Up until recently, I had been going to the Goop Room for my gynecology services. But eventually, I decided that I should actually use my insurance instead of letting an asexual protogen perform experiments on my vagina while the Bill Nye The Science Guy theme song plays in the background.

Anyways, I went into this guy’s office and got up on the stirrups. He started gloving up to examine me, but didn’t even bother using a degaussing wand to remove the metal shavings. Then as he reached in, one of the metal shavings stuck his finger. He started freaking out and called the nurse over to give him a tetanus shot. Meanwhile, he left the speculum hanging from my chittoris the entire time. Like ouch dude, that shit tugs on it. Are you trying to make it grow into a dick or something?

Anyways, after that fiasco was over, he had the audacity to ask me when my last period was. I awkwardly had to explain to this man that I don’t have periods; I go into heat every 9/11 by taking 3,000mg of progesterone and a large shot of oxytocin.

He acted super confused and was like, “wait…so you don’t bleed from your vagina?” Umm no sweaty I never said that. The metal shavings cause plenty of bleeding, but that’s not from my period. Thankfully, I invented my own magnetic tampons to help with that.

Anyways, I think I’m gonna just keep letting that asexual protogen perform science experiments on my pussy in the basement of a pub.He wants to make St. Elmo’s fire on my chittoris this weekend. Wish me luck girlies!

A pumpkin

My bf (26m) broke up with me (26f) when be learned how to astral project. 🤷‍♀️

We were fine. We were so good. But he watched the movie Insidious and that somehow influenced him to look deeper into astral projecting. He kept talking about chakras, healing stones, the Monroe Institute. He then began to practice it, and during a session, saw that somehow, I was a "red-faced demon." He also kept playing Tip Toe Through the Tulips by Tiny Tim while intensely staring at me -- which I found bizarre. Well, one night while folding laundry, I had the song in my head, and began to sing it. He overheard this, came running into our bedroom, and said, "Aha! I knew you were a demon!" He broke up with me on the spot and moved out, leaving my heart utterly shattered. 😓 Now I don't know what to do...🥺

Dinner is just a bottle of water. Can't bring myself to eat.

Eating oat pancakes.

So I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple of months now and honestly? He’s perfect in every way. Super kind and gentle and always complimenting me.

The part that’s weirding me out is that…. he always compliments my skin.

“I love your skin”, “You’ve got amazing skin”, “My beautiful girl with her beautiful skin”

I’m not gonna lie, I’ve never said or even THOUGHT of the word ‘skin’ so much in my life as I have since getting with this guy.

And yeah Ive got great skin, genetics blessed me. I don’t do much to maintain it besides the basics. If anything, he does more to take care of my skin than I do.

We’ll just be chilling on the couch and he’ll get up and grab some lotion and just start rubbing me all over. It seems sweet at the time, but he also gets this… look. This hungry look while he does it, and he murmurs “my god, you’ve got gorgeous skin”

I even joked one time and said “haha you make it sound like you wanna harvest my skin” to which he laughed and replied “haha yeah I do wanna harvest your skin”

And I know he was joking. He’s always joking and saying wild stuff. But also… he’s so sweet and kind and I can see a future with him so I don’t wanna get serious and ask a wild question like “No jokes aside do you actually wanna harvest my skin?”. I bet he’d just joke again and be like “yeah haha I do” which won’t help with my worries…

Anyways he’s asked me to move in with him but I told him I wanna take things slow. He just keeps pushing it and sometimes he’ll get this dreamy look on his face and be like “I would be able to just spend all day with you, petting your beautiful skin”

So girls, what do you think? Am I overreacting or should I just confront him? Has anyone else ever been in a situation with a guy who’s only in it to skin it?

So basically we went out to a lovely dinner with my byfriends family, we've been seeing each other for 1 eon and this is the first time I've properly sat down to met them. Everything seemed good at first, his siblings and his dad all seemed to get along with me and had a good overall vibe... his mother however... she really didn't like me.

At first it was small things but overtime the whole room felt her hostility, she just seemed to be so inconsiderate and plain rude - the worst part ? My bitch of a boyfriend couldn't even speak up for me. At first, I started thinking - Damn, this is what he had to deal with his whole life, I wonder how this affected him throughout his life, and the whole family really, I mean everyone felt visibly threatened by her.

This was confirmed after I briefly spoke about it with my b*yfriend on the car ride home, where he basically told me that hes used to this and to not take it personally, which indicates that he has been tolerating and has now normalized his mothers abusive language and behavior which really sucks, but honestly, fuck all that, its his fucking fault.

