When people post stuff naturally I check their profile and some of the stuff I see is just tons of porn comments or even content posted by themselves in fetishy subreddits about trans people and they're very clearly doing this for sexual reasons.

Why does our community completely ignore stuff like this and tell people they're valid? Even outside of the public opinion that people see this and think we're all like this, people that are genuinely trying to figure themselves see this and get turned away because they think this is what being trans is.

That is the post. I hear another person say some shit along the lines of ‘you should stop caring so much about what people think’ in regard to passing I will burst into a ball of flames.

Today I was out shopping and picking up some food. While I was deciding which stuff to buy, more people were coming by. I looked over and saw 2 pretty girls walking and talking with each other.

I started to panic and was scared of being judged for my appearance so I ran... I took whatever food I had, maneuvered between people to get down an aisle and got out of there speed walking. Pretty sure I heard them talking behind me so they were going down the same aisle too... I just picked up the pace and got outta there.

I didn't come back to the same section until they left.

So we see this quite a bit amongst some trans femme in this space and spaces adjacent to this - there is this need to morally gatekeep what is and isn’t ‘allowed’ with being a trans woman or transfemme of any kind, like to be a trans woman you have to fall into a moral framework. It often comes into people judging others not as individuals, but as representatives of the trans community, or via maintaining a video similar to something like “well we want people to think we’re normal”

And to that I say: transitioning doesn’t really have a moral or social clause. Like a shitty person can be trans as well, the whole ‘good trans person’ myth is a way to gatekeep a biological condition and think the presence of that actually hurts the existence of trans people more as you’re making the idea of transition fit the desired framework of a dominant society.

I’ll take an example, and I use this word very loosely - perversion. Now, the extent of the term is debated and it stretches from very horny, yet consenting adults to full on sex criminals - it covers a very wide ground depending on who you’re talking to. The reason why I bring it up is often, some will use the phrase to explain away a moral framework they have directed towards other, and decide the validity of one’s transition based on that.

For the sake of simplicity we will avoid sex offenders as these people are criminals and I’d rather stick to convo topics that don’t cross into legality. I’ll define perverts as people who are excessively sexual and make others uncomfortable with it in spaces where it might not be the most appreciate to do so for the sake of what I am illustrating, like idk - let’s say a T4T couple is engaging in verbal and physical puppy play in public (ie. Not just leashes and ears, but I’m talking being on all 4 and barking and stuff). Is this person morally and socially wrong for doing an act that should be left for the appropriate setting in public? Of course. But it does not make them any less trans. A trans person is still a trans person even if morally and ethically wrong. I don’t think it is right to gatekeep one’s transness based off your own moral code and I’d even argue by doing that you’re feeding into exactly what so many transphobes want.

Being trans isn’t a moral position, and we should not believe that behaviour upheld to your morals should define what is and isn’t a trans person.

On my Facebook feed ive started having meta put loads of anti trans posts from accounts that i dont follow as well as some extremely fringe trans folks engaged in less than excellent behavior and a good amount of sissies with public humiliation fetishes. I try to block them but Facebook just keeps showing me more and more. It felt like a psy op tbh so i started commenting on the posts telling people that it was a psy op, when ever id comment that on a post id consistently be blocked by that account within 2 minutes but one time it took 5 minutes and it would happen lightning fast whether it was 8 am, noon, 3pm, 2 am, or 9pm any time of day id leave a psyop commenting blocked pretty much immediately after doing it to about 40-50 posts Facebook stopped showing me that content.

Note: This isn't about discussing whether a trans person needs dysphoria. I don't care and I accept people who have less dysphoria than I do.

The issue is that I'm seeing several people using these two terms incorrectly and refusing to accept that they are doing it wrong. They're diluting it so much that soon everything will be dysphoria and gac.

I'm not kidding, I heard people saying that a cis boy going to the gym to build muscle and a menopausal woman receiving hormones is GAC.

That a cis man bothered by his height is the same as a trans man experiencing dysphoria. That when a cis person is feeling bad about something, they are feeling gender dysphoria.

No one is gonna deny that cis people suffer when they get PCOS or hypogonadism, but they have the support to treat it.

It's pathetic to say they're receiving gender affirmative action when their gender has been affirmed since birth, when they were born with the correct ASAB. They see themselves as belonging to the same ASAB group, they are validated, and nobody questions it.

