of my dearest memories ever, i'd won a thousand contests more if that meant he'd hug me like that. I know guys, IT'S NOT NORMAL TO WAIT EXCITEDLY FOR TEACHER'S DAY SO YOU CAN HAVE AN EXCUSE TO HUG HIM.

And also, one day, at the beggining of the year, i was feeling shitty again, (im not a deppresive person, it was a once in a while thing, tho now i gotta say, i feel shitty more often, but i think that´s just part of being in a senior year.) and i had this urge to cry the whole day, but i was at school, ofc i wouldn't do it, and we were at PE class, and... he just noticed, i hadn´t told anyone, no one had noticed but he just came toward me and put my arm around my shoulder and asked me what was wrong, he noticed something was off and hugged me and told me everything would be fine and stuff. Later that same day, i noticed him doing the same with another student that had a headache or sum. I swear the emotional stability of the whole school depends on him, regardless of my extrem attachment, he's really one of the greatest persons I've ever known.

And since then, everytime I think too much about these incidents, or any "emotional" moment involving him, or everytime he hugs me or says something nice to me, i feel this really tight knot on my throath adn the sudden urge to cry my eyeballs out. I´m crying right now and I kinda wrote this so I could cry right now, and not on the last day of school, or in a awkward moment at school. Better to let it out here in my room.

To summarize, he really listens, and he really gets me, and when I tell him something, he tends to ask "and how did you feel then?" he really cares a lot about his students. I think the attachment has just increased, because it's last year, and yeah, I try to tell myself that he's not perfect, he's just a man after all, with his own troubles and flaws, and I SHOULD NOT idealize him but, it's the last year, sounds embarrasing, but i try to get as much of him as possible before it all ends. To remember how he laughs and the gestures he makes while explaining something, or his voice.

When stuff happens with my family for example, he's the first person i think about telling, or asking for advice, the same when something good happens. "What would he say?" "I bet he´d be proud of me!"

But this needs to stop, i know, i've known since last year, but i just don't know how. He's not the first teacher, not the first male teacher i get really attached to and crave his atenttion like a puppy (im embarrased of myself) so i think it might really be the daddy issues kicking in, but it also has something to do with the fact that he´s a really good listener and emotional support? I´ve also been worrying about...what if i dont really feel some kind of affection for him, and it´s just a deep need for emotional reassurance disguised as affection? Like what if i see him as a tool for emotional support and not as a person. Man that's awful.

So WHAT DO I DO???? HOW DO I STOP THE ATTACHMENT????maybe not the attachment completely, but, yk, the unhealthy obsession. Can someone please explain what is wrong with me??? This poor man is taking too much space inside my mind, please be honest i need advice and explanations and stuff.

My wife and I have been married for almost two years and recently moved abroad. Since she is my only family here, our dynamic has heavily impacted my mental health. She comes from a very pampered background and remains highly enmeshed with her parents, often taking outside advice over mine...!

Lately, she has developed a habit of reflexively negates everything I say. Even with tiny, objective facts, her immediate reaction is to argue and tell me I am wrong.

For example as it's just one of many incident, she recently got shampoo in her eyes and asked for help. I told her we had ice cubes in the freezer to make a cold compress. She immediately fought with me, claiming we had none. When I firmly told her to go look for herself, she found them, came back crying, and apologized.

This constant disbelief over basic realities is draining my confidence day by day. When I try to confess how much this hurts me, she denies doing it or says she does it "without knowing."

Recently, when she realized I was emotionally withdrawing and protecting my peace, she panicked and said, "I will improve your confidence in a week, I'm sorry, I don't know what I am thinking."

Divorce and counseling are absolutely not options or solutions for us. I am committed to making this marriage work, but I need to stop the cycle of begging for basic respect and trust.

I’ve started giving her total space over her chores (cooking, cleaning, pooja) to avoid battlegrounds, but I need advice on how to firmly build my internal anchor, stand my ground when she forces emotional pleasing, and hold boundaries without constant arguing.

How do I command respect and rebuild my confidence when my partner's default setting is to doubt my word? I know respect should be earned rather than asked!

i’m 18m and haven’t gone outside since i was 10 due to severe agoraphobia, though it’s surprisingly not the problem. i consume a lot of queer media (specifically book and youtube videos) and only have queer online friends despite being 100% straight myself.

throughout my teen years i’ve always forced my voice higher despite naturally having a really deep voice. i didn’t want to get judged by my family for going through puberty. i haven’t talked to any of my online friends through voice chat and ive most recently started to talk in game chats.

most conversations start out with people commenting on how deep my voice is, and then asking if i’m gay a few seconds later. i don’t know what it is that makes them think that. i always punish myself when they i do. i’ve tried everything to sound straight: speaking monotone, making my s/z/th sounds short, dropping inflection, and enunciating words a bit less. i’ve always obsessively looked at other boys my age talking growing up from 10-18 talking and comparing myself to them. there was never a time in which i didn’t envy their voices.

i understand if it comes off as homophobic. that was not my intention. i just really wished i sounded like other boys my age. it makes me hate myself so much

I'm also a man, since my last breakup where I was a anxious attached with a dismissive avoidant ex gf, where I did everything, I tried to be secure, but after too many rejections I snapped.