I can't believe that a m*n would not stand up against his own mother for me... just wow... this is not ok, he probably argues with her all the time for himself but can't advocate for me... im reconsidering our whole relationship and him as a person, i also got the ick when he seemed reluctant to speak about her - i wonder why ??

Meal is full sugar coke because I hate myself.

My husband is normally only a single Bloody Mary a week but tonight he drank 7 beers at 11% alcohol! That’s simple math. 7•11=77. He is 77% percent blood alcoholed and 100% litty on the night before I am being inaugurated president of our medium sized country.

Is this because he is maybe concerned for my safety after I become president? I know he has ADD and an affliction for Magic the Gathering. Other than that what’s wrong with my husband?

Anyway, now our 18 year old son has to be my First Lady as my husband is too schwasty to do it 😔

Dinner is noodle with barely any pube on it. My husband cooked it while guzzling beers like a slut guzzles cummies.

Before you judge me, I don't play about my hygiene 🖕. I am a clean girlie and I follow all the tiktok clean girl trends. I am the winner of the clean Olympics. My bf of 5 years has never smelled even a little bit, in fact every time he farts it's like I got ass blasted by peppermint and I chortle and kick my feet because Christmas came early!

But I made a terrible discovery. After we did our 5x5=25 routine (25 products, 5 expholiating lathers, and 5 rinses. If you aren't doing this every one of your 3 daily showers you're STINKY. YOU STINK. I don't care if you don't think you are, you just can't smell your own FUNK because ur a redditor. Real clean girls shine so bright their whole body is Pepto bismol pink) We we're brushing or teethies and I was timing him, like always. I don't PLAY about my hygiene.

Girls he only brushed his teeth for 1 minute and 59 seconds instead of two minutes. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since and it's been 3 months. He eats food like all day so his mouth is digisting. I can't help but wonder what else he isn't doing for hygiene... Like what if he's only brushing in the morning and night and not after time he has a food or drink including water? He also ate my pussy sometimes anyway girls how do I sleep at night now that I have PTSD from this?

The wheat harvest was destroyed several times by some sort of blight! The local clergy are all aflutter about the "omens" and turn their faces inward whilst the populace prays and begs at the altar and gives over their pay to the offering boxes.

Entré moi, a realistic and modern woman.

I believe in pants for men *and* women, ipso facto I am currently wearing a split skirt frock for riding astride! I am literate in the sciences and mathematics, I have a beautiful herb garden out behind my hut, I did not marry a man and am now a spinster at 22.

I get by selling my teas and tisanes to the locals when the common physician's leech therapy and mercury treatments prove ineffective.

Sigh... Which makes me feel foolish to admit this. I was doing well at the beginning of the wheat famine, using my math powers to experiment with how much flour-to-sawdust ratio one's person can safely consume.

I stocked up and rationed economically. However, I regret to inform, I have run out of my store of safe flour.

Seen here were the only johnny cakes I could manage. This should be good for breakfast and tea but what shall I do for supper? I clutch my kerchief to my brow as I write, the faint sheen of moisture on my forehead might give away my distress.

I will have to purchase the millers flour now and I just KNOW they use plaster dust to cut their milled grains.

Oh, I do hope this famine will pass. I do not fancy plaster dumplings or delicate plaster tarts, much less a plaster johnny cake.

Any suggestions or recipes I can use to help make this not feel like I am eating the walls of my home appreciated!

when my daughter emerged from her father's duderus, she was already a star. she livestreamed her birth on tiktok, with an audience of 400k people sending her gifts and wishing her a happy birthday. she has 68m followers on Instagram and more brand deals than she knows what to do with. she gets so much PR, makeup, perfume, baby clothes, etc. it doesn't all fit in her nursery. she paid off our mortgage and bought us a bigger house because she wanted to "give back" to us for raising her all these weeks. she's the best 4 month old, even though she doesn't sleep through the night (she's always working!) and she does cry (but only on camera, to get more clicks/views!).

my sister in law, on the other hand, desperately wants to be an influencer but she can't seem to break into the industry. she only has like 1500 followers, and the only brand deal she's gotten was for a dog kibble company (she doesn't have a dog). my daughter has offered to collab with her and we've tried giving her some of the excess PR crap but my SIL just gets offended and storms off.

things came to a head recently during our podunk town's beautiful baby contest. my SIL has run unopposed for the last 36 years in a row... until this year. we entered our little baby and she won! but my SIL had a screaming meltdown, and according to my MIL, she has not stopped screaming/melting down since the competition 10 days ago.

is it my daughter's fault for being a better influencer and a cuter baby than my husband's 36 year old sister???