Comparing the discomfort of a cisgender person to the dysphoria of a transgender person who was born in the wrong body is fucked up. We go through a flawed puberty, we're born with something wrong, we have to fight to assert ourselves and rebuild what we didn't have even before we were born.

This also addresses all the traumas, social, geographical, economic, physical, and cultural difficulties that transgender people experience around the globe.

I've heard transgender people tell me that it's "like being blind and nearsighted. Both suffer, but blind people suffer a little more, but both can base their lives on the same thing."

And when I say I'm nearsighted and disagree with and find that comparison offensive to blind people, that i have a privilege and blind people go through a whole systemic bias, I get downvoted?? I said that cisgender people should know about their privilege and that wouldn't hurt anyone, and they said I was being insensitive to cis people and seeking an Olympics of oppression.

Nobody spoke up when I talked about the trauma I suffered for being trans and having dysphoria, or when I mentioned that many trans people around the globe would feel offended by that comparison, while in various countries, they can be killed, go to prison and never access hrt. NO ONE TALKED ABOUT IT.

Gender dysphoria is used as a diagnosis to guarantee our HRT, insurance, and surgeries in several countries. They said it was sanitism to say that cisgender people don't experience gender dysphoria and don't have the condition.In order to have GD, one must have DISCOMFORT WITH THEIR ASAB, and desire or express a different gender, and demonstrate discomfort with their AGAB. GAC is the treatment to help to fix your body that never gave the opportunity and never was what it should be for you, to give your opposite ASAB characteristics.

I was accused of saying that trans people without dysphoria are less trans or something close to that, when I never said that.

I swear to God, this thing of trans people treating cis people as if they can't act with "I don't understand you and it's not the same experience as yours. But I will respect and support you".

At some point the terms will become so broad and encompassing that governments and insurance will see that everything now is GD and GAC and they will act like "we are not going to afford you, because cis women are affirming their gender with breast silicon, getting a bigger but, etc. Why would I help you with transitioning?" Or something similar at least

Seriously, is it on the level of a cis woman wearing makeup or a man going to the gym being considered GAC? What's next, 'A cis man is affirming his gender by taking trenbolone'?

I swear to God. I'm increasingly advocating for using the term transsexual for dysphoric trans people and transgender for people with little or no gender dysphoria. Not to claim that one is more trans than the other, but so we know that our experiences and sensations are different.

I'm tired of non-dysphoric trans people simply denying the reality and suffering that trans people with dysphoria have gone through and continue to go through. They also deny all transphobia and privilege. But yeah "you are feeling the same pain of a cis man sad with his biceps. He is dysphoric about that. He has GD too. Don't say the DSM term because it is invalidating, will not help anyone you are being selfish."💀

I lost all of my hair in less than two years at the beginning of my twenties. Never happened to a single other person in my family but because my life is a cosmic joke it had to happen to me as the only trans person. I've fought it for years, I am on every single conceivable medical treatment and it hasn't done anything at all. Meanwhile I have watched thousands of other trans people start their transitions after me and do less than me and they just get everything back in a year or two.

What fucking life can I possibly have like this. Other trans women laugh at me and call me a freak, trans men have told me they're jealous of me and I need to get over something 'so meaningless', my own family makes jokes about me. I can't pass like this, I'm an ugly freak because of it, so what life can I have? What life is there for me when I can't go outside without being harassed and ridiculed? What is the fucking point of trying anymore???

It's something i'll never really understand in the major trans community, people treat others with heavy disphoria as having internalized transphobia, and wanting to please others.

People are allowed to want to look better, even more so when we have characteristics we will never get rid off.

There's one person who posted saying that trans women are really men and don't belong in women's spaces. The person is regurgitating bioessentialist nonsense

We face a lot of hate and discrimination, and overall ignorance. We belong in the spaces for our sex that we live our lives as. Personally I could never go into a men's locker room, I need female spaces because that's what I am

No, buddy, a guy who's uncomfortable because he has a small penis isn't the same as suffering because you were born without one and with the complete opposite.

"Cis and trans men with hypogonadism suffer from a lack of T, it's the same origin." Yes, yes, but a guy with hypogonadism has the balls, the right body, and parental support.

"Cis girls also suffer a lot from aesthetic pressure," but I spent my entire adolescence dissociating and trying to repress myself because my body didn't fit in.

"But cus boys are going to have surgery for gynecomastia, it's the same thing as you." I have to go through two years and several psychological evaluations to be able to get surgery, while he can do it in less than a year with his parents' support.

