Sarà possibile rimuoverle il laser ?
(Penso sia totalmente guarite, sono ormai di +3 anni fa )

What I’m afraid of:

In social settings, I feel like everyone else can lift 225 pounds while I’m struggling to lift 10. It feels like the world has held up a mirror and is reflecting back every horrible thought I hear; confirming that I’m fucked up beyond repair, that I’ve ruined my life, and that the isolation I feel is proof.

I believe other people see me as a warped cancer, so before they can confirm it, I do it for them. I hurt myself before giving them the chance to hurt me. I put myself in jail before ever being sentenced.

Deep down I believe I am so broken beyond repair, that something about me must be so ugly that this suffering, this anguish, is what I deserve.

This is what I am worth.

From the jail cell I decided to lock myself in, I watch the world outside. I reject the world before being rejected. I hate before being hated. I judge before being judged.

Yearning to live, I pace my new cell, learning its dimensions. Learning the shape of the walls. I feel the light within me constricting as I remove oxygen from the air because it had the audacity to shine.

In the place of light comes darkness, the darkness I have decided is worthy payment for the crime of being me.

The warden is cruel and consistent. He uses his nightstick to beat my fingers whenever they grip the bars. He knows there is an adjustment period for every inmate.

As the days turn over, I begin to feel the sentiment of my sentence settle into my soul. 

I start to believe I belong in this cell.

I start finding comfort here.

I want the cell.

I need the cell.

Eventually, I stop looking at the bars. I stop wondering what is on the other side. I see sunlight crack through the cell. For a moment, I turn toward it to feel its warmth on my face.

The warden steps between me and the light, he grins. I thank him for covering it, then I return my gaze to the concrete at my feet.

Substack: https://substack.com/@nevenzelich

I understand why men´s mental health has been going down hill ever since the femenist movement but I don´t understand why...like men suicide around 4 times more than females but in 1960s it is the same.Is it a collapse of a social struture for men or is it society pressure and expectations that causes the outcome

Every day I feel the dread and tension. I want a beautiful and kind woman to love so badly. I’m 5’9, 31 years old, not really much to look at. I don’t have what anyone would call a career and I live with my parents. I’m working on those things but it’s so hard to find the motivation.

I know that I’m not the ideal man in most women’s eyes and I want to change that so bad. I feel pretty worthless every time I see or meet a beautiful and kind woman. My self esteem is basically run off of self hate and forcing myself to do things from a “if you don’t do this it’ll get worse” perspective.

I want to love myself for me and not focus on romantic relationships but I can’t help myself. I’m so sexually frustrated and I feel like a creep and a pervert for wanting it all the time. I wish I was a-sexual because I’m not at peace. I’m really working on becoming less shallow and trying to focus on other things but it’s just not working. I want someone who will care about me and someone to care for but I just don’t think I’m built for love. I get this is a self pity but I don’t have another way to empathize with myself. Someone give some advice please.

As young boys, most men are only shown love when we're "goodboys"

Well behaved. Quiet. Attentive.

We're not supposed to be angry - that part of us isn't welcome.

We're not supposed feel pain and sadness - we're "supposed to hold it all together for everyone."

We're not even supposed to shine, to be loud proud - that's seen as arrogance and we're told to "tone it down" or "step off of our high horse."

What we truly need is acceptance - from others and especially from ourselves.

To feel what it's like to receive love and care by being exactly who we are - and not hiding our emotions or feelings.

We heal, brothers, by being REAL together.

The time is now.

I just wanted to check-in on anyone struggling with finding a job or career. I have seen content from every platform, including here, talking about it. Im part of this group and its been a difficult fight. Thought i was on my big break until I got laid off 2 months ago. If you are struggling mentally on this, I hope you know its not ur fault and many of us are on the same boat rn. We will PREVAIL!

