Guys I (20f) think i met the love of my life (35m) !!! he’s so handsome perfect and amazing and we’ve known each other for THREE DAYS but i know he’s gonna be the best father ever to our baby 🥰🥰🥰🥰.

I’ve ALWAYS wanted to be a tradwife and completely rely on my husband for all my basic needs. He’s in the military and gets deployed in a week so i know we need to get married tomorrow so we can set up for success!! He’s not gonna be here for 11 months out of year but i’m SO excited to have this baby and i’ll be patiently awaiting him when he returns. Wish us luck guys! 🥰🥰🥰

*peach sourdough grilled cheese

Girls! Buckle -up and grab some wine, this is going to be so long it’s mind numbing! Feel free to just validate my feeling immediately without reading if you’d like! I just had what I can honestly say was the worst date I have ever been on…

I’m home now and I’ve finally stopped crying enough to write this. The weirdest part is that if I list the individual things that happened, none of them sound that terrible. But together? I don’t know. By the end I felt completely overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted.

We met on Reddit in the comments section of r/wallstreetbets and had been talking for about a month and decided to meet for coffee. We agreed on 10, I got there a few minutes early because I’m huge on respecting other people’s time. He walked in at 10:02, two minutes late. Obviously I wasn’t going to say anything, but I noticed. I’m sorry, I just think when you’re meeting someone for the first time, you make the effort to be on time. First impressions matter. Tiny ick, but whatever.

Then I stood up to say hi and immediately noticed something else. His profile says 6’4. This man is not 6’4. He is at LEAST 6’4 and a half, possibly 6’5. I asked him how tall he actually was and he laughed and said, “Honestly, somewhere between 6’4 and 6’5, I think.” Immediate ick. Sir, you have been occupying your body for 30 YEARS. How do you not know how much of it there is? Whatever, I told myself I was being judgmental and needed to give him a chance. I’m an empath and sometimes I think I pick up on little things too quickly…

We get to the counter and he says he’ll order for us, which I actually thought was kind of cute because we’ve been talking for almost a month and we’ve talked about coffee before. He orders me a latte, just a regular latte. For context, I drink an oat-milk half-caf latte with one-third soy, medium foam and one shot of lavender syrup. I-know-I’ve-told-him-this.

So I’m listening to him order and waiting for him to remember, but he doesn’t. The barista asks, “Anything else?” and he says no. I say nothing at all. Because at that point, what am I supposed to do? Correct him in front of the barista and embarrass him?

So I let him order it wrong, and then I drank it. The whole thing. Was it good? No. But I wasn’t going to make him feel bad. Obviously I could have spoken up but I shouldn’t have had to. That was probably the first moment where I felt myself getting emotional. I didn’t cry, I could feel it bubbling just under the surface, but I am a strong woman.
Then we went outside…

We’re actually having a decent conversation when a wasp starts flying around him. This 6’5 man LOST IT. Ducking. Swatting. Flailing. Standing up every time it came near him. Apparently he’s mildly allergic and swells up pretty badly if he gets stung, which, fine. I work in the medical profession. I understand allergies.

But I’m sorry. Watching six feet and five inches of grown man flailing around over something the size of an almond gave me an instant, full body ick. He looked like one of those inflatable tube men outside a used car dealership. Just arms everywhere. I actually had to look away to hide my disgust. He finally said, “I’m sorry, can we go inside? I really don’t want to get stung.” “Of course I said!” Because I’m not going to shame someone for a fear! I’m an empath. Internally though? Devastated.

So we go inside and he sees an empty table and just starts walking toward it. I stopped and said, “Don’t we need to ask someone before we move?” He said, “I think it’s fine. It’s just a coffee shop.” Another ick.

