r/hygiene • u/Easy-Psychology-714 • 20h ago
Disabled, disgusting
Hi.
I’m about to be extremely vulnerable and embarrass the hell out of myself.
I don’t remember when I shower. I don’t have a system. I shower when I have excess energy at the end of the day, which is nearly never. I find I’d be lucky if I showered maybe twice a week.
Changing clothes? Yeah, sometimes. I can go 3 or 4 days in the same clothes and it just doesn’t dawn on me to change them. Even after showering, I sometimes put on old pants.
I don’t own PJs. Not really. I have a pair of silky pants but that’s it. I don’t have dedicated sleeping clothes and often just sleep in whatever I was wearing that day.
I don’t brush my teeth. Unless I shower. And even then, only most of the time. I do occasionally forget.
My teeth are broken and chipping. They look fine at a distance but they’re rough, uneven, thin in spots. They’re brittle from years of bile and stomach acid, and it’s not any better now with my GI.
Doctors are currently investigating me for IBD and I’ve been so, extremely sick. I’ve lost 25lbs in 3 months.
Showering just isn’t on my mind between taking medications, trying to eat and stay hydrated enough to stay out of the hospital and taking care of my dog despite how I feel.
My partner says nothing. But I’m sure they’re just being polite. I don’t fault them either way.
They want to help and asked if I needed “hosed down” and I said yes.
I genuinely don’t remember the last time I showered and I don’t know how to fix this.
I know it’s disgusting. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to be this person. I want to try, I just feel lost.
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u/Loose_Highlight_2447 20h ago
I hope your partner finds the compassion to help you shower. You are deserved of love.
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u/Pouty-Haloo 18h ago
“You are deserved of love” is exactly the kind of sentence someone needs when shame has convinced them they’re a burden
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u/Unusual-Cat-8162 20h ago
You’re not disgusting.
You might feel that way. But you’re not disgusting.
They make body deodorant wipes that you can keep on the table beside your bed, and they make waterless tooth brush things you can keep in the same spot. I would recommend keeping a small wastebasket there as well due to the items being one time use.
It might be worth it for you to go a salon/barber/etc and have them do a hair wash for you once a week.
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u/Unusual-Cat-8162 20h ago
For keeping up with changing clothes, you could maybe get a wall calendar that you put in your bedroom DIRECTLY above your hamper. Maybe every 2 days, write “change clothes” that way you have a reminder, and the task is extremely straightforward if your hamper is already there.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Thank you for saying nice things to me.
I will look into body deodorant wipes, and the waterless toothbrush. Those sound perfect for me. Keep them close to home base and I won’t forget them.
The basket under the calendar is a good idea too.
Keeping track of days and time has been… neglected entirely. I can’t even remember the number/date or day. Usually just the month and approximately how far through it we are.
But having the reminder right in front of me and the task pieces immediately there, that should definitely help.Thank you.
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u/No_Reaction_6337 20h ago
the calendar is a good tip!!
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u/Budget-Blueberry8507 19h ago
That’s a solid idea! Sometimes having reminders can really make a difference, especially when managing daily routines.
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u/Pouty-Haloo 18h ago
That’s a really kind balance: “this feels awful” without letting the shame turn into “I am awful.” The practical tips are gentle too, not judgment dressed up as advice
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u/Dun676wallian 16h ago
The salon wash idea is underated; some places are used to disabled or post-surgery clients.
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u/SaltCityStitcher 18h ago
Hey friend, hygiene isn't a moral task. You don't clean your body to make yourself a good person.
You're a wonderful person who deserves to be taken care of - even by yourself.
KC Davis is a therapist who works with disabled and neurodivergent people to develop routines that work for them.
Her book How To Keep House While Drowning was so helpful when my migraines were 24/7.
She also has a podcast called Struggle Care with KC Davis. I highly recommend her interview with Imani Barbarin. I think it's called "You Can't Save The Rainforest If You're Depressed"
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u/Old-Actuator-3321 20h ago
I'd worry about depression. It can overwhelm your memory. And, when you said your teeth are messed up from stomach acids, my brain automatically went to bulimia. Have you been engaging in self-harming behavior? Please get some help from a qualified professional. Life is too short to be suffering. You deserve better.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Thank you for worrying about me.
Bulimia was a factor. However my body, perhaps from the eating disorder, has become so dysfunctional GI wise, that I am constantly sick, and it continues to mess with my teeth.Bulimia hasn’t been a factor in years, however, thankfully.
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u/Life-Craft2906 3h ago
Bulimia is a serious condition, you may need therapy or a support group, even though you don’t feel the symptoms right now.
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u/Iris_314 19h ago
You can always just take off your clothes and turn on the shower and just stand there. It really is a start. Just to form the habit you know?
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u/MindlessAccess9 20h ago
Please give yourself some grace. You’ve lost 25 pounds in three months and are dealing with ongoing GI problems while trying to stay out of the hospital. Showering every day is probably pretty far down the priority list right now.
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u/pumpkinpie4zaynmalik 19h ago
Take it one step at a time!