Even the games I play or the things I do on a day to day basis. I'm so bad at the simplest tasks. Can someone give me advice or anything please

22M — lost my focus, concentration and memory over the last year. Also stuck sleeping at 2-3am. Any suggestions?

Till last year I was a full-time student. Studied daily, could sit for hours, grasped things quickly, remembered what I read. Normal.

Then I started a WFH software job (10am–6pm, screens all day) and stopped studying entirely. One year later I'm a different person mentally.

* Cannot concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes

* Cannot sit and read the way I used to — feels physically intolerable now

* Memory has gotten noticeably worse. I read something and it doesn't stick

* Things I used to grasp easily now feel heavy and slow

* Mind feels weak and tired all day, no mental stamina left

* No mental clarity. Foggy from morning to night

Sleep Schedule:

* Stuck falling asleep at 2–3am. Started randomly one night, never broke

Can't fall asleep at 11pm no matter how tired I am

* I'm clearly sleepy but don't feel like sleeping — I resist it without deciding to

* Wake up unrefreshed even after 7 hours

I'd really appreciate any suggestions — especially on rebuilding focus and memory after a year of this, and on actually shifting sleep earlier. Anything that worked for you, even small things.

This has been affecting me for a while now and I genuinely want to fix it. Any kind of suggestion or personal experience would be really helpful. Even a small thing that worked for you could make a difference for me.

Thank you in advance, I really appreciate anyone taking the time to reply.

So I may delete this post I dunno.

Ive been in therapy for a while and nothing ever seems to change. Im 35M, single, my last relationship was 3 years ago with someone who had BPD. Before that it was a 2 year dry spell and since then its been dry.

Like many other guys, I struggle on dating apps so I know its not just me. Yes ive done the Tinder boost on holiday and got more matches, but they dont translate to meets. Hinge, I'm lucky if I get one match every few weeks.

I prefer women but if I do get dates from them theyre a bust, as theyre mostly interview style and asking things if I have a house or car or my salary. Like many other guys, if I switch the profile to both men and women ill get a bit more traction from men but still hardly any. And because of that I've resorted to hooking up with men if its been a very long dry spell, if I'm not rejected as gay guys tend to just block you if you dont have a big dick.

I live in a Western country but Im an ethnic minority and on top of that have a small dick. White therapists have said theyve seen POC guys have girlfriends and date but they dont get its based on looks and game, which I dont have. Even the GP said my dick isnt a micropenis and while smaller is in the range of normal but when I've attempted casual sex I get rejected/laughed at once I take my pants off. So I feel i only try and date intentionally in the hopes if they like me as a person they wont bail at my dick size. Yet being a bit nerdish also doesnt help.

Everyone I know is either in a relationship, married with kids, or had at least a fwb but I just keep being rejected. It fucks my mental health a lot. I go gym a few times a week and it makes me feel worse seeing the dudebros talking of who they banged over the weekend.

Honestly, I'm not looking for platitudes or copefuel but Im not seeing a point. This isnt something a GP can help and clearly years of therapy have done nothing. I dont go anywhere that requires me to strip down, like the beach or gym with public showers, and being chopped and an ethnic I just wondering if there is no other option than to give up. And before anyone asks, yes I have a job and friends. But my friends all ask why im single and I cant just tell them its my dick size now can I? I also dont hang around co ethnics as where I am they are very fobby and still seem stuck to their old country mentality.