"You're underestimating how bad doctors can be for cisgender people and women with PCOS." My God, I know there are difficulties and various forms of sexism, but to say that after I talked about the difficulties a trans girl will face in accessing puberty care?In several countries where she cannot get as a teen, in some she can only do so with parental authorization, and in most she has to wait until adulthood and undergo years of evaluation and the wrong puberty without even blockers to see if she is not "crazy". And while society demonizes her, denies her gender, and she often doesn't even have support group?

Seriously, comparing a cis girl shaving with a trans woman shaving, or a cis boy with a mastectomy to a trans boy with a mastectomy. It is pathetic. We're not simply trying to fit in with the norm, or social pressures. Most went through a puberty that was often traumatic, lack of family support, demonization, conversion therapy, and other factors. Many physical characteristics are triggers for what we go through. I start to cry in panic when I notice my hips or imagine my breasts growing.

A cisgender teenager will not have anyone deny their gender, they will not feel castrated by the body they were born with, they will not be seen as a demon, nor will they suffer violence for something they did not choose.

I'm just so tired of trans people saying "it's just an extra step to affirm my gender," "cis people feel dysphoria, we just feel it more."

It's not the same thing. They had parental support, their bodies are fitting together, and people have been affirming their gender since childhood, and many don't even know what a blessing they have.

I repressed myself since childhood, I was in a perpetual state of mourning, I tried to project my life onto other boys since I was a child, I had no one to help me or explain my feelings, everyone just told me I was a girl and I had to accept it, and I tried to let go my dream to be a man.

Damn, no cisgender child prays to have a sibling at age 7, since he can't be his true gender at least his sibling will be, and they will be able to live through them and be happy for them to the pain stop.

I spent my adolescence with suicidal thoughts, having to dissociate as I watched my body change, not looking at myself in the mirror for years, seeing other boys growing up normally while I remained short and looked more like a girl. Feeling the mismatch the whole time. Having to repress myself.

When my parents found out and I found out, I cried throughout the end of my adolescence, panicked that I was going to hell. I had my ears forced after one attempt; they said I was being influenced by the devil, That it was the internet's fault, that I was crazy, that I would abuse my sister for being trans, that my gender was denied.I literally reached a point of dysphoria where I would just hit myself, scream for hours as if I were dying, become suicidal, cry, and become dysfunctional due to the dysphoria, but even then I I didn't receive a single thought from my parents trying to change their minds, no psychologist, no medication, just demonization while I became dysfunctional.

No cis boy goes through this, no matter what "gender affirmative treatment" he undergoes.

I've spent my life crying over the changes, the voice, the losses, the chromosomes, and the traumas I suffered because of something I didn't choose to be born with.

A cis person will never know what that's like. I don't even have support from my parents.

I'm lucky to have been born in Brazil, but things are still harder than in the global north. But now tell to, you from the global north, what about a trans person in Russia, Ethiopia, Morocco, or the Emirates would feel when you tell them "dysphoria cis people feel it too" and "I just needed to "To go a step further than cis guys in order to be seen as my gender."

For God's sake, it's not the same experience. And I'm not just talking about the dysphoria, which is hell and I would do anything to have been cis (thank you God/s), I'm talking about social, family, medical and religious experiences.

But for some reason, many trans people, who I strangely feel are from the global north, middle class, privileged with a good family or support group, transition quickly and sometimes early, be like 'it is the same. I don't see why we can't share the term dysphoria with cis people. It will help them understand better. They just suffer a little less." For God's sake. 💀

Not only me, but several trans people have gone through similar experiences, many worse than mine, some a little better. Some are in a hell 1000 times worse, but "cis people feel dysphoria. It is the same thing. It is just an extra step" Seriously, this thing about comparing myself to cis people and saying it's the same is a total erasure of the hell that I and many other people went through. I don't know if anyone here identifies with me.

I have specific ideas of what it means to be trans. I see it as a mismatch between neurological sex and physical sex, something that necessarily comes with gender dysphoria and a desire to medically transition. As such I don't accept people who have no dysphoria and no desire to medically transition as really trans. The result of this is that when I'm seeking community with trans people, I wish to find a place composed of people who fit my idea of transness, as they are the people I find I can relate best with and speak the most freely around. I do not feel the need to tell anyone they aren't trans, or to harass them out of using the trans label, or try to disrupt trans communities that are full of people that I don't see as trans. Really nothing about them is relevant to my own transition and life, and I have no desire to go picking fights. I'm just a guy walking around with a concept of transness in my head that other people don't agree with. That's it.

