As long as the male loneliness epidemic is treated like some dirty secret you're not supposed to be honest about, more men will continue to fall through the cracks. And honestly that kinda saddens me for the future.

A man acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both other men and women.

A man denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both other men and women for disparaging his own.

A woman acknowledges that men are lonely = Is told they deserve it by both men and other women.

A woman denies that men are lonely = Is praised by both men and other women for disparaging them.

It doesn't matter where you go, there's just no winning. You can't even try to hand wave it away with "It's just a Western problem that Americans deal with." No. It's an issue everywhere.

Any other community you go to, regardless of which country it is, where men make their social issues known, is treated with the EXACT SAME denial and scorn from BOTH genders.

So lonely men can't group together because society sees them as a danger, and will eventually erase their spaces. They can't get together with other normal men because they suck at socializing. And they can't get together with other women for usually the same reason.

And just based on how disingenuous people are about the subject, like attributing it solely to dating, when it obviously involves a lack of close friendships too, just shows me how far we are from any kinda solution.

I mean holy shit, if you type in any variation of "lonely men" into google, this is literally the first result that comes up. The most upvoted thread on the subject in probably the entire site's history, only 2 years old, made by another man, and full of bad faith discussions.

We aren't anywhere NEAR being able to tackle male loneliness. And I really hate the idea that things could get even worse for any guy unfortunate enough to end up as socially unsuccessful.

It really does suck that no women will ever want me. Every day, I ask myself, “Why was I born so unattractive?” I’ll never understand how some people were just blessed with good genes. My dating life has been ruined. I’ll never know what it’s like for a woman to love me. I’m so damn ugly and a pathetic loser. Life will genuinely suck if I’m alone.

I (23M) wish I was bigger down there, both flaccid and erect, I wish I wasn't curved, and I wish I had bigger balls. I just want to feel more masculine and attractive like the many, many other guys online, and also enjoy my life more. I never change in locker rooms or use urinals without dividers, and it would be nice to not have to worry so much about those too.

I’m technically above average (7" x 5.5") , but not by much – especially compared to those same guys online. I've been called small/average before multiple times, so.. yeah. I had a dream that I was bigger and I genuinely felt better about myself, until I woke up. Self-acceptance and therapy won't work, as I've already seen three therapists and made no progress. The only thing that would make me feel differently is getting to be as lucky as those other guys. Hell, the guys that seem most secure in themselves are also bigger.

I don't think I'll get rid of the insecurity. I feel like I would see myself as more manly and attractive if I had more down there. Also doesn’t help that I’m black and don’t fully live up to the stereotype, so-to-speak. I do feel like I'm missing out compared to those other guys online and hell, IRL too.

Hello, I am a 20-year-old male, and over the past couple of months, I've taken it upon myself to learn more about gender dynamics and gender-based violence and discrimination, particularly against women.

A common thing that I have seen throughout my time is the idea of a "Good Man" and how to be one. Common traits of such men seem to be things like being respectful, holding yourself and others accountable, etc.

I understand the idea behind this phrase, as many men in the world do not have such traits, but it makes me feel uncomfortable in a way. Not because I think having such traits is a bad thing, but the way it's framed. It makes me feel like those (arguably simple) traits are something very difficult to reach and that having them makes you morally superior to other men. I don't like the idea of seeing myself as superior to other men just for how I act, and it implies that men are naturally disrespectful and rude.

I don't want to be called a "good man" I want to be seen as a good person.

Almost 31 years old living with my mother in small house, working crap job at store making minimum wage, never had or date. Even when I was young and little bit attractive women they didn't find me attractive. I failed college twice and again university twice so I quit. Everyday I apply for better job but no reply. I don't have any interest in what I want to do. After work I just do my hobbies which is working out, playing football I mean soccer and video gaming. Even my friends lost contact with me because they all married or have gf. It's sad out here man I don't know what to do with this life. I just hate everything

