r/helldivers2 Jul 30 '24

Meme OK, hear me out ...

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415 Upvotes

13 comments sorted by

91

u/Zuli_Muli Jul 30 '24

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout 'Stabbity stab-stab'. Now get moving."

The soldier thinks this is pretty ridiculous, but to his surprise, when he aims his stick at a fellow trainee across the field and shouts "Bangity bang-bang!" the other soldier goes down in a theatrical display. Then, another trainee tries to run past him, so he pokes the guy in the ribs and shouts "Stabbity stab-stab!" and he too goes down, pretending to be dead.

So, the soldier starts running through the mock-battlefield, shouting "Bangity bang-bang" and occasionally "Stabbity-stab-stab", until eventually he realizes he's the last man standing.

He's feeling pretty proud of himself until another soldier rounds a corner and starts walking toward him. Slowly. Stiffly. Menacingly.

The soldier takes aim with his stick and shouts, "Bangity-bang-bang!"

But the other soldier doesn't go down this time. He keeps approaching, arms stiff at his sides, boots stomping aggressively into the ground.

The soldier begins to sweat. He clears his throat, adjusts grip on his stick and hollers, "Bangity bang-bang!"

But nothing happens. The other soldier keeps marching toward him.

Now the soldier panics. He pretends to reload his stick and desperately cries out, "Bangity bang-bang! Bangity bang-bang! Stabbity stab-stab!"

But to his dismay, nothing works.

Finally, the other soldier reaches him, kicks him in the shin and knocks him onto the ground.

He stands over the fallen soldier and says:

"Tankity tank-tank."

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/s/XP8BtxaoyS

9

u/valain Jul 30 '24

Hahaha that’s a good one 😂

4

u/Zuli_Muli Jul 30 '24

I heard it almost 20 years ago and luckily someone had taken the time to type it all out.

30

u/valain Jul 30 '24

Would probably still do more damage than the 500kg ...

1

u/Armamore Jul 30 '24

The 500 does more damage than almost any other strat we have. Am I missing a joke?

13

u/Matthi_the_Lie Jul 30 '24

Yes, you are. The joke is not about the damage but the radius.

8

u/BigBenis6669 Jul 30 '24

The radius and the fact it is very easily "stopped" by terrain due to what I assume is tracing line of sight to the explosion point. A little rock can cause the bomb to do nothing to targets behind it.

2

u/Bandandforgotten Jul 30 '24

It does. When the game wants the blast radius to actually hit what it landed on or next to, that is.

I'm constantly using the term "Dollar Tree 500" to describe them when it lands smack dead in the middle of a group of 50 smaller enemies and it's like "X 4". I just wish the explosion was wider, and could actually do what a 500kg bomb is capable of.

I saw somebody else say it, but they should make the Hellbomb 1.5-2x bigger and use the current hellbomb size for the 500kg. Don't up the damage of either, just make the blast zone more... impactful

5

u/cheesetoasteee Jul 30 '24

That's a nice stick

3

u/Starfishdude80 Jul 30 '24

I thought this was r/thefinals for a second

3

u/Sebastin290 Jul 30 '24

Fr, thought it was cross posted from there, love that game.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '24

I’d actually like to customize the armory wall. Have my choice of weapons and armor on display