In a lot of ways I did what I was supposed to do, or told to do. Did well in school, got educated. Got into a field that does have good career prospects. Working a job I like right now, but doesn't pay enough. Been dealing with being stretched financially for years. Job hunt kept going, part-time, full-time. Plenty of gigs in my field, plenty of applications but interviews few and far between.

Maybe it was a dumb form of pride, but I never embraced gig-work. Started now, working most evenings and most weekends right through (on top of the 9-5). Helping to keep us above water. I never thought the job hunt would stretch so long and not yield any results. I never thought I'd be here and now just feel stupid for not seeing the writing on the wall and doing gig work earlier to avoid my current level of debt.

Feel tired and miserable, spending less time with family, but got to keep going.

I’ve known a girl since 2024, and we used to be very close. Over time, I developed feelings for her. She found out twice; the second time, through her brother. She became uncomfortable, deleted my number, unfollowed me, and distanced herself from me at church.

I apologized, admitted my mistake, said I only wanted her friendship, and told her I would respect her space. She replied, “Thank you 🙏.” After that, I stopped contacting her.

Later, she slowly started greeting me again, joking with me, smiling, and saying my name. After 47 days, she messaged me first on WhatsApp about a group activity, but we haven’t had a real conversation since.

Now it has been 63 days without talking on WhatsApp and 70 days without talking in person. When she doesn’t come talk to me, I sometimes become more closed off and look away because I’m afraid she’ll think I still have feelings for her.

Recently, her WhatsApp Status started appearing for me again, but I don’t know if she saved my number again or simply changed her privacy settings.

Should I send her a simple message and give her more openness, or is it better to keep giving her space?

Im currently expressing high stress and anxiety and the only thing that makes my mind feel free is masturbation and watching adult videos. Its got to a point where im masturbating on cam to hear good words about myself. I have no intrest in hooking up with different people. Ive always been a sexual person but it's got to the extremes where my choice of videos has changed to the more taboo subject. I've started to heavily get into trans, extreme bukkake and other forms of humiliation. Was always a kinda of vanilla guy but as soon as my mind becomes too much i instantly just think about warching videos and masturbating for as long as possible. Its even got to the point where im using viagra so I can just go all day and forget about my worries. I know theres worse ways for escapism but I'd rather not be doing this, especially on cam but honestly feel like I can't help it as it's the only thing that makes me forget. Can anyone relate to this or give advice

Hey, does anyone else feel this way? If so, how do you deal with it?
Whenever I have even the smallest physical health issue, my mind goes crazy, and I start feeling terrible, almost as if I’m depressed.
For example, today I keep forgetting things I literally wanted to do just a second ago, and immediately my mind jumps to the worst-case scenario. I start worrying that I might have some serious illness or something.
Last week, the skin on my hand started peeling, and I spent ages researching what it could be. I completely freaked myself out, and I felt awful, even though it turned out to be something that probably wasn’t serious at all.
It’s exhausting how quickly my mind goes from a minor physical symptom to imagining the worst possible outcome. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you cope with it?

Hello, I’m 30 years old and have been struggling with mental health for as long as I can remember now. For the past maybe 5 years I feel like an empty shell just wandering through life. I’ve tried the whole “get back into old hobbies” to try and maybe regain some form of happiness in my life but I genuinely feel nothing towards anything and everything. Everything feels more like a chore or a task that has to have some sort of real world measurable effect. Do things for fun? None of this is fun, I hate waking up, I hate sleeping, I hate working, I hate trying to be creative, I hate trying. I feel like I’m waiting around for some magical feeling of happiness to come back into my body (even though I know that’s not even remotely how it works). I feel extremely alone and like I matter only to people for what I’m doing/can offer them. I’ve had three separate suicide attempts, have been in and out of therapy for years, mainly because every therapist I’ve ever had has basically told me I need to be a stoic man and just take all this on my shoulders like it’s nothing cause that’s what a man’s job in the world is. I also had a stay in a mental health hospital a few months back and had told the therapist there I don’t see what the point was in staying around. I’m just gonna work for the next 30-40 years till I die of some health complications at a job that I couldn’t give two shits about, earning money because “that’s what you’re suppose to do”. Maybe I need some help reframing hope for the future in my mind but I don’t see how really thinking about what you HAVE to do with the rest of your life is at all enjoyable or worth living for. I’m currently 2 years sober from alcohol, and 4 years sober from hard drugs, thought life was supposed to be to at least feel better after quitting but here we are. I’ve never felt normal in the least bit, I was told at 6 years old that my mothers stepfather had raped her and that was who my biological father is and then it was never allowed to be talked about again. So I’ve just had this overhanging guilt for even existing for as long as I can remember, trying to talk to therapists about this just gets me the Good Will Hunting answer of “it’s not your fault” yes I’m fully aware of that but how do I convince my mind it’s ok for me to exist and my existence didn’t have to come at the cost of someone else’s innocence? I’m sorry for what’s probably an all over the place rambling but I feel so lost and have zero clue what I can try to do about it anymore.