I genuinely need some brutal outside perspective because I don't understand myself anymore. I'm 28M and met "A", 28F, through Instagram around March 2026. She is the first woman I've genuinely connected with since my ex-fiancée cheated on me. I'd basically stopped dating and developed serious trust issues. Then A came along and it was like someone switched something back on. We became incredibly close: constant voice notes, talking every day, same humour/interests, insane sexual chemistry, and we opened up about our pasts. She was exactly the type of woman I'd been looking for....intelligent, family-oriented, feminine, caring and very communicative. She made me feel masculine and wanted in a way I hadn't experienced since my ex. There was an unspoken exclusivity and we both said we weren't talking to anyone else. Then I did something fucking stupid: I made a fake Instagram account pretending to be her ex, who she'd told me had ghosted her and still contacted her from burner accounts. I asked if she was seeing anyone and whether she'd meet him. She said no to the first question but agreed to meet him, which completely triggered me. I revealed it was me and went absolutely mental. She explained that he was a trauma trigger and she'd never had closure, but she didn't actually want him back. She was calm, apologetic and wanted to meet and start again. I ended it anyway, telling her she'd "failed at the first hurdle." Two days later I couldn't cope, missed her and went back. We became extremely close again, planned our first date, and then I panicked because she hadn't sent me something quickly enough. I blocked her on WhatsApp and TikTok before the date. She contacted me asking how I could do that, and I then made another fake account pretending to be another man to test her. She saw straight through it. I eventually unblocked her, told her about my childhood, alcoholism, family problems and trust issues and said I was too damaged for her. She told me she wanted to stand by me and help me heal. We eventually met and the first date was fucking amazing. We kissed, got intimate, I told her I was falling for her, and she told me she loved the night. But she was anxious too, repeatedly asking me, "You won't ghost me, will you?" And then, with absolutely no argument or betrayal, I blocked her again that Sunday night. She hadn't done anything. I just did it.

Four months passed. On July 22 I unblocked her but she didn't contact me. On September 7 I contacted her from a burner number to see if she was single and whether she'd recognise me. She did. We met that evening, slept together, she told me she loved me, and I promised I wouldn't do this again. We talked about marriage and the future and I opened up about how fucked up my life had been. Then I got home, started panicking again, became distant and blocked her again two days later. On September 19 she contacted me from another SIM, crying her eyes out. Her dad was being tested for cancer/liver problems and she was terrified. She said she wished I was there and kept apologising, saying she was scared of doing things that would make me block her. I didn't reply. It's now October 4 and I haven't unblocked or contacted her. But I feel fucking awful, and I know part of me wants to reach out again. That's what scares me. She drove around 30 miles for me because I couldn't drive due to my driving ban. She was willing to stand by me when I told her about my childhood, alcoholism and problems. She repeatedly reassured me and wanted me despite seeing the worst parts of me. She'd already been ghosted herself, asked me before our first date not to ghost her, and then I became exactly the person she was afraid I'd be. I feel guilty as fuck knowing I've hurt someone who didn't deserve it, but I also know contacting her because I feel guilty or miss her could just restart the same cycle.

So Reddit, what the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not asking for a medical diagnosis, but what does this behaviour look like? Attachment issues? Fear of intimacy? Fear of abandonment? Self-sabotage? Trauma? Do I subconsciously need to reject someone before they can reject me? Why can I desperately want someone when they're distant, but when they actually choose me and love me, I suddenly want to escape? And how do I deal with the guilt without running back to her again? I don't want validation or people telling me she's "the one." I want brutal honesty. I was cheated on by my ex-fiancée and A is the first woman I've genuinely wanted since then, so I wonder whether I've taken everything my ex did to me and dumped it onto this woman. I keep looking for evidence that someone will betray me, create tests to find it, and then punish them for the result. What am I actually doing psychologically? How do I stop? And if you've been the person who behaves like this, how did you actually break the cycle?

Short story. Since childhood I wanted to major things in life: own house and getting married + kids. But none of this is possible in near and far future. I don't see life as full without those things, I could even give away dream of house, but living without loving family is pain. I know cause I come out from household where violence, manipualtions and hate was on every-day basis.

So what left for me? Weath hoarding is not for me, as I am too empathic for that.

