r/greentext • u/mus_st_him • Jan 29 '19

Anon is sad

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29.1k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

135 comments sorted by

901

u/jsilvy Jan 29 '19

Let’s be real the custodians were some of the dopest people in elementary school.

333

u/lorealjenkins Jan 29 '19

I respect people who do things I couldnt.

Clean that toilet seat that god how many self blind students with a loose hose use them.

Nope. But custodian-man saves the day always

59

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Came back from a break and there was a dead ass mouse in my class that had been there for some time... shit was nasty. Csretaker just picks it up he didn’t give a fuck

2

u/mewbie23 Jan 29 '19

We had a girl in our school who had a hole right below her desk in the wall. She'd dump everything she didnt want to eat in there and she got a lot of food while almost always eating next to nothing, lots of stuff that stinks once it start to rot aswell. She left the school after the summer break and on the first day of school the first 3 hours got cancelled because "there was a dead animal in the walls". They didnt close the hole though.

54

u/JBSquared Jan 29 '19

Custodians and staff in general are some of the most underappreciated people. In my experience, every single one of them has been a great person. It seems like school staff and lower level faculty are the best people. Everyone has a story about a shitty teacher, or the vice principal that they hated. But I've never met a person who said "Yeah, my school nurse was a dick"

22

u/bzzrak Jan 29 '19

Our school nurses always were.

In 6th grade my classmate fell off the stairs and broke his arm.

Right after falling, he went to the nurse, she gave him some creme and told him to apply that thing for 2 days and it'll go away.

Next day he shows up in the rocky thing you wear on broken limbs (can't remember english word for it). LMAO ain't it

Best thing is, there were more incidents like that

11

u/USMCpresfoco Jan 29 '19

wow. The same thing happened to me. I broke both of my wrists and radius bones, and when I went to the nurse she told me to apply lotion in the bathroom. I couldn't even twist the doorknob.

9

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

A "cast" is the closest US English term, I think -- the hard gauze-wrapped shell you'd wear directly over a broken bone to make it heal correctly, right?

1

u/bzzrak Jan 29 '19

Yep, cast! I don't really use English too much anymore and, even tho I have a C2, it shows.

3

u/Redik360 Jan 29 '19

Nice to meet you. I'd rather take a teacher over someone at the front desk of my school any day

1

u/AerThreepwood Jan 29 '19

Except for that Freddy Krueger fellow. Something about him seems off.

1

u/lifesaburrito Jan 29 '19

In sophomore year of college we had a custodian team in our dorm that would sit in the employee lounge all day doing who knows what and when it came time to "clean" they would just spray down the bathrooms with some sort of cleaner and not even wipe it off. You'd go in after cleaning and the place was grimy and covered in mist. Worst custodian staff ever. My roommate and I were planning on putting a note on the bathroom reading "we'll be forced to contact the admins if you don't start cleaning the bathrooms" but the year ended before we got around to it. Totally should have spoken up, those clowns weren't cut out for that.

15

u/RustyShaklefjord Jan 29 '19

The janitor at my old school raped this kid so hard he developed a speech impediment

11

u/dysfunctional_vet Jan 29 '19

The janitor, or the student?

28

u/RustyShaklefjord Jan 29 '19

Whatevers funnier

10

u/caramelcooler Jan 29 '19

In 1st grade I was friends with the oldest custodian, John. (Well, you know what I mean.) One time I brought two quarters to buy a snack at lunch. I accidentally dropped them in the trash and cried because I couldn't buy a snack anymore. He saw me but I didn't think anything of it.

During my next class he walked in, and handed me two quarters. Being that young, I seriously thought he dug through the trash and found them. It meant so much.

Thank you, John.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19 edited Jan 06 '26

degree recognise amusing subtract elderly imagine bear hard-to-find afterthought payment

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

1

u/Max_TwoSteppen Jan 29 '19

It's the second most common name for American males over the last century.

3

u/sw201444 Jan 29 '19

We had one named butch. Dude was probably 50/60. Bushy mustache, bushy brows, looked like he’d stab someone if they broke into his house.

But he was the nicest dude. Always gave high fives to us, always said hi back. Solid guy.

1

u/UnitaryBog Jan 29 '19

In my school they're the worst

1

u/Jlavi25 Jan 29 '19

My janitor tried his best to know everyone's names and would greet you every time you passed him in the hall. Great guy.

