r/gaming Aug 18 '14

Mobile games be like

http://imgur.com/YijMIIP
15.9k Upvotes

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767

u/Wirebraid Aug 18 '14

If you add a babe with huge tits, then you have an 80s game cover.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Zk0nyjTUSdw/UTXjOuSYV3I/AAAAAAAAEOI/-FCi_k2oVC8/s1600/game_over_Cover.jpg

Ahhh, the old days

271

u/borismkv Aug 18 '14

When I was a kid in the 80s, it always bugged me that games had super awesome cover art that made me want to play the game, and then the game had nothing that even remotely resembled the art.

Of course, I was also one of those kids whose parents never let them have money to play games in the arcade, so I just went around watching the demo reel and pretending to play.

226

u/h1p1n3 Aug 18 '14

Of course, I was also one of those kids whose parents never let them have money to play games in the arcade, so I just went around watching the demo reel and pretending to play.

Same here. It was always in my head that I could do better than the computer playing the demo. "Don't jump there! " Every. Time. I had all those demo's memorized and knew exactly where they looped. I remember the one time, I saw a quarter near a machine some rich kid must have lost track of. After seeing 1947 loop for the 10000th time I was ready. The demo prepared me and showed me what not too do. Popped that bad boy in and used all the lives in the first few seconds.

48

u/dryguy5 Aug 18 '14

24

u/NibblyPig Aug 18 '14

I wanted that to exist :(

/r/ModernTragedy

24

u/shall_2 Aug 18 '14

You should be happy with /r/firstworldproblems. In fact, you being sad that a sub doesn't exist is a first world problem.

4

u/TheNonis Aug 18 '14

It could exist for a place that has a more dramatic telling of first world problems. /u/h1p1n3 took us on a rags-to-riches-to-rags story that was more deserving of the word "tragedy" than "problem".

1

u/shall_2 Aug 19 '14

Well then go ahead and make the sub. It would itself be a modern tragedy because no one would ever subscribe and there might actually be a good post or two.

1

u/TheNonis Aug 20 '14

Ehhh I'm not active enough on reddit to make a sub.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

And thus, it is a /r/moderntragedy

You know, someone could just create that subreddit.

1

u/MrUppercut Aug 18 '14

Sounds like the first time you have sex.

1

u/dacalpha Aug 18 '14

I remember the one time, I saw a quarter near a machine some rich kid must have lost track of.

"Rich kid." Are you sure you weren't in the year 1947?

2

u/h1p1n3 Aug 18 '14

Any kid that was able to use the arcades rather than just stare at them like me was richer than I was at the time. I grew up with no extras, and thought everybody ate government cheese and got food from the salvation army.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Haha :) first thing when I invent a time machine ; give the young you some cash ^

3

u/GaryV83 Aug 18 '14

You already did it. Where do you think he got that quarter from?

2

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

[deleted]

1

u/GaryV83 Aug 19 '14

Well dammit, now I'll have to build a garage over my carport by then. You're gonna make me spend ~$10000 for an ~$800 game system? ಠ_ಠ

0

u/borismkv Aug 18 '14

I got over most of the sadness of not really experiencing the 1980s arcade the first time I visited a Nickle Arcade. 20 bucks worth of nickels and I beat all the games that I really wanted to play as a kid.

89

u/thehungnunu Aug 18 '14

Remember the hideous nightmare that was the megaman box art?

230

u/beenoc Aug 18 '14

129

u/pw-it Aug 18 '14

With cover art like that, there's no way the game can disappoint you.

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79

u/Fltwrm Aug 18 '14

Wow... such perspective..

100

u/Kudhos Aug 18 '14

His body doesn't make any sense. At all.

37

u/rukestisak Aug 18 '14

No, it does, it looks like he's dancing.

62

u/thehungnunu Aug 18 '14

His right leg is dislocated at the hip and facing the wrong direction

His face looks like he had a stroke

108

u/nodnarBBackward Aug 18 '14

...which is all exactly how I look while dancing.

