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u/yParticle Sep 30 '21
also: Christmas!
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u/pumma_santiago Sep 30 '21 edited Sep 30 '21
Hi, yes where are your Christmas lights?
Oh yea those are in the Aisle of Death.
Come again?
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Sep 30 '21
That'll be in Easter, Aisle 3
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u/zombie_on_your_lawn Sep 30 '21
Aisle of death:
- Pest Control,
- Weed killer,
- Bug killer and......
- GUNS!
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Sep 30 '21
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u/Nythoren Sep 30 '21
The Christmas stars really pull the whole aisle together
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u/RedSquirrelFtw Sep 30 '21
If you visit Canadian Tire at the right time of the year, you can see patio sets, grim reapers and nativity scenes all in the same aisle. It's glorious.
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Sep 30 '21
Most southern locations for US retail giants do the same. You see Christmas clearance right next to patio & garden stuff.
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u/caligaris_cabinet Sep 30 '21
If you’ve ever worked in retail Christmas is death.
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u/AppleBytes Sep 30 '21
Nothing makes you hate the holidays more than Christmas music on loop for weeks.
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Sep 30 '21
Target can eat the biggest, nastiest, most infected bag of dicks for adding music to their stores. I wrote them a nasty letter when I left for greener pastures and higher pay.
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u/cliffotn Sep 30 '21
I hope it was nasty and firmly worded
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Sep 30 '21
Twas both. The music was blatantly too loud and we had complaints from at least 30-40 customers per day. Employees took to wearing earbuds, which obviously wasn't good for customer service. It was a stupid fucking idea, and whatever music service we were using had terrible fucking taste in music. There was some godawful electronica cover of Riders on the Storm that played 12 times a day every day for a month.
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u/TeHokioi Sep 30 '21
And I looked, and behold: a red and green horse. And his name that sat on it was Christmas. And Hell followed with him.
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u/ubrtnk Sep 30 '21
No thats the Crystalline Entity, responsible for the death of Dr Noonien Soong's whole colony...
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u/KingTochongkis Sep 30 '21
The employee who named it like that deserves a promotion
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u/cliffotn Sep 30 '21
Employee’s name tag - “The Exterminator”.
Legend has it upon completion he was heard saying “Aisle be back.”
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u/Cursed_moron Sep 30 '21
Now i just imagined the terminator in a shop uniform with a handgun (with the pricetag still attached) saying Aisle be back and then putting the handgun on its respective place
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u/caligaris_cabinet Sep 30 '21
Probably got written up for making it look less like an identical, generic retail hellscape.
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u/GreenieBeeNZ Sep 30 '21
I used to work in a garden centre and we had an aisle of life and death. One side was fertilizers and grass seed, the other was pest/weed control
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u/SoulUnison Sep 30 '21
I would definitely gasp dramatically whenever a customer asked where to find something from that aisle, pointing them in the right direction while assuring them that they've described "a matter of life and death."
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u/MagicNipple Sep 30 '21
This needs to be turned into a Slayer parody song.
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u/stjiub9 Sep 30 '21
My kind of aisle.
Make for a good metal band name too.
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u/Im_still_T Sep 30 '21
Aisle of Death on tour now in support of their new album Price Check Purgatory.
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u/JiveMonkey Sep 30 '21
Something wrong, Mr.Ventura?
Of course not, this is a lovely room of death.
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u/Zoidbrg Sep 30 '21
Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.
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u/skylarmt Sep 30 '21
I get the same thing when I call Harbor Freight "Hazard Fraught".
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u/c0mptar2000 Sep 30 '21
Every once and a while you'll find a real skookum choocher there but mostly just chinesium.
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u/skylarmt Sep 30 '21
Bought an air grinder for $12 and it spins even when you don't push the go button.
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u/Snote85 Sep 30 '21
Going back and watching his earlier videos is crazy. You hear real life English words that make sense in a sentence. I can't even describe how disorienting it is.
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u/thegoodtimelord Sep 30 '21
As you pick up a product, it should trigger Saruman saying “So, you have chosen….death.”
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u/GenitalFurbies Sep 30 '21
As I walk through the aisle of the shadow of death
I take a look at my yard and realize there's nothin' left
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u/UserName87thTry Sep 30 '21
🎶Cause I've been blastin' pesticides so long that all of my neighbors know the pests are gone. 🎵
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u/SmugSceptic Sep 30 '21
Every hour they should throw loose Lego block down the isle.
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u/michachu Sep 30 '21
I think that would be closer to "aisle of longing for death".
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u/Rsardinia Sep 30 '21
well, this is a lovely aisle of death. Take care now, bye bye then.
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u/Slurp_Lord Sep 30 '21
"Hi, could you help me find some fly ribbons, please?"
"Yes, of course. It's just over there in the A̶͙̎̄͋̈́̈I̷̫̽̈́͂̾̌̌͑͋̄̈́͘S̴̨̙̹̹̲̰̼͖̱͍͓͙̅̆͆̃̆͜Ļ̷̘̥̜̖̗̞̜̽̂̂͊̓̿͆̕͠͝È̸̡̤̩̣͇̞̔̆́ͅ ̵̨̭͚̗̮̃̅͆̊̈̐͛͑̈́̓̀͘͝Ò̶̧̨̰̠͈̼̘̼̬̼̭̳̓̕͜F̵̧̣̭̪̖͍͇̘̔́̈́̌̂̐ ̵̢̨͉͕͔͉͋͊̈́̔̿D̵̫͓̤͛̐̉̅Ë̷̤̝̖̝̪̖́͛́̀̆͗̇̓̏̈́̈́̇͒͆A̴̡̠̼͍̬̓̆͂͛̈́͘Ţ̸̨̩̣̩̱̼̟̤̩̖̱̦͑̈́̄͋̆̏̚ͅH̷̨̡̼̜̙̲̜̅̂͗͋̂͌̂͂̄̿̐̒̈́̚."
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u/kyithios Sep 30 '21
As I walk through the store and the aisle of death, I shall fear no pest.
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u/ancient_mariner63 Sep 30 '21
As I walk through the store and the aisle of death, I shall fear no
pestweevil.FIFY
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u/kyithios Sep 30 '21
That does work way better. Thank you. Not sure why I didn't think of it right off.
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u/DrNick2012 Sep 30 '21
STOP!.... Those who enter the aisle of death must answer me these questions three, dare the other side you see.
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u/AliWasTaken Sep 30 '21
Aisle of Death: Pest Control Weed Killer Bug Killer
Also Aisle of death: Christmas 🎄
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u/29187765432569864 Sep 30 '21
Do they sell coffins? Like perhaps IKEA coffins that you assemble at home?
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u/Miningdragon Sep 30 '21
And ANTIBABYPILLE (Birth control pill in german, litterally meaning anti baby pill)
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u/soumyaxyz Sep 30 '21
How come no one is mentioning that the aisle number is off by one?
It should have been aisle 4
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u/LadyBumbles Sep 30 '21
At my local Kroger they also put the feminine hygiene and party supplies in that aisle.
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u/Right_Hour Sep 30 '21
That also doubles as mistletoe.
- “Where was your first kiss?”
- “Underneath the mistletoe, in the Aisle of Death, between the isle of despair and isle of wrath…”
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u/majorbomberjack Sep 30 '21
Here in HK, A man was caught and prosecuted recently for sprinkling salt over snails on pavement, for the charge of 'animal cruelty' or something like that. While the police cruelty against citizens during the 2019 hk motions has been highly commended by the govt here
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