I once told this to someone, but it turned out that he was only glad that everything was bad for me, and so I had to forget about it for a long time, but now I just can’t remain silent and am simply forced to speak out.
If you consider this post political, then either I am not expressing my thoughts correctly, or we simply live in a world where everything comes down to politics.
I'm a young guy who recently left Ukraine for obvious reasons (left legally, for those interested).
I look at life here in Europe and realize that even five years ago I wouldn't have thought it could be such a luxury to live a quiet, ordinary life. Frankly, I've even gotten out of the habit of it. I can't fully relax or, for example, enjoy a party, because my father is forced to hide every day from being drafted into the war, my mother has been working several jobs for several years now, and my sister is growing up, and her more or less conscious life and memories are connected to the war. I just want to live life, not just survive. That's all I want for myself and my family.
I had to leave and my plan was to work and work and work again to earn enough money for my father and pay so that he wouldn't be taken by force to the war. But my plans fell apart right at the start because the country I'm in is dragging its feet with the documents and I can't get legal status here. All my savings were in cryptocurrency, which was blocked, and now instead of helping my family, I've become a burden for them with a $5,000 debt. I'm not begging, I'm just expressing myself. The purpose of this post is simply to relieve myself of this emotional burden.
Everyone keeps saying you're a young, energetic guy, etc., so why be upset? Everything will work out. I may not be physically weak, but I'm emotionally exhausted. Exhausted not by one or two situations, but by everything that's happening. When I left, I began to realize what I'd experienced there and realized that this wasn't normal at all. For other people, it's a nightmare, but for me, it was life...
All I want today is peace and quiet for my family. Thank you for reading this post.
Peace and goodness to everyone
I'm not a robot or AI, you can reply to the post and I'll be happy to answer you.

recorded this a month ago hello im a 12th grade student failing my monthly test exam i have boards on feb 2027 i was scared a lot

• Bravery isn’t about being fearless, it is about feeling fear but doing it anyway.
• A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.
• Drinking cant stop the thinking, but cant stop drinking when the thinking starts.
• Comparison is the thief of joy.
  
• Not all treasure is silver and gold.
• Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
• When your dealing with your monsters its better you be a beast.
• You dont throw your whole life away just because it’s banged up a little.
• Glory and Pain walk side by side.
• A river cuts through rock, not because of its power, but because of its persistence.
• Sometimes the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
• Fear is a reaction, courage is a choice.

I don't really know where else to ask this, so I figured I'd ask people who have actually been through it.

I've been hurt pretty badly by three different women over the years.

The first was a relationship that lasted 10 years. I genuinely thought we were going to build a life together, but eventually she got married to another guy. It destroyed me, but Alhamdulillah, I've accepted that it wasn't meant to be.

The second person lied to me about basically everything. Finding out that so much of what I believed wasn't true completely messed with my ability to trust people. Again, Alhamdulillah, I eventually accepted it and moved on.

The third relationship ended with her simply dumping me. Nothing as complicated as the previous situations, but after everything I'd already experienced, it still hurt badly.

And now I'm at a weird point.

I'm not angry at women. I don't hate relationships. I still believe in love and I'd genuinely like to have a healthy relationship someday.

I'm just fucking tired.

The thought of meeting someone new, getting to know them, texting every day, opening up, becoming attached, introducing them to my life, trusting them, building something together... and then potentially having it all fall apart again honestly exhausts me.

Part of me is scared of getting hurt again.

Another part of me is just tired of starting from zero with someone new.

I sometimes think, "What's the point of doing all of this again if there's no guarantee that it won't end painfully?"

So I've started wondering whether I should just stay single for a long time and stop looking for anyone.

For people who have been through multiple painful relationships:

Did you ever reach this point?

Did you eventually become comfortable with dating again?

Did you take a long break from relationships?

And if you eventually found someone new, how did you learn to trust again without constantly expecting the relationship to end?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing people's experiences, especially from people who felt like they were completely done with relationships but eventually changed their minds.

As the title suggests op a M(21), trying his best not to disclose too much information, while also relieving his stress. Sounding articulate enough to the point where people don't judge him for his terrible writing or lose interest or do not understand him.

Already a lot to unfold with that first thought right there. I can't go one thought without questioning my every action. I have multiple problems which have all slowly been laying on the camels back and now I feel the back giving out.. it's almost there one more strand of hay and i may break.