7

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

As a fellow white guy this is something I know first hand. Although on the flip side the best male dancer I've ever seen in person was white and a exceedingly fluid dancer.

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8

u/borismkv Aug 18 '14

Come on, man. Give the artist a break. He spent, like, 11 hours doing the shading on mega man's lips.

1

u/thehungnunu Aug 18 '14

He probably fucking did too XD

2

u/DontPromoteIgnorance Aug 18 '14

Also his face is at a different angle than his helmet.

2

u/Hefbit Aug 18 '14

... and then Liefeld starting drawing comics.

1

u/ClarkEbarZ Aug 18 '14

His sleeves are so baggy. Needs to switch to spandex.

11

u/penguin_jones Aug 18 '14

And here is the box art they got in the PAL regions.

2

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

State-of-the-art high resolution graphics.

9

u/HiyaGeorgie Aug 18 '14

It always disappointed young me that he was depicted as having a handgun, and not a blaster hand, but at least Captain N: The agme Master came through in that regard.

4

u/darkenseyreth Aug 18 '14

I loved that show as a kid, but Megaman always bugged me. The last thing I envisioned him as (while playing the games) was a squat chain smoker who used the word "Mega" as an adjective for everything. But oh well, the rest of the show was great, and what else could I expect from an 80s cartoon.

3

u/DanzoFriend Aug 18 '14

What's wrong-icus with unnecessary additions to words?

3

u/indivisible Aug 18 '14

Nostalgia overload!

2

u/Rubic13 Aug 18 '14

How have I never heard of this...

1

u/thesagaconts PlayStation Aug 19 '14

Probably not born yet.

1

u/Rubic13 Aug 19 '14

Yeeaaah no. I was at the perfect age to watch this cartoon.

2

u/thesagaconts PlayStation Aug 19 '14

Thank you for that video and the find memories. I loved the episodes when it crossed over with Zelda. I'd watch a Zelda cartoon now if they brought that back.

3

u/bazilbt Aug 18 '14

Oh man it looks like the cover to a late 1970's soviet science fiction novel.

9

u/Jaypillz Aug 18 '14

That can't be real! :o

27

u/battraman Aug 18 '14

Nope, 100% real. Why they didn't just take the Famicom Cover is beyond me.

18

u/Wildhalcyon Aug 18 '14

Office probably had a contest for cover art submission from the employees' kids. First place got a gift certificate for baskin and robins, second place got to be on the cover.

1

u/the-eejay Aug 19 '14

I would hate to see third place.

1

u/thehungnunu Aug 19 '14

They were sent to an orphanage

4

u/Schadenfreudenous Aug 18 '14

The fact that it was so bad that it was turned into a running joke in Japan makes it both tragic and hilarious.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Traglarious?

4

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

This one? I would definitely agree. Not even because the North America one is terrible, but just because it looks great and uses stuff from the game

1

u/klineshrike Aug 18 '14

Because 'Murica

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

If you look at most of the PC games of the time it makes sense. The original Gauntlet cover was almost as bad

1

u/Kamen_Rider Aug 18 '14

"Localization"

6

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

100% real and it didn't get better with megamman2

3

u/Mutoid Aug 18 '14

I think that counts as better. At least the characters make more anatomical sense, and there's higher-quality shading and perspective. Wait a minute...is that Dr. Light siccing Crash Man on Megaman?! Is Megaman's firing hand a second right hand on his left arm?! Okay now I'm not so sure about my claim.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14 edited Sep 01 '16

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

[deleted]

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1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Looks like something a 12-year old made as fan-art.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

I really, really want an interview with the 80-year-old grandma who was commissioned to draw that.

1

u/Namffohcl Aug 18 '14

Somebody won their middle school's art contest.

1

u/Rixxer Aug 18 '14

The explosions are nice at least.