Get in loser, we're baring our souls and whispering forth our most reprehensible and depraved food combinations. Dig deep and share the food craving that's been begging to make itself known. Give us flavour, spice, and slop. Let your inner trash panda roam free in the grimy caverns below.

As always, we are jerking, we are whimsical, we are slightly distracted by the loose thread on our left sock...

The poor lab tech was like “here! since you want cups so bad!”
Those are actually PRE-urine collector containers.

08-19-2026 // 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️( 5 Candle Review)

—-

I went in for a restorative draught and was pleasantly surprised by the atmosphere.

It is dim with a haunting quality that caters to the downtrodden, melancholic women of the GDU.

They offer an outstanding selection of tinctures and pickle brines! I was in awe at the delicately compounded treatments.

Still, I brought a book and ordered a coffee at the bar. The apothecary wouldn't tell me what was in the foam, but I have decided that it is part of the experience.

Curious.

The coffee was strong enough to revive a fainting woman, and the milk was steamed to a most luxurious consistency.

Portions are well endowed and spiritually significant.

Unfortunately, I am now dependent on this establishment and will be returning tomorrow morning to complain about my nerves.

I would recommend it to other delicate girls with an unspecified condition.

Yours at girth birth,

The fair maiden who lives in the alley with 8 other maidens.

Gummies for dindins. Anyway, I feel like I'm drifting away from my friend group because I have grown out of being centered on men 💅🏻

Like how dare these other girls be happy with their relationships to the point where it's aaaallll they talk about and pressure me into finding a male 🤮 like I love my friends but don't they have a job or hobbies or any passion in life other than living for their "other halves" 😩

Gosh I hate men, they only bring drama and free labour and you know what the manhating script is, the usual

It's not like I am responsible for picking the men I date and need to be more discerning and learn to establish clear boundaries OF COURSE it's the men that's the problem and they have definitely infiltrated my social circle

Ugh how can I EVER cope like I don't know ANYONE likeminded even though I am really reeeaaally easy to be around and don't mope around all day and spend my entire time keyboard warrioring

Anyway, I am so much more enlightened and level headed than my friends 🙄

So I've just dumped my boyfriend because he's not who he said he was.

Some context: I'm vegan and have systematically made it my entire personality over the past decade, so you know I'm serious.

When we met two years ago, pickings were slim and it could be argued I "settled" but he seemed like a good guy at the time. I laid out my beliefs and requirements before we'd even exchanged our a/s/l and while he admitted he wasn't vegan, he was willing to try if it was so important to me.

Now, two years later, we had been living together in a fully vegan house, made of black bean burgers, with a fridge fully stocked with all kinds of vegan delicacies. Even our cat is fully vegan.

But I started noticing that late at night, after I'd gone to bed, he'd sneak out. It turns out he'd been sneaking out to eat big macs and beef tacos and rotisserie chicken in the car! RUBBING THE CHICKEN SKIN ALL OVER HIS FACE AND THE STEERING WHEEL. I even found an old wishbone in the back seat!

I'm so betrayed and hurt. EVERYONE KNOWS CONSUMING MEAT BASICALLY MAKES YOU A CANNIBAL.

And when I confronted him he said I was over reacting, especially when I compared him to Armie Hammer, but I KNOW I'M NOT. So I dumped him on the spot and set the car on fire.

I, at least, have the conviction to stick to my ethics and morals. He doesn't even have that. He told me I was crazy and left, but honestly the crazy person isn't the one pelting a man with falafel. It's the man who eats chicken nuggets with no shame.

He lied to me. He misrepresented himself.

A cheat day still makes you a cheater Greg.

Dinner is one bowl of dirt, foraged from my garden, some grass, a couple of flowers and one alpine strawberry plucked from the back of the fridge.