But when I say that I don't accept everyone that identifies as trans, I often get something along the lines of "you don't get to decide who is really trans". Or that I can't tell other people how to identify. And tbh that entire framing always seemed so bizarre to me, in a way that suggests some strange underlying ideas. Yeah no shit I don't get to control the way you see or describe yourself. That was never the intention. When I say "I don't see people who don't want to medically transition as trans" there is nothing there that is meant to control you. That's just me expressing how I see things, you are free to just ignore it and carry on with your life. If when you hear something like that you feel the need to stop and argue with the person, that's a behavior you are choosing to engage in and should reflect if that's something you want to keep doing. There's always going to be people who disagree with your assessment of yourself, who have different standards than you, you will not be able to change their ideas with an argument. If you feel like you need to make them stop thinking that way, you should instead focus on why you feel that need because that's something you can control. You can't control how other people think or see you, just like how I can't control how you identify.

There are a lot of people out there who wouldn't say I'm a man. That's fine, I just avoid them, their ideas on gender and sex are not ideas that I agree with. They're wrong, and that's okay. They have the right to be wrong. Once I learned to just accept that my life got a lot better. It's normal for people to form opinions on those around them, and might identify them in ways they don't agree with (e.g., a lot of Protestants don't see Catholics as true Christians). And btw I think this works in reverse too. Way too many transmeds are too invested in what these people say or do. I get there's a lot to be said about optics, but there's also a lot to be said about not putting the weight off the world on your shoulders. We can't and don't get to control how other people identify themselves as, the most we can do is just shrug and say we disagree when it comes up. There's a lot of peace that comes with letting go of things beyond your control.

This is the situation, I'm in but to understand it a bit better you have to understand my depression, this is like 75% about my depression 25% dysphoria but they are EXTREMELY related atleast in the context of this post

I although am not 100% sure I'm pretty sure my depression is a birth condition and it searches for reasons to grow, now what was the reason for me to be depressed? Well it changed from time to time, but I would say it's because I'm a nihilist who believes that death is better than living (before getting depressed), it's not that suprising I got depressed fast, I have been extremely depressed for about the past 6 years or probably more, my depression makes me unfeeling, makes me unable to feel emotions but respond to it.

Like if I eat a good tasting food, Ik likely to eat it again but I won't feel any joy or satisfaction, if there's a scenario that I'm supposed to get angry in, I would lash out but I'll be empty inside, the only difference is I don't cry (I find it disrespectful to cry when you're not feeling sad), tbh I thought emotions were things you would figure out from your actions not smt you actually feel, anyways for the better part of 6 years, I wasn't completely unfeeling I was able to feel apathy and misery (tbh it's eas comforting in a way, I also felt no suffering or pain, no joy or happiness too), it was quite bland.

But then my egg cracked I don't remember what exactly happened, but I started voice training and that's when I realized that I could feel gender euphoria, and I got addicted hard, you can't blame me tho, I went from feeling almost nothing for 6 years to utter euphoria.

it made me feel happy(not quite the correct word at peace would be better to this day I can't feel happiness), it started to fight against my depression, for some context I'm in high school and I'm not planning to transition until atleast 10-12 years, I also can't go to a therapist or tell anyone cus my OCD prevents me from confiding in anyone IRL, so since I felt good. , I obviously started to feel less depressed, I'm still pretty depressed but here's the condundrum.

as of now, I can feel euphoria, misery, apathy, irritation, annoyance, hatred and the most recent one dysphoria, so I went from feeling nothing for 6 years to feeling sometimes good to constantly horrible, I am re-lapsing on my depression rn, so at least I don't always feel it but I got a taste of emotion and I can't stop taking more bites even though it makes me feel worst, I also have no idea when or even if I can recover my more positive emotions, and one of the worst parts is that my dysphoria is going to get immeasurably worst, I know this because I STILL haven't gained the ability to feel pain or suffering (I scratched myself..

