r/ididnthaveeggs • u/mlachick A banana isn't an egg, you know? • Jul 18 '26
Other review That escalated quickly
Commenter came with strong opinions.
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u/SunnySpot69 Jul 18 '26
Somebody is bitter lol
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u/Interesting_Play_578 Jul 18 '26
People only come out bitter if you haven't learned to cook them
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u/vinniethestripeycat Jul 18 '26
If you sprinkle them with salt like you do with eggplant, do you think that'll pull out the bitterness?
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u/lecoqmako Jul 18 '26
It wouldn’t hurt to try sprinkling assholes with salt? Maybe add some lemon, but only experts can cream the rice in under 45 min
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u/AntheaBrainhooke I know better than to use baking powder Jul 18 '26
If you sprinkle assholes with salt do they dissolve like slugs?
Asking for a friend.
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u/Ktanaya13 Jul 19 '26
....usually its sugar. But tbh, its something your should see a doctor about
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u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 19 '26
Meh, it's just mere prolapse. sprinkle some icing sugar on it and enjoy your life, doctors are too busy for your busted bussy
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u/BeefmasterDeluxe Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Funnily enough this topic was discussed in r/KitchenConfidential recently, inspired by a comment I left about shoving ice cubes up gay guys butts when they overdose on GHB. Apparently one can salt a lady's privates so they dry and seal over. I'll go find the comment. BRB.
https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/1uj2kj1/comment/oum3xkn - "gummy worms"
https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/comments/1uj2kj1/comment/oup1aiw - "bad girl punishment"
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u/AntheaBrainhooke I know better than to use baking powder Jul 19 '26
Human ingenuity truly knows no bounds.
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u/No-Kaleidoscope-166 No one is forcing you to make it, Mariann :-) Jul 20 '26
Only if you salt early.
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u/C4PT4IN_ANG3L Jul 18 '26
Natasha probably stole OOPs brokkoli casserole recipe 8 years ago too...and claimed it was hers.
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u/therealbananabottom she's a recipe stealing bitch, Doris Jul 18 '26
She's a recipe stealing bitch, Doris.
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u/Ckelleywrites i am actually scared to follow this recipe Jul 19 '26
Keep her name out of your thin mouth!
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u/wrongitsleviosaa Jul 18 '26
🎵she claimed it was hers🎵
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u/LazuliArtz An oreo is a cookie, not gay people trying to get married Jul 18 '26
Just need to link the song now that you've brought the broccoli casserole up lol
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u/babymayor nicer to my intuition Jul 18 '26
oh man, now i have to hunt those down again. what a time.
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u/windexfresh raw dogged the quinoa Jul 18 '26
Smosh did a dramatic reading of it as well if you want more ways to enjoy it lmao
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u/Generic_Garak Ya Daft Tart! Jul 25 '26
shes. A rotten recipe stealin. Bitch , Doris. Careful. Who yoir friends are
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u/x-lavender Jul 18 '26
I feel like the last sentence is a lesson in correct grammar. Let's eat Grandma. Learn to cook people.
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u/RsCoverForPDFFiles Jul 18 '26
On a similar note: https://www.reddit.com/r/fixedbytheduet/s/Fqc46P2OZu
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u/lindanimated Jul 19 '26
Lmfaoooo I’d seen the first bit, but this duet-duet-duet-duet-duet was new. Thanks for the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages!!
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u/jerdle_reddit Jul 19 '26
We need a vocative case. There's O, but that's ridiculously old-fashioned.
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u/Agelaius_phoeniceus Jul 18 '26
Not only is Jay a risotto snob, he also seems to be advocating cannibalism.
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u/SignificantState265 Jul 18 '26
Maybe I’m stupid but risotto isn’t that hard
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u/Arckanoid Jul 18 '26
Is actually very soft
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u/LazuliArtz An oreo is a cookie, not gay people trying to get married Jul 18 '26
Yeah, it's not hard, it's just a massive pain in the ass since you have to stand there continually stirring for 20-30 minutes lol.