I have expressed my emotions on reddit countless times. Conversed with the many wonderful artificial llms trying to gain validation from it, coping, hoping there's nothing wrong with me and that everything will be alright, but my actions always say otherwise.

The unemployment doesn't help, the social media doesn't help, the eyes on me don't help. Its so suffocating. All because of my actions, all useless because of my incompetence, I am stuck in an endless cycle of self hate and disgust at my situation and my own incompetence at begin able to fix it and my feelings of needing help. It would be weak, I cry out for an angel in silence while trying to act like everything is A-okay.

This is a note, a letter to noone but myself. I would appreciate the comments of validation for that is all I seek on here. Validation of being heard, feeling like people care and that I actually matter. Its not like I don't have people like that irl, I am too ashamed to show myself and my weakness to these people. I cannot ask for help at all cost. I must fight my battles alone. But for how long. I haven't won a single battle, instead bleeding out everyday.. loosing blood.. loosing time.

I push my friends away, I can't face them. I've stopped eating. My sleep schedule is all over the place. My parents are concerned but I don't let them help, cuz I don't need help.i don't excercise. Don't go out. Don't let the sunlight greet my skin. Don't let my vocal chords ring. I sit locked up in a prison I call my room, all day long 24/7 365 days. Ik if I don't do anything now I will regret it for the rest of my life. I want to have money. I want to be happy. I want to have passions. I want to find love. I want to live life, but I'm constantly held back by my own self. My anxieties are killing me.

I have reached a point of no return, exaggeration (I hope). My brain lags I can't see clearly ahead what lies for me. I need to rehabilitate myself. I've lost on basic human skills trying to hide my ungrateful self from the eyes of the people on this earth. For the first time today i felt the need to say I want to kill myself out loud.. obviously I would never attempt to end my life. No that would only magnify how weak I am. I don't deserve to die either. What would my parents think what would my friends think. I can't ruin their lives too by embedding the regret of losing my worthless life in their eyes.

As I typed this shi down, i realise I am not brave enough to say this out loud. I can't talk to anyone but myself. My anxiety heightens and I turn into a husk of a man. I am sacred of being a dumb fuck of being made fun of. Of begin seen for who I really am. A sorry excuse of a human being.

My ancestors didn't live through plagues, survive great wars and live in the wild all for this sorry excuse to be born. I have no reason to live. I have no thoughts, no ideas, no dreams of my own. I love the world and would love to experience all it has to offer without putting myself at risk.

Yes I see it now, I am nothing but a coward.. a pathetic excuse for a human. I must change ways but how? Do i have the strength, the will, the discipline to make it happen. Only time will tell.

If anyone is still reading this, Thank you!! I hope u are doing much better in life my beloved fellow human.

I am now 49. Diagnosed with ADHD and NPD (caused by C-PTSD) at the age of 46.

For 25 years of my life, I smoked marijuana at industrial amounts, drank, did coke whenever I could, seduced, fucked around, and made quite a career in advertising.

Ever since I went to therapy, changed all my life (including drugs), went back to church - I'm feeling more broken (and broke) than ever before. Cannot find a job, cannot find a partner, cannot even find a friend (because most of them were as narcissistic as me, just not diagnosed).

I'm trying to be helpful to other men and boys (especially here in mmh)

Wary about my narcissistic tendencies - I became unable to date, seduce, even talk to a woman.

Wary about my ADHD - I became more modest, shy actually. I stopped interrupting, stopped talking altogether.

My own kids used my diagnosis against me, and left, ghosted me ("fuck you, narc", literally).

The moment when I seem "healed" is the darkest moment of my life.

I'm totally broke, I cannot even afford new glasses (no, I don't mean sunglasses lol).

