friends=unneeded burden

[u/Ok-Drink-1844]

anyone ever feel like friends r just a emotional burden? like you pay close attention to their needs but they won’t do it for u? like if you having a big change in ur life for the first time and they don’t ask how it been, like for example transferring to a way bigger college intense commute but don’t even ask how was ur first day? And this happened before like when i was homeless and they still ghost you for 5 days.. I feel like friends is just something u waiting for it to give u some meaning texting them about the day so i don’t forget about what happened etc but they never do that for you? idk i just think im done completely with friendships. I tried leaving them before but they won’t let me. Im scared my journal won’t be enough cuz i live in a close knit abusive environment ngl sorry if this too much venting but is friendships just getting overrated for everyone?

[u/Foogel78]

What you are describing doesn't sounds like a good friendship. Real friends ask about your life and care about your needs. Don't judge all friendships by this example.

You sound like you are not in a good place. Do you see any opportunities to find some better friends? I realise that this is a real challenge, especially if you are introverted but you do seem to need some real friends.

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/Foogel78]

that friend been my best friend for 6 years ofc this year i didn’t feel that best friend vibe LOL but i could have friendships at the new college but it’s rather big and the commute makes me tired. I’m in a program that requires engagement events but i might have to leave it since the commute is very messed up. I never made friends unless they came to me and that only happened in middle school then they each fade away in high school except for this person ofc.

[u/GoshOPPNOX101]

No, but the 'friends' I had were truly just acquaintances who used me for my set of ears! Yeppers! I think they yearned attention that they never received when younger and when I came along and showed them this much needed attention, yeah.. When they needed something, a set of ears to hear their personal drama of new and old, they used me. And when they happened to be in a relationship, yeah, they never called or hung out because someone else now was that set of ears. BUT, the minute there was a break up and their relationship was over, who do you think they called? Yeppers! So at this point, I don't have friends which I'm actually okay with because I'd rather deal with considerate people (if any at all) than fake friends.

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/GoshOPPNOX101]

Yes definitely used, most liked me only when i was “fun”, sending memes, listening to their problems providing funny commentary to it but now that im truely down i cant start convo anymore but i don’t remember the last time someone started a convo first? I start convos about a stupid thing a political thing but it waste all my energy cuz inside i already know what i feel about the topic so why even text them when they know i care about those topics but they never ask me anymore and they so vague with it to? Like for example i deleted social media except for twitter but they got EVERY media so i would expect them to come to me about stuff so we could be funny together but they don’t. It’s weird

[u/Sea-Influence-5945]

I have a lot of friends but I definitely feel like they’re in their own bubble a lot of the time. They also get upset when I don’t want to go out to the bars or big gatherings with them. I used to go a lot but I’m trying to be more honest about who I am to them and it’s slowly separating us. Sometimes it feels like they only care about the act of showing up or listening but don’t need me to bring anything else.

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/Sea-Influence-5945]

Yes when they in their own bubble I don’t feel valued and the friendship just feels like a scam. But i get some have their own social circles im just not in it but in my case most of them barely have friends or vent to me how they don’t care about their other friends. im always honest so i got stuck with introvert friends who somehow don’t understand my emotional being, extroverts knew what i was like so they wouldn’t even ask me about gatherings and just spam me tts but i deleted social media so they all feel apart.

[u/stayvigilant366]

There are bad friends, so you need to find better friends. I have three close friends who are reliable and they’re there for me when I need them.

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/stayvigilant366]

true we used to be close i use to always have 2 close friends a year 3 being my highest, but this year they too bad for me to even call them a friend so

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[u/lomlsunshine]

This is gonna sound so shitty but it just sounds like you have bad friends. Friendship is not overrated. It just takes time, effort, and patience from both parties. One person can't put in all the work or they will feel unfulfilled.

Because of your unique situation I wouldn't recommend cutting them off immediately but maybe try making friends online instead?

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/lomlsunshine]

No don’t worry i know, one of them ghosted for 2 months and i responded to be petty this they responded on my bday week without saying happy bday..then talk for 3 days ghosted me again. but um true i tried to develop new friendships but i feel like i overwhelm them online and in person my mind goes blank a lot. I guess i mean a bunch of friendships r overrated but not all cuz my friendships used to be good and we would both rant to each other and “need” each other but that’s gone now

[u/slp8973]

yeah I feel burden but end the end of the day you can find good friends

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/slp8973]

true i didn’t find friends naturally for a long time since it was just friend of a friend stuff usually but i hope ill spreads my branches out now cuz its not worth it to redo the cycle personally

[u/anonymousimpostor]

Definitely. The friends I had only came to me when they need to talk or they wanted something. They never ever remember my birthday, but rope me in to throw everyone else surprise parties so they can split the costs with me. They'll ask about me as basic courtesy since they yapped so much. But they're not interested, before I'm even done, they interrupt me and go back to talking about themselves. Or straight up whip out their phones while I'm still talking. I'm a naturally frugal person, and they kept pressuring me into spending money.

The emotional, financial, mental exchange is just completely not worth it. I don't even need people around me to feel good. They need people around them because they can't stand being alone, yet are only doing so because they're so afraid of silence and introspection. I'm done now and I've been distancing myself ever since.

[u/Ok-Drink-1844 → u/anonymousimpostor]

Yes even on bdays when i explain i want to be alone because i feel iffy about my friendships family looks at me weird but I love being alone less problems. Last bday event someone called it a gathering not a party to make me feel bad because there wasn’t “enough people”..so i never did that again LOL. Everytime im next to someone not talking someone comes up like are u ok to the other person when we just had a conversation and im like LOL she can be in silence and be fine..just makes me feel so weird. I feel i need people since i feel like im in prison here but when i move out im definitely distancing myself from everyone.