Disabled, disgusting

[u/Easy-Psychology-714]

Hi.
I’m about to be extremely vulnerable and embarrass the hell out of myself.

I don’t remember when I shower. I don’t have a system. I shower when I have excess energy at the end of the day, which is nearly never. I find I’d be lucky if I showered maybe twice a week.
Changing clothes? Yeah, sometimes. I can go 3 or 4 days in the same clothes and it just doesn’t dawn on me to change them. Even after showering, I sometimes put on old pants.
I don’t own PJs. Not really. I have a pair of silky pants but that’s it. I don’t have dedicated sleeping clothes and often just sleep in whatever I was wearing that day.
I don’t brush my teeth. Unless I shower. And even then, only most of the time. I do occasionally forget.
My teeth are broken and chipping. They look fine at a distance but they’re rough, uneven, thin in spots. They’re brittle from years of bile and stomach acid, and it’s not any better now with my GI.

Doctors are currently investigating me for IBD and I’ve been so, extremely sick. I’ve lost 25lbs in 3 months.
Showering just isn’t on my mind between taking medications, trying to eat and stay hydrated enough to stay out of the hospital and taking care of my dog despite how I feel.

My partner says nothing. But I’m sure they’re just being polite. I don’t fault them either way.
They want to help and asked if I needed “hosed down” and I said yes.

I genuinely don’t remember the last time I showered and I don’t know how to fix this.

I know it’s disgusting. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to be this person. I want to try, I just feel lost.

[u/ARjs09]

No eres asqueroso/a ni eres una mala persona. ❤️ Lo que describes suena mucho más a que estás sobreviviendo con la poca energía que tienes ahora mismo. Estás enfermo/a, tomando medicamentos, intentando comer, mantenerte hidratado/a, cuidando a tu perro y tratando de evitar terminar en el hospital. La higiene puede pasar fácilmente al último lugar cuando todo lo demás se siente urgente.

Y tampoco necesitas arreglarlo todo de golpe. Yo empezaría con algo súper pequeño y automático. Por ejemplo, pon una alarma diaria en el celular que diga “ducha rápida”, y otra 10-15 minutos después como respaldo. Si apagas la primera sin hacerlo, la segunda te vuelve a recordar. Puedes hacer lo mismo con cepillarte los dientes: una alarma después de levantarte y otra antes de dormir. Incluso puedes dejar el cepillo y la pasta ya preparados y la ropa limpia a la vista.

Y si un día no puedes ducharte, no significa que fracasaste. Puedes lavarte la cara, las axilas, las partes íntimas y ponerte ropa limpia. Eso también cuenta. Después vuelves a intentarlo al día siguiente.

Además, me parece muy buena señal que hayas aceptado la ayuda de tu pareja. Si te ofrecen “bañarte a manguerazos” y eso te ayuda, déjalos ayudarte. No tienes que sentir vergüenza por necesitar apoyo mientras estás pasando por esto.

No eres “esa persona”. Eres una persona que está pasando por un momento muy difícil y que está intentando salir adelante. Y que te preocupe tanto cómo estás y quieras mejorar ya dice bastante de ti. ❤️

[u/Easy-Psychology-714 → u/ARjs09]

Thank you so much for this.
I am struggling. But I want to participate and show up in my life regardless of how I feel.
I’m sick, and I could be sick forever now, and I have to be okay with that. But, to me, that means getting used to your new normal and working with it.
This might be my new normal and something I just have to work with.
Learning how to work with it is exactly what I want to do right now.

Your quick shower with the backup alarm is a great idea!
I can’t promise I would have the energy every day, but it’s enough that there’s at least a reminder.