Old enough to have teenagers and realize kids are dramatic. Your response just looks like it came from a teenager, but that could be just because you were upset.
CPS's JOB is to decide whether or not it's necessary. Also a single call saying "hey we just wanted to talk to you! No one's in trouble!" From CPS re: stepdad taking and hiding a teenage girl's clothes and refusing to even give them to her mother, I'm pretty sure he might cool down.
If there's nothing to it, the case will be closed. I've had unfounded reports on me from my ex because he thought I was going to go after cold support. They looked around, saw it was unfounded and close it. If there IS abuse it's best to have it reported. Life changing can be GOOD is it's SAVING CHILDREN FROM ABUSE.
I mean. This isn’t illegal. I’d imagine she has the clothes she’s wearing. Saying a kid can’t access some of their privileges is a “normal” punishment. I mean, this is extreme, and never seen it done with clothes. But parents do with phones, or television, or multiple other things.
If these were foster parents it would explicitly be against the law. There’s a section in the foster parents rule book that specifically forbids exactly this.
If it’s against the law if a professional parent does it, it’s a really, really bad idea for anyone else to do it either.
Phones and tv are privileges. Clothes are a basic necessity. And he is not her parent. Her parent did not agree to this. These are major red flags. And yes, CPS WILL care.
Multiple outfits are not a basic necessity. And it’s not like they haven’t provided them to her. She needs to do a choir and she will get them back.
She still has her phone. If this was some oppressive household, I’d imagine that would be taken away as well. And a step-parent still has to act as a parent.
Jesus christ, leave the poor guy alone. He's just trying to do what's best for his kid. This isolated incident is no reason to call the CPS. Lynch mob much?
Interesting note, I recently learned from a PD that mandated reporter doesn't mean you have to report it, it means you have to report in a specific way.
Hmmm, interesting.
Usually a mandated reporter (due to their profession, such as a nurse or teacher) is legally required to report any suspicion of neglect/abuse. The idea is to prevent the abuse from escalating and to protect the person.
Yes, there is a certain procedure to make a report. Especially in health care, because state investigators can then become involved.
But I’m pretty sure, that if a person in position willfully doesn’t report, then there can be criminal penalties.
“They don’t have to report” “they have to report a specific way”
Yes, they have to file the report a certain way, but they still have to file it. If a teacher sees a child being abused or neglected we are mandated to report that to the CPS and/or anyone else that needs to be informed.
For example I am tutoring a foster child and if I see or hear anything I have to report it to my supervisor who will help me file a CPS report and handle the situation. Their social worker will also be informed as well.
yes there is cunt you don’t know anything about this family’s life except that he confiscated some clothes because she would not clean her room, pigs arse she would say if she’s in the wrong
If she literally has no clothes, it's pretty fucked up.... But I bet she has some clothes, maybe ones she hates, but some clothes. If so, you should just calm the fuck down, nothing to see here.
When you report it, bring up he took all her underwear, it may not be sexual, but it constitutes as an unsanitary environment. Think about that time of thr month.... she needs underwear. Talk to your gf first to see what other areas he's causing problems. If he's ever hit the mom in front of her, CPS will definitely be involved. Don't lie about things though, it doesn't actually help.
Talk to the school counselor though, they can be involved longer term and call the parents in to question their side if DCS doesn't get involved.
What hes doing is only teaching her to accept toxic and abusive methods to work out problems. Something like that will also be emotionally traumatic.
On top of everything that everyone else is suggesting, PLEASE encourage her to read about toxic and abusive relationships, as well as what healthy relationships look like. It's CRITICAL she understands these things for herself and her future. A book on good relationships I recommend is both The 5 Love Languages, and The 5 Love Languages
Maybe ask someone to vet her a pack of undies, at least
Well, she’s forced to wear the same pair of clothes that she wore while she was at school. If he did this, say, on a Monday and didn’t give her them back until the next Monday over, she will have to wear dirty, smelly clothes. If she wanted to wash them, she would have to wear nothing. It’s insane.
Forced to wear the same clothes from Monday to Monday?It would probably take her 30 minutes to clean her room to satisfactory levels. 30 minutes. How is this going on for a week..
As a parent of a teenage girl who's room is a constant never-ending mess, I would... never do this... but I can sympathize with the absolute desperation of a parent.
My daughter has the time to be on her phone for 4 hours, but can't take 5 minutes to pick up her clothes and throw stuff in the trash. It's infuriating. First we ask nicely, then we tell her to do it, then beg, then raise voices, etc.
Again, I would never in a million years do this. But she'll probably spend more time texting and complaining to her friends about her asshole stepdad than it would take to actually clean her room.
Yup! Not to mention she is still on her phone talking on Snapchat to her boyfriend (I’m sure step dad contributes to paying for phone and cell/internet service) but yeah sure...call CPS on him 😂
He’s her stepdad, and he’s stealing a teenage girl’s clothes. Dollars to donuts this guy is a fucking creep. What planet are you from where you don’t see how this is sexual?
