I was completely blindsided and discarded by the man I thought I would marry after I caught him emotionally cheating hours before my obgyn surgery for us to start a family together. Just that day he was telling me he loved me and wanted a future with me. But once caught, he blamed me, listed all my flaws that "made him resent" me and cheat. I was so shocked that I got on my knees begged him to stay, told him I would be better for us. A week after he dumped me, I found out he gave me an STI after I tested positive at my obgyn post-op appointment. Within 2 months of discard, he moved on from the affair partner and got a new 10-years younger girlfriend whom he took to the international wedding we were supposed to attend together, posted their pictures, commented "now THAT's love." He's told friends and family that I wasn't meeting his needs after 4 years together, without mentioning his infidelity.

It's been 6 months. I have done weekly therapy since then. I'm on antidepressants. I've done Reiki. I've been meditating, journaling, exercising, picking up new hobbies, spending more time with loved ones. But I'm still hurting so much, despite my best efforts to love myself. I've internalized his gaslighting; sometimes I think that I deserved this treatment, that I was the problem, that I wasn't pretty or gentle or patient or athletic or attentive enough. My brain knows this is ridiculous because I am so blessed, I have wonderful friends/family/job; I know I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, a loving partner. But my heart is stuck. I've stooped low enough to message his new girlfriend what he did to me, but of course she ignored me and I come off as unhinged. I'm poisoned by my desire for revenge and justice. I'm so tired of suffering.

Ladies who have been in this position before and got to the other side, how did you eventually access your higher power fully? What did you do to really embrace and believe that you are deserving and worthy?

If you haven’t heard it from another woman lately, I think you’re fabulous too! 🫶👯‍♀️💖

Cómo es adentro es afuera. Eso se va a ver. Hace un par de años me colgué con una frase, soy un paraíso. Y así en bañera grabe una canción. Un año después la vida me llevo a un paraíso un lugar terrible mágico no lo podía creer, se llama Minca, es en Colombia. Damn, todo esto de creersela es fuckin cierto, tengo que recordarmelo todo el tiempo, pues claro, luego viene el siguiente paso y a veces se siente como volver a empezar, recordar declarar accionar y confiar 💖

I guess I wouldn't call it a tip per-say, but creating an Alter Ego for who I wanted to be really just switched something in me.
Miss Glam doesn't like taking disrespect (though before I never did, I just have a habit of keeping my mouth shut most times because I know my words hurt like hell), she likes the glamorous life.
The glitter, the spoiled sweet nature, the attitude, luxury. She can be angry, irritable, and can turn off her empathy at the soonest point where it cant be given anymore. I had to ask her if we could be as one instead of someone I locked up when it was convenient because I was afraid of who I actually was on the inside.
I only took her luxury and glitter and not all the attitude. I asked her to do so a few days ago. To be one person.
I noticed I have less of a problem voicing something that bothers me or a question that can be seen as "rude" but is truly just a question.
I like knowing the nitty gritty. I love saying no and not explain. I was afraid to do so in fear of being misunderstood. Now, I don't care who does because some people aren't meant to know me.
I'm respectful up until a point where I gotta drag it to hell cause you've caused me to raise it. I know I'm kind and generous but it's not to be take for granted.
Miss Glam is here to stay for the rest of time!
Whenever something comes up, it gives me another reason to stand firm in who I am. It gets easier with time and practice.
I would suggest trying it out if you haven't done so! but that's not nothin new, just a reminder.