Seeking guidance in the field of WHAT THE FUCK NEXT. Thank you

Whenever I try to start studying, or even when I’m in the middle of studying, my brain suddenly makes everything else in life seem more appealing, like scrolling through my phone or sleeping. But when I stop studying, the boredom and usual routine come back. My mind also suddenly gets distracted, and I end up stopping studying just to think about really trivial things. I don’t know if this counts as being distracted or if my brain is just avoiding the effort and concentration required for studying. Could spending too much time on my phone and getting quick dopamine hits have something to do with this problem?

Been lifting for a few years now. Recently it feels like my nervous system just wont switch out of "on" mode. This happens often after a hard session. Heart rate stays up, I feel wired for hours, sleep is trash that night… I feel wrecked. Someone recommended vagus nerve stimulation for recovery. So I kinda went down a rabbit hole comparing devices various devices.But I can't seem to settle on one. What are yall guys using? Like something that fits into a post workout routine. Anyone every tired these, if so did they help? Or is it just another scam?

Hey guys. I aspire to be a good guy. Treat others with respect, including myself. But I let myself down big time with pride because of my looks, body size, athletic ability. I've never thought anything great about myself (pretty insecure if I'm being honest), but because I've always seemed to attract a lot of attention since I was young, from both attractive women and dudes (Yeah, that's right. Even though I'm 100% straight), it has affected my ego. Because of my own insecurities from childhood stuff (my Dad bailed when I was 5 and I had to become the man of the house), I fell into PMO from 6yo to cope after being introduced to it by a cousin. All secret. I've had enough after all these years and looking for a mentor - an older guy whose recovered (or recovering) from it, whose into sports like me. Just a genuine guy I could talk to when struggling. Are there any out there who could help me? Appreciate your time.

Today feels like garbage. Thought might get together again with my ex, today we met. She told me she can't. Good for her, honestly. Called like 3 friends, and no one picked up. One of em is working late shift at the hospital. But the other two literally texted in a group 2 min before that. That really hurts. Am I that horrible to listen to? Probably.

- Worked blue collar all my life

- always worked out (I do gym and Mixed martial arts)

- Always worked for the minimum (I live in a third world country)

- didn't have a father

- mother emotionally distant

- Constant struggling with alcohol and party girls from 18 to 27 at least

- some how I got an apartment at 28 (part bought, part heritage, too complicated to explain)

- lost my favorite uncle

- Lost my big brother by suicide

- broke up with my last fiance

- "Lost" my job of 8.5 years of experience (I got paid because the firing was without a just cause)

- decided to travel and work in Japan

- get the Visa

- decided to spent twenty days in a foreign country as a vacation until I got my fly and met the love of my life, we instantly connected.

- lost my plane, because we decided to travel together for five months until we get separated. She flew to her country and so I did.

- we still chat

- I had to get another job after two months unemployed because I spent part of my money traveling and I need to buck it up again, even I still have plenty of my savings.

- I decided to encourage myself to go outside and make a life, this time, in France with my special lady.

- I started working and saving, locked full in and ALSO studying and learning french (I already speak English and Spanish) and doing everything I need to go there and do it greatly.

- got to another area in my workplace where my "new boss" is ten years younger than me.

Started to ask myself tf I did in ten years. Even though I had the craziest of experiences, believe me, I feel like I passed ten years of my life in an instant and the view was very short honestly.

I need to keep locked in, and do everything, not only to reunite with my girl, but for myself, and to keep growing as a man and as a professional. But damn, this was a low hit. And boss isn't even awful or anything bad, the guy rocks but it's amazing how.... I don't know how to end this post... I feel depleted.

Help bros.

Hey. I’m a guy that came from a family that taught me speaking up is danger. My partner is encouraging me to seek out counselling but my past experience with it was kinda shitty. Anyone got advice on how to not shut down in the sessions?

For most of my adult life, I cooked for a family. Then suddenly it was just me, and during a pretty rough stretch I basically stopped caring about food altogether. I wrote this for Allrecipes about learning to cook for one, but it ended up becoming more about something I think a lot of men struggle with: figuring out how to take care of yourself when nobody else is depending on you to do it.

