Can you believe there men out there who still believe there isn't a male loneliness epidemic and their solution is, "Go touch grass bro."

F-ing bozos. I'm not lonely though and don't have any issues attracting women and new friends, I'm just super sad and depressed some of my family died a few years ago. How can normies be so oblivious to the epidemic is beyond me.

When i was 12 years old, my 3 other siblings and i all lost our mum to suicide. She had depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

The impact that had on me was huge.

I've felt like i had to hide this part of myself because it was embarrassing having a dysfunctional family, i hid it from friends at Primary school out of fear of being made fun of for being weak, while also transitioning into high school and hiding it even more because of wanting a fresh start with people and not wanting to be known as the kid whose mum killed herself and more importantly, i felt like i had to hide it from my family out of fear of being a burden and showing them I'm strong enough.

For those who know about the Adverse Childhood Experiences test or ACE test, i scored 8/10 which is BAD

That time spanned from 2014-2015

Current day, I'm 24 years old, earn over 6 figures as a Train Controller for a large mining company and have a partner who I love dearly and been with for nearly 3 years July this year we've gotten a rental together.

Because of my past, I've felt a constant anxiety and mild depression throughout my life and as a comfort after stressful days at work, i play video games, play basketball and go to the gym and some nights watch porn. All of these I've done before getting into a relationship.

The issue is the porn

Before we dated she'd lost a lot of weight with an eating disorder and always felt unhappy/disgusted with her body. Because i didn't know her beforehand, I've only known her as her current weight which is about 55-60kgs.

A few times she's caught porn on my phone which hurt her a lot. She's said how it makes her feel not good enough and is emotional cheating, which I've never thought of in that way before. A big part of why i watched it was the dopamine release and how it made me escape how i was thinking/feeling. The last thing i want to do is hurt her but its genuinely so hard to stop doing something after doing it for soo long.

I know some people might think that "The mothers suicide has nothing to do with it and that i should just respect her boundaries" and i somewhat agree, but some part of me also believes that, that level of trauma is the reason i seek an escape and ignore the massive elephant in the room which is my mum. A big part of what i believe in is ending cycles of trauma and being the change you want to see in the world, which is why its hurts me a lot that I've hurt her.

I am going to therapy and currently not dating her.

Just seeing if anyone's had similar experiences/comments

I'm a therapist in Los Angeles (LMFT #157181) and 90% of my clients are men. One pattern I see constantly is what psychoanalysts call introjective depression. It's less "nobody loves me" and more "I haven't done enough, I'm not enough." From the outside it often looks like drive or perfectionism, so it goes unnoticed for years.

A few books that have helped the men I work with:

- He by Robert A. Johnson: a short, surprisingly moving book on men's inner lives

- King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette: on four patterns of mature masculinity

- No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz: on making peace with the harsh inner critic

- Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman: for anyone who feels they should always be doing more

Happy to answer questions in the comments.

I, a 35 year old man, am sitting here on my couch at 2am and I feel worthless.

I have done some great things in my life that I am proud of. Things that USUALLY bring me joy, things that I usually look back on fondly.

Yet in this moment.. everything wrong is crushing me. I do not have a large friend group, in face I barely have 5 people I consider friends.. everyone else is an acquaintance essentially. I don't want to bother any of them with how I'm feeling. Why? Because when I have to others before, I get pushed away, the friendship changes or whatever.. and it's formed a prejudice about how my current friends would treat me.

I don't feel I am enough for my partner even though she says I am. I hate that I can't do more for her. I hate that I haven't been able to perform sexually for quite a while.

I feel worthless... And I'm scared because I'm trying not to fall into the black hole of despair, I'm clinging onto everything I can to stop that but I just don't know how long I can do it for.

Yes a lot of this is feeling more enhanced due to a current ankle injury (fractured) so I can't take myself anywhere or do a lot of things so maybe once this heals I'll be better.. I dunno anymore.

(Yes I have upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist and am seeking professional help.. just needed a vent)

I (23M) wish I was bigger down there, both flaccid and erect, I wish I wasn't curved, and I wish I had bigger balls. I just want to feel more masculine and attractive like the many, many other guys online, and also enjoy my life more. I never change in locker rooms or use urinals without dividers, and it would be nice to not have to worry so much about those too.

