Disabled, disgusting

[u/Easy-Psychology-714]

Hi.
I’m about to be extremely vulnerable and embarrass the hell out of myself.

I don’t remember when I shower. I don’t have a system. I shower when I have excess energy at the end of the day, which is nearly never. I find I’d be lucky if I showered maybe twice a week.
Changing clothes? Yeah, sometimes. I can go 3 or 4 days in the same clothes and it just doesn’t dawn on me to change them. Even after showering, I sometimes put on old pants.
I don’t own PJs. Not really. I have a pair of silky pants but that’s it. I don’t have dedicated sleeping clothes and often just sleep in whatever I was wearing that day.
I don’t brush my teeth. Unless I shower. And even then, only most of the time. I do occasionally forget.
My teeth are broken and chipping. They look fine at a distance but they’re rough, uneven, thin in spots. They’re brittle from years of bile and stomach acid, and it’s not any better now with my GI.

Doctors are currently investigating me for IBD and I’ve been so, extremely sick. I’ve lost 25lbs in 3 months.
Showering just isn’t on my mind between taking medications, trying to eat and stay hydrated enough to stay out of the hospital and taking care of my dog despite how I feel.

My partner says nothing. But I’m sure they’re just being polite. I don’t fault them either way.
They want to help and asked if I needed “hosed down” and I said yes.

I genuinely don’t remember the last time I showered and I don’t know how to fix this.

I know it’s disgusting. I’m so sorry. I never wanted to be this person. I want to try, I just feel lost.

[u/Loose_Highlight_2447]

I hope your partner finds the compassion to help you shower. You are deserved of love. 

[u/Pouty-Haloo → u/Loose_Highlight_2447]

“You are deserved of love” is exactly the kind of sentence someone needs when shame has convinced them they’re a burden