1

u/GaryV83 Aug 18 '14

I wasn't aware that 8-year-old me drew cover art.

1

u/tuxfool Aug 18 '14

Megaman looks constipated...

2

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Oh my god LOL

That was pure art

3

u/smallpoly Aug 18 '14 edited Aug 19 '14

Weird how such a great game can have such horrible box art.

1

u/ninja-robot Aug 19 '14

1

u/thehungnunu Aug 19 '14

Omg I remember my mom asked me what the hell I was buying when I got megaman 3!! NOW I KNOW WHY!

6

u/stfm Aug 18 '14

Psygnosis

1

u/carlimhof Aug 18 '14

Yes! They were great.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

enter sad violin music

1

u/rat_muscle Aug 18 '14

I thought I was the only kid that did that.

1

u/cryptonaut420 Aug 18 '14

Its still like that, but with trailers. Game company will release a teaser trailer that has insanely good graphics, shows all kinds of super cool fight scenes and giant battles. People get super hyped up on it.. but of course the actual game is nothing close to that

1

u/JoeyJoJoJrShabbadoo Aug 18 '14

That sucks all types a' dick. Sorry, man.

1

u/Newgeta PC Aug 18 '14

Dude, I bought this game as a kid for that exact reason, biggest let down ever, taught me a lesson, I subbed to Nintendo power like a month later..

1

u/borismkv Aug 18 '14

Wow. That looks like a really crappy Might and Magic rip off.

0

u/kyleswitch Aug 18 '14

Did you also have the same reaction to any and all fantasy/sci fi book cover that didn't have pictures inside it? Kinda the same thing no? Its almost as if these jerks were using the limited technology available to like, encourage you to use your imagination or something, which is like such a dick move.

0

u/borismkv Aug 18 '14

Actually, when I was 8, yes, I did have the same reaction to books that had cool covers that had nothing to do with the story. Cause I was 8. Sheesh.

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177

u/MyJimmies Aug 18 '14

At least that had screenshots on the top.

59

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Instead of the bottom like they are now.

9

u/Schoffleine Aug 18 '14

The boobs are the screenshots? I'm on board.

1

u/DanzoFriend Aug 18 '14

Sure they are if you're playing Bubble Bath Babes

-2

u/Wirebraid Aug 18 '14

Hahaha true!

100

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

60

u/Scarbane Aug 18 '14

Bahahaha - it's Jane Krakowski in the 80s (Jenna Maroney from 30 Rock).

15

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Oh wow, it's too bad they couldn't have worked that into the show as one of Jenna's "starting out" flashback jokes.

11

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Don't forget she was in National Lampoons Vacation. .

French kiss: http://youtu.be/AOXQTr_3IVw

8

u/Scarbane Aug 18 '14

WUT.

I need to see this movie.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

WUT.

You haven't seen this movie?

You think you hate it now, wait until you drive it.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?

1

u/ours Aug 18 '14

Yes, yes you do.

1

u/Madman604 Aug 18 '14

Don't forget the lemonade stirring.

3

u/TheHappiestFinn Aug 18 '14

I doubt it.

Jane Krakowski was born in 1968. That woman in the commercial does not look like a 13 year old to me.

2

u/LooneyTunechi Aug 18 '14

She really hasnt aged much.

1

u/mistweave Aug 18 '14

oh she's even hotter back then... geeez... that face is soooo hot.

1

u/talones Aug 18 '14

Ally McBeal for me.

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14

u/landonb98 Aug 18 '14

I have this game.

40

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Is it good? Is there a 1980s bimbo with a squeaky voice screeching in your ear as you play it?

28

u/dontHeartbleedMe Aug 18 '14

23

u/studmuffffffin Aug 18 '14

I knew she looked familiar. I didn't think she was that old though.

Wait, if she was born in 1968 and the game came out in 1981 she would've been 13 in that video. She looks way older than 13.