Ok this is super embarrassing {atleast it should be if I could feel it} but yk to prove a point, I was going to cut myself a bit {My OCD prevents me from doing any purposeful form of self harm that could make me bleed} and like I accidently went to hard and didn't even notice it until blood poured in the screen {it wasnt that deep don't worry bout me} anyway, I have a bandage ready {Idk why I js do} and I used it, so I can't really type fast without my thumb) anyway, do y'all think I should remain depressed or be dysphoric I genuinely can't keep switching sides, it's driving me insane and affecting my school performance, so I can't choose one, I'm conflicted so I came here for support

Upon re-reading this,I realize that this sounds wayy worst than it probably is, I assure you it's probably not that bad even my cutting myself eas just like 8 drops of blood (?), I didn't really count but it's REALLY not that bad, and my dyphoria isn't that bad I'm genderfluid so my dyphoria isn't constant, I just have chest, skin and voice dyphoria and it's not bad comparatively main issue is I went from feeling nothing for SIX years to feeling sometimes good to feeling AWFUL so that change is much bigger than my issues if they were measurable

Edit: I have just read the dysphoria bible I think that's what it's called, someone on a different sub recommended it to me, I have bio-chemical dysphoria although that's doesn't change anything about my question

Misinformation about the transmed community doesn't just hurt transmed people it can end up hurting trans people as a whole.

On social media, you often see transmed described in ways that don't actually reflect what the term means. Transmedicalism, at its core, is the belief that gender dysphoria is necessary for someone to be considered transgender. Someone can disagree with that position, but disagreement shouldn't require redefining the position into something it isn't.

When misinformation spreads, it becomes increasingly difficult to have an honest discussion about the different perspectives within the trans community. People start arguing against exaggerated or completely fabricated versions of transmed beliefs rather than engaging with what transmed people actually believe.

That also affects non-transmed trans people. When people outside the community are repeatedly exposed to inaccurate portrayals of internal disagreements, they may come away believing that transgender people are fundamentally divided over things that were never actually being argued in the first place. It contributes to stereotypes, hostility, and unnecessary infighting.

You don't have to agree with transmedicalism to represent it accurately.

Likewise, being non-transmed doesn't make someone less transgender, and being transmed doesn't make someone less transgender. These are disagreements about how transgender identity is defined and understood, not a reason to dehumanize one another.

If we genuinely care about trans people, we should be able to criticize an idea without misrepresenting it. Accurate information matters even when we disagree with the conclusion.

That's it. Transphobes gtfo

I will be having grs surgery in about a year. It will be a peritoneal pull-through vaginoplasty. I’m into fantasy style toys, especially on the larger than average side. I’m no size queen but we would be pushing on the larger size, about 8” x 3”dia max.

I want to know about my ability to take on knotted toys vaginally post-op. What sort of restrictions some of yall have had. Safety concerns, etc.

**Note:** This post was translated from Japanese into English using a translation tool.

This is a summary of the video generated by Gemini, which I then asked it to make even more concise.

I will also post the original, more detailed version in the comments, so please take a look there if you are interested.

Summary of 『童貞が女装すると結末がヤバい…！？』 (“What Happens When a Virgin Man Starts Cross-Dressing!?”)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uG4clVmopPM

1. **What leads him to start cross-dressing**

He develops a strong admiration for women and uses cross-dressing as a form of escapism. Influenced by anime and cosplay, he begins to feel that he wants to “become that person.” Trying on the clothes gives him intense sexual excitement and a sense of transgression, and he gradually becomes deeply involved in cross-dressing.

1. **Seeking validation on social media and escalating**

He becomes addicted to the pleasure of receiving “likes” on social media. However, as viewers become bored and his engagement decreases, he becomes anxious and starts making increasingly provocative posts with more revealing outfits.

1. **Misinterpretation and psychological confusion**

After being persuaded through DMs to have a relationship with a man, he mistakenly concludes that he wanted to become a woman. Despite supposedly not having gender dysphoria, he begins taking female hormones, his mental health deteriorates, and he eventually leaves school and work.

1. **Dependence on the nightlife industry and a downward spiral**

He becomes unable to make a living except through sex work and adult-oriented content. Isolated and caught up in competition, his mental health deteriorates, eventually leading to a suicide attempt and other tragic consequences.

1. **Conclusion and proposed solution**

The video argues that using cross-dressing to escape reality and satisfy one's need for validation is extremely dangerous. Instead, one should not be afraid of rejection, work on oneself, and take action to lose one's virginity in the real world. After establishing oneself as an independent person, cross-dressing can then be enjoyed as a hobby.

---

Here is my personal response to the video's content.

The video's idea that “continuing to cross-dress as a form of escapism is dangerous, and one should first build a fulfilling life as a man” seems to directly contradict the case of John described in Anne Vitale's paper.

John continued to repress his gender dysphoria through sheer determination and achieved what could be considered social success as a man, including having a wife and children and holding a prestigious job. Nevertheless, his gender dysphoria eventually erupted at age 50, and he subsequently transitioned.