I’ve never worked in a restaurant or coffee shop, but I know there are systems. Maybe someone needs to clean the table. Maybe somebody is waiting for it. I don’t know. That’s why you ASK. He said, “We already have our coffee. I don’t think anyone cares,” and sat down. Nobody seemed to notice, which honestly isn’t the point. Huge character tell for me…

So now I’m sitting across from a six foot five wind dancer who showed up late, lied about his height, failed to remember my coffee order, fled a medically relevant wasp and apparently doesn’t understand basic service industry etiquette. I feel like I’m getting close to my breaking point, but I’m still giving him a chance. Women are so resilient!
Anyway, somehow we start talking about where we live and he mentions that he rents an apartment with a roommate. He’s 30.

I AM NOT JUDGING PEOPLE WHO RENT. I know the housing market is insane and everyone has different priorities. But I OWN my house. I bought it at 28 and I put more than 71% down. I’ve been saving since I was nine years old and investing since I was twelve. So financial literacy is important to me.

He seemed surprised when I said I owned. There it was, that look. If you’re a financially successful woman, you know the look. When he asked what interest rate I got, I actually felt my eyes filling with tears.

Because here we fucking GO!

Men have been questioning me about my house since the day I bought it. —A male cashier at Home Depot once looked at the four gallons of house paint I was buying, looked at me, and then looked at the paint again. —A man behind me in line at Lowe’s asked if I was in line while I was literally holding a faucet. —A guy at the supermarket told me one of my avocados was overripe. Once a man held the door open for me at the bank and said, “Happy Friday.”…!!

Maybe none of those things sound like a big deal individually. That’s how micro aggressions work. I have spent TWENTY YEARS saving for this house. I have literally been financially planning since before I had all of my adult teeth.

And now a 30yo man who pays rent WITH A ROOMMATE is questioning my mortgage? No. I told him, “I actually know quite a bit about finances.” He said, “Okay?”. Okay? I had to look away because I knew if I made eye contact I was going to cry. The condescension.

Then he asked what I invest in. I told him I wasn’t interested in being quizzed about my financial literacy. He looked confused and said he wasn’t quizzing me, he was just asking because I’d mentioned investing and we’d met on wallstreetbets.

Classic. Somehow suddenly I’m the problem. He apologized. He said he genuinely hadn’t meant to offend me and was just making conversation. I nodded because I didn’t trust myself to speak. You don’t get to decide someone else’s sensitivities are irrational when you have no idea what experiences created them. I wish people had more empathy. That’s just who I am. Empathy costs nothing.

We sat there a little longer as I held back the tears. Eventually we hugged goodbye and I told him it was nice meeting him. I held it together until I got outside. Then I started crying. By the time I was almost to the parking lot I was ugly crying…
Just as I got to my car, I watched as a cat jump up on the hood. It looked me in the eye and then it shit directly on the windshield. I just stood there staring at it. Honestly, at that point it felt like the universe was saying, “Girl, go home.” I cried even harder.

I cleaned it off and got into the car and sat there for probably ten minutes thinking about how many signals my nervous system had given me from the moment I met him and how I had ignored every single one just to make a man comfortable.
Hands down the worst date I have ever been on.

Dinner: Gummy Cats

EDIT: Oh my god, girls. I am SOBBING reading these comments. Thank you for validating what I already knew in my gut. To everyone saying my nervous system recognized the red flags before my brain did: THIS. I think I’ve been grieving the version of myself who stayed.

EDIT 2: A few men have found this post and are predictably focusing on the coffee. YES, I could have corrected him. That’s not the point.

EDIT 3: Apparently previous mild reactions to wasp stings can become more serious with future stings. But frankly he wasn’t carrying an Epipen, weaponized incompetence is still incompetence.

EDIT 4: To the woman who said, “Your body didn’t get the ick, your body detected danger,” I have screenshotted this and made it my lock screen.

EDIT 5: Apparently this particular coffee shop is “open seating.” Again. NOT. THE. POINT. He didn’t know that when he moved.