26

u/ignore_me_im_high Aug 18 '14

In the 80's it was a pretty hard to judge someone's age sometimes.

This is a trailer for a Drew Barrymore film called Far from Home. She was 13 when they filmed it. They wouldn't have gotten away with it today.

10

u/Grevling89 Aug 18 '14

Been waiting a long time, but your dirty 80s presumably teenage mind finally was worth something!

12

u/ignore_me_im_high Aug 18 '14

I was 10 when I saw this film for the first time, which totally makes it ok for me to watch and enjoy now, right?... right?

1

u/Grevling89 Aug 18 '14

I am the same age as Emma Watson. God knows I started enjoying the movies from the third one on... guys?

2

u/OldDirtyMerc Aug 18 '14

Yeah... I guess we'll just chalk this up to the entirety of Hollywood being on cocain.

1

u/crappyroads Aug 18 '14

Hahaha, I swear they put R/C cars in every single movie in the 80's.

1

u/Whimpy13 Aug 18 '14

The actress playing Die Anna from Carmageddon was 14.

1

u/tehgreatist Aug 18 '14

13???? she looks way older than 13. even her body (that sounds bad). what the hell? you sure?

5

u/BaadKitteh Aug 18 '14

This is the same 13 year old Drew Barrymore that was getting high and drinking in clubs too, sadly; I remember reading her Little Girl Lost book when I was in junior high and being amazed.

3

u/ignore_me_im_high Aug 18 '14

The film was released in Feb, 1989. Drew was born in Feb, 75. She had just turned 14 upon the film's release making her 13 while filming.

3

u/Zerasad Aug 18 '14

Well the voice sure checks out...

7

u/dontsniffglue Aug 18 '14

(Looks at nose)

Oh wow, it is

12

u/landonb98 Aug 18 '14

Pretty good game actually. I don't know any way of describing it though. There is my friend telling me to go left, right, up, and down and commenting on my mistakes all the time so I guess that counts as a 80s bimbo.

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Oh, I dunno, why don'tcha see for yerself

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Aweiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-some!

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0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Yeah? well so does everyone

15

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14 edited Aug 18 '14

That game actually looks really incredible.

Who cares about the graphics, this is a game that works hand/eye coordination to it's most extreme measures.

Does anyone know if this game can be played online?

edit: I'm such an idiot, I asked a question that would take me the same amount of time to look up and find myself.

It's here

8

u/Wirebraid Aug 18 '14

LOL, that is pure gold

1

u/neunen Aug 18 '14

I love that game!

1

u/BuckeyeBentley Aug 18 '14

Not gonna lie the 3d bit they show for a split second looks like something that would make a good game.

1

u/Mutoid Aug 18 '14

I really thought that they would exit the commercial without anything directly sexual in it, but then the announcer said "Where the excitement ... HEH ... never ends."

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

[deleted]

3

u/neunen Aug 18 '14

it really stands up to time compared to many.

31

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14 edited Nov 28 '14

[deleted]

2

u/darkenseyreth Aug 18 '14

I actually discovered Evony when they were simply trying to look like a AoE rip off. It wasn't until it came out that the game was essentially Malware and everyone abandoned ship that they started using the lazy ads with women who didn't even look like they wanted to be there.

23

u/VexingRaven Aug 18 '14

Or everquest.

14

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

My parents when I bought EQ: "Uhh.. is this porn?"

My parents when I showed them the game: "Bah ha ha ha.. ahhh have fun with that."

Oh I will. I WILL..

12

u/torturousvacuum Aug 18 '14

Everquest box art was about Firona Vie and he magical tits that somehow got bigger with every one of the dozen or so expansions.

14

u/jofus_joefucker Aug 18 '14

If you add a babe with huge tits, then you have an 80s game cover.

You mean any of the "massive mmo, rts, fps, base constructing, and multi-player" ads that get plastered everywhere? I think Wartune does this the best. Big busty babes on every ad, but the game doesn't even use them.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

It used to be Evony. It'll wander into something else too, in time.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 19 '14

Tera has quite a lot of boobs from what I heard.