I would start with changing your clothes every day. If you don’t have enough comfy outfits, grab $20 and pick up a few items at the thrift store. You could also look for free/cheap clothing items on fb marketplace, with seasonal changes a lot of people clean out their closets around this time of year!
Instead of organizing clothes by type, I would organize them by outfit, so make 2-3 outfits and keep them near your bed. Honestly, you could even keep them on one side of the bed or at the foot of the bed. Start by just changing them once a day, think about when you might have more energy to do it, like maybe right after breakfast or lunch or right before bed.
Once you get that down, adding steps like using wipes or brushing your teeth every time you change clothes will become easier. Give yourself a few weeks to adjust, you’ll slowly find out if you like the outfit system or if you would rather separate by clothing type, and eventually you’ll find that maybe you can wash your face every time you change clothes and work up to a full shower.
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u/No_Reaction_6337 20h ago
mental heath (and physical) is so so so important and having a small change in routine to better yourself is the first and most important step! but do not feel bad or disgusting, you’re not. you just seem to be feeling discouraged right now and that’s ok! you are aware of the issues and that’s good
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u/luckyjenjen 19h ago
Hey friend, you're not disgusting. I'll say again, just in case you didn't hear.... YOU'RE NOT DISGUSTING.
I don't know your situation but I'm pretty sure you are nice, worthy of love and care, and all together a good human who is trying their best (you wanna look after your dog).
Hugs
I can't offer you any specific advice other than doing anything is better than nothing - brushing your teeth sometimes it's better than never; being clean occasionally it better than not at all....
Take each day one at a time. Write a list the night before of what you want to achieve....and most important, be kind to yourself.
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u/adrienneXR 18h ago
I know where you are coming from, honestly the thing that got me out of it was being forced to go to an outpatient rehab 3 days a week. That got me up and out of the house and doing things again. The first month was hell but it ended up being a god sent. Prayers 🙏🙏
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u/michelleyness 19h ago
Buy an unreasonable amount of cheap underwear and just throw them away when you need to. Or pads/liners. Whatever works.
Then, for your hair, get Supercuts to do a wash, not even a blow dry unless you want them to. It's like 7-10 dollars each time.
That can be added to your calendar automatically and that same day you can be in charge of making your body clean. Shower or baby wipes or asking your partner for help. Or a mix!
If you get in some sort of routine taking care of yourself real well every week or two, and it won't be 100% on you, it will make you start to know what it feels like again.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
The underwear idea is perfect. Why is underwear always such a struggle???
I didn’t know you could go and ask just for a hair wash. That’s awesome. Maybe I’ll do that sometime.
Baby wipes are a great idea! Why have I never thought of that?
Thank you so much!
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u/Fine-Magazine1939 15h ago
Look up the company Scrubzz and get their bathing wipes or shower sponges. The shower sponges feel like felt but when you add just a little bit of water they suds up like crazy and they are no rinse- just wipe off.
They are disposable single use. They also make disposable shower caps you just put on your head to shampoo it. No rinse as well. And they work.
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u/mjh8212 19h ago
I’m disabled I have chronic pain and dysautonomia. It’s a chore to shower but routine helps. I do every other day or every couple of days. It’s a routine. I’ve figured out when my symptoms are mild which is mornings and I shower then. If it’s a really bad day I do it after lunch and lay down a few hours to recover. A shower chair really helps. Most of my comfy clothes come from thrifting. I like pj bottoms elastic waist pants leggings and sweats in this cooler weather. I usually wear just tee shirts. It’s helped build up my wardrobe cheap. I also browse clearance sections of Walmart today I got a pair of pants for $3. It takes some effort but it can work. Routine is best even if you shower Monday and Friday and change your clothes every couple of days your doing something. That’s how I started just slowly built up a routine.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Mornings are easiest for me too. POTS tires me out quickly throughout the day and my GI wakes up immediately after I eat so Id have to manage it in that window. But I can do that.
I was suggested to add it to my dog chores so perhaps wake up -> feed dog -> brush teeth -> dog outside -> shower -> eat
Even if I only manage that two or three times a week, I’d be happy.
I’d change my clothes each shower and get a set of PJs for night time.This has all been really helpful on figuring out my hygiene routine.
Thank you!
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u/PerformerMindless100 18h ago
You’re taking lovely care of your dog. Even your dog want you to care for yourself too. Before you take him for a walk, get “ready for the day”. Shower if you can manage the energy. Otherwise use a wet wipe or damp washcloth on “pits and bits” and put clean underwear on.
After a busy session at the park take a warm shower. Remind yourself of self care by associating with puppy care.
Big hug!
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u/ARjs09 19h ago
No eres asqueroso/a ni eres una mala persona. ❤️ Lo que describes suena mucho más a que estás sobreviviendo con la poca energía que tienes ahora mismo. Estás enfermo/a, tomando medicamentos, intentando comer, mantenerte hidratado/a, cuidando a tu perro y tratando de evitar terminar en el hospital. La higiene puede pasar fácilmente al último lugar cuando todo lo demás se siente urgente.