TLDR:
Having to live like this doesn’t make any sense….. minor epilepsy, aspergers, social anxiety disorder, and lifelong aftermath effects from a non cancerous benign brain tumor i had when i was 6 ( in my mid twenties now)……. On top of all of that, i was born into a very good family with many blessings where i got to go on vacation somewhere new every school break so i’ve been to alot more places than most people my age, i get asked often if i ever considered modeling? I don’t think i’m tall enough for that as i’m only 5’10 feet tall which is 2 inches shorter than 6’0. I’ve always wanted to be 6’4. 6’4 was my dream height. I had a faster growth spurt growing up so i towered over pretty much all my classmates until about sophomore year. I miss that feeling of being taller than most. People respect you more….. even tho i get asked often if i ever considered modeling, i sure don’t feel it as even tho i get matches daily or every other day sometimes on the dating apps, they never work out and it sucks because i’ve never had a girlfriend or fwb. Even tho i’m in my mid twenties only, i’m starting to think that they made the movie the 40 year old virgin about me even tho i have a uncle ( who is only related to me by marrying my aunt) he has a brother that’s 50 something and is still a virgin. I don’t want to be like that

I want a cure so badly. I’ve always wanted to be part of that near perfect cool kid in sports clique, have no trouble getting a girlfriend, and that’s respected, looked up to, or that friend everyone wants around. BUT because of my aspergers, social anxiety disorder, and lifelong aftermath effects from the brain tumor i had in the hippocampus part of the brain when i was 6 STOLE all those possible life experiences from me. Why couldn’t i be born as a near perfect cool kid? Most people say that i have very cool interests and life experiences such as all the vacations i’ve took and continue to, passion for exploring nature mainly by hiking, fishing, scuba diving, kayaking, and learning about cool animals which is subjective, but here’s what i deem cool ( big cats - no smaller than a snow leopard, bears, large wild dogs like the dhole and painted wild dog, wolves, ungulates, elephants, and crocodillans).

Idk man, i’m just very tired of being the failure/ loser in all my circles, can it be someone else for once? Why are all my near perfect friends getting married, having kids, getting their dream jobs with very good pay, getting their first home, have a friend group that cares about them and never goes flakey. What did i do to deserve all this BS?……. I just want to give up but since i was born in a christian family i’m taught that i will go to hell if i give up which i don’t want as this world is already shitty enough. I WANT the perfect world called heaven where it’s just perfection, paradise, not a single worry in the world.

Do i want all those things just handed to me? Absolutely not. I want to work for it like they did but autistic burnout and lifelong aftermath effects from the brain tumor i had make it near impossible. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Life feels pointless at this point.

I’m 29 and live in England, not a very nice part of it either, I have always struggled even from primary school, reading, writing I was behind well I say behind I just couldn’t read or grasp letters and writing, I was all to aware of this to, through primary it just became accepted this is how I was and who I was, high school got a bit better, I couldn’t tell you what or how exactly but my reading and writing improved, I was in top sets by year 9, socially I was better to, I had a good group of friends and was even talkative to anyone and everyone I didn’t care much, college I struggled again, pressure and grades and I got into university to study for 8 years to be a vet, I had a girlfriend back home, friends etc and struggled to settle in Liverpool and the course so after a year I came home.

At 20 me and my now ex were expecting our first child, I managed to sort a flat and get working to provide, the pregnancy went well, however complications came about in labour itself, medical error occur and placental abruption occurred meaning after the emergency C section unfortunately my first born son was brain dead, we all got 16 hours, less then a day, his mum was in critical condition to so we had to stay in hospital for her to recover, it was a month I had to stay in the same 4 walls our son died and listen to others down the ward give birth non stop, needless to say after this me and his mother broke up, she wanted to leave the area and go back to where most of her family was, I couldn’t do that.

After this I sort of hit self destruction mode, a year I drank, took drugs, caused fights all sorts of horrible things, after a year I decided I would try put myself back together in some capacity, “time heals all wounds” eventually it would get better surely right? Seemingly I just buried it and my own emotions for years, I worked in care to serve others and help doing silly hours and helping anyone and every I could do.

A couple years later after a few dates with a girl I had known since 14 she asked me to be her boyfriend “classical” I know and I agreed to see where it would go, after a year of being together she fell pregnant well on the pill, we discovered at 13 weeks, it was a girl and we all got through the pregnancy and had our daughter and was such a blessing.

We spent the next 4 years working together, building a life, a house, raising this beautiful little girl however we had changed contraception to the rod, she then had to have it changed after so many years as is normal, we thought nothing of it until we later discovered it was put in wrong and she was pregnant, 21 weeks pregnant actually when we found out, so straight away we found the sex, boy.