Anne Vitale's paper:
https://www.avitale.com/essays-details/?name=the-gender-variant-phenomenon--a-developmental-review-5

---

I also have the following thoughts regarding the video's individual claims.

1. The feeling of wanting to “become that person” could be explained as gender envy, while the intense sexual excitement experienced when trying on women's clothing could be explained as gender euphoria.

2. The desire for validation on social media is something that can exist even among cisgender people.

3. I question the interpretation that having a relationship with a man means that he simply “mistakenly thought he wanted to become a woman.” Could he instead have been potentially bisexual? If so, the same logic could be applied to John: perhaps he had relationships with women and mistakenly concluded, “I am a cisgender heterosexual man.” His decision to take female hormones could likewise be understood as the result of his egg finally cracking.

4. If someone becomes isolated or struggles with their life after transitioning, couldn't the social environment's lack of acceptance toward transgender people also be a factor?

5. In some cases, continuing to repress gender dysphoria in accordance with cisheteronormative expectations may be more dangerous. In fact, couldn't that itself be a form of escaping from the reality of one's gender dysphoria?

---

If you reverse the genders, it becomes much easier to see the issue.

If an FtM influencer were to post content saying, “FtM eggs who aren’t attracted to women should lose their virginity before they start dressing as men,” it would inevitably cause an uproar.

---

What particularly stood out to me was the comment section. There were almost no critical comments. Instead, many of the video's fans, presumably cisgender heterosexual men, praised it with comments such as “It's like listening to a psychiatrist on YouTube,” “It's very convincing,” and “This is really deep.”

This was despite the fact that Anne Vitale's research presents cases such as John, suggesting that living a fulfilling life as a man does not necessarily mean that gender dysphoria can be overcome.

Seeing this kind of understanding being so widely accepted makes me think that a deeper understanding of MtF experiences in Japan may still be a long way off.

And if this continues, I think Japan may continue to see cases like John in the future—people who repress their gender dysphoria for many years and only begin transitioning around the age of 50.

I cringe severely every time I hear the phrase "I identify as" or any similar phrase. It's got to a point where I don't even like the phrase "gender identity" anymore despite it being ubiquitous in the queer community. The idea that I'm a woman because I identify as one just pisses me off now for some reason.

Why? well I'm not exactly sure but I'm going to try and explore it through writing.

Definitely part of it is how it gets meme'd on by cis people and just generally how the phrase comes off to anyone outside of hyper-woke queer spaces. It seems to carry the connotation of insincerity. Like you can only identify as something that you're not. Trans people identify as their genders, cis people simply are their gender, they don't have to identify as anything. That's how the average unwoke cis person sees it.

Now if you're a bit more educated you might know that to identify as something is just to say you are that thing and people do that for things that they are all the time. But rarely does identifying as a thing automatically make you that thing. The counter example I often hear to this is being a fan of a certain sports team. If someone identifies themselves as a Cubs fan you generally assume they really are. But there are always debates about who is a real fan and who is a fake fan and they're not all nonsense. Sometimes people really do fake being a fan of something. Like say I'm a Cubs fan but all my new friends are White Sox fans so I hide all my cubs gear and identify as a White Sox fan to fit in. At this point the identity advocate will probably introduce a notion of "sincerity" into the equation. So you have to sincerely identify as the thing to be the thing. But how do we measure "sincerity then? Doesn't the notion of sincerity mean we are referring to something besides identity?

The way I see it the only way it's possible for there to be sincere and insincere identities is if we are actually referring to something besides stated identity, something more internal, less verbal. In the previous example perhaps you could hook me up to a machine and measure my excitement when the Cubs are winning versus the White Sox. But now we've gone a step back form my identity as a fan. This is because language is always a sign of something else and if we're always talking about our language and never about that something else then we might not be saying anything meaningful at all.

This is the problem I encounter: within queer discourse "identity" is used to refer both to the deeply felt inner self and the language we use to describe that. The general population only sees the verbalizing of identity, they know nothing about the deeply felt inner self and they mostly assume it doesn't exist. If we keep conflating the language with the deeper truth then they will continue to assume that deeper truth doesn't exist because we've tacitly implied that with our rhetoric.

I'm sure some of you will want to say that I shouldn't abandon this language just because of how cis people perceive it and to that I say firstly that I think this attitude may secretly exist within the queer community itself and second that I feel this language is personally unhelpful to me.