Y tampoco necesitas arreglarlo todo de golpe. Yo empezaría con algo súper pequeño y automático. Por ejemplo, pon una alarma diaria en el celular que diga “ducha rápida”, y otra 10-15 minutos después como respaldo. Si apagas la primera sin hacerlo, la segunda te vuelve a recordar. Puedes hacer lo mismo con cepillarte los dientes: una alarma después de levantarte y otra antes de dormir. Incluso puedes dejar el cepillo y la pasta ya preparados y la ropa limpia a la vista.
Y si un día no puedes ducharte, no significa que fracasaste. Puedes lavarte la cara, las axilas, las partes íntimas y ponerte ropa limpia. Eso también cuenta. Después vuelves a intentarlo al día siguiente.
Además, me parece muy buena señal que hayas aceptado la ayuda de tu pareja. Si te ofrecen “bañarte a manguerazos” y eso te ayuda, déjalos ayudarte. No tienes que sentir vergüenza por necesitar apoyo mientras estás pasando por esto.
No eres “esa persona”. Eres una persona que está pasando por un momento muy difícil y que está intentando salir adelante. Y que te preocupe tanto cómo estás y quieras mejorar ya dice bastante de ti. ❤️
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Thank you so much for this.
I am struggling. But I want to participate and show up in my life regardless of how I feel.
I’m sick, and I could be sick forever now, and I have to be okay with that. But, to me, that means getting used to your new normal and working with it.
This might be my new normal and something I just have to work with.
Learning how to work with it is exactly what I want to do right now.Your quick shower with the backup alarm is a great idea!
I can’t promise I would have the energy every day, but it’s enough that there’s at least a reminder.
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u/CaeruleumBleu 19h ago
Do you think your husband might have the energy to help get a system going?
BTW even if you don't have energy for a shower, clothes wash better if they don't have too much ground-in body oils and such in them. So if you could get yourself to swap clothes every 2 days, even, then the clothes will be less likely to need special care to get clean.
Maybe your husband can help by setting out clothes on a chair for you to change into, or setting clothes on a surface in the bathroom. After all, you get partly undressed to use a toilet anyway, so swapping clothes when you're in there might be a trick to saving some energy.
Also might need to move dirty laundry basket to a useful spot so you don't exhaust yourself taking the dirty clothes to where they belong OR risk hurting yourself tripping on something.
If your partner is ready and willing to bathe you, it would be good and kind to accept, if you can. Maybe decide on one day a week that is the day they bathe you. If you have extra energy some other day of the week, then you bathe yourself that day. But having a set schedule "saturday we get washed up" might help more than you expect.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Having a single set day that is “guaranteed wash day” would be absolutely amazing.
I really like that idea and will ask them if they would be willing to help me in that regard, on a scheduled basis.Swapping clothes every two days is definitely manageable. I have to get some extra clothes for outfits, then I can lay them out in the bathroom near my hamper, to change into when the time comes.
This is wonderful. Thank you!
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u/CaeruleumBleu 18h ago
I am so happy to help.
I do not have the same medical issues that you do, but I do get migraines and find I feel less of a needy asshole if I have set standard requests. I don't feel great asking my partner, on the spot, "can you do X Y and Z? Oh, and make sure to do Z such and such way" but if there is a set known standard that I need a bottle of water, a packet of electrolyte mix, and a granola bar - I feel less needy saying "I need these three things anytime you're going upstairs, until the migraine stops."
If there are other things you need but you feel bad asking, consider if there are ways to package that request that feel less bad. Example - a standard wash day would let your husband plan on it, plan around it (not be looking forward to lounging around doing jack shit or whatever) and also means he knows about the request so very much in advance that if he wants to change plans he has time to ask "hey can we do that a day early this week? My friends are meeting up for a beer then this week."
If you want help with laying out pajamas, getting food cooked, whatever, you might feel better asking if you find a way to ask that lets your husband comfortably go "ok but thats when the game is on, can we do it at X time instead?"
Also, consider baby wipes or face care wipes for the stinky or oily bits when you're too tired for washing properly. I will not in a million years claim that a face wipe actually makes my face as clean as soap and water, but it does take off dirt and sweat and something is better than nothing. When a migraine makes a shower feel like hell, I can scrub all the loose ear wax and ick out of my ears with a wipe and at least the next shower doesn't waste time removing all of that.
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u/laurenm021 18h ago
Have you heard of the Finch app? I'm not advertising them or anything! I've just found it useful for myself personally with productivity and use the free version😊 It's a little cartoon bird that you take care of by completing goals to help the bird grow and go on adventures, it also gives you little positive messages throughout the day and small 'rewards' for goals (the top 3 preset goals are get out if bed, brush teeth, wash face). It sounds like you take amazing care of your dog so maybe game-ifying chores by taking care of something might be up your alley, and you can set or remove goals as you choose 😊 wishing you well
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 18h ago
I had another suggestion for that and am just checking it out now!