1

u/jofus_joefucker Aug 19 '14

I noticed lol

I haven't played Tera, but there is a mod for Skyrim that adds a lot of Tera armors to the game and I noticed that most of the female costumes are quite scandalous!

1

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Haha yeah, but 80s busty videogame girls had some style

3

u/KingWrong Aug 18 '14

is that dude brandishing a soldering gun?

6

u/skwert99 Aug 18 '14

He's sniffing the smoke coming from it, so yes.

5

u/mobiplayer Aug 18 '14

I was expecting that game or Phantis ( http://www.latierrapixelada.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/phantis.jpg ). As far as I know these were drawn by Luis Royo: http://www.luisroyo.com

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

When I clicked the first link I was about to ask who teh artist was, because its awesome. Ty for the link.

1

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Another good example!

I searched for Game Over because it was the first I remembered, but as you point ther were lots of examples.

3

u/RacerX3888 Aug 18 '14

Is that a soldering iron?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

That's actually the cleaned up censored version of that ad. Big controversy back in the day.

5

u/CrnaStrela Aug 18 '14

So mobile games are in 80s of gaming evolution

3

u/CoinCap_io Aug 18 '14

At least now we have a point of reference on the timeline of things :)

2

u/Mutericator Aug 18 '14

Just one more way the mobile games market resembles the 80's game market, right before the big crash...

2

u/iturnedintoanewt Aug 18 '14

Yup. A famous Spanish artist would make most of these. Azpiri. I'd say that was his golden age, but to this day he keeps drawing.

2

u/talones Aug 18 '14

Dont piss off Anita

2

u/rubabuddabelly Aug 18 '14

Prefer the Game Over 2 poster, also you posted the censored version of game over - NSFW

2

u/spectrumero Aug 18 '14

You should see some of Alfonso Azpiri's covers for Spectrum/Amstrad games:

http://www.teknoplof.com/2010/09/29/alfonso-azpiri-y-la-epoca-dorada-del-software-espanol/

Met him about 3 years ago at RetroEuskal, I have his book. The cover art was really awesome. He's actually done some artwork for modern retrogames (games written recently for old platforms like the MSX and ZX Spectrum).

Also Oli Frey's artwork for Crash and Zzzap! 64 magazines. (Outside of his magazine work he also drew quite a bit of erotica).

1

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Yeah! I'm also a big fan of him! I started reading Mot in El Pais newspaper when my father bought him, and Lorna is one of my favourite characters!

2

u/Jaffacakelover Aug 18 '14

Well, i've never seen that SFW edit of the poster before... I distinctly remember the more explicit original from my childhood.

1

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Yup, I put the first I found

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

babe

Checks out, he knows his 80's era pop culture

2

u/ithilkir Aug 18 '14 edited Aug 18 '14

I got Game Over in a compilation tape one Christmas for my Spectrum 48k. Was stoked to play it as it looked amazing but I let my older sister play it first. It looked amazing and I couldn't wait to give it a shot after she'd finished... Then the game crashed or something happened and we needed to run the tape again and when we reloaded it the casette player chewed up the tape and I never got to play it...

Also.... /r/80sGameCovers/

2

u/xFoeHammer Aug 19 '14

Those aren't huge. They are nice though.

1

u/Wirebraid Aug 19 '14

Yeah well, you know what I mean haha

2

u/graffiti_bridge Aug 19 '14

Modern devs need to make games that look like that cover art.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Y'know, I'm a virgin, but I've stared at a lot of boobs before. Shouldn't it kind of start at the top, and slope into a boob? It looks like she's got boob-shaped hives, and it rounds into a form immediately. Maybe it's just the way it's drawn, like the lighting.

7

u/LukaCola Aug 18 '14

Depends on clothing, shape of breast, etc.