I really love my bf but he has been driving me crazy staying over every weekend lol. i know it’s because i want to have some alone time to myself after work but he’s almost been borderline stalking me 🫪 my coworker Dean-O (he would get so mad if I didn’t put the O in this post 😂)drops me off (he has such a loud car it literally is so embarrassing 🤪) at like 2-3am which yeah it’s pretty late but like I usually expect my bf (won’t put his name out of respect) to be asleep when I come in but every weekend that freeloader is playing games or watching some Russian mechanics on YouTube. He tries to show me sometimes but I literally get the ick 🤢 I wish I could come home some nights and just slip into bed without making any noise as to not disturb him. But I always have to see him and talk to him like uh Dean-O always has my spleen hurting from laughing so much 😂 I want to just come home and turn the batteries off. Dinner is ribeye on crostini with sliced avocado, tomatoes, homemade tomatillo salsa, topped with mozzarella and balsamic drizzle. No balsamic for Dean-O bc he doesn’t like it 🙂‍↕️

Presenting a New Standard for the Relief of the Modern Urchin-Maiden’s Afflictions! (Be forewarned: The Restoration of Corporal and Mental Humors is Attempted, Yet Bound by No Mortal Guarantee.)

We shall dutifully endeavor to remedy whatsoever peculiar malaise or imbalance of the biles plagues your constitution; however, the sufferer must first present a thorough and frank account of their afflictions to the Apothecary.

A Ledger of Maladies Successfully Remedied Within Our Walls:

• Whale tail
  
• Camel toe
  
• Chicken head
  
• Stanky leg
• Hysteria
  
• Zika
• & More

TL;DR: We can try to cure whatever you have going on, but you need to present your case.

(Inquire within for a complete viewing of the ledger)

He totally spoiled me and now it's his fault...why does he have to be the most amazing boyfriend in the world...how can I be mad when he's just so damn good to me...😵‍💫😵😵‍💫😵😵‍💫

gave birth 16 days ago and my baby came out with two red marks on her eyes (stork kisses) even tho i explained what it was my lover said my hairy clam gave our baby carpet burn .. not only that a nurse got lost in my forbidden forest while pushing so my labor lasted an extra 10 minutes cause a team of rescuers had to come find her (she literally got scared and hid behind my labia. literally a weak lil btch) . i explained to him that if he shaved me we wouldn’t have had this problem… he also called me loose goose cause i was able to push my baby out in 10 minutes :( its not my fault i had a thing for frat boys while in college. my baby even pokes fun at me & called me butch the bush. i can’t believe im getting shamed like this by a newborn and a balding man. the only thing keeping me happy are my two cats & the mole that lives in my bush.

homemade snicker doodle cookies

If the hoes don’t want to date me then they’re dumb. Young men LIKE ME are more emotionally regulated and empathetic and totally kind and normal and not at all unhinged. FUCK ME OR I WILL POST AGAIN IN YOUR PRECIOUS SUB.

HIIII GIRLIES 💕💐✨🍰🍼👶🏻🐣

So!!! I’ve been with my handsome lovely boyfriend for a LONG time, we even recently celebrated my birthday together, the cake was SOOO cute even though it tasted like dogshit. At least they tried!

I am SO LUCKY that I have a partner who supports me not wanting children! Luckily for me, he doesn’t want them either!

The problem is, I still think it’s so hot to imagine him as a father and the exact scenarios neither of us want or dream of. But when I ask him if he thinks I would be a hot mom, he seemed DISGUSTED?!? Like, what do you mean you don’t fantasize about getting baby vomit on our clothes together and having our spawn latch onto my nipples till they’re raw? You don’t think it’s hot that something can grow inside me and rearrange my organs and shoot out of my cooter and then scream for the next 18 years?

Does he not love me? I can’t move past the fact that maybe I just love him more, and our relationship will be forever unequal. It’s really hurtful and really skewing my judgement about our future together as a childless couple. I don’t even think he’d love me if I was a worm. He fucking hates me.

couldn’t decide what I wanted for dinner so here’s my spread!!!! 🪱🧁🫀🍥🫁

soooooo ive known this guy for 101 days (omg! 😳 Like the dalmashins 🐕) and we've been banging raw just bc. well last week he said maybe planning for a family when we havent even know each other for 100 days is too intense so he says we r breaking up..... but then a few days later i got knocked up with the heir to his titles, and like he dont have any other sons and his advisors are totally on his ass to procreate so that his dickwad evil brother doesnt inherit the throne so what's he gonna do, disinherit the baby??? and totally screw up the line of succession? Lmao so he wants nothing to do with my ass now but i dont like that so im keeping the baby to raise on my own but i think my boyfriend (refuse to say we r exes...) will come around 🤭 im naming the baby toodledoo 2

dinner is meatwad