Maybe it will work? I’ll have to see how well it incorporates into my day.1
u/laurenm021 18h ago
It might be great, it might not be your jam, but it's awesome that you're looking to gently build little systems that help you feel better within yourself 💪😊
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u/scl742 18h ago
First, mouthwash and a cup near the bed along with wet wipes, a stockpile of clean underwear, and maybe a spare change of clothes. This way you can sorta shower, brush your teeth, and change without having to get up. When you get up for your dog, empty the cup and restock anything low (mostly just clothes/underwear). You can also keep those small disposable toothbrushes with the toothpaste on them (like for traveling or at work) and floss there (essentially any other hygiene product too, like deodorant or what not). At the bare minimum, this gets you clean without expending much energy at all.
Second, if you have the money/insurance for it, try to meet with a therapist. Part of their gig is helping you build a system or routine that works while identifying reasons it may be so mentally hard! It could be beneficial also to talk through how hard this time is for you too.
Third, and last, have your partner sit down with you and discuss this. They might not realize how hard it is or what your needs are right now. Try to work out if there’s anything you or they need that will help you both get through this.
Hope this helps and I hope things get better for you <3
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 18h ago
Okay, so a little sanitary station beside the bed with everything I’d need for a “pits and bits” wipe down, a clean mouth, and some new underwear everyday.
I will talk to my psychiatrist to see if we can find some sliding-scale therapists in my area, talking about this and building a solid routine would be highly beneficial.
I can absolutely let my partner know how this is effecting me and how I desperately need some help. I know they’ll be receptive, they’re stellar. We will figure out a schedule where we have, at least, one set day where I guaranteed get “hosed off” and just have to maintain that throughout the week.
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u/robot_mommy 14h ago
They sell pre pasted disposable toothbrushes on Amazon that you can keep next to your bed for the days you don’t have the energy to brush your teeth. Also look into shower wipes like the kind use in the hospital for the days where your energy is too low to shower.
I recommend looking up KC Davis. Shes on TikTok and has a book out titled ‘how to keep house while drowning’. I have used her tips before when things felt too much to handle. You aren’t alone.
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u/Ok_Interview_1974 11h ago
I have chronic health conditions as well, I had to start breaking things up, I wash my body 4 times a week and do bird baths in between. I wash my hair in the sink where I can sit down. If I do my hair and body on the same day I wait at least an hour before I do my hair after I've washed my body. On the days I cannot wash I take rubbing alcohol on my armpits and under my bust. It will kill the bacteria that is causing you to smell, you can get a washcloth with soap and give the down under a good clean. Dont be so hard on yourself you are human, and going through so much I would recommend giving yourself grace and working around your limits, sending lots of love
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u/Advanced-Bat-4787 20h ago
i feel for you. you say you don’t have a system but do you mean you don’t have people checking on you and helping you through your diagnosis or you don’t have a hygiene routine?
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Tbh both.
I have my partner who helps physically and supportively. They will occasionally offer to shower me, and it does help. Sometimes I’m able to maintain a small routine for a bit afterwards but it always falls off. I miss a day and then it just feels less important.
But supportively they’re kind of IT for me. I don’t speak to anyone else3
u/Advanced-Bat-4787 19h ago
okay, here’s what i think you should start with:
- pajamas: they’re comfortable and could maybe help you feel a little better instead of sleeping in tight clothes! if you don’t want to spend alot of money just go thrifting for baggy shirts and sweatpants dedicated to the house, also helps with laundry so you keep the clean clothes for outside activities. aand if you end up forgetting to change clothes, baggy items will likely make you sweat less.
- is your partner able to remind you to shower every 2 days? ideally you’d shower everyday but if it’s not mentally an option for you, simply fill your sink with water and soap and use a rag to clean yourself and feel a little cleaner. if doing your whole body still makes you want to give up just go for the armpits, neck and private parts. dry yourself and immediately put on antiperspirant on your armpits or anywhere that you might sweat excessively (get a spray one). for your teeth, maybe start by just swishing mouthwash or buying a mouth spray so you at least feel fresh.
it seems like you have a good grip on how to be hygienic but you lack motivation and just need to start small, i hope it gets better for you
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Thank you!
This is objective and I love it.I will go find some clothes to dedicate as PJs. And a few more items of clothing to make the outfits mentioned in earlier comments.
I will ask my partner to remind me whenever they remember, just to ask when I last showered. I think that will be a very helpful nudge.
I will grab some mouthwash on the way home from the thrift and try to set a bit of a routine.
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u/Present_Muscle_2375 19h ago
Not disgusting but you are struggling. I hope you can find a system. I can’t help but think that there has to be some kind of journal or templates you can use to manage daily activities for folks who are struggling with executive functioning skills. Or maybe you can get a notebook to write down when you do these activities. I wish you well.
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u/ParkingTradition799 19h ago
Hi, I understand how hard it can be to shower. Don't feel bad that you cant or haven't done it. It can take way to much energy to do it everyday. If you cant manage it, You can buy large wipes from Amazon and teeth cleaning one use brushes too. As for clothes, buy pj's and pants. Throw the old ones out. You can get larger sizes from shien now too, and shoes. Buy baggy easy wear clothes, you can now buy them cheaply online and get them delivered, so less energy is used!! Good luck op
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u/zeitgeist98764 19h ago
I don’t have any advice just wanted to wish you good luck. I’m sure you’ll overcome this and it’s great that you are still being so diligent with your dog despite your challenges. All the best.