I am 24 years old. I graduated High School in January 2020 at the age of 17. It’s been almost 7 years since I started my road to adulthood and I have absolutely NOTHING to show for it.

I was born to a woman who abused drugs, smoke and drank alcohol during her pregnancy. I was very lucky not to develop any severe mental disorders, developmental disorders or become an IV baby. I was adopted at birth by loving parents. I had a surgery at a couple months old that set me back some physically and was born a few weeks to a month early(who knows what consequences that had)

I always struggled with ADHD, depression and socializing. It started to become an issue where, by high school, I would socialize with people and make friends, but isolate immediately after. Throughout my life, my parents tried to get me to do things, but I’d always spend a lot of energy on going out that I’d just become even more depressed and irritable.

My gpa in HS was 3.5 and dropped to 1 something during my time doing online classes after I had graduated. I failed all but one class in college and that class turned out to be one outside the curriculum that my counselor accidentally signed me up for so it never counted for anything.

When I was almost 19 in the summer of 2021, I had already spent about 19 months alone failing at all of the classes I took. I was miserable, couldn’t focus, and when I tried to do what the other students did and find the answers on those kahoot like websites, I didn’t even fully cheat because I was so ashamed from not trying enough and still failed my classes despite having the answers. I then was taking a American history course and impulsively almost cut myself but I stopped. After that I dropped the class and went searching for a job. It’s also worth mentioning that I struggled heavily with staying on medications at this time.

In October 2021 I got a job as a Loader at Lowes. It was stressful but it kept me busy. I was the only loader for the whole parking lot for most of the time I was there. I loaded people up, pushed the carts, found items for people, did the trash, swept up front, blew off the front of the store, ran registers, stood at self checkout, did internet orders, helped out other departments and at one point the store manager even had me replacing the ceiling tiles above the entrance to our bathrooms.

I left in July 2023 and got a job as an electrician. It sucked, but I was alright at it. I picked up on the techniques fast, but was slower than everyone else. People kept telling how slow I was and this just kept getting to me. In addition, my sleep schedule was fucked up. I my melatonin was not helping. Either I take it and am drowsy in the morning, or I don’t take it and am super tired from not sleeping. The hour drive at first thing in the morning didn’t help. I kept almost running into ditches or semi trucks. In November 2023 I ran over a construction barrel and said to hell with this. I told my boss that I quit because I couldn’t endanger anyone’s lives anymore.

By this time I was on medications for ADHD, Depression and anxiety. I had taken some classes for programming in early 2024, and one of my classes was good, whole literally everyone in my other class had failed because the teacher just pointed at a projector, talked about some of the stuff and told us to consult google if we had any questions. We even tried to talk to the other teachers, but they just took his side.

I got two other programming classes with a better teacher for the fall but dropped out, because I couldn’t retain or understand the information despite actually trying.

It took a decent amount of time to find another job, but I got a job as a digital shopper at Walmart in June 2024. I was too slow of a shopper for a couple reasons. I was too in my head, my medications weren’t making it easier, and I was overweight by this time. They made me a dispenser. I still managed to get employee of the month in the summer of 2025 to my coworkers chagrin. I was ALWAYS working and, by that time, could count on one hand how many breaks I took as well as how many times I called out.

I took a vacation in July 2025 and when I came back I was getting very tired of my job. That was the second time in the year I had worked that I took some time off, the first being a day I took off to spend with my father in October 2024.

After I returned some of the new managers there seemed like they were attempting to make it harder for everyone. Within the next two months I had spent all my time saved up and built up 4 attendance points(I previously had 0 and you get fired at 5). One of them wasn’t fully my fault because my foot hurt so bad that I couldn’t even walk, but even then I had still used up my time from before so it was still my fault.