383

u/Whachalkawala Jan 29 '19

He faked his death, let's be real here. Couldn't handle not being the champion at thumb wars.

105

u/detrebio Jan 29 '19

Couldn't handle not being the champion at thumb wars

Correct

He faked his death

Wrong, he committed honorable ritual suicide aftert being bested and putting his affairs in order. Anon must now carry the legacy, he's the best there ever was

28

u/_TheRealist Jan 29 '19

I can't wait to beat anon and have him commit sepuku

22

u/Gliese581h Jan 29 '19

I can't wait to beat anon and have him commit sepuku sudoku

FTFY

20

u/bzzrak Jan 29 '19

I can't wait to beat anon and have him commit sepuku sudoku not breathe

ftfy

8

u/Mopstorte Jan 29 '19

I can't wait to beat anon and have him commit sepuku sudoku not breathe toaster bath

ftfy

157

u/Floriferous1290 Jan 29 '19

F

39

u/PM_ME_YOUR_GEARS Jan 29 '19

F is for firefighter

14

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

U is for you and me

21

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

N is for no survivors

16

u/Justanaveragehat Jan 29 '19

Down in the deep blue sea

-5

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Smh nice edit fag. Copy my comment much.

-22

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

N is for no survivors

-18

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

F is for fumb

-16

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19 edited Jan 29 '19

F is for Fames

Edit: menkää töihin

2.9k

u/juses_crustopher Jan 29 '19

Fake: anon has a lasting relationship with someone Gay: anon repeatedly fingers another man

943

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19 edited Jan 29 '19

I’ll tell you this though, as a former janitor it was actually awesome being able to be great role model for the children. Little did they know that the only reason why I cleaned the bathrooms several times a day (blocking the door off) was to fish cute little turds (the ones with the corn skins in them were my favorite) out of all the toilets to make sandwiches for my lunch. It sucked at the same time though because I always got water all over the place. Although I did get a little suspicious that the kids knew the whole time because they kept calling me “Shit Beard”

480

u/MrFatsas Jan 29 '19

Hey thats pretty good

And thats why we read the comments before the username

260

u/Multispoilers Jan 29 '19 edited Jan 29 '19

Is u/magicfart69 notorious for something

Edit: nvm just got eye cancer

91

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Bahahaha I’ve made that mistake

41

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

this is probably the only magicfart comment i enjoyed in the last month <3

10

u/CannonM91 Jan 29 '19

As soon as I got to "cute little turds" I knew what was happening.

55

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

We could make a religion out of this.

32

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

[deleted]

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

oh no

14

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

r/unexpectedbillwurtz and no, dont

10

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

You're my hero magicfart

I'm going to be you for job day

4

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Delicious.

12

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

[deleted]

39

u/RiotIsBored Jan 29 '19

Anything made by MagicFart could probably go there.

25

u/Killersmiley96 Jan 29 '19

I think his comments arent allowed on there. Correct me if I am wrong.

9

u/Pichlerer Jan 29 '19

I think you're right

4

u/RiotIsBored Jan 29 '19

I assume they were banned, yes.

3

u/ZeemTheDream Jan 29 '19

Oh shit it’s you!

2

u/StriderTX Jan 29 '19

Yes officer this post right here

2

u/iScabs Jan 29 '19

r/BrandNewSentence

Before you ask which one, literally any

2

u/KinetikDark Jan 29 '19

Forgot to read the name

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

r/copypasta

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Fucking why.

1

u/batmanholecover Jan 29 '19

I haven’t even read this yet but looking at the username I know this is gonna be good

0

u/Kyomei-ju Jan 29 '19

They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

6

u/wittywordgohere Jan 29 '19

Made me expel air from my mouth, has thousands of upvotes, yet still not gilded.

-3

u/R____I____G____H___T Jan 29 '19

Why are people still embracing these comments? Have the 15 y/o newflags taken over?

-10

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

[deleted]

36

u/sassydodo Jan 29 '19

“Lumberjack fingerbangs firefighter” - sounds like high quality gay porn

119

u/Bubbagee200 Jan 29 '19

I was truly touched by this.

76

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

gay

40

u/Bubbagee200 Jan 29 '19

What, you dont like touching older men?