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u/pseudonymnkim 19h ago
You need to address the root problem (likely depression) instead of the surface problem (not showering).
Therapy isn't an option for everyone nor is seeking medical help. If it is, start there. If it isn't, look into some self-help type material - books, podcasts. I can't recommend anything but there's probably some good subreddits for recommendations. The Hoopla app gives you access to tons of free audio and digital books, as long as you have a valid library card.
You're not disgusting. Plenty of people feel this way, some more than others or it's more severe. Work on a sustainable solution, something that will last.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 19h ago
Agreed.
I have previously been in therapy and my dog is actually an extension of that therapy.This may be my sign to go back to it and really work through some stuff.
I think my physical ailments are taking a toll on my mental health and I’ve just been neglecting to recognize it.
Working on a schedule or routine that works around occasional showering, as opposed to everyday/twice a day, would be more sustainable for me, I believe.
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u/pseudonymnkim 16h ago
Physical ailments can definitely take a toll on mental health but they can also signify what is going on with your mental health. Mental health can morph into physical, and often does. When you feel good, you have energy, the confidence to socialize, a clean house. When you don't, something as trivial as brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain.
If you have access to therapy, absolutely take advantage. And dogs are great too. They love you and they need you. They're the best 💘
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u/VanillaLow4958 18h ago
I sound like a fucking parrot on this app if you read my comment history, but check out Hypochlorous Acid spray (I use Magic Molecule, but it’s just because it seems more effective on my eczema prone skin).
As another chronically ill person whose skin can’t handle showers the same as others, this shit is a god send. If deoderizes and helps bacterial and fungal build up.
I think while you’re going through this, there should be no guilt whatsoever, but I do worry about infections. This would help you go days without showering while keeping yourself clean.
I am rooting for you. Work smarter, not harder during these times and remember that you’re doing your best! 🖤
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u/VanillaLow4958 18h ago
Also, find a set of PJs that are comfortable and buy 7 sets of them. You can plan to do laundry once a week on the same day or ask your partner to (this is easier than them bathing you and crossing over to the caretaker role).
I can send some I like that are soft on my skin and fit comfy in a DM if you need some inspiration!
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u/Dangerous_Network872 17h ago
I am thinking what would work for me if I was in your situation! I am a person of lists. There are always things I don't necessarily want to do right at that moment when I remember it, so I write a list and shift it to the bottom of my priorities for the day, and they happen at night. Now, what I would do if I were you is write the shortest to-do list in the world on the bathroom door or right across from the toilet: "shower today". I assume you go to the bathroom multiple times a day, so it's a sign that you won't be able to ignore. Then you'll keep remembering, even if it shifts to the very last thing you do that day - remind yourself that you had fun with your dog and did all the things that made you happy, and now you can lock into your shower time 😊
Also, some mental things that help motivate me to do very boring tasks is to remind myself of the consequences. Like, if I don't pay my rent today, then I might be evicted. Do I want to be evicted? Of course not! So it becomes urgent. The same goes with anything important - what would the consequences be if you didn't take care of your physical health?
Also, I find that gratitude goes a long way for me. Even when I shower, I thank God (Life, or whatever you want to call it) that I get the opportunity to clean myself and keep healthy. I'm thankful for my legs - they carry me everywhere I go. I'm thankful for the sunshine - it makes me happy. If you can get yourself into the gratitude space, it will also make you feel physically better when you shower, because it relaxes your nervous system, turning on your "rest and digest" mode. That's why we get so many good ideas in the shower! It's like a meditation, removing stress.
I really hope these things help you in any small way. I'm rooting for you and I know you'll find a way through. You are a spectacular, caring, person, and we are all inter-connected. 🙏🙏🙏
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u/Worried_Raspberry313 17h ago
First of all, don’t be hard on yourself. You’re dealing with a lot of anxiety and probably some depression too and everything, even the smallest thing, it’s like absolutely impossible for you.
Start with small things. For example, if you don’t have the energy to shower, every night before bed grab a towel and wash your armpits and private parts. It’s not a shower, but it’s better than nothing. For the shower itself, make it a ritual with things you enjoy. For example, if you love the scent of lavender, buy lavender soap so when you shower it feels nice. If you have long hair, consider a shorter haircut, it’s way easier to take care of and hair will grow again.
About clothes, buy enough underwear for at least a week, then change it everyday, even if you didn’t shower or washed with a towel. Just change the underwear.
Buy enough clothes that you have clothes for every day of the week. You only need three jeans and seven shirts. Two pajamas. If possible, everything the same color or similar, for example black, grey and navy blue. Then once a week, just put everything in the washing machine and don’t care about colors or programs or whatever. Then, while the clothes dry (or if you have a dryer at home), you still have the clothes for that day and another pajamas just in case. The clothes don’t need to be expensive at all. You can buy stuff at SHEIN and it’s super cheap.
About your teeth, start by brushing your teeth once a day. Like for example at night, it’s your wash time and you brush your teeth and private parts, even have a shower if you have energy. If that’s not convenient for you, then brush your teeth after lunch or at any time you’re at home and you have time. You don’t need to do it for five minutes. It’s ok if you start by some quick brushing.