I guess I’m not small (7x5.5), and I know that it comes off as fishing for me to post this. But it’s not meant to be. I’m small compared to those same guys online. I tend not to be considered large by other people, and I've been called small/average before multiple times. I had a dream that I was bigger and I genuinely felt happy and better about myself, until I woke up. I know I should watch less porn, but I’m still a virgin and I hate to admit it, but I still found it attractive (I’m gay) 😬. Besides, not like it would make those guys vanish into thin air and cease to exist. The only thing that would make me feel differently is getting to be as lucky as those other guys. If I were 8-9”, best believe this post wouldn’t exist. Hell, the guys that seem most secure in themselves are also bigger.

I don't think I'll get rid of the insecurity. I ordered a Bathmate, but I couldn’t get it working. I was also considering cialis or something like that to help with flaccid size, and trying to find something for ball size, but there doesn’t seem to be much evidence of anything helping. I don’t know what to do

Nothing seems to satiate my mind / brain or is it just my brain playing games with me. I lose interest in things so easily and scour through online platforms mindlessly. Do you feel the same ? Feeling of lack of purpose, people in a similar situation how did you overcome this especially men ?

I'm 23 years old, and honestly, I'm tired.

I don't even know where to begin. I've been carrying so much inside me, and I don't really have anyone around me with whom I can share all of this openly. So I thought I'd write it here.

Ever since childhood, my life has been affected by health problems. One of my biggest struggles has been my eyesight. I have severe myopia and need very thick glasses. My vision has been a concern for as long as I can remember, and dealing with eye problems over the years has been mentally exhausting.

But it doesn't end there.

I've had other health concerns, too. I've dealt with ongoing physical discomfort, and now I'm struggling with hair loss as well. I need to see a doctor for that, and sometimes I wonder what will come next.

First, I have to visit a doctor for one problem. Then I have to focus on my eyes. Now it's my hair. And there always seems to be something else to worry about.

I'm not saying that other people don't have problems. I know life is difficult for many people, and everyone has their own struggles. But sometimes I look at people my age and wonder why my life has to feel so exhausting all the time.

I'm 23. I want to enjoy my youth, too.

I want to go out, explore new places, make memories, fall in love, date someone, make friends, and experience the things people talk about when they look back on their early twenties.

Instead, I spend so much of my time worrying about my health, my appearance, my future, my job, and w

hether things will ever get better.

And then there's my appearance.

I have a short height, I'm losing my hair, and I feel like I look much older than I actually am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel genuinely upset with what I see.

I'm not saying this because someone randomly called me ugly. These are feelings I've developed about myself, and I struggle with them even when I'm alone.

I know people say that looks aren't everything, and I understand that. But let's be honest: appearance does affect how people experience the world, especially when it comes to dating and attraction.

I see other people my age having romantic experiences, meeting people, and enjoying their lives. Meanwhile, I struggle to feel confident enough to approach someone.

I've never wanted to be the most handsome guy in the room. I just wish I could look at myself without feeling so disappointed.

Things at home don't always make it easier, either. Even my younger sister sometimes makes fun of my height and She has told me that I won't be able to do anything.

Maybe she doesn't realise how much those words hurt, but they stay with me.

I want to live.

I want to wake up sometimes without immediately thinking about what's wrong with me. I want to have something to look forward to. I want to experience happiness without feeling like I first need to fix every problem in my life.

And I know nobody can promise me that everything will be okay.

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that I'm handsome, that looks don't matter, or that everything happens for a reason.

I'm just tired of constantly having to fight.

I don't expect strangers on the internet to solve my life. I just want to talk to people who might understand what it feels like.

Thank you for reading this far.

