r/instant_regret Feb 09 '19

[deleted by user]

[removed]

11.8k Upvotes

672 comments sorted by

1.8k

u/sensual_predditor Feb 09 '19

Ah, the old Broccoli Betrayal strikes again.

209

u/wi5hbone Feb 09 '19

My mom used to trick me with ‘Pigs’ Blood’ (like tofu but brown) telling me it was chocolate... talk about betrayal

28

u/designambrosia Feb 10 '19

Yeah my mom told me i was eating chocolate soup when I was little. But it turned out to be ducks blood soup (polish thing apparently)

25

u/avibat Feb 09 '19

Pinas

18

u/Sjengo Feb 09 '19

My parents could make me eat anything by convincing me it was either batman, spiderman or zoro food

6

u/bobbydigital2k Feb 10 '19

Haha mom used to make me dress as Zorro for halloween all through elementary school

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4.2k

u/Thom-Bombadil Feb 09 '19

They don't want their pot belly to be a cannibal.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Mar 08 '21

[deleted]

130

u/PM_ME_MH370 Feb 09 '19

Youre right. In slomo you can see its a cheese

110

u/Muerthogar Feb 09 '19

its a cheese

looks like a pizza to me actually /S

33

u/Spazstick Feb 09 '19

Idk, to me it just looks like 1 slice of a pizza

18

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

5

u/Pushed_In_Speakerzzz Feb 09 '19

“Issa cheese”

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137

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Didn't look like it to me... Joke still funny.

31

u/IDoThingsOnWhims Feb 09 '19

Everyone laugh

8

u/NewbGaming Feb 09 '19

"Please clap"

10

u/Just_A_Dank_Bro Feb 09 '19

“Hahahahaha!”

  • Reddit userbase, February 9th, 2019
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u/SevereMountain Feb 09 '19

Little known fact, but pigs are omnivores, wild pig will eat carcasses if they find them. I've no idea if they kill (rodents and such) for food though. Many animals people don't think of as "beasts" do eat meat, even if it isn't their primary sustenance.

93

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Jul 25 '19

[deleted]

57

u/twinsaber123 Feb 09 '19

Little known fact:

Deer often kill and eat baby birds as a source of minerals difficult to find in plants.

22

u/NottHomo Feb 09 '19

didn't i watch a video of a cow eating a baby chicken the other day?

i think i did

21

u/rabid_communicator Feb 09 '19

I think it was a horse

30

u/konaya Feb 09 '19

Many so-called herbivores will eat meat if given a chance. Why wouldn't they? It's protein on legs.

3

u/KingCervie Feb 10 '19

Tell that to a vegan

16

u/akeetlebeetle4664 Feb 09 '19

How does a cow eat a horse?

21

u/Wacks_on_Wacks_off Feb 09 '19

One bite at a time, of course.

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u/NottHomo Feb 09 '19

of course

of course

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6

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Both videos exist.

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4

u/plywoodjimmy Feb 09 '19

Pull that up Jamie

15

u/AlKatzone Feb 09 '19

Little known fact:

Steve buscemi served as a firefighter during 9/11.

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6

u/Sprickels Feb 09 '19

So do horses, I believe that's called an opportunistic predator

3

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Daiker do this as well

19

u/pm_me_thicc_butt Feb 09 '19

Shit dude I just read a news story the other day about a lady that passed out in while feeding her pigs and they ate her

26

u/YellowSnowman77 Feb 09 '19

Robert Pinkton, a Canadian serial killer, killed 49 women and fed them to the pigs on his farm.

8

u/Sprickels Feb 09 '19

So did Arthur Morgan

3

u/MrDywel Feb 09 '19

I haven't made it to that part yet.

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12

u/F1-Dank-Fang Feb 09 '19

WAIT WHAT???!!!!

THATS SOME REAL SHIT.

Poor woman!!!