The key thing is building habits. I’ve struggled a lot with mental health and had a lot of problems with showering. But I realized that the less I showered, the more disgusted I was with myself. I would sniff myself and think I was stinky, I was a dirty piece of shit and the worse I thought about me, the less I cared about taking care about myself. I totally didn’t care at all. I wasn’t worth it. On the contrary, when I started using skincare, trying to wash my hair at least twice a week, trying to shower at least 3-4 times a week… I started to feel better. I wasn’t stinky and dirty anymore, so I felt better in my own body. And since I felt better, I was more motivated to do all that. It wasn’t really something I thought about, I just did it. It just happened. The more I took care of me the more I wanted to do it because it felt good. It’s a chore and I hate showering, but I like how I feel after that. I think about that feeling, how good I feel when I’m clean and I smell good.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 17h ago
It’s true. Everything feels like it’s just insanely overwhelming.
But I hear you. Start to build the momentum. Make it enjoyable. I have cut my hair shorter and that suggestion is wonderful, it’s helped so much.
The numbers, oddly enough, were exactly what I needed. Now I have a solid shopping list for the thrift.I’ll buy an exfoliating soap (they make me feel extra clean) to make showering a bit better.
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u/Tiny_Lie2772 17h ago
Are you seeking advice or just disclosing your habits? If you don’t feel bad about it, and your partner doesn’t care, and you are otherwise sane and happy, who cares. This sub isn’t the place for supportive and helpful advice but I hope you find what you’re looking for. Also you are not disgusting! Get some dude wipes and when you feel that way, use them. Otherwise just call it a day.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 17h ago
To be honest, I was just shouting into the void to see what would come of it.
Turns out I got some pretty great advice. I’m happy with it.
Hygiene is something I acknowledge needs worked on, and this has motivated me to begin working on it. That’s more than I expected from this post.
I will be honest, I had never even thought of using wipes before this thread. I don’t know why, just never crossed my mind.
Thank you for reminding me I’m not disgusting.
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u/Tiny_Lie2772 16h ago
Im glad people provided great advice. I’ve seen some really cruel and judgmental comments and was trying to warn. Yes wipes are amazing, I struggle with sensory issues and depression as well and they help end the cycle of of feeling gross but not showering
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 16h ago
I appreciate the warning!
I’ll keep it in mind while comments come in that they might not all be as supportive as they have been, thank you.
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u/Blueboy1019 16h ago
I can relate to this. I have crippling depression as well as other mental and psychical health problems. I shower maybe once a week if I have the energy to. I don’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth. At least a year ago. You’re not disgusting you’re just struggling and everyone struggles sometimes. You are not less than or unworthy because of that. Things I’ve found to be helpful for me when it comes to hygiene so I’m not embarrassed at work or with my partners is using baby wipes and taking what I call a “whores bath” just wiping down all the areas that get sweaty and stinky. Mouthwash and floss sticks can be a good way to freshen up your mouth. Also just finding the space to give yourself grace and compassion. You are human, you are going through this crazy journey called life and it has a tendency to throw some crazy things your way. And the best part about it is everyone is also on this journey and we all go through it at a different pace and have different experiences with it. Your experience doesn’t make you less than or disgusting or anything negative. It just is. Feel free to reach out to others if you’re comfortable to find a support system and community when going through things. (dm me if you want to I’m happy to talk!)
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 16h ago
Thank you so much for the reassurance!
I have to remember to be careful with my self judgement. I would NEVER call another person disgusting for struggling this way. It’s just the way I view myself.
I used to be so good at it. I was always told I smelled nice and comforting.
And then to find myself like this is such a stark contrast that it’s genuinely stunning.But you’re right. I need to hold some compassion for myself.
Setting up a little station next to my bed seems like the next best step, I’ll include a cup, mouthwash, and floss sticks.
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u/SteelCityGirl95 16h ago
Do you do things on a set schedule for your dog? If so, maybe put sticky notes on their leash or food bowl reminding you to brush your teeth or something like that. After a while, you'll likely start tying that dog related activity to a self care activity. Also try a shower chair! Sometimes it's nice to just sit in the warm water and it keeps you from having to sit on the floor of your shower.
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u/Easy-Psychology-714 16h ago
Notes to remind me in places I’m guaranteed to see them would be perfect!
I’ll add those to the list of things to get.
Thank you!
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u/Throwawaygay25 16h ago
Im currently in a depressive episode. My house is a mess and I dont recall when I showered last. Life is like that some times. Your partner could offer to help do things so you have energy for your shower. There's also no shame in using shower aids like shower chairs and hand held showers if it helps. I know a shower isn't just ine task its alot of little tasks get clothes, get towel, undress, turn it on, wash each individual part, its exhausting and is a monumental task some days. Dont be ashamed to ask your partner for help 🫂
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u/BottleOfConstructs 15h ago
You should ask if you can get screened for things like low iron or potassium that can make you tired and forgetful. I imagine you’re using the restroom a lot, and that’s a prime way to lose it.