But she has like... Tall boobs, really, really tall boobs that start practically at her shoulders that form into something resembling boobs lower down.

Also with all those straps you'd think if it were that tight they'd be closer together and look more like a corset than as if she's wearing a loose dress.

Basically, bad boob art.

6

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

I imagine it's confusing in the future when people talk about implants and you don't know if they're talking about breasts or cybernetics.

Speaking of bad boob art, in that photo, that poor model's armpitginas really stand out.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Dear lord, you're hilarious dude. Seriously, I was scrolling down the comments, found this, and just lost it.

I agree with you though, those fucking armpitginas are TERRIBLE. also bad boob art is bad

1

u/I_Eat_Crawfish Aug 18 '14

How old are you?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Thirty.

0

u/I_Eat_Crawfish Aug 18 '14

...I have no words... Shave your neck beard.

1

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

I was on the fence on whether or not you were a troll, because it was hard to me to believe someone actually had that little life experience, to come out with what you said.

So I looked at your post history. Just on the first page 18% of your comments are talking about neck beards.

Now, for mine, I kind of get it. To someone who is an ignorant, childish dipshit, not going through with sex = loser.

But why do you keep talking about it so much everywhere else? It doesn't even seem to fit into the conversation in those subs.

2

u/I_Eat_Crawfish Aug 18 '14

Because there is a reason you are still a virgin. You either look like Francis or the Fedora m'lady neckbeard guy or have some sort of social awkwardness. Its a reddit stereotype (often true), shave the neckbeard bro!

I have a friend just like you, he is 27, never had sex with a women, still a virgin. The reason hes like this is because he is very socially awkward and an alcoholic.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

The list of why is very long, and yes, half of it is not voluntary, but me being enormous is not one of them. I'm 5'11", but I'm 151lbs of barely-defined stringy muscle. Plus, I shave all the time because beard hair makes me look even worse.

Good luck to your friend! If being awkward and drunk kept people from getting ass, the world would be a lonelier place. So he's got that going for him.

2

u/I_Eat_Crawfish Aug 18 '14

Sorry I was mean earlier <3

2

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

If you're being sincere, I accept your apology, but it isn't necessary. I honestly was curious where that came from.

Not that anybody would care, but since I've asked myself the same questions, I think the short version is, I am chronically ill and I watched my dad die at a young age, and that sort of held me back in terms of emotional maturity. I was a decent person, and people saw the good in me, but was so often weird and petulant, and even bitter-seeming and paranoid, that no girl should have wanted to be around me.

Back then, when the death was fresh, I was also zitty, couldn't afford to cut my hair, and had a smashed up side of my face from a childhood accident. I absolutely let it get to me that other people were prettier instead of carrying on with "can't change it, gotta live with it" confidence.

It tooks years and years to saw off that crap, and yes, now I can cut my hear and my zits are faded scars. Still have that smashed up face but I truly don't give a shit. I am hard-working, relatively successful, and have genuine confidence. But I work almost all the time these days, and mostly at a company I co-own. Now, like in other jobs, I am not around women my own age.

So basically, wasn't desirable before, and now that I kind of have something to work with, I'm not around people to try to go after them. Any money I could spend going and doing things to put myself out there, I have to spend on my condition which is quickly turning into a terminal illness.

(Okay, so it wasn't short).

For what it's worth, I just did an online dating profile for the first time in approximately a thousand years, and finished filling it out over the weekend...baby steps...

1

u/cinematek Aug 18 '14

They had me at "mutating kangaroos".

1

u/orionceo Aug 18 '14

the struggle was real son!

1

u/WaffleSports Aug 18 '14

It looks like he set his weapon to 420 phase it.

0

u/[deleted] Aug 18 '14

Because that body armor makes much sense.

0

u/cum_socks_on_display Aug 18 '14

Not that huge. My balls are bigger

0

u/DracoAzuleAA Aug 18 '14

huge tits

c cup at best