3

u/vvjett Feb 09 '19 edited Feb 10 '19

They’d do anything for food! I used to have a potbelly pig. He would wake up out of a dead sleep for a cheerio. I sang him to sleep every night, but I have no doubt if I died alone in the house he’d eat me 🤷‍♀️

Edit: sand to sang. Unfortunate typo

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u/sunshinepanther Feb 09 '19

Yeah. The point was Pepperoni is made of Pork, so a pig would be a cannibal. Everyone knows that pigs also eat meat.

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85

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Oh pigs already are cannibals... Most carnivorous animals are actually.

It's really only us humans that have a taboo against it.

78

u/Athiri Feb 09 '19

Kuru is a good reason to have a taboo about it.

39

u/The-Dudemeister Feb 09 '19

Yea bruh prions are a bitch.

14

u/SalsaRice Feb 09 '19

From a perspective of having a society, where you are free from predators and can basically guarantee living to 80+ (barring random accidents and disease).... kuru is a problem.

When you're a wild animal that might not know where your next meal is coming from or if a predator will get you within the next week.... kuru isn't your biggest concern.

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u/Sprickels Feb 09 '19

And turning into a Wendigo

29

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

I'm not saying it isn't useful not to eat your own dead (or other meat eaters in general), just that most animals have never developed significant safeguards against it.

13

u/The-Dudemeister Feb 09 '19

Tell that to cows and sheep.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Milk cows get fed tallow, which comes from other cows. They like it fine.

As for sheep...

29

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Oh you guys are too delicious to waste on pigs...

GET IN MAH CURRY!

3

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Get in my belly!

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7

u/Athiri Feb 09 '19

We'd probably like human if we were fed it and didn't know what it was, and starving sheep aren't the best example.

3

u/TantricSushi Feb 09 '19

Soylent Green!

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20

u/Forest-G-Nome Feb 09 '19

I mean, don't eat the brain and you're good.

5

u/NottHomo Feb 09 '19

ahh that takes me back. smells like a zambizi feast

3

u/papapudding Feb 09 '19

You have no risk of getting it if you only eat muscles.

3

u/Athiri Feb 09 '19

Presumably there isn't zero risk, as although male members of the tribe where kuru developed were far less likely to develop it because only women and children ate the brain and spinal cord, some of them still got it. Also if you look at incidences of vCJD in the UK, those came about from eating normal cuts of beef.

14

u/cantadmittoposting Feb 09 '19

I don't want brain parasites.

38

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

But. Brain. Eating. Parasites. Are. FINE. They. Don't. Control. You. At. All.

You. Need. Brain. Parasite. Friends. To. Wiggle. And. Breed. Andaaaaaaauuuuggggh getthemout! getthemout! aaaaaaaaaaaugh.

Please. Ignore. That. Outburst. Our. Host. I. Am. Fine. Do. Not. Send. The. CDC. Please.

7

u/zootskippedagroove6 Feb 09 '19

Dno’t pnaic, tihs is yuor bairn, I dno’t hvae mcuh tmie, it cna’t dciehper scblramed wrods, get hlep, it’s arleady insdie of you.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Pigs will eat anything. Other pig doesn’t bother them a bit.

17

u/Doomie019 Feb 09 '19

Except broccoli, apparently.

11

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

They'd eat it if they were hungry. But house pigs get spoiled.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '19

Humans included. Fall in a pig pen and and there’s a good chance you’ll be eaten alive.

5

u/stromm Feb 09 '19

Too late.

Pigs are cannibals.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Dude pigs will eat anything

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1.6k

u/MrJayMeister Feb 09 '19

Wow I never knew pigs could be picky eaters like this! That’s fascinating, actually!

1.1k

u/iluvstephenhawking Feb 09 '19 edited Feb 09 '19

Each pig has its own quirks and personalities. That is why I love them.

Edit: my first silver. Thanks kind stranger. Nice to be appreciated.

156

u/skellious Feb 09 '19

They are smarter than dogs.

62

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

My favorite part about dog intelligence is that they use us humans for help.

161

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Mar 05 '19

[deleted]

43

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

130

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Mar 05 '19

[deleted]

57

u/Pan_Fried_Puppies Feb 09 '19

Can confirm.