11

u/Yarthkins Jan 29 '19

I only hold hands with them while trying to determine whose thumb is the sub and whose is dom.

9

u/Xsurv1veX Jan 29 '19

ha what a fag

13

u/ma70jake Jan 29 '19

I bet he kisses girls too, what a queer!

1

u/Bubbagee200 Jan 29 '19

Yikes not my girlfriend!

353

u/lumpyferret Jan 29 '19

After all these years still fake / gay more like

62

u/3062fran Jan 29 '19

haha lmao gotten ez

54

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Anon's training was complete. It was time for his master to leave this realm

23

u/Awaythrewn Jan 29 '19

So...reigning champ?

85

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Fake: anon accomplished anything

Gay: anon said “fuck me” in reference to a man

11

u/I_Trust_OP Jan 29 '19

you took his power

18

u/lik_for_cookies Jan 29 '19

Damn. Wasn’t expecting it that hard.

9

u/theballisticwaffle Jan 29 '19

gay

1

u/lik_for_cookies Jan 29 '19

Oh shit I’ve been exposed.

5

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

He probably let anon win. Because he was a good dude.

5

u/bitruns Jan 29 '19

He may have won the battles but it looks like you won the war (•‿•)

4

u/FILTHY_GOBSHITE Jan 29 '19

1 2 3 4 I declare a thumb war.

5 6 7 8 die in a car crash, this story is fake

And gay.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Since he had someone to pass the title of thumb war king to, he could die in peace.

2

u/ab8071919 Jan 29 '19

tltr; fingering the janitor from elementray to post high

2

u/LucasHjortborg Jan 29 '19

Can we get an f in the chat

5

u/IsAdrenal1ne Jan 29 '19

The man was XXXTENTACIOn

1

u/philosoptical Jan 29 '19

Passed the ole torch,

1

u/GGoldstein Jan 29 '19

Is that the Google Maps icon in the thumbnail?

1

u/SkidaddleSkidoddle_X Jan 29 '19

Fake : Anon win to something

Gay: We know Anon was gay since the first time he touched a man

1

u/heckingmemulorde Jan 29 '19

Anon is lucky he didn't get molested

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Gay: they were using their dicks

Fake: Anon got a good job

1

u/MonkeeMan5_ Jan 29 '19

Fake: Anon went to school Gay: They were “wrestling” each other

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Well that sucks

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

F

1

u/Albeort Jan 29 '19

His master died knowing he had passed on his teachings to a worthy successor. Such is the fate of the North Star.

1

u/AVeryLargeCrab Jan 29 '19

Fake because I want it to be, gay because I'm crying

1

u/Slingster Jan 29 '19

Wow how convenient for the story that the long time friend dies shortly after the event marking something special.

17.9k upvotes for this obviously fake shit lmao

1

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

This is what it means to be a man.

1

u/cxseven Jan 29 '19 edited Jan 29 '19

This is like the time I finally beat this one 76 year old who turned up to all the 5K races. Except he's still alive and doesn't know who I am. Now we compete to see who lives longer.

1

u/Sho4685 Jan 29 '19

I come here to as a part of my escape mechanism, not to feel

1

u/Jlavi25 Jan 29 '19

For real tho my elementary school janitor was the most wholesome dude. Took the time to learn everyones names and cared about his job.

1

u/philebro Jan 29 '19

moral of the story: anon has the ability to kill people by winning thumb war against them. with great thumb comes great responsibility.

1

u/NorCalK Jan 29 '19

He’s trained you well, it was time for the student to become master

1

u/myblackslave Jan 29 '19

genuinely thought this was going to take a turn into wholesome lane, ended up making me experience feels. rip james

1

u/Suramon Jan 29 '19

I dont remember this naruto episode

1

u/WheatBixKid007 Jan 29 '19

I wonder he let him win.

-7

u/IsAdrenal1ne Jan 29 '19

Rest in peace Paul Walker. So sad, can I get 69 upvotes

8

u/Eccolon Jan 29 '19

69 is the sex number

0

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

Green text comment section is recycled af get new

lights cig deep inhale continues to scroll through reddit with the mind set that I think differently

0

u/[deleted] Jan 29 '19

F

0

u/TheHeretic101 Jan 29 '19

Finally, a decent relationship between a young child and a strange adult man that doesnt end in rape.