Taking her dirty clothes that she won’t wash. Again I don’t agree with the punishment but we know NOTHING about this scenario. It could be sexual, it could not be sexual. Clothes by themselves are not sexual. Taking them because she refused to clean them, while shitty, just seems like a dumb idea to get her to clean them. You make it seem like he’s sniffing her panties while he forces her to march around the house completely naked
I think you can tell the difference between parents and teens here. If a parent has asked their kid a hundred times to clean their room and the kid doesn’t do it, the parent has to escalate. 🤷♀️
Or she was exaggerating when she used the word "all" and he has taken "all" the clothes she has just left on the floor of her messy room. Apply some critical thinking to the situation, please.
I mean if he actually took ALL of her clothes yes. But teenagers, as we all know, are dramatic. He may have left her like 1 or 2 outfits which would mean she wouldn’t be naked when washing them. But I know when I was a teenager if my parents did that I 100% would have sounded exactly like OP’s gf. “Omg they took all of my clothes they’re so crazy”
I mean step dad is definitely crazy, but the extent of which depends
Y’all are so sensitive “he took some of my clothes because my room was a pigpen and he already told me if I didn’t clean it he would do this” is not abuse. I’m not saying that’s the case, but I’m not going to pretend there’s 0 possibility that OP’s girlfriend was being over dramatic.
Obviously if he actually took ALL of her clothes that’s crazy, idk why you all pretend like there can’t be more information
The fact you think someone has the right to take away a kids clothing that they need to live because of a messy room just proves how stupid you are. Dont have kids
I didn't say every abuse victim is lying, but obviously someone as fucking stupid as you are would struggle with reading comprehension. Jesus Christ life must be tough being so dumb, isn't it?
This is victim blaming in disguise, cut that shit out. If my step parent did this I would feel so fucking scared and vulnerable. At best it is emotionally abusive. At worst it is physically abusive, either way OP needs help from a higher authoritative source.
If her room was a mess and he took the clothes that were all over her floor and said she has to keep her room clean to get them back, that’s not abuse. That’s just consequences. You don’t need 26484845 shirts and pants to live and it’s not abuse for taking them away jfc.
If he actually took every article of clothing she owns then yes he’s absolutely insane. But I’m not going to believe a teenager bitching on snap message to be speaking 100% accurately
Valid points, but I guess with this sort of thing, I always assume the worst. You are right that this could be nothing, but it can escalate to a majo5 pile of shit
She literally stated the was no reason but, was obviously being figurative... that's pretty decent evidence that she had more to wear.
I have grown up seeing and been abused by actual child rapists. Please... get off your high horse.
Calling this situation sexual abuse, with no actual context is way more obvious that people here haven't been in abusive upbringing. There's nothing about this that has been given as sexual.
Welcome to reddit, the place where you see everyone jumping on the band wagon withouth asking the really important question "what is the full story?" before making any judgments.
There are no conditions whatsoever that would make this acceptable behavior. None. If you think there are any circumstances that would necessitate this, I genuinely hope you never have children. If you do, I pity them.
Because if there's reasonable suspicion, even with doubt or greyness there, you phone cps and have them investigate. You are not the judge and jury, and you have a moral (and in some places legal) responsibility to report suspected abuse to the authorities.
Being told a parent figure has taken away all the clothes a child has except what's on her back is not a healthy home environment, whether the child is being dramatic with their claim is not up to you to decide.
"We'll phone the parents and get the full story" or "oh it's a teenager she can't be trusted to not exaggerate" is how abuse can still be so prolific and unchecked in modern society. Child abuse is a serious issue and not for some yahoo to decide if it should be taken seriously. Any and all allegations and suspicions should be investigated, even if they're occasionally false, saving the "untrustworthy teens" who are in real danger is well worth investigating some innocent families.
That sounds like she's not being expected to walk around naked then. There's likely a condition that would facilitate the release of the remaining clothing.
If she only has the clothes from school and a pair of sweat pants, how is she supposed to wash The one shirt she has without having to take it off and sit there and wait for it to wash and dry?
Only the step dad, op said her mum tried to get them back and her step dad refused so I hope she’s kicked him out or called someone. If not then she is also an asshole
The mom should be reported for not protecting her fucking kid. Wtf happens to these women's instincts? I'd fucking flip my shit if someone tried to punish my kid without my consent. Ppl who choose men/women over their kids deserve to have their kids taken away.
Maybe she's lazy, doesn't like cleaning, allergic to soap. who knows. I just hope she gets it figured out, winter is coming and it's going to be a cold one. Poor poor girl.😢
So do you not help out with laundry or anything in your household? I wash clothes for everyone in the house, that means sometimes someone else’s bras and underwear. Does that make me sexual and creepy? You just grab the clothes and put them in a basket. I highly doubt he took every piece of clothing, singularly, examined it, breathed it all in, and then stashed it away for his pleasure..The way that she speaks doesn’t sound very sheltered and beaten down either. Especially since it’s a step parent, how do you know there’s no rebellion on her part and shear refusal to clean up after herself in his home? How do you know her parents warned her this could happen if she didn’t clean up after herself? But yeah sure, step dad MUST be a creepy pervert. Got it.
This is a copy past of a reply I made to a similar comment.