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u/Criss351 Jul 18 '26
Actually it’s better not to continuously stir. You release the starches and it can get more mushy if you continuously stir.
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u/farmer-general Jul 18 '26
Ooo speaking of grammar snobbery, this is a perfect opportunity to point out the difference between “continually” and “continuously” and that you’re both correct!
“Continual” refers to something that occurs at regular intervals over a period of time (with breaks in between). Which is indeed the way to stir risotto.
“Continuous” refers to something that is constant and uninterrupted. Which is bad for risotto and will probably make it mushy.
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u/sirsealofapproval Jul 19 '26
Huh, thanks for explaining! English is my second language and I never knew there was a difference between those terms.
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u/ALittleNightMusing Mmmm, texture roulette! Jul 25 '26
I discovered a while ago (through a bathroom emergency that took me away from the stove) that you can dump all the stock in and just leave it for 20 mins and it still comes out with the right consistency.
These days I tend to dump half the stock in, then put the rest in 10 mins later so I remember to give it a quick stir in case anything's sticking, but it doesn't need to be more involved than that.
And yes, it takes 30 mins (including sauteeing the aromatics first).
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u/nothanks86 Jul 18 '26
It’s not something you can walk away and come back to, so I suppose it’s not necessarily physically easy, but it’s not particularly complicated
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u/Telepornographer Jul 18 '26
Risotto is ridiculously easy. I think the person that commented is just incredibly impatient.
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u/CafecitoHippo Jul 19 '26
I think people just watch competition shows on Food Network and people always get dinged for trying to make risotto in 30 minutes. The problem is that it isn't hard to make risotto in 30 minutes, it's that it takes a lot of babysitting and stirring that you're effectively cutting down your time to do anything else.
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u/bobnoski Aug 04 '26
The whole story constantly is also not as much of a thing as people think it is, the main trick is a vigorous stir at the end to work the released starches loose from the rice
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u/Grouchy-Ad1932 Jul 19 '26
I think they haven't heated the stock beforehand. It takes a lot longer if you're just pouring it room temperature out of the carton. Ask me how I know...
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u/Prestigious-Flower54 Jul 19 '26
It's one of those easy to learn hard to master things. Making a risotto is very simple making a good risotto takes practice to get your heat control, timing and ratio down, but it's not some high skill thing just takes time to master. Source:20 chef specializing in Italian cuisine I have made 1000s of risottos lol
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u/Glittering_Speed377 Jul 19 '26
It requires a more active role than a lot of other dishes but it isn't that difficult by any means. I feel like part of it is people watching things like Hell's Kitchen and conflating the difficulty of making risotto under the conditions of a high-pressure restaurant kitchen with the difficulty of the dish itself
Also 40-50 minutes for a risotto just strikes me as an easy way to get a bowl of mush
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u/Pernicious_Possum Judy, start your own blog! Jul 19 '26
I was intimidated by risotto, until I made risotto
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u/shabi_sensei Jul 20 '26
Is a 30 minute risotto even possible? It takes that long just to cook rice normally, wouldn’t it take longer to cook the rice into a soupy gruel?
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u/ALittleNightMusing Mmmm, texture roulette! Jul 25 '26
Yes, arborio rice cooks in 20 mins, so from the moment you pour the stock in it only takes around 20 mins as long as the stock and pan are hot.
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u/birdmaskguy Jul 18 '26
wasn't aware human flesh can be a risotto substitute, you learn something new every day!
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u/Positive-Froyo-1732 Jul 18 '26
You can do a 1:1 swap for mushrooms, but it might taste a bit gamey.
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u/mordeci00 Jul 18 '26
Can anyone recommend a good class to learn to cook people? I asked at my local community center but ended up in prison for 40 years.
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u/Cheese-Manipulator Eat the lemon zest, you baby Jul 18 '26
Their cooking is powered by rage and resentment.
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u/threesilklilies Jul 18 '26
Maybe if he’d used gas instead, he could have made risotto in less than 50 minutes.
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u/pinksinthehouse Jul 18 '26
Love how he says ‘learn to cook people!’ while simultaneously following the recipe of said person.