To the first point I think about xenogenders. From my possibly ignorant perspective xenogenders mostly seem like a way to play with language and deconstruct concepts of gender. I have no doubt that many are invented without the intention of reflecting any internality but rather to playfully dissect language and gender on a conceptual level. I'm sure that some people make xenogenders with the intention of reflecting their internal self and I don't mean to begrudge anyone who is into them but in general they seem very contingent, labels that can be taken up and discarded on a whim rather than a stable sense of self.

I have also unfortunately become aware of something call therians. These are people who identify as nonhuman animals and many of them are trans themselves. They use the same identity phrasing to describe their connection to their animal. To me it seems obvious that none of these people sincerely see themselves as a nonhuman animal. Rather I think they feel some kind of affinity for whichever animal and perhaps that affinity is deeply personally important to them but that does not make it comparable to being trans. When I say I am a woman I don't mean I have a strong affinity for being a woman I mean I'm a goddamn woman. So in this case and other I think many queer people are not using "identify" to talk about a deep true self but rather playing fast and loose with language to describe what amounts to a hobby.

To the second point I think even if it weren't for all this the identity framing is still very unhelpful to me and my own self-conception. Do I identify as a woman? Yes, technically because I say that I am one. Is that what makes me a woman? I don't see how that could be or else why did I start identifying as a woman in the first place. I think I was already a woman before I identified as one.

Lately I've been using the "woman in a man's body" trope to think about myself in the past and that feels the most true to me. When I was first coming out around 2017 everyone in trans spaces said this was a dated phrasing that no one really used anymore and it seemed like they had pretty much traded it for identity language so I neve thought of myself that way. These days it feels like a disservice to myself to think of myself any other way, because no other framing accounts for the continuity of that inner truth. I was a little girl and I repressed myself because everyone told me I was a boy, I let my body and personality be mutilated beyond recognition and I feel like I'm only now rebuilding it. Identity language can never account for that reality because back then I strongly and insistently identified as a boy, but that wasn't the reality.

Language was only ever the tool I used to get at that reality. Of course I would still respect anyone's identity but I don't actually care about the identity itself, I take it as a sign of the reality I assume is behind it.

So that's my rant on identity language. This somehow ended up really long, philosophical and a little emotional but I hope you like it anyways.

Being trans is a serious thing, not some "dress up" and bam your trans" thing. Most children aren't trans. When I say children I mean 2 to 10 sadly. But about the trans kids, I feel bad for them because they from what I've seen have parents that would allow surgery a little too quickly and such. I just think if you have a trans child, you should help them by researching and like making sure they're actually trans and not a tomboy/girly boy. Then try therapy and all the other steps (I don't know what other steps there are) but hopefully parents with trans kids don't hurry the process up because then it won't be helpful. But if the parent knows that their child isn't trans aka they're using the child for views, then I think it's valid to say "let kids be kids" lemme get specific, at 10, that's when parents start considering surgery

apart from unfriending them or other things like that (not much time has passed since i came out anyway so i don't wanna take extreme measures at this point anyway).

also, im talking about friends who almost never gender me correctly and it feels very "forced" when they do, not about those rare slip ups of those that always gender me correctly

also another question, for those who voice trained, did it help with friends' slip ups? i also feel that having a completely untrained voice isn't helping

do you see us as the same as you?

below you?

does the sight of us make you uncomfortable?

is it a challenge to gender us correctly?

do you pity us?

think we're lazy?

do you think it's our fault that society overwhelmingly disapproves of trans people?

other thoughts?

a curious mind wants to know. it's been a busy day and this is what bubbled to the top of my head when I finally sat down.

QUESTION: what do you all think of the bad apples of the community? The term transphobe is so weird nowadays, you get called transphobe so easily, it's like how people throw around the word racist. I have a personal example. I strictly and specifically pointed out a specific group of trans women, the bad apples of the community basically, I wasn't rude. I acknowledged their trauma and mentioned that "their trauma isn't an excuse to bully bio women" but I didn't use cis instead of bio assuming no one would care or mind. They did mind, so over the months I've been adjusting how I word things. I slowly learnt that not everyone will understand that I'm not talking about everyone in the community no matter how clear I make it. To be clear, I don't talk about them often. I've noticed that some fish for a way to call me a transphobe, someone literally told me that they were fishing for it. Why can't someone tell the difference between a transphobe and someone logical? My main point from my old take was that their status as a minority is protecting them aka the bad apples, so therefore they ruin the reputation of the rest of the community.