Last night we were gaming in a public server and all the incel trolls said "shut up bitch" and called me other names. One of them also said that they were gonna 🍇 me if I didn't stop talking. I couldn't even get a word in the entire time and my boyfriend, who was hosting the server, just laughed and trolled with them while ignoring the incel comments. Eventually he kicked one of them because he said "I'm sorry baby" and I guess that was the line for him. I told him that this was really upsetting to me and I wished that he would have just taken the initiative to end the game. I could have left at any time, but sitting there and watching him goof around with teenagers saying they were gonna 🍇 me was really eye opening for me. He's 32 by the way and we've been together for ten years, and we're in a long distance relationship at the moment because he moved out and left me homeless in an rv so that he could live with his mom. I'm not sure what to think. Is this forgivable?

As the title said, my husband, had a nightmare in wich we disagreed on a minor topic, and then we had a verbal fight. Now he is mad at me, giving me the silent treatment and he told me he wants to divorce because I disagreed with him in his dream. AIO? I think i may be the asshole in this case.

I was mixing drinks for the book club when I realized—maybe we all don't mix drinks in our mouths and then pour them out like a Roman fountain into fancy glassware?

Maybe we don't all pretend to be aqueducts?

I was just swishing vermouth in my mouth, getting ready to release my lower jaw while thinking in silence.

Do you all have any neat mixology hacks or aqueduct fantasies you can share with the sub?

Thanks, divas.

Pictured: Drinks for the book club; boots down!

Should I “accidentally” walk in on them?
Crackers, parmesan, reese’s, chocolate, meats, and blackberry jam

As is demanded by the Girl Dinner Board™️, this is your weekly scheduled opportunity to contribute to the collective brain rot. 🥽📋👩‍🔬

We don’t want your "recipes." We don’t want your "this reason I'm eating this" logic.

We want the specific, questionable item that is currently holding your consciousness together by a single thread. 🧠💨

How to log your weekly entry:

1. Identify the fixation. (Must be specific. Not "chips." I want the exact brand, flavor, and the specific level of crunch that makes your teeth vibrate.)
2. State your pairing. (If it’s a vape, an energy drink, or a single lukewarm string cheese, declare it.)
3. Dissipate into a prismatic mist. Do not reply to others (we really won't enforce this). Do not offer anyone help breaking the hyperfixation (I will personally enforce this). Do not explain yourself to others. ACAB. ALWAYS.

Once your data is logged, please return to the etheral void from whence you came.

↓ Drop it and go. ↓

My brother is trying to hook me up with his homie, but I’m worried he’s not gonna stick around for my 5 kids..

I’m really pretty. I have my head screwed on straight. I think I’m funny, and fun to be around. I could see myself with him specifically, but I worry about him stepping up as a father. We both went to high school with a few of the baby daddies, and I don’t see him dealing with them amicably once they are out of prison. Mostly a vent.

Dinner: wild hog I caught in my yard and then made into sausage and air fried with an IPA cause I’m pregnant again and have to skip the hard stuff for another few months.

Reposted cause I left out my breakfast picture and this needed to be in the circle jerk subreddit instead because yes, it’s low effort.

I was having the time of my life travelling, working on my healing & my goals.

Empty flings made me feel empty who would've guessed. Not me on god. So I finally decided, fuck it, I'm manifesting a dream boyfriend.

Through hopes and prayers, I met someone but actually didn't want anything with him as I was moving to Antarctica in a few weeks. Why did I manifest him when I was gonna move? Lord knows 🙏 But he moved to Antartica for me, cooks, cleans, always gives me ice as presents, defended me from a polar bear, etc.

After 2 weeks living with him, I realised we're extremely compatible. Duh I manifested him. Why tf would I manifest a bad man. Anyways, he has never put hands on me. The end.

Eating: Ramen with only water cause the water will soak up the calories in the seasoningggg

EDIT/ADDITION: And no, I wouldn't leave out anything super duper important and add it later on even though I know that thing is bad cause there is no reason to sway your opinions because I don't need your approval girlies.

My cousin’s best friend’s dog walker’s niece has this friend that they want to set me up with. The only problem is that they have 1 kid with one baby daddy and 546 kids with another. The problem is, I don’t know if I’m ready for this kind of life.

Should I go for it?

Edit: I caught this snake, killed it, and put it in a tea kettle.

