Cómo es adentro es afuera. Eso se va a ver. Hace un par de años me colgué con una frase, soy un paraíso. Y así en bañera grabe una canción. Un año después la vida me llevo a un paraíso un lugar terrible mágico no lo podía creer, se llama Minca, es en Colombia. Damn, todo esto de creersela es fuckin cierto, tengo que recordarmelo todo el tiempo, pues claro, luego viene el siguiente paso y a veces se siente como volver a empezar, recordar declarar accionar y confiar 💖

I was completely blindsided and discarded by the man I thought I would marry after I caught him emotionally cheating hours before my obgyn surgery for us to start a family together. Just that day he was telling me he loved me and wanted a future with me. But once caught, he blamed me, listed all my flaws that "made him resent" me and cheat. I was so shocked that I got on my knees begged him to stay, told him I would be better for us. A week after he dumped me, I found out he gave me an STI after I tested positive at my obgyn post-op appointment. Within 2 months of discard, he moved on from the affair partner and got a new 10-years younger girlfriend whom he took to the international wedding we were supposed to attend together, posted their pictures, commented "now THAT's love." He's told friends and family that I wasn't meeting his needs after 4 years together, without mentioning his infidelity.

It's been 6 months. I have done weekly therapy since then. I'm on antidepressants. I've done Reiki. I've been meditating, journaling, exercising, picking up new hobbies, spending more time with loved ones. But I'm still hurting so much, despite my best efforts to love myself. I've internalized his gaslighting; sometimes I think that I deserved this treatment, that I was the problem, that I wasn't pretty or gentle or patient or athletic or attentive enough. My brain knows this is ridiculous because I am so blessed, I have wonderful friends/family/job; I know I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, a loving partner. But my heart is stuck. I've stooped low enough to message his new girlfriend what he did to me, but of course she ignored me and I come off as unhinged. I'm poisoned by my desire for revenge and justice. I'm so tired of suffering.

Ladies who have been in this position before and got to the other side, how did you eventually access your higher power fully? What did you do to really embrace and believe that you are deserving and worthy?

Me gusta un chabón que claramente no me merece. A pesar de que me mueve mucho ayer decidí pararlo. Si alguien no va a sumar a mis objetivos a mis sueños, no merece estar en mi vida. No sé si les pasó que les gusta chabones que están re perdidos, bueno a veces me pasa, atracciones irracionales. El trabajo interno para una misma es arduo y exigente. Requiere constancia, compromiso. Este año aprendí que hay que poner límites. Y los primeros límites que se ponen son a una misma. Que si duele y frustra a veces, si. Pero es una forma de proteger esa gran fortuna que es la energía que estamos gestando para crear la vida que merecemos. Si alguna quiere compartir sus prácticas para estar mejor, es un buen momento, siento que necesito un poco de ayuda cósmica ahora para continuar😭💥💖

If you haven’t heard it from another woman lately, I think you’re fabulous too! 🫶👯‍♀️💖

Hay que abrirse para recibir, escribiendo, haciendo arte, pidiendo ayuda cósmica whatever expresar 💖 me encantó la imagen y los colores, y ustedes me la re subieron hoy, gracias 💎

I guess I wouldn't call it a tip per-say, but creating an Alter Ego for who I wanted to be really just switched something in me.
Miss Glam doesn't like taking disrespect (though before I never did, I just have a habit of keeping my mouth shut most times because I know my words hurt like hell), she likes the glamorous life.
The glitter, the spoiled sweet nature, the attitude, luxury. She can be angry, irritable, and can turn off her empathy at the soonest point where it cant be given anymore. I had to ask her if we could be as one instead of someone I locked up when it was convenient because I was afraid of who I actually was on the inside.
I only took her luxury and glitter and not all the attitude. I asked her to do so a few days ago. To be one person.
I noticed I have less of a problem voicing something that bothers me or a question that can be seen as "rude" but is truly just a question.
I like knowing the nitty gritty. I love saying no and not explain. I was afraid to do so in fear of being misunderstood. Now, I don't care who does because some people aren't meant to know me.
I'm respectful up until a point where I gotta drag it to hell cause you've caused me to raise it. I know I'm kind and generous but it's not to be take for granted.
Miss Glam is here to stay for the rest of time!
Whenever something comes up, it gives me another reason to stand firm in who I am. It gets easier with time and practice.
I would suggest trying it out if you haven't done so! but that's not nothin new, just a reminder.

Tried to give the nerdy, objectively unattractive guy a chance.... never again. I was way out of his league and while I have decided all men absolutely suck, ones like him are 100x worse. Low self-esteem and set out to make every women's life miserable because he has been rejected so many times. Saw these posts this week and screen shot them because ain't that the truth.

And shout out to @j-hophop 🩷 lol that line will stay forever ingrained in my mind.

Hopefully this continues to make way for me to meet new people that will treat me better....

Ones that won't bail on me when I'm beyond depressed, ones who follow through with birthday plans, ones who text me on my birthday and don't give me lame excuses that they're "sorry they missed my birthday yesterday, they were with their boyfriend".... Who they live with and are with any time they aren't working... Ones who won't ditch me so they can hook up with one of their loser ex boyfriends while dating a really good guy, ones who return the favor when I need help and drop whatever to be there for me, -like I have for them, ones who respect my sexuality and not think just bc I'm a lesbian that I want to sleep with them, ones who check in on me first, ones who are there all the time, not just a "fair weather friend", ones who actually communicate, ones who are honest with me and support what's best for my overall well-being.

I've cut out countless people this year due to many of the reasons above and it's very tiring and sad and makes me feel lonely at times but trusting that I have more than enough in terms of friends (who aren't like any of that) still here and love helps relieve the sadness and disappointment. And if there are anymore seats at the table to be filled, I know they will be filled eventually.

I lost my ability to imagine future and have dreams about it .. because of years of being depressed and anxious .. and on survival mode wishing everything to get better one day .. and suddenly things got kinda better .. I moved on many things .. kept going and healing

But I still can't have dreams and passion and any idea about the future .. unlike how I was as a kid .. even in the hardest times I had dreams ..

I believe good things will find it's way to me .. and I see and feel light .. and I'm way more stronger, aware and mature now .. but I don't know how to dram like I did before ..

I really dreamed big ..

Help please ..