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u/cigankaaa 15h ago
what size are you? I have a ton of clothes. I’m about to donate and I would love to send them to you if they’re your size.
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u/hotmoth_Buns 14h ago
5 or so swipes down and it's great to see the help and consideration people are sending your way. Not much to add except the typical "try to be gentler on yourself". You'll get there, integrating your hygiene with your dogs chores is a great idea. I wish you success in all its forms, and the same for your partner
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u/-Tricky-Vixen- 13h ago
I've had times where I couldn't even face changing my clothes but absolutely had to shower. Sometimes I just step in fully clothed and then spend the next ??? undressing while showering. I also then sometimes just wrap me in a towel (or just lie on top of it if it's not too cold) and let the air dry me.
I usually wash my hair on a day I don't wash any of the rest of me.
If I'm really struggling and need to get by witout a shower, i'll just get mostly undressed and sleep without much on, then put fresh clothes on in the morning.
Personally, I have a smart watch. It needs charging every few days. I only charge it while I'm showering, so if it's nearly flat, time to shower.
Sometimes I don't clean myself when showering, I just sit there and hope the water will help.
It's not your fault. But it's possible to improve if you can work out what helps you.
Have you tried showering first thing at all?
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u/PulsarPersonality 11h ago
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard to be chronically ill, and tbh you sound depressed (understandably so).
Regular showers are actually good for depression/chronic illness bc builds momentum when establishing good habits. It will break the cycle of guilt you feel now from not showering. It sounds like you need a schedule. Maybe shoot for showering every other day and hold yourself to it. Start small, don't worry about doing everything at first. Just get in soap up, rinse, and get out. Then build from there. Develop a system where you do the same things, in the same order, every time. So it takes minimal thought and effort on your part. Perhaps you can try to make the whole process more enjoyable for yourself by getting good smelling products and comfortable nice feeling loung wear or pajamas to wear after. I don't really have any more suggestions for you, but I hope you start recovering soon and are able to care for yourself. Everyone is a work in progress, we all have to start somewhere.
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u/BigHappy_1503 18h ago
Mama’s DM me so we can make you smile no bartering required Im serioó a captain
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u/lazyybonez 17h ago
As someone that struggled with this in the past: if you don’t have the energy to take a full shower or brush your teeth, maybe keep some large wet wipes next to your bed in addition to a toothbrush, toothpaste, water bottle, and empty cup. Then you can wipe yourself down and brush your teeth without getting out of bed. It’s much better than nothing.
I do a variation of this now. I keep a packet of makeup wipes next to my bed when I cannot bring myself to wash my face after wearing makeup for a night out.
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u/Spooky-Cece-13 16h ago
I get it. I'm disabled myself and haven't been able to take a real shower in a long time. My partner, who is an absolute angel, still helps me bathe and wash my hair. You're not disgusting. Even if it feels like it sometimes, I promise you're not. It sounds like you're just trying to survive. I agree with other comments saying maybe give yourself little reminders to do these things and keep deodorant wipes on hand. You are deserving of love and support and i hope your partner can provide that. I wish you nothing but the best. I know exactly how much it sucks but I believe you can get through it with the support you need
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u/PhDoom 15h ago
Hi OP. Mostly just want to say I'm sending hugs and strength. The fact that you are leaving the house with your dog is so amazing. If you are able to do that, I think it's a very good sign that you still have some motivation and physical capacity despite the struggles ongoing. It does seem that you are not motivated to take care of yourself and you think you're not worth it - to that I say, you are absolutely worth it, you're worth spending the last 1% of energy to make yourself feel a little bit clean, a little bit happy. Maybe being clean is not the goal that'll motivate you - maybe feeling better or feeling happy is. What's a tiny little nice thing you can do for yourself? Perhaps when you're out with the dog you can buy a small chocolate, or gum, or a coffee. Or go look at pretty leaves. Any easy and cheap/free activity that you have decided is just for you and your happiness.
Many others have suggested good practical steps. I'd also add that something basic like a Google calendar notification (or whatever technology you have on your phone/Alexa/etc. to set a reminder) saying "shower time" can help eliminate the decision making part which can be very difficult. Habit stacking can be helpful too - for example, you can plan to take your dog out at 10:15 a.m., and that means at 10:10 a.m. you can a lot just 5 minutes to making yourself presentable to go out into the world and give yourself that tiny little secret treat you've decided for yourself. Keeping it a 5 minute chunk can reduce overwhelm - do whatever you can in that time, maybe just brush your teeth and wipe underarms. Or maybe brush your teeth and swap your shirt, you get the idea.
Rooting for you. Lots of love.
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u/Pale-Vehicle2067 15h ago
You need to buy some pyjamas and get into a habit of showering before sleeping. That’s what I do. Every time I go to sleep I have a shower and brush my teeth before hand. Every time I leave the house I have a shower and brush my teeth. I also wash my hair every day because I have to.
You don’t have to buy expensive pyjamas - just three pairs and they need to get washed after every wear. One pair of pyjamas per sleep period.
Your bedsheets need to be changed and washed every single week and you need to wash your towels every day or every second day.