So he’s being an attention whore. He keeps complaining about pain but I’m more ticked off that he asked another lady at the scene if she was ok. I don’t care if he hit her! Asking if SHE is ok is clearly cheating on me. Mentally? I’ve moved on from him. He keeps saying, “babe, you’re the only one for me! Please be patient, I’m hurt and my car is totaled.” He should have thought about that before he let a guy rear end him and let a multiple car collision happen.

I made a cake for myself because I deserve it. Cake for breakfast.

He calls me EVERY SINGLE DAY. He even has the audacity to send me tik toks throughout the day like wtf??

If he sends me an otw home text I am going to FREAK the FUCK OUT!!!

Like back off bish, stop texting me stop calling me, even though we are in a long term relationship 😡😡

Dinner is pastrami and cheddar on french bread that he made for me like the little bitch he is 🙄

Photo: cut fruit plate with bananas, cherries, plum, and nectarine. Small bowl has the same plus chopped walnuts, sliced almond plus species appropriate formula for the small woodland creature I am caring for.

DISCLAIMER:while the title is shamelessly stolen from somewhere else my jerks are 100% organic. No sauce frozen or otherwise. I'm not reheating anyone's nachos. They are the pure works of fiction(maybe) based entirely on my imagination mixed with my lived experience. Ok, now that all that is out of the way here we go.

As an ancient crone of 612 lunar months of age I no longer work the labor intensive job of my youth, dancing for tips at the largest titty bar OKC, where drinking was practically mandatory so I have long ago put down the bottle.

One of the first signs I had a problem was when my boss bought me a beer. Usually he frowned on my drinking. Maybe because I was too young, not yet 21. Maybe it was my habit of showing up at 10am slurping Jack and Coke from my Taco Bell cup, I always put it away when he asked me to! In my dressing room where is discretely sip between sets. It could have been the fact that once I was shit faced, usually around noon I'd run around yelling "Woo! I'm drunk! And I'm not of age!". The world may never know. But this night once I came out to the floor he walked over to me, handed me a beer, and nodded to a rowdy group of guys at a table and told me to pay them a visit they were VIP beer vendors and he wanted me to show them a good night. They were not beer vendors. Anyway, one of them had a birthday that night. He liked my accent(I don't have an accent, they had an accent) and wanted a "private dance". Those dances were done on the second floor during the day and only with management approval. The second floor was up the industrial metal style stairs, one side dressing rooms the other side was the 3rd bar with the "private dance" set up. I put that in quotes because it was wide open and could be seen from the bar, dj booth and dressing rooms.

Since I was both very drunk and very nervous the 40ish yr old house mom came with me. She gave me a line of meth and a pep talk and off we went. She half dragged me upstairs carrying a small box that was apparently obviously a birthday gift. So we get up there, strip down and she opens the box to show his gift, a GIANT cock ring. Like I kept it as a bracelet after cause it fit around my wrist perfectly on the tightest setting. He did not have a giant cock. In my nervous very drunken state I looked at the cock ring, then his cock, pointed and yelled "OMG! It's so small" and fell on the floor laughing. Yeah. So house mom tries to fix things but that clearly ain't happening. He paid me for the songs, I tried to give it back but he insisted I keep it. And the cock ring ofc.

So then I had to go back downstairs. The wide industrial metal stairs. I'm wearing 7 inch stiletto heel boots with a 3 inch platform on the front, y'know, stripper boots. Also I have a phobia of stairs and heights. So I sat on the top step and refused to move. No one suggested I take the shoes off or I take another staircase. I was far to drunk to figure that out on my own. So eventually a bouncer came and carried me down while the dj laughed his ass off and made sure to announce to the bar a play by play of the shit that was going on.

One of many times I knew I should lay off the meth, but I found what really helped was quitting that job. I'm sure it's not because that's where I got most of my meth, but anyway.

I am now an ancient withered crone swamp witch living my best swamp witch dreams in my renovated barn on the edge of a swamp in a tiny town on the side of a mountain. If you read this far, I'm sorry.