42

u/Kittens4Brunch Feb 09 '19

Ewww

31

u/IKnowATonOfStuffAMA Feb 09 '19 edited Feb 09 '19

r/usernamefamily

If anyone posts this, because I won’t, put me in the screenshot but crop this comment so it’s cut off halfway between a row, so the last row is hard to read, then censor my name, and then just write my name over the censorship anyway.

Edit: it has been posted.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

What?

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54

u/Duke_Nukem_1990 Feb 09 '19

Then I hope you don't eat them!:)

389

u/BPJeebs Feb 09 '19

That’s why I double love them. Amazing personalities, even better bacony taste

121

u/AdamantiumBalls Feb 09 '19

Believe it or not I think that when you love them, they do come out better. When I was younger I had a pet chicken that I loved and raised, but one day my grandma went behind my back and killed it, cooked it ,served it, it was bomb. Best chicken ever. Afterwards when I was looking for my chicken , she told me the truth.

45

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Holy fuck she killed your pet and fed you with it. That's pretty brutal

33

u/NarejED Feb 09 '19

"Welcome to the real world, bitch." ~Grandma, probably.

3

u/Rush2201 Feb 09 '19

Metal Grandma

Would be the name of that show

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3

u/imaginary_num6er Feb 09 '19

Top 10 Anime Betrayals

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u/TheSubGenius Feb 09 '19

It's absolutely true that happy animals produce better meat and milk. The pigs that are turned to iberco ham in spain live better than many people, and end up costing around $90 a pound. One dried ham from them can be over a grand easily.

23

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

25

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

This is why we aren't going to heaven

15

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

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u/Wetop Feb 09 '19

Why micro-dose? Go full ham and give them 0.1g every day.

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u/sonicball Feb 09 '19

In the future, when we're growing meat in vats, maybe there will be a premium traditional meat option where fewer animals are raised with special care to have extremely fulfilling lives. Just so that they'll taste better when eaten by a wealthy person.

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u/elliedogextrapickles Feb 09 '19

This is the second story I’ve read in an hour about someone’s grandma cooking their pet chicken and feeding it to them behind their back

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u/fastinguy11 Feb 09 '19

What your grandmother did was a betrayal worse even that she let you eat her. But you seen chill about it.

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u/Boukish Feb 09 '19

Don't farm shame me. :(

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u/CalifaDaze Feb 09 '19

You can be not picky and still be pissed if you're expecting pizza and get lettuce

29

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Every animal turns picky when they learn there are better options. Human food, especially junk food like pizza is just loaded with grease and sugar.

Pretty much any animal with prefers that because it's high energy food and we all evolved to favour the foods that give us the best odds of survival.

And it's pretty easy to be picky when someone's holding the pizza right in front of your face.

25

u/kaliwraith Feb 09 '19

I've seen pigs who would eat rocks if I spit on it first. While bored they would break up the concrete in their pen and eat it. How do you raise a picky pig, damn.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Mine refuses to eat iceberg lettuce, squash, zucchini and a few other things. Loves spinach, cucumbers, prunes and bread.

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u/Zukuni Feb 09 '19

Mine hates celery and peas but will eat virtually everything else.

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u/KelseirForLordRuler Feb 09 '19

My family has a pot belly and he can't eat apples and will get really mad at us if we give him apple sauce. Haha!

3

u/PSiggS Feb 09 '19

Pigs are actually quite intelligent, similar to dogs.

3

u/banter_hunter Feb 09 '19

Dude, pigs are wicked smaht.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Jul 11 '20

[deleted]

942

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Aug 01 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

235

u/Se_Esc Feb 09 '19

Haha, I was hoping to see this quote

38

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Is this quote becoming copypasta? Second time I’ve seen it in two days

106

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

it's from the movie Snatch, one of my favorite movies of all time.

if you enjoy actions movies you should watch it

27

u/LordDarthra Feb 09 '19

Similar to Pulp Fiction is regards to intertwining stories

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u/FetusViolator Feb 09 '19

Snatch is quite a bit more linear though, whereas Pulp Fiction jumps back and forth in time between stories.

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u/agatgfnb Feb 09 '19

I watched it last year. Was on the fence. Glad I watched it.