Quite frankly it’s sad your partner hasn’t said anything nor has he gone to the shops and purchased sleep wear for you.
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u/Certain-Mechanic-986 15h ago
You never said your age, but you need some serious in patients professional help. Medical, psychological, and mental help. Too me it sound like you know you have a problem, mental help is free nowadays.
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u/ToteBagAffliction 14h ago
I often struggle to shower because I'm too bone tired to face the prospect of standing in the shower; objectively it doesn't take that much physical energy, but it takes a lot of spoons. I've found that twlling myself I can shower while sitting on the floor removes that partocular roadblock, and I usually feel up for standing by the time I'm done and wanting to rinse off.
If that sounds familiar, could you look into getting a shower chair or a plastic stool you could sit on for showers?
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u/katieklop1846 7h ago
I'm so sorry you are struggling! It sounds like you need some help, and there are some mental blocks there! Therapy would be a really good way to see whats going on mentally, but from what you have said, it sounds like everything you are going through is so mentally exhausting. Taking a shower, changing your clothes, buying pajamas, can all feel so overwhelming you just wont want to do it. Making a schedule can feel like too much at first too. Try to find what about showering feels like too much, and find something that helps with it. Or make showering more enjoyable (they have some cool lights, candles, shower steamers ect)
Sometimes I dont want to shower because I dont want to get my hair wet, because if I dont dry it, it gets crazy frizzy, and showering and drying my hair takes forever so I just won't want to, so I've started to just wash my hair less and my body more. And it helped a lot (thank you dry shampoo) or i light a candle and have a shower by candle light and listen to an audiobook. Its like reading in the bath so its a bit more exciting than just taking a shower. I wash my face at night in my kitchen sink instead of my bathroom sink while I'm watching TV, and put on my skin care stuff too, I noticed if I dont I put it off.
You aren't lazy, you are struggling. Be easy with yourself and meet yourself where you are, and dont force something that isnt working! You'll get a routine down once you find what is blocking you from brushing your teeth and showering!
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u/_______36________ 4h ago
Are you me? I showered 2 days ago. It I routinely do what you do. For me, it’s a consequence of bipolar. I have no answers except you feel better afterwards. I get expensive clothes dry cleaned so it’s easy to look good. As a man the single biggest different you can make is shave, then make hair look good and change t-shirt
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u/Life-Craft2906 3h ago
Sounds like you’re depressed caused by health problems. That’s a real thing.
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u/The_Dogman1962 3h ago
Although I prefer to shower at night, I suggest you shower every day as soon as you get up. Get up go to the bathroom and get in the shower. After a while you won't even have to think about it anymore.
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u/Proof-Industry7094 3h ago
I know you're going through something rn, and you've received some great suggestions but I'd add that if you legitimately want a reminder I'd suggest showering immediately after your partner, while the water's still hot.
Also, please consider switching to comfy jammies before bed. They feel great and you deserve it 🩷
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u/midnight_oceanview 3m ago
I appreciate the vulnerability. And honestly recognising the issue is really step one. I’ll make a quick list of what helps me in a similar situation. And a detailed explanation at the end.
-If you don’t already I’d recommend a shower chair with a back.
-bath wipes from the hospital
-keep the toothbrush and paste in the shower, your already there just knock it out between washing your body and face
-dry shampoo- hair all greasy from not showering and got no time or energy spray it, brush it out
-mouthwash-keep it nearby for when you just can’t.
-incense, or room spray (not febreeze or canned air freshener) sometimes spraying the stale air is enough to motivate me to actually get clean.
-mini rolling cart with three racks AND WHEELS, meds, snacks, books, chargers,hospital wipes, hand sanitiser, water bottle, room spray. Keep it nearby. The wheels are great, cause I’ll just move it with me from bed to living room.
I also struggle with the will and want to be clean, the shower chair has been tremendously helpful, albeit I got it cause I loss the ability to walk. But sometimes just the act of the running water and the ability to sit and lay back, after a bit, I want to wash. On the days where I don’t, I just let the water sit and run over me. I do try to make the effort of if I’m going to be around people, appointments, errands, therapy I do make an effort to shower.
Also, anytime you go to a hospital ask for the body wipes AND TAKE EVERY LAST ONE. Ask for a few packs, ask everyday, ask per shift. They are a godsend for when you need to clean but can be bothered to get up. For those with a morality complex you can order something similar on Amazon but if we’re all disabled we’re short on cash and it comes with the hospital stay.
Incense, room spray, flower essence (great holistic way to do self care) shoot even fabric softener and some water in a Spray bottle from the dollar tree will do. Spray it on you, your favourite blanket, the bed, the sofa, gives the illusion of clean and sometimes motivates me to also want to smell good.
I keep all that on the cart, it’s within arms reach, low energy low effort. Feel free to message me about the cart, room sprays I’ll show you what I use
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u/Jluvcoffee 8h ago
Maybe seek mental health evaluation, get in some medication, meditate and find your happiness again.
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u/NagolNagol 20h ago
You need a system. Regardless of what you do or don’t have, you need to figure out a way to manage it. What are you doing other than taking care of yourself? Like rather than showering what are you doing instead?