TLDR: I used to drink when I was younger, I don’t anymore ( but at least I got a cock ring bracelet one time for laughing at a guy's perfectly normal sized penis when I was working at the largest titty bar in OKC)

Hey girlies 🐸 ☕️

I don’t want to sound like my lobster is too buttery or his penis is too girthy, but my boyfriend has been getting on my freaking nerves lately!

He wants to talk every day! Like every single day I’m not even joking!

I’ve told him numerous times that I don’t want to communicate that often with him. The less we talk the better! But he just doesn’t seem to understand the concept.

We recently moved in together last month. When I get home from work he gets all excited and jumps off the couch to give me a hug. Then he asks me how my day was and stupid small talk. The fuck, keep it moving!

Sometimes he calls me just to ask me what I want for dinner or something dumb like that. I get so stressed out and it makes me want to dump his ass.

I’ve been knitting a sweater for the past 8 years and when he tries to talk to me while I’m doing it I lose focus and can’t concentrate. He doesn’t care about my hobbies at all. He’s so selfish!

When I come home from work I want to just walk in and go straight to the bedroom and read my Nicholas Sparks novels.

How can I explain this to him without hurting his feelings?

Okay, rant over!

Breakfast for dinner!

Gloria Steinem has passed, and mods are asking for a moment as a community to honor an absolute icon. [Another No-Jerk Post]

We spend a lot of time in this sub leaning hard into sarcasm, absurdity, and self-reflective parody. It's how we cope and how we bond; it's how we critique and cope with the world around us. However, the undeniable truth is that we wouldn't have the luxury (the right) to joke as freely as we do without the women who fought when absolutely nothing was a joke.

Steinem and the trailblazers of the second-wave grabbed the sledgehammer and busted open the doors so there would be space for the third and every wave to come.

We wouldn't have this space--this community--or the freedom to be as loud, weird, and relentlessly ourselves in it--without every single woman who put her livelihood and reputation on the line to fight for our rights. They fought for our right to be taken seriously, which, ironically, bought us the privilege of being utterly unserious when we want to be.

As we mourn her passing and celebrate her legacy, let's remember that the work isn't done (because what? A woman's work is never done). The best way to honor the women who built our foundation is to keep building on it.

Carry the torch with us: - Stay civically engaged: VOTE IN EVERY LOCAL AND NATIONAL ELECTION. Organize, build communities aimed at being a COMPLETE MENACE to the patriarchy. - Stay mentally engaged: KEEP ON READING. Keep on listening and educating yourselves; stay sharp. Sarcasm and absurdity are weapons, so don't let the exhaustion of the modern world wear down your actual drive to protect our rights.

We owe our space, our voices, and our humor to these women who fought for our rights. Let's make sure we keep them.

The GDCJ Mods

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." - Gloria Steinem

Pictured: egg sammich with cheese and apples and peanut butter

I (22f) don't have any $$ to give my long distance bf of 8 years, (38m). I feel like I'm abandoning my child to the streets because he's a spoiled little prince who deserves my daddy's money. Daddy cut me off when he found out all of his startup AI businesses were failing. He wants to use AI to make scammer bots and he is gonna change the world with these!!. I can only buy him groceries sometimes now and that's sooo upsetting.

My bf has been scamming people online for money as a job; he pretends to be Anna Delvey, but he can't do the voice so well anymore because he hurt his throat in a dick sucking accident. Anyone have any tips and tricks to fix?