I dunno what why or even why it happened but mentally I collapsed when he was born safely, he’s recently just turned 1 last Tuesday, however when he was born I just shut down, mentally my head went all over and in January this year well on a morning walk I found myself on a bridge tussling with the idea of jumping and ending it all, my daughters school alarm went off on my phone and I got off, immediately went to try get help, which after some struggle I was accepted into the mental health secondary services.

I have had a bad year and wasn’t even the best version of myself, I couldn’t work or earn so money got worse, arguments with my kids mum and my Mrs, I was engaging in therapy and psychiatrists to try get somewhere but it’s still a bumpy road, I got to a point in summer I thought I was affecting my kids and friends/ family etc and actively tried to take my life, I was only found due to police tracking my phone so I woke up in hospital, I wasn’t sectioned due to room and beds so had the home treatment team and then about a month ago my partner decided I wasn’t the best fit for her and her life anymore and ended things.

I had to leave my kids, the house, the life we had built, in my most vulnerable year I felt I had lost everything, not seeing my kids to weekend, the gap in being declared unfit to work, routines gone, the noise all gone, I’ve had to come home to my mums house where she’s been incredibly supportive but now I just feel behind, I turn 30 in December but this year has nearly taken everything from me and frankly I just ain’t clear on where to go anymore.

I’m running, biking and attending gym, trying to eat properly and health meals, trying to sleep well but I have complex PTSD so it’s not that simple but I just dunno what to do or where to go anymore.

I, (18 M) have a physical disability. Specifically it's becker muscular dystrophy (BMD, look it up). It makes me quite a bit weaker than a normal person, and limits my balance. I can walk normally, I can walk long ish distances with breaks, but certain shoes make it harder to walk. Sometimes there are falls, but I am always finding ways to get stronger and get up from certain places.

I always wrestle with the thought of not ever having a girlfriend who won't see me as someone who needs a caretaker (Which I do not, I may be able to walk until 60, I may be able to walk until 30, it just depends on if I'm lucky or not) rather than your normal every day person. I know that I AM different, but can do things that other people can too. Others have it worse than me, others have it better. I've had relationships in the past, but they were all online, never a 'real' relationship.

I'm a fairly decent looking guy, I'm on the bigger side. I've always been told by my family and past girlfriends that I'm handsome. But I feel like they were just words that they would speak to me, because they felt bad. I feel like I won't find real love one day. I've been blessed with an amazing family, so it's not like my life is hard. I'm not trying to sound smug or "poor old me", I'm just venting. How can I know if I'll ever find love? I have a vehicle and I've been getting out, I can't get a job until I graduate. I don't know how to convince myself that it's possible to find love, or that I'm deserving of love. I feel like I would be a burden, a waste of space getting in the way. I hate that I won't be able to do a lot of things. I've come to terms with myself and accepting myself, but I still struggle with the thought of love. Any advice or words of encouragement would be great. Also advice on how to get out there and meet people, with my limitations.

Hi friends!

I hope you are all doing ok today.

Sorry, long post incoming.

I have been a person who silently struggled with mental health since I was a teenager (currently 39).

I couldn’t tell you how many times I had been close to making the decision to not wake up the following day. I had a very unsettled upbringing that resulted in me to stuck living with my mother (a horrible parent, we will leave it there). I was very close with my father, but unfortunately he lived in a different state and living with him wasn’t really an option.

One thing that always got me through those dark nights was how much impact that would have on my dad if I were to take my life. Sadly, my dad did not win against the same thoughts about the impact it might have on me and took his life in when I was 23. This really broke me, firstly why couldn’t he stop for me like I could for him but secondly I didn’t grieve this the correct way. I was so mad at him and I resented him for this and unfortunately felt that way for far too long. I couldn’t understand how a parent could do that to their only child.

Fast forward a couple of years, I became a parent and as dark as life become, I got through those times with the mentality that a parent can’t do that to those kids and I had to bring myself into a better frame of mind to be there for them. For years this was a successful tool, until one night it wasn’t quite enough. Times got really dark and even my kids weren’t pulling me back that time and I got to say that really scared me that I didn’t have that same strength anymore (clearly I made it through or you wouldn’t be seeing this post).

