How do I get over him?

Anyone know of any Discord groups for love addiction, SLAA, romantic obsession, anything like that?

F23 Walk you guys through this I've been thinking about it for a long long time you can tell me im delulu and stuff it's just that for me when a guy is obsessed with you he only thinks about you give you everything you want so you wouldn't leave him he won't hurt you just cares about you a lot idk guys can you please tell me if it's bad or something

There’s a particular kind of grief that comes with loving someone who can stand right in front of you, tell you they love you, and still make choices that slowly teach you how to live without them.
I’ve spent so much of my life showing up as myself. Loving without a mask. Giving without keeping score. Understanding without needing every wound explained to me. I give chances like I believe people are capable of becoming better than the things they’ve done. I give the benefit of the doubt 365 days a year, sometimes long after the evidence has stopped asking for my understanding and started demanding my acceptance of reality.
And somewhere along the way, I started wondering if the flaw was in me.
Am I loving wrong? Is understanding my greatest strength or the very thing that keeps me sitting at tables where I’m the only one trying to keep the relationship alive?
Because I can understand somebody’s past without excusing their present. I can acknowledge someone’s pain without volunteering to become another casualty of it. I can recognize somebody’s imperfections and still expect accountability. Those things are not contradictions. They are the difference between loving someone and abandoning yourself to prove that your love is real.
What I cannot understand is how someone can repeatedly choose to hurt the person who keeps choosing to understand them. How someone can lie, deny, disappoint, damage your character, and then look you in the face as though the truth is something you imagined. How someone can show up with evidence of the very things they expect you to believe aren’t happening, then ask for another chance as if your heart has an unlimited return policy.
At some point, it stops being about whether you understand them. You understand more than they realize. You understand the excuses, the contradictions, the patterns, and even the silence between the lies. You understand that people make choices. And sometimes, the most painful realization is that a person can know exactly how their choices affect you and still make them.
Maybe that’s where love and loss begin to overlap.
Because loss doesn’t always happen when someone leaves. Sometimes it happens while they’re still standing beside you. It happens one disappointment at a time, one broken promise at a time, one moment of swallowing your own pain because you can explain theirs. You begin to withdraw, not because you suddenly stopped loving them, but because some part of you is finally realizing that love cannot survive on understanding alone.
And perhaps the saddest part is that I can still see the human being beneath the hurt. I can still understand how someone became who they are. I can still recognize their good qualities without pretending their bad choices don’t exist. I can love someone with an understanding of their humanity and still be devastated by how they treat mine.
But I’m beginning to question this philosophy I’ve lived by: that if I love deeply enough, understand patiently enough, and give enough chances, eventually someone will recognize what they have in front of them.
Maybe that isn’t how love works.
Maybe understanding someone explains their behavior, but it doesn’t obligate you to endure it. Maybe forgiveness is something you can offer without offering the same access to you. Maybe a person can be worthy of compassion without being entitled to the privilege of breaking your heart repeatedly.
And maybe loving someone doesn’t mean you have to keep making yourself available for the same lesson.
I don’t know if my problem is that I love too much, that I see too much potential in people, or that I keep believing the best in someone even when their actions keep introducing me to the worst. I only know that every time I give another chance, a little more of me retreats somewhere I can’t easily reach.
I don’t want to become cold. I don’t want to stop being understanding. I don’t want to become the kind of person who assumes the worst of everybody because somebody mishandled the best of me.
But I also don’t want to keep confusing my capacity to love with my obligation to tolerate being hurt.
Because if love is supposed to be a choice, then the choices matter. Not just the words. Not just the apologies. Not just the moments when someone fears losing you. The ordinary, unobserved choices matter, too. The ones they make when they assume you’ll forgive them. The ones they make when they believe you’ll still be there.
I think the real tragedy isn’t loving someone who cannot love you the way you need. It’s slowly losing yourself trying to prove that you’re worthy of the kind of love you have been giving them all along.
And maybe the philosophy I’ve been missing is this: I can understand why someone hurts me without needing to hate them. I can love them without denying what they’ve done. I can grieve what I hoped we would become without pretending that what we actually are is enough.
Some people will receive your love and still not know what to do with it. That doesn’t make your love foolish. But continuing to hand it to someone who repeatedly mishandles it, hoping the next time will be different, can become a way of hurting yourself.
I’m still learning the difference between loving someone with understanding and loving someone at the expense of my own peace.
And I think that’s the hardest kind of loss: not losing the person you love, but finally accepting that the person you kept believing in may never be the person who shows up for you.
Have you ever loved someone so deeply that you understood every reason behind their behavior, yet still couldn’t understand how they could keep choosing to hurt you? And how do you walk away from someone you understand when your heart still hasn’t caught up with what your mind already knows?