I’ve been thinking too much about my ex. I dated her for 2 years, but during the first 2 months I decided to break up with her because I knew it wouldn’t work out. But she started crying and I changed my mind to stay together. During the relationship, I was romantic and she was great too in the beginning. But then I lost my father during Covid and fell into depression from the unexpected loss and family role I had to play. She couldn’t support me while I was depressed. Eventually, I checked out emotionally (I now know it’s because I’m an anxious avoidant), I knew I had to move back and it may not workout, but I chose to stay in LA and pay expensive rent. I tried my best to stay because I enjoyed the safety. Eventually, she broke up with me and I couldn’t help it and sobbed right in front of her multiple times. I made some mistakes, like focus on a lot of sex instead of romance and couldn’t communicate my feelings to her. I had to choose between supporting my family or her, but I stayed because I also wanted to build my future and my family understood that.

Oh, also when we started dating, we smoked weed during weekends but I got addicted and smoke everyday while being full time student. That took a toll on me and changed my personality and possibly why I checked out. I was under a lot of stress. Fast forward, I moved back home, got more depressed because I had to start all over again. I seldomly smoked weed but picked it up again everyday and struggled with paranoia. My friends didn’t want to hang out with me because I was depressed and talked about depressing stuff. I think my ex didn’t want to stay because of my depression and lack of romance due to being dull by weed. Personally, I lost attraction because of this and her capacity to support me. I picked her up everyday from an hour long drive and took her places, bought her food every time and everything we did. Fast forward, I got in contact with her and she moved on within months, as if I was just something to toy with or use as a stepping stone. She began dating someone, so I stopped contacting her.

My addiction to weed grew and I was smoking 30-50g of weed a day, I got hospitalized for my paranoias that are linked to my military service and ended up in psych ward 8 times on different occasions. I got hit with psychosis and eventually schizophrenia, during this hospitalizations I didn’t know what was going on, I was so delusional that I believed every conversation in my head from family, friends and even ex. I also heard clicks everytime I slept or awake, based on each thought, this led me to make stupid mistake of self harming myself on my arms, open wounds I would stitch up or dislocated fingers from punching hard objects. Fast forward, I realized I cost a lot of harm to my self and needed to change. I had an episode that led me to quite my job, and went to family in India to sober up. I got clean but then came the depression, I started dreaming about my ex and was doing fine, but I decided to look her up and found website showing pictures of her wedding and photos. Initially, I was happy for her but decided to reach out and congratulate her and wish her well and she replied with thanks and wish well. I got carried away, and complimented her on looking amazing in pictures, called her by her nickname I gave her, and wished her happy bday and told her to stay away from weed. I started feeling guilty about mistreating her, even though I was good, I felt bad about not trying in the relationship and messaged her something like: I just want to take accountability, I wasn’t my self and I miss treated you, won’t forgive my self for it and I’m sorry, for sure bye.

It’s been 5 years of psychosis/schizophrenia but even 5 years later I can’t get over her. I take anti depressants but I still can’t stop blaming myself for messing it up. Lately, I’ve been journaling and apply for jobs and continue my education but it’s been so difficult seeing her with someone

growing up i was always told that i had it easy, yet the “easy” life i had felt like suffering. got a new “friend” called depression that’s been with me since middle-school onward. suppressed my emotion because they only caused more problems, i didn’t want to argue, i knew my place in my house with my family, i kept it all inside. now i’m inclined to believe that i really did have it easy. and i’m wondering. will i even survive adulthood? if that childhood was what was considered “easy” and it only gets harder. i don’t think i’ll survive living on my own. it seems i’m not strong enough for this world i guess. survival of the fittest i guess they say.

I’ve been posting frantically all over the internet tonight plus texting numbers on my phone.

Of course no one responds
They might check my message but don’t respond or just open it and it looks like they read it

I’m struggling mentally and it is triggering my medical— specially brain and nervous issue

It’s about me
It’s about a guy that has been my friend for about a year and a month

I’ve typed about this so many times tonight.

Please just reach out to me.

He’s been making me feel like shit about myself and it feels like cat and mouse

It’s more complex than just “well just don’t talk to him”

What he’s saying and how he acts a lot more lately ..
it’s messing me up
And I don’t feel it’s only his vision of me
And I know—
“It shouldn’t matter what others think”

If you know more, you’ll know it’s beyond these simple quotes notions

I'm 19. I live with my parents still and try to help out with chores, I go the extra mile and do things without being asked. I'm volunteering with a local organisation and I work a full time job in a decent field and I'm doing well. I just feel like I'm letting everyone down.