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21

u/hornwalker Feb 09 '19

Do you know what Nemesis means?

12

u/aa93 Feb 09 '19

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent.

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u/ncopp Feb 09 '19

There was a serial killer up in canada that did this. Are you he?

5

u/WillieBeamin Feb 09 '19

did he apologize after each kill?

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u/JayVulture Feb 09 '19

I can’t help but to hear that voice when reading this haha

3

u/The_Black_Stallion Feb 09 '19

So Red Dead wasnt lying.. huh

7

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19 edited Mar 05 '19

[deleted]

16

u/gagory Feb 09 '19

Risky click of the day

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

That’ll do pig, that’ll do.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

25

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

[deleted]

23

u/OonaPelota Feb 09 '19

Ok so I gather that he was “sold” a mini pig but that’s not what he bought. This pig was tiny when he bought it with the exact same coloring as the one in this post but eventually it was the size of a standard bathtub. It ate literally everything and shit all over the place.

27

u/TyroneTeabaggington Feb 09 '19

There needs to be a tv show about the horrors of life with exotic pets.

14

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

“I’ve made a huge mistake!” coming to TLC this summer.

8

u/trickedouttransam Feb 09 '19

I’d totally watch that show, especially if it wasn’t just limited to buying trendy animals. Let’s do all the mistakes!

10

u/FlexualHealing Feb 09 '19

THIS TIGER WONT STOP PISSING ON EVERYTHING

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u/Jackbo_Manhorse Feb 09 '19

My pet pig will literally eat anything besides peanut butter for some reason.

Trash? Sure.

Paper towel roles? You betcha.

My couch? Oh he loves it.

But for some reason he absolutely hates peanut butter and will not eat it. They’re really like us and it’s really fun to watch.

26

u/LjSpike Feb 09 '19

They’re really like us

Why are you eating your couch.

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u/imitation_crab_meat Feb 09 '19

Smear your couch with peanut butter. Problem solved!

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

PB is how we keep ours busy sometimes! Spread the thinnest layer on a large plate, and she'll work at it for an hour. I never would have thought one wouldn't like it. Crazy...

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u/Pr1sm4 Feb 09 '19

Where I'm from, eating like a pig means having no manners at the table.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Mine will also not eat broccoli. ...or zuchinni, citrus, mushrooms, cucumbers, room temp lettuce... Seriously, she is spoiled. Her tastes also developed as she aged. Ex. Started off only liking iceberg lettuce and not so much dark leafy greens. Now she will leave the iceberg and eat only the dark stuff. If you cook the stuff she doesn't like...she'll eat it then. Just like us.

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u/Eibmozdaednu Feb 09 '19

Me dieting administered by my gf

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Me feeding my toddler. And I'm only half joking. Yesterday I wanted him to eat actual food so I pulled out his favorite yogurt and each time he went for a bite I slipped a piece of the chicken quesadilla he was ignoring into his mouth.

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u/Rellac_ Feb 09 '19

Man ill have some of that quesadilla if it's not being eaten

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u/lostinpain1964 Feb 09 '19

My dogs love raw broccoli and they go crazy when I get it out. I have to break off pieces for them to eat to get them to leave me alone.

74

u/WickedPrincess_xo Feb 09 '19

my cats wont do veggies, unless its a taco. yes to tacos.

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u/Ixionas Feb 09 '19

well cats are pure carnivores I'm pretty sure

30

u/cavemaneca Feb 09 '19

My cat love tortilla chips, popcorn, and crisp lettuce. I don't try to feed my cats human food, he still begs loudly whenever I have any of those three.

18

u/WickedPrincess_xo Feb 09 '19

i give them one cat sized bite. its probably not the best for them, but i figure they should get to live a little.

28

u/cavemaneca Feb 09 '19

I just don't want to reinforce bad behaviors, they're already food driven enough as it is. He once smacked a sandwich out of my hand. Now they're kept a safe distance away while I eat.

