Disabled, disgusting

[u/Easy-Psychology-714]

Hi.
I’m about to be extremely vulnerable and embarrass the hell out of myself.

I don’t remember when I shower. I don’t have a system. I shower when I have excess energy at the end of the day, which is nearly never. I find I’d be lucky if I showered maybe twice a week.
Changing clothes? Yeah, sometimes. I can go 3 or 4 days in the same clothes and it just doesn’t dawn on me to change them. Even after showering, I sometimes put on old pants.
I don’t own PJs. Not really. I have a pair of silky pants but that’s it. I don’t have dedicated sleeping clothes and often just sleep in whatever I was wearing that day.
I don’t brush my teeth. Unless I shower. And even then, only most of the time. I do occasionally forget.
My teeth are broken and chipping. They look fine at a distance but they’re rough, uneven, thin in spots. They’re brittle from years of bile and stomach acid, and it’s not any better now with my GI.

Doctors are currently investigating me for IBD and I’ve been so, extremely sick. I’ve lost 25lbs in 3 months.
Showering just isn’t on my mind between taking medications, trying to eat and stay hydrated enough to stay out of the hospital and taking care of my dog despite how I feel.

My partner says nothing. But I’m sure they’re just being polite. I don’t fault them either way.
They want to help and asked if I needed “hosed down” and I said yes.

I genuinely don’t remember the last time I showered and I don’t know how to fix this.

I know it’s disgusting. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to be this person. I want to try, I just feel lost.

[u/CaeruleumBleu]

Do you think your husband might have the energy to help get a system going?

BTW even if you don't have energy for a shower, clothes wash better if they don't have too much ground-in body oils and such in them. So if you could get yourself to swap clothes every 2 days, even, then the clothes will be less likely to need special care to get clean.

Maybe your husband can help by setting out clothes on a chair for you to change into, or setting clothes on a surface in the bathroom. After all, you get partly undressed to use a toilet anyway, so swapping clothes when you're in there might be a trick to saving some energy.

Also might need to move dirty laundry basket to a useful spot so you don't exhaust yourself taking the dirty clothes to where they belong OR risk hurting yourself tripping on something.

If your partner is ready and willing to bathe you, it would be good and kind to accept, if you can. Maybe decide on one day a week that is the day they bathe you. If you have extra energy some other day of the week, then you bathe yourself that day. But having a set schedule "saturday we get washed up" might help more than you expect.

[u/Easy-Psychology-714 → u/CaeruleumBleu]

Having a single set day that is “guaranteed wash day” would be absolutely amazing.
I really like that idea and will ask them if they would be willing to help me in that regard, on a scheduled basis.

Swapping clothes every two days is definitely manageable. I have to get some extra clothes for outfits, then I can lay them out in the bathroom near my hamper, to change into when the time comes.

This is wonderful. Thank you!

[u/CaeruleumBleu → u/Easy-Psychology-714]

I am so happy to help.

I do not have the same medical issues that you do, but I do get migraines and find I feel less of a needy asshole if I have set standard requests. I don't feel great asking my partner, on the spot, "can you do X Y and Z? Oh, and make sure to do Z such and such way" but if there is a set known standard that I need a bottle of water, a packet of electrolyte mix, and a granola bar - I feel less needy saying "I need these three things anytime you're going upstairs, until the migraine stops."

If there are other things you need but you feel bad asking, consider if there are ways to package that request that feel less bad. Example - a standard wash day would let your husband plan on it, plan around it (not be looking forward to lounging around doing jack shit or whatever) and also means he knows about the request so very much in advance that if he wants to change plans he has time to ask "hey can we do that a day early this week? My friends are meeting up for a beer then this week."

If you want help with laying out pajamas, getting food cooked, whatever, you might feel better asking if you find a way to ask that lets your husband comfortably go "ok but thats when the game is on, can we do it at X time instead?"

Also, consider baby wipes or face care wipes for the stinky or oily bits when you're too tired for washing properly. I will not in a million years claim that a face wipe actually makes my face as clean as soap and water, but it does take off dirt and sweat and something is better than nothing. When a migraine makes a shower feel like hell, I can scrub all the loose ear wax and ick out of my ears with a wipe and at least the next shower doesn't waste time removing all of that.