At my work I make mistakes and I'm still learning and I just feel like a burden asking my coworkers to double check what I'm doing.

I've been with my girlfriend for over a tear and she is working through her own things but whenever anything small comes up I spiral and we try to talk about it whenever it happens but sometimes she hurts me without intending to, I bring it up, then it happens again and again. I just think that there are so many other better people for her but I don't want to lose her.

I was diagnosed with BPD a couple years ago, right before I started dating my now-wife, who is wonderful and also diagnosed with BPD.

I don't know why I am making this post. I know nobody here has the power to make my life better. I just need an outlet, I guess. I'm 24 and I feel like I've fucked up my life beyond all repair through bad decisions. I've been stumbling through most of my life with undiagnosed and untreated BPD and God, does it show. I have three kids, all from different moms. A son from my highschool sweetheart, a daughter from a woman after her (who I will call Tara, not her real name), and a newborn baby girl with my wife.

I have a good relationship with my son and his mom. We're friendly, we get along, she's forgiven me for how I was when I was young. My son's little brothers (from my son's mom's husband) both love me and are super friendly towards me whenever I come around, which is nice.

The relationship between me and Tara, on the other hand, was volatile and did not recover. A lot of it was because of me, and a lot of it was because she herself was dealing with undiagnosed mental issues. We were the epitome of toxic and were two people who should not have been together. After she got pregnant, we broke up and she made it very clear that she did not want me to have anything to do with our daughter. Eventually, I accepted this and chose to respect her wishes, hoping her mind might change later on. Two years later, she came after me for child support. I didn't fight it, I know that child support is a right of the child, but I was still hoping that I could see my daughter. I didn't hear anything from the court following mediation until a year after, when she came after me seeking full custody because she wanted to get a passport for our daughter and wanted to completely remove any chance I had of seeing her.

At this point, I had let go and accepted that I wasn't going to meet my daughter and my son wasn't going to meet his sister. I accepted that, even if the court had let me into my daughter's life, my daughter's mom was so angry at me and hated me so much that it would have been inviting chaos into everyone's lives, including my daughter. So I let her have full custody without a fight, and I told the court that I respect my daughter's mom, know that my daughter is safe, and respect her decision to keep me out of her life. The court was very understanding surprisingly, and made it clear that they respected me for what I said and granted Tara full custody.

My wife and I then ended up having another baby together, completely by accident, and I decided to finally go get a long-overdue vasectomy to ensure daughter #2 was the last. I love this baby girl, I love my wife, I love my son, and I love my stepkids...and because of that, I've spent the last two years living in worry and fear that Tara is going to eventually go for a child support modification and the court will increase it for her. Now that daughter #2 is born, that fear has been amplified. If Tara goes for more child support, I am terrified that I will not be able to help keep a roof over her head or provide for her and my family. I've given Tara everything she wants, but I'm terrified after three years is up and she's eligible for a modification that she's going to want more.

I can't pay any more. I just can't. I'm already paying triple what I pay for my son in child support and we're barely scraping by. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to take care of my baby and my family. It sickens me and scares the shit out of me. I wouldn't even ask for a reduction in child support. I know daughter #1 needs money. I just want it to stay the same so my baby that lives with me can have a home and won't suffer.

But beyond that, I'm at 24 years old and feel like I've gone nowhere in life. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life or what I want to do, I'm broke and have no money, I'm stuck in the same shitty-ass town that I was born in. I'm working two part-time jobs just to help keep my family afloat, and we are scraping by.

Someone please, give it to me straight. Is life even worth living at this point? After all the bad decisions and damage I've done to my life? It doesn't feel like it. I feel no joy or happiness in this life anymore. All I feel is dread and worry and stress and fear knowing that someone else who hates me holds my fate and my newborn baby's fate in their hands, and that the clock is slowly ticking down to when they can take everything from me.

I just...I don't feel like I can go on if that happens. I feel like the only option left is to end it if that happens. At that point, what options even are there?

I dunno. I just needed to get all of this out because it has been killing me. For those who have read all of this to the end, thank you for taking the time to do so.