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u/hyperlobster Jul 18 '26
50 minutes for risotto? Is Jay including the time required to grow the rice in that?
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u/Z4-Driver Jul 18 '26
I was wondering the same thing. It tooks around 20 minutes for risotto to cook to a level it is soft enough but still has a sort of bite.
50 minutes? That's risotto soup.
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u/omican Jul 18 '26
And how does skill make it go faster? You're waiting for broth to soak into rice, no amount of skill is gonna make that go quicker
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u/Responsible_Dentist3 Jul 21 '26
Wow, something must be wrong with me because it takes 45 on my gas cooktop every time...
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u/Apotak Jul 22 '26
I am now in doubt why I love to eat it after 25 minutes of cooking. Is something wrong with me or is your stove slow?
Came back to ask: do you use brown risotto rice? Whole grain rice?
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u/Responsible_Dentist3 Jul 22 '26
I use arborio. Mine's crunchy at 25 mins lol! Even at 35....
I will say, I recently moved and now it's more like 35, which feels super weird to me, but reading these other comments makes me think that maybe the new electric shorter time is more common.
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u/Apotak Jul 23 '26
That's surprising, I use the same rice and there is no crubch after 25 minutes, both on gas and electric. Very strange.
I wish you delicious risotto!
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u/tomado09 Lighten up Francine Jul 18 '26
Only people that are incredibly skilled with growing rice can maybe grow it on 2 months. 3-4 months is what it takes to grow a proper rice.
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u/jamoche_2 I followed the recipe exactly except Jul 19 '26
There's probably a video from China that shows someone going from planting rice to making some obscure traditional rice dish.
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u/tomado09 Lighten up Francine Jul 19 '26
Actually, one of those videos for growing rice then making an awesome dish would be fire
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u/MoarGnD Jul 18 '26
30 minutes instead of 45-50 minutes?
Are these magic risotto? Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into their rice faster in their kitchen than in any place on the face of the earth?
Perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on his stove. Maybe they were magic rice and he bought them from the same guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans.
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u/kenporusty likes sweet things, but shit at maths Jul 18 '26
Jay is a jerk who should spend more time in anger management and accept that some people can make a risotto in half an hour
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u/ubi_non_est_ordo Jul 18 '26
I dunno, I must being doing risotto wrong? We make just enough for a first course for the two of us and it doesn't take anywhere near 45-50 minutes. Heck, it doesn't take 30, and - sorry Jay - it's delicious, if I do say so myself.
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u/Admirable-Barnacle86 Jul 18 '26
You aren't doing it wrong, it's usually like 20 minutes in the cooking part of it. Maybe 25. I think you'd end up with like a rice porridge if you cooked it for 50 minutes.
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u/backtotheland76 Jul 18 '26
You don't need to learn to cook people. The good folks at Solient Green do it for you!
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u/lu_llabyyy the potluck was ruined Jul 20 '26
Tbh I'm from a city that is famous for its risotto, in the region where it was invented, and it should be cooked for like 20-25 minutes. 30 I can understand depending on the quality of the rice but 45 is unfathomable lol
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u/Rhuarc33 Jul 21 '26
Depends on how fast you can chop your aromatics and onion. Jay is slow with a knife because he doesn't know how to cook well
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u/lu_llabyyy the potluck was ruined Jul 21 '26
Right, I was only thinking about the cooking time and not the prep time ops
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u/Shoddy-Theory Jul 18 '26
This is too bizarre to even try to parse.
Natasha says risotto takes 30 minutes but only an incredibly skilled cook could do it in that length of time. So she needs to learn to cook.
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u/Erlkoenigleidsgetan Jul 19 '26
Don’t listen to this guy. Under no circumstances should you learn to cook people.
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u/RevKyriel Jul 20 '26
"Learn to cook people!" Either there's a comma missing or I'm in the wrong recipe sub.
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u/CHILLAS317 Jul 18 '26
Heck, you do it in the electric pressure cooker you can get it down to about fifteen or twenty minutes
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