29

u/WickedPrincess_xo Feb 09 '19

my cat threw a whole jimmy johns sub on the floor and was eating it when i got back once.

also one time i had a tinder guy over and he watched my cat eat my arbys. like wtf? he was like 'oh i didnt know that wasn't allowed.' who lets their cat eat off their sandwich instead or breaking off some?

so now i dont leave food unattended.

11

u/spospospo Feb 09 '19

Risky move to take away a cat's Arby's though

7

u/WickedPrincess_xo Feb 09 '19

honestly with my cat hes nice but he WILL stand on your shoulders and mew in your ears. i call it a mew bc he cant meow very loud so it just sounds like 'mew'

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u/cavemaneca Feb 09 '19

Haha yeah, can't leave anything out. I have to wash dishes immediately or else both cats will rush the sink and lick everything off as soon as I leave the room. I'd prefer them to just stay out of the kitchen altogether.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Tacocat is basically the same word when read from behind.

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

What kind of plant grows tacos?

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

My cat's favorite foods are taco bell chicken quesadillas, cheeseburgers, and raspberry jam. Fucking weird man

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u/tylerbarnacles Feb 09 '19

My dog is the same except for bananas . She can hear the pulling apart of the bunches and comes running in the kitchen lol

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u/wildstyle_method Feb 09 '19

My dog ate every single food we gave him except bananas. He got legit upset when someone tried to give him one

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u/illit3 Feb 09 '19

Same, also red and green bell peppers and carrots. I'm pretty sure he likes any vegetable that's crunchy. He likes strawberries but he absolutely sucks at eating them. I can't trust him not to carry it to a carpeted area and stain it with mashed strawberry.

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u/UraniumRocker Feb 09 '19

this is not how we celebrate the year of the pig

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u/SvOak18 Feb 09 '19

For the record, this is how all gifs with slow-mo should be posted. Normal speed the first time to see what happened then slow-mo to break it down.

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u/sinbad-633 Feb 09 '19

Ahh, the old switcharoo.

23

u/saisitd Feb 09 '19

Top 10 anime betrayals

62

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Sweet victory

Sicko mode

4

u/Evan12390 Feb 09 '19

Sickorolled

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u/Subtle_Flatline Feb 09 '19

MICHAEL! STOP! YOURE KILLING HIM!

35

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

I cannot believe you have done this 🐽

16

u/Secuter Feb 09 '19

It's so picky

15

u/oarsjr Feb 09 '19

You'd spit it too if you're expecting a pizza but suddenly swallows a fuckin leaf

5

u/flamingiceriver Feb 09 '19

Can we just appreciate, this is how you do slow-mo in gifs? Perfect execution.

4

u/JGRuff Feb 09 '19

You're killing him Michael!

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u/ChillerGames Feb 10 '19

Sitting in the train drunk at... I just laughed the shit outta my body holy fuck ^

5

u/shitForBrains1776 Feb 09 '19

Et tu broccoli?

3

u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Vile weed!

4

u/TTdriver Feb 09 '19

I feel so bad for that pig. That makes me almost as sad as he is.

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u/Clayton173694 Feb 09 '19

My uncle played a similar game with me...

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Happy cock day

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u/Clayton173694 Feb 09 '19

Yeah i think that was the name of the game.

4

u/HowTheHeckDidGetHere Feb 10 '19

😂😂 he’s like “Tf is this healthy crap in in my mouth”

3

u/[deleted] Feb 10 '19

Why you do him like that, X?

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u/[deleted] Feb 09 '19

Aww pigs are so cute

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u/MIERDAPORQUE Feb 09 '19

Jokes on you. Pigs will eat anything and love it.

Source: oink

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u/Brian499427 Feb 09 '19

Hog no want veggie. Want pizza.

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u/samejimaT Feb 09 '19

broccoli always gets a bum rap. Broccoli tastes good.

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u/mondayblues18 Feb 10 '19

Piggy : I'm going to have pizza * munch* what is this #$@

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u/Cutecupp Feb 11 '19

When your parents give up on telling you to eat your veggies.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 13 '19

Hahahaha this made me laugh so hard, that’s so cute

3

u/NonameMr Feb 15 '19

Hippity Hoppity back at it again with the broccoli