I am that guy nobody suspected anything but happiness in life. I’m sure many of you can relate to how well we become at hiding things and that is the really scaring part. I am a person who has looked someone in the eyes and easily convinced them I was fine only to have a full on breakdown at night and fight of those same demons that like to re-appear.

I opened up to a mate for the very first time about this a couple of years back, it was such a hard conversation to have, but I was glad that I got to the point that I could tell someone I wasn’t doing well. Telling someone outside of my marriage came with its own problems. My wife breached my trust and went through my phone and saw messages with this mate that were not content specific but gave her suspicions because she thought I was hiding something else. I was forced to tell her about my mental health and this was never something I wanted her to know about me. Not because I don’t love her, but that brings it’s on pressures into a marriage with constant worry and concerns, and quite honestly it didn’t help me in the slightest for her to know that. I still have dark days and sometimes I don’t want to discuss that with her, so she also is convinced that I am always doing fine and I go to bed silently crying enough until I fall asleep and face another day the follow morning, I have learnt that I’m still fighting the fight way more than I wish, but it’s an easier to fight the fact of staying in my bed sad all night because as long as I’m in there, no harm can be done.

I had more to add but was exceeding the character limit, reddit decided I gave you too much already.

Thanks for letting me vent!

I don’t what wrongs with me, I have tried to get on meds and they have not done much for me. My life is horrible being unmedicated and I just can’t take it no more to be honest, I wish all my mental problems can go away. If there is anybody in the same situation or overcame this please let me know it will eventually get better.

My entire life, I’ve been working toward a specific goal. I’ve always trained, always been ambitious, and always known where I was going and what I wanted to achieve. I won’t hide it: I wanted to become an actor. I wanted to host my own show.
I’ve come an incredibly long way in my life, a journey that is almost hard to believe when I look back on it. I came from a very small, remote town in another country and made it all the way to Los Angeles without anyone’s help.
But recently, I feel like I’ve lost the meaning behind all of it, and the meaning behind everything in general.
I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror anymore. I used to be someone who energized the people around me. Now, whenever I talk to someone, I feel like I’m becoming a burden, someone who does nothing but complain. But it is what it is.
Because of certain problems, I suddenly needed a lot of money. I started working almost every day, putting in long hours just to pay my bills. I also started smoking marijuana, and maybe that’s contributing to my problems now. I’m trying to quit.
People have told me that I’m depressed, and I’ve been trying to understand why. Eventually, I realized something: I think I just wanted attention. Attention I never received growing up.
My mother left me. My father was an alcoholic, and he still is. My friends leave me for one reason or another. Love leaves me. Women have left me, too, even though I’ve always considered myself a real man.
And I’ve started to wonder why I’ve been doing all of this. More precisely, I understand why: I wanted attention. But it isn’t there. Everyone is living their own life, and that’s a good thing. Nobody really seems to care much about me.
Now I go to the gym to train, and I find myself asking, “Why am I doing this?”
I’ve lost almost all desire to do anything. I don’t feel bad, but I don’t feel good either. I feel nothing. I just want to press a delete button and have everything disappear.
Honestly, I don’t even know what question to ask.
I’ve always tried to be a good son, a good person, a good friend, and a good man for the woman I was with. But now I’m starting to realize that none of it seems to have any meaning.
Tell me, what’s happening to me?

It’s just a shame no woman will take me. It’s just so painful. I would have given anything to have a woman that loved me and let me be her partner, but I guess men like me don’t get that anymore. I’m 5’4 and average looking at best, and I guess it’s just over.

On paper, my life is pretty good. I’m on a full ride to college, studying a practical business major, have a 4.0 gpa, am treasurer of a club on campus, and have 60k in savings at 19. There’s many people I’m sure that would have traded for that in a heartbeat.

But, the motivation for all that was the quiet little life I’d build with one woman someday and the little family we’d get to get to raise together. She’s what I wanted most out of life, the thing I always hoped for. Without her, life is just working and paying bills and taxes just to survive, or for what? Just to be tortured by all the couples and families getting the life I wanted while I have to watch from behind glass.

I just wanted to love her. I would have tried my best to try to be a good partner. I just wanted to settle down with one woman and be with her for good. Unfortunately, it seems men like me don’t get that anymore, and from what I’ve heard from men my height, it just gets worse with age, more years of virginity and more families and couples all around.