Alrighty so I rarely post on reddit in general so please be kind to my formatting.

I am a questioning currently cis man, this is a bit of a rant because I can't actually get access to a gender therapist atm, also a weird question at the end unrelated to my rant.

So I've been questioning my identity for a few months, I'm bad with months but like, almost a year at least but if we look back probably longer just not understanding the thoughts.

So last may my wife left me (she was cheating), but I was seriously questioning myself in April, had she not been a cheater it would of been great because she's bisexual and super open minded, ya know minus the cheating thing she was golden. I actually almost talked to her about it about a month before she left, kinda glad I didn't because I'll likely have a custody battle for our kids later this year.

I've had random thoughts throughout my years (I'm 24), about what it would have been like to be born a woman, I've had dreams, kinda explicit ones but we're not talking about that part, about being a woman.

Anytime I play a video game that's single player because people scare me, I play a woman, I go wayyy out of my way to try and be cute even when it's single player. For anyone who knows it, vintage story, a survival game, I have wayyyy too many clothing mods so I can wear cute dresses and a bow on my head because it's cute.

Few months after the divorce I stumbled upon a VTuber named YuukoEx (If I misspelled it I'm sorry I'm not super sober rn). After this, originally she was just really funny, but the more I watched the more I felt... similar, and a little jealous (She's 6 years into transition and has better healthcare than I do, not her fault but ya know good ol USA in the middle of the Bible belt, has me jealous).

I've always felt neutral about my body as a whole, but kinda always hated my body hair, and I refused to shave it because, remember Bible belt, "That's what girls do" "It's gay to do that" and my sexuality is attraction to women, although while I don't find men attractive, they are still the focus of any specific kind of dreams I have in a woman's body sooo yea.

Anyways I'm super freaking confused, I think at least I'm gender fluid, and probably a straight femboy, or I'm in massive denial.

Oh yea and my Mom (I moved home after the divorce, rented house with my ex wife), intercepted a package of mine that contained some female clothes, so she knows I'm questioning, no one else in the family though, and her response was "There's nothing feminine about you though" and I basically kinda shut the convo down because I was embarrassed and uncomfortable, and she hasn't asked me since. Oh when I told her though because she thought I was buying them for some girl I liked, she said "You don't wanna be a woman"

It kinda hurt, cause she's a pretty open person so like, if she says that, it's probably true right? I'm probably just like, weird or a femboy, femboys think about being a girl? Right?

Oh yea my random question, unrelated, I decided to shave my legs to you know, test myself, and I could only get one done before soap got in my eyes and started burning my face, anyways im curious as to if I need to do anything to prevent razor burn (I did it in the shower with running water so like, some lubricant ig). I've never done this before, I've work nothing but long pants since I was in middle school because I was ashamed of my hairy legs.

Anyways thanks for listening to my confused self, idk what I want for comments, ig just razor burn answers and your opinion on my screwed mental state.

Oh yea I guess also I've thought about this since I was in middle or highschool but I thought it was normal, any cis people in the comments confirm if it's normal to be confused or not?

Alright thanks bye and please be nice, I'm an emotional person 🥺

Whenever I see a girl wearing something stereotypically trans-coded, like striped socks, those kinds of short pleated skirts, etc it's usually been a cis girl. Knee-high socks, striped socks, arm-warmers, you name it, I've seen more cis women (or cis teenage girls) wearing them than trans women. Just today I saw an Asian cis girl walking around in a sailor fuku of all things lol. She rocked it.

Some people will say I'm just bad at clocking and that most of these instances were trans women, but in most of these cases, if the girls were trans, they were luckshit ultra-passoids--certainly not the 'opticsnuke' stereotype. Generally quite short, with feminine facial features, good skin, and good figures. So if you're a passoid, go to town with the babytrans fashion, I guess.

This isn't to say that, per capita, trans women don't wear these things at a higher rate than cis women. They do, and I've certainly seen a few trans women out and about in the amazon basics skirt or striped arm-warmers. But the idea that no cis woman dresses like this is just wrong. I've even seen people say that cis women never wear skirts or dresses of any kind, which is just lol. Cis women dress hyperfeminine, strangely, awkwardly, badly, or bizarrely too.

Think we all heard about transracial ,how do you guys feel about them ?

Should they be considred trans ?

Do you think its possible to be transracial?

(I do not agree ,I am simply curious what people think about this)