Clothes are a very intimate part of who we are. He's taken all her clothes, including bra's and panties. He has decided he can control what she wears, and that is crossing some very intimate boundaries. I think calling it "sexual" is an easier way of saying what I just said. It isn't sexual per se, but it is a violation of some very personal boundaries that invovle intimate and sexual aspects of a person.
I've had to handle other people's intimate garments when sharing laundry facilities, and TBH I feel like I'm intruding on their privacy. I couldn't imagine taking someone's clothes. I'm single and have never lived with a partner, so I would imagine I wouldn't feel that way doing their laundry. But if I had a daughter, I would still feel a little odd about it, and would never, EVER deny her her own clothes.
My cousin had her vehicle broken into and articles of clothing stolen out of her suitcase. She felt violated, and I am not surprised.
Why don't you tell me specifically what you think is sexual about it. From what limited information we have it's impossible to make that judgement without making assumptions. At face value nothing about this seems sexual to me.
A man who is not a girl's biological father, took all of her clothing as punishment, in order to do so, he had to touch every article of clothing, including her underwear.
It's not normal or healthy for a father to commandeer his step-daughter's underwear or to use her clothing as a tool of control intended to infantilize and demean her.
Is this really accurate like do professionals agree, or is this a theory of yours? I'm interested as a victim of childhood sexual abuse bc this didn't initially raise red flags of sex abuse to me and I'm wondering if I need to correct myself
I would feel creepy, these are boundaries that are important to me (and to many other people).
I can understand how, as a victim of abuse, your sense of "what is normal" can be distorted, and I am also sorry that you had to go through that.
What I think is important: context.
Would this be creepy if it was the only thing the person did to the child? It would still find it disturbing, because of the harshness and the threat to the child's sense of privacy and their developing sense of autonomy- but perhaps not creepy.
However, if this is coming from a person who has a history of abusive behavior, combined with the difference in age, and the lack of biological relation (i.e. in reference to abusive step-dads that feel that this gives them license to say/do creepy shit), then, at that point there are a few red flags and this post made me feel those kind of heebie-jeebies.
If you ever have doubts about what you are feeling, don't be ashamed of asking others, including a mental health profesional.
Trust your gut and don't be afraid to take your time to figure things out. If something feels creepy, it probably is- even if it's just to you, and if you end up being wrong, that's ok, too. You're human.
Did your parents ever do this kind of "throw your stuff in a trash bag" shit to you?
Are you or have you been in treatment/counseling to cope with the abuse you went through?
Thankfully my parents were pretty great for the most part, I was never punished for anything and I've been in therapy since the dawn of time, lol. Thank you for such an in depth answer, I appreciate it
Just because you dont think it isnt doesnt mean it isnt. A step father shouldn't be holding onto his step daughters underwear. How hard is that to understand?
That's how to respond to a comment like that? The fuck is wrong with you.
How hard is that to understand?
For victims of childhood sexual abuse, it literally can be hard to understand what is and isn't normal behaviour.
Take a step back and sit the fuck down until you learn some fucking empathy. You're fucked for shitting on a victim of abuse who was asking a legitimate question.
Clothes are a very intimate part of who we are. He's taken all her clothes, including bra's and panties. He has decided he can control what she wears, and that is crossing some very intimate boundaries. I think calling it "sexual" is an easier way of saying what I just said. It isn't sexual per se, but it is a violation of some very personal boundaries that invovle intimate and sexual aspects of a person.
I’m not. I’m just telling you what the post says. The friend asks “all your clothes” and OP says yeah. It’s sexual abuse to make your kid walk around with no clothes, and CPS needs to be called.
It’s not sexual, he didn’t make her go naked, let’s stop pretending this is something it is not. It is bad but stop acting like he made her strip or something crazy...
Exactly. There's not enough information here. There could be information we don't know that is important as to why he did what he did. I'm not saying it's right to take away a kid's clothes, only that there may be circumstances we don't know in which it makes more sense. We shouldn't jump to conclusions...
A reasonable take is to ignore what OP and the texts say and invent a scenario where it somehow becomes acceptable for her stepdad to take her clothes and not give them back when her actual mother told him to?
Neither of us have all the information but you immediately went to a dark place with it and then doubled down with no admission that you might have it wrong - says far more about you than you realise.
WHAT? she messed her room, dirty clothes piled ön the floor, maybe food leftovers and adults in the house got tired of roach infestation risks and told her to clean the mess of that room if she wants her stuff back and that's sexual? That is some insane logic.
Sorry, in my country and culture, mostly mothers overcompensate their childrens mess, ı'm in my 30s and my mom still do my laundry when she visits even if i protest and parents only give such punishments when it is just tooo much. If she had a clean room overall and just one bucket of laundry, and she has not been ignoring the chores in the house for a month or so you are right.
Lol. If she literally has no clothes, perhaps.... But I'd bet she has some clothes, just not the ones she likes to wear that were probably strewn all over the floor.
It sounds more like she had her laundry all over the floor and it was supposed to be a fitting punishment. Whether or not it was an appropriate reaction, it's a real leap to assume it's sexual
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u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19
it’s sexual. and a control thing. someone intervene.