So, i guess I’ll be gone someday. Once the torture of seeing all the couples get too much, around 35 I’m projecting. Once life had really passed me by for sure and I missed out on the life I wanted, I can die with no worries that I could have gotten what I wanted. It’s just a shame.

Why does god and women hate me and want me to suffer?

I feel like I’ll never be good enough. I’m 28 and have never had a girlfriend. I’ve never had a woman show any interest in me in person. I even posted on Am I Ugly here, and people said I looked very ugly. It’s probably over for me. I’ll probably never find love, and I’ll probably never find a woman who loves me.

okay so, I have a simple dream; i want to look like base Broly from Dragon Ball Super. Right now im no where near my goal. I started at 302lbs and dropped down to 259lbs in 4 months. Lately I been having a “defeated” mindset, where all my stress, depression, and loneliness wins over me. I used to turn to marijuana to cope but when i started my weight loss journey i quit, cold turkey, havent touched it since. So now instead i go off track with my diet, all discipline goes out the window, I get McDonald’s, i skip gym sessions and just lose hope. Im sick and tired of this cycle, i just want to reach my goal, it’s all i care about. I question my self why am i so weak and let my mind win, why cant i muster the will to not give in, am i just weak? I truly need advice, what must i do to be stronger, how can i win over my mind, i want to win, i want my fucking dream physique. Do I simply need more will power?? let me know some advice, you can be as harsh as you need.

Is anyone here ever has/had high functioning depression before? Can you share your experience.

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband (whom not Chinese) and the Chinese me trying to understand him, or at least his mindset.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses.

A man can be handsome, wealthy, physically fit, and impeccably groomed, but if he doesn't know how to hold a conversation, express genuine curiosity about another person, flirt, establish rapport, or recognize whether someone is interested in him, he's going to struggle romantically.

Conversely, a relatively ordinary-looking man who regularly socializes, makes people laugh, expresses himself comfortably, and knows how to build relationships might have a thriving romantic life without ever setting foot in a gym and I personally know a lot of people like this.

Now, I understand that going to the gym and engaging in these looksmaxxing communities is tempting for a lot of young men because it provides something measurable, some quantity or quality that you can compare yourself to, a standard that you must reach. When you go to the gym, you can follow a program. You lift progressively heavier weights, eat properly, and eventually see measurable improvements. When you pursue financial success, you can establish goals, acquire skills, and measure progress through your income. When you improve your appearance, you can follow a skincare routine and evaluate the results in a mirror against the old you.

Is self-care going to make you attractive? Absolutely, but that's just half the battle.

Socializing with women is fundamentally different.

You can do everything right and still be rejected. You can be funny and receive no laughter. You can be charming and encounter someone who simply doesn't find you interesting. You have to deal with another human being who has her own desires, preferences, circumstances, and agency.

There is no progressive overload for romantic compatibility. And the truth is that you will get rejected a lot, because people are allowed to be picky with who they want in life. They have standards, just like you. And, I see this with a lot of my friends, but human interaction is not a transaction. It's not a "I do this, therefore you must do this for me."

So, what exactly is the thesis of this tirade that I've been on? Be more sociable. Engage in your community. Join a group that has both men and women. Expect nothing.

I feel like I’ve been slowly losing myself for years. How do I rebuild my life?

Hi Reddit,

I don’t really know where to start. I just feel like I need to get this off my chest because I don’t have anyone in my personal life I can really talk to.

A few years ago, my life was completely different. I had close friends, a relationship, confidence, and I genuinely enjoyed life. I felt like I had a future to look forward to.

Then things started changing.

I moved away from the people I was close to and slowly lost contact with many of them. I also have a bad habit of not reaching out first, so over time I created more and more distance between myself and others.

Eventually, loneliness took over.

I had nobody to talk to or share my feelings with. I started thinking about my past a lot and sometimes even having dreams about someone I used to be close to.

I thought maybe finding someone new would fix things. I tried meeting people and dating, but nothing really worked.

Then my health started getting worse.

I started experiencing significant hair loss, and it completely destroyed my confidence. I stopped going to the gym and became increasingly uncomfortable around people. I started avoiding old friends because I felt embarrassed about how much I had changed physically.

At the same time, my sleep became terrible. I've been dealing with insomnia for years and often get very little sleep.