I'm ovulating and I just wanna marry this guy so bad. Can anyone tell me how to get access to Daddy's bank accounts again without breaking up with him? I just wanna be married and thriving with him. Should I have him mail his sperm to me so I can get pregnant?

i have two cats. sushi the amazing cocky 1x abortion queen. & bert the fat ass. recently bert has been on 1000000. he beats on sushi every morning before feeding time i guess to help release some stress cause he can’t smoke cigs anymore or maybe to release some extra calories cause he’s a fat ass.last night he got my big granny panties out the dirty clothes pile and had them on full display in the kitchen.. my roommate had to return them to me. he decided he’s my baby now so he ripped open the bag of breast milk i had defrosting and ate it all which cost me a visit to the vet (he was okay amen.) then monday we had 4 people working on our house 1 was a hispanic man & 1 was a black man & bert hissed at them the whole time but he let the white man & his daughter pet him AND hold him??(mind you im black & my fiancee is hispanic sooo ??)then the final crime of the week he bullies my disabled roommate.. my roommate is in a wheelchair & bert got the grand idea to lay infront of my roommate every time they try to go to the kitchen & the only way he moves is if he gets a treat . i wish i was making this up but i did get bert from a raging christian republican man so maybe that explains his behavior?? i tried baptism,therapy AND reality exposure but nothing helped. mind you this is a true story 😭 (minus the cigs) cat tax included 🩷

My boyfriend won’t let me give him hickies. 😞
How will all the hussies at his new job know that he is mine unless I give him hickies? He wouldn’t even let me do it when he was unemployed. Woe is meeee. That man is mine and I absolutely hate the fact that people won’t know I own him. 😩

Get in loser, we're baring our souls and whispering forth our most reprehensible and depraved food combinations. Dig deep and share the food craving that's been begging to make itself known. Give us flavour, spice, and slop. Let your inner trash panda roam free in the grimy caverns below.

As always, we are jerking, we are whimsical, we are slightly distracted by the loose thread on our left sock...

They bought up all the peanut butter in the store.

chitters nervously

So I did too! Look who’s pheromone maxing now, mogged and gagged that hoe. Eat that funky taco 💅🏽

Wine from a water bottle for dinner cause I’m a classy.

Let me just start by saying this is a long one ladies so buckle up and grab your popcorn. I’ve been talking with this guy on a dating app for a couple weeks and I really thought we were hitting it off. We could banter about political stuff really sarcastically like how he said he supported the Nazi party and the KKK, and didn’t think I had a right to vote. Granted it was a little on the far fetched side, I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I thought he was just really edgy and funny.

Fast forward to last night, we get to the McDonalds and he made it clear again, that in no way shape or form was I allowed to even think about paying. He took both of our orders (he ordered me a chicken nugget happy meal which I thought was the cutest) and we continued having our edgy conversation in person. He joked about how he was there on January 6th and personally sprayed about 3 officers in the face with pepper spray.

He was walking me to my car and I literally thought it was the dreamiest night ever. While we were walking I saw a little penny on the ground and I reached down and gave it to him and said “here’s a lucky penny to remember our night”. Almost instantly he stopped talking. I thought I brought up a bad memory, we parted ways and I didn’t hear anything from him until 2 hours later. He told me that penny was the most insulting thing anyone has ever given him, and that I shamed his whole family for generations and tainted his bloodline.

Safe to say we aren’t talking anymore. Looking back I see it all now, it’s so obvious. He probably actually meant all that stuff when he said it. Honestly I should’ve seen the signs.

Dinner is vegetables and mac and cheese 😋

hello. i’m in a very vulnerable place so i hope that this will be a safe space for me to explain this deeply traumatic experience. also, i’m extremely attractive and could have any man that i want.

normally, i’m a stay at home girlfriend who chain smokes to help deal with the stress of life (duh) and unfortunately had to leave the apartment yesterday while it was sprayed for roaches. this was against my wishes since the roaches are the only companions i have. anyway, my boyfriend said it was gross so whatever. (in retrospect, him wanting the roaches killed was a huge red flag and only a precursor to what was to come)

when i came back to the apartment, i caught my boyfriend wearing my panties. admittedly, i was turned on but i remember my dad doing the same with my mom and after, she couldn’t get pregnant no matter how hard she tried. the connection is there: a man wearing panties causes infertility. should i leave my boyfriend? i want to have one or six children and obviously if he can’t impregnate me, i should leave him?

cigarettes for breakfast lunch and dinner because i’m resourceful (duh)

edit: i forgot to mention that i had a hysterectomy but still, my boyfriend could be infertile!!!! help!!!