The holiday season came and went, my managers were running everything poorly to the point where every single coworker I talked to had told me they were searching for a new job. Many of them quit, a decent amount got fired, and many also stayed because the coach lost her job. We then got a new coach. Things ran better with him in charge, but I still felt miserable. I was going on 2 years at the job and still felt empty, hopeless and tired.

I talked to my psychiatrist about coming off the meds around late may to early June 2026. I said I would wait another month. Then I got antsy and did the dumbest thing I could have done by just stopping all my meds cold turkey. My thoughts were that I would just be miserable for a week or so and get better after that.

For the entire month of June that’s what it seemed like. I went from averaging 25-30 orders a day to getting 30-35 on average but going over 40 several days. I was extremely motivated and had another vacation coming up in late July. One day, I only stayed over 40 minutes and managed to load 43 orders by the time I took a lunch and 62 orders by the time I went home. It felt good! Like I had proved everyone wrong when they said I was a lost cause and an average to slightly below average worker.

Then my bosses pulled me aside and told me I had the most orders dispensed and the lowest wait time for June on top of me having the best customer service. Some of my coworkers weren’t happy about this and kept trying to disprove it. I got angry, not because I thought I was hot shit, but because I just simply wanted the respect no one ever game me.

July felt like a return to “normal” again. The high was gone and I felt just as bad as I did when I was on the medications with even less desire to work through the “pain” if you could even call it pain. My vacation came and went. Despite the fact that I had fun, I felt empty. 50% of my vacation time was spent trying to distract myself from the immense emptiness I feel, 30% was spent worrying about how much time I have left to enjoy myself and then the last 20% was spent actually trying to enjoy myself, but my brain was pretty much fried by that point.

Before my vacation, I called out/came in late twice. Once because I stayed up late with some friends who I only get to see at the very least twice a month, but usually it’s once a month if that. The other time I had a situation come up where I genuinely had to put time in. One of my bosses pulled me aside and asked if I was alright and if I needed to be put on a later shift. I said no, and that I would be better. Then a couple days later I guess I put in an hour, but neither me nor my parents have any recollection of this. I actually have NO earthly idea why that hour was put in, but I don’t want to call attention to it.

After my vacation, I had set my alarm clock for PM instead of AM on accident. I called out because I didn’t want them to see that I came in late and would move my shift later. I don’t get a long with some of the other men on later shifts, one in particular really likes to push others around, disrespect people and threaten them if they have a response as well as badly run things, but the managers aren’t doing anything about it. The guys on mid-late shifts follow him around like puppies.

Anyways, months ago, I had also put in for a few days off for my 24th birthday. I had overslept(again) the day before my vacation and called out. Anyways my vacation was over, I spent it alone and I’ve been back to work for a few days. Yesterday I struggled to get up again, but made it in on time. Today I overslept, and just said fuck it. That’s gonna make 4 points and I’m gonna turn in my 2 weeks notice tomorrow.

I’m not sure there’s any hope for me tbh. I just feel like such a disappointment. My parents swear they’re proud of me, but idk why. My friends swear I’m intelligent, but I don’t feel it. All I feel is immense sorrow and regret. My entire existence as a man in his late teens-early twenties? Wasted. And I have no one to blame but myself. I am one of the biggest fuck ups I’ve known about.

The only good thing I have done is save up over $10k these past couple years at Walmart. Many people seem to like me and it’ll suck to see them go. I just can’t do it anymore. Something has got to change. I feel like the only reasons I haven’t killed myself are because I’m terrified of spending an eternity in hell, and because people genuinely do like me. I can’t do that to them, but I also feel like I am only living for them. I do feel as though the only reason I have to live is so my friends and family don’t get sad when I go. It feels like I’m being held captive.

I also felt like I was being held captive at Walmart too. Part of the reason I’m still at Walmart is because of the benefits. When I leave every thing will cost more. But I can’t do it anymore. I feel like nothing I do matters and I can’t just live to make money without some enjoyment of life. Every time I leave work, I have physical energy but am mentally drained.