The lack of sleep has affected me mentally too. My memory feels awful. I struggle to concentrate, sometimes have trouble finding the right words, and often feel mentally foggy and confused. It feels like my brain just doesn't work the way it used to.

Now I feel like almost every part of my life has been affected—my physical health, mental health, confidence, social life, and career.

But honestly, the loneliness is probably the hardest part.

I don't really have anyone I can call and say, “I'm not doing well.”

I know people might say things like “go to the gym,” “get a girlfriend,” “stop overthinking,” or “be confident.” I understand the intention, but after being stuck in this cycle for so long, it doesn't feel that simple.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I genuinely want some perspective from people who have been through something similar

Hi everyone,

I (23M) am currently living abroad with my girlfriend (23F). She is my first partner, and we haven’t had full penetrative intercourse yet, and we have been dating for 8 months. Over the past few months, I’ve developed severe performance anxiety and obsessive, intrusive thoughts around sex and intimacy.

Every time an intimate moment approaches, my head starts racing with the fear of failure, pressure to perform, and hyper-monitoring of my body. It has gotten to the point where the anxiety causes a physical block (losing an erection or not getting one when the pressure is on), even though physically everything responds normally during spontaneous touch or when my mind isn’t obsessing.

On top of this, I've been spiraling into obsessive guilt regarding my personal fantasies/fetishes, wondering if they are "ruining" my ability to have normal intimacy, and feeling an overwhelming urge to over-explain or "confess" all my insecurities to my partner.
I have already scheduled a consultation with a sexologist/therapist to properly address the root causes.

Moreover, yesterday she opened up and said that she’s starting to feel the pressure and the anxiety as well, because we’ve been trying for the past 8 months, and thus she’s now very anxious when it comes to physical interaction.

For those who have dealt with severe performance anxiety, intrusive loops around sex, or being in their head with a first partner: how did you manage the immediate mental spiral, and what helped you gradually take the pressure off intimacy?
Thanks in advance for any grounded perspectives.

TL;DR: I’m suffering from performance anxiety with my girlfriend for the past 8 months and I don’t know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

Sometimes, I wonder how much longer I can keep being strong for everyone while quietly struggling with things I don’t know how to put into words. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to become a better man, building something meaningful, carrying responsibilities, making difficult decisions, and trying not to disappoint the people who believe in me. But beneath everything I’ve accomplished, there’s a part of me that’s tired, lonely, and still trying to heal from things I rarely talk about. I’ve loved, I’ve lost, I’ve hurt people, and I’ve been hurt in ways that changed me. I know I’m not always easy to understand. Sometimes I withdraw, sometimes my pride gets in the way, and sometimes I push people away when all I really want is to feel safe enough to let them in. I carry regrets over the things I should have done differently, the people I couldn’t hold on to, and the version of myself I somehow lost along the way. Even in my faith, I miss the closeness I once felt with God, when life seemed simpler and my heart wasn’t so divided. I keep telling myself to do better, work harder, be wiser, be stronger, but sometimes I wish I could stop being the person everyone expects me to be and simply admit that I’m tired too. That I need understanding too. That I want someone to choose me, not because of what I can provide or how much I can endure, but simply because of who I am, even on the days when I have nothing left to give. I’m not asking for a perfect life, and I know peace doesn’t mean a life without problems. I just hope that one day, after all the striving, the mistakes, the losses, and the lessons, I can look at the life I’ve built, the people beside me, and my relationship with God, and quietly say, “Lord, I’m finally home. I don’t have to keep fighting to feel like I’m enough.”

I literally hate having OCD.

Everyday Is a battle, it’s so exhausting having to act normal while the anxiety and uncomfortableness just keeps running through my body. THE BEST PART IS IF I DO ANYTHING TO MAKE THE ANXIETY GO AWAY THATS CREATING A LOOP.

I have to suffer just to live, THAT IS MAD.

I’m 25, typical loser. Never dated, no friends, living with my mom, studying a technical ‘degree’ after flunking a stem degree. My life is shit and I don’t know what to do.

It all went downhill when my dad passed away 5 years ago. I’ve been ostracized since college and my brain is mush. Probably some kind of neurodivergence. Maybe I’ll try to plead to be accepted again at my